Wow! Completely called out on my own games

[SomeGuy]

Just being the devil's advocate here, why not give her the upper hand then? Calm down on the games, and be a little more open. Play your cards like you want to win and lose something. That's the big test for and you. Will she stick around? Will she get bored of the game and leave you for someone else? It doesn't matter, the proof is in the pudding, if this chick thinks YOU'RE worth it, she will stick around. If not, she wasn't long term material anyway.

Remember you can paint a trash can gold, it's still a trash can, just like you can play a relationship with games to make it look like it's working; it would still be a trashy relationship.

just my 2c right there

 

[xniceguy]

Stay on target.... STAY ON TARGET!!!

You're 100% doing the right thing.
Her saying "I'm sick of the games" and the little speech afterwards is her acknowledging that her usual tactics aren't working.

Her line "what is going on we need to stop with the games right now "

"i think you like to play games to hide yourself .. you're not open, and it seems like you are never going to tell me what you think about anything and i don't know why this is."

Is her saying - "Since I can't win, I'm inviting you to surrender and give me control back".

DO NOT CHANGE A DAMN THING.

Wyldfire's comments:

She's noticed the games and doesn't like them.

She verbalized there is a problem.

If you continue on as you are, she IS going to dump you.

is WRONG. Chicks love games. Why do they play them all the time, then? Remember: we look at ACTIONS, not words.

When she verbalizes that "there is a problem", those are WORDS.

Her trying to trick you into committing is an ACTION and what she really wants.

Don't give it to her. You don't tell her you want a comittment until she tells you that she wants a committment.

Your question, "I know that she likes me, and we've been physical.. what else do you wait for? How often do women actually straight out ask the exclusive question?"

You wait for her to explicitly ask. And the ones who do like you ask all the time.

Actually, Cas said it all, again, which is why I don't post much anymore- I'm always beaten to the punch.



------------------
Chicks don't think. Chicks feel.

 

[GREAT BIG MAN]

In your situation, as she said that "she did not know if you will ever go out again" I would kiss her really good, taking her breath away.
Then I would stop kissing her, look away and ask for a cappuccino.

you are going good

 

[Freewill]

Either Doc Love or David DeAngelo said this (I forget): When the women says she doesn't want to play games, the games have just began. I'm paraphrasing here. The person who wrote Doc Love/David DeAngelo had been fooled into revealing his emotions to the girl by this comment. The girl then lost interest, didn't return calls, etc.

Your best bet is to observe her actions, and use the hot/cold technique with her. Give her a little bit of what she wants, but then pull it away. Keep her wondering. In this manner, you give her what she desires (Your interest!), but you leave her craving more.

------------------
No, his mind is not for rent
To any god or government
Always hopeful yet discontent
He knows changes aren't permanent
--Rush "Tom Sawyer"

 

[Freewill]

Either Doc Love or David DeAngelo said this (I forget): When the women says she doesn't want to play games, the games have just began. I'm paraphrasing here. The person who wrote Doc Love/David DeAngelo had been fooled into revealing his emotions to the girl by this comment. The girl then lost interest, didn't return calls, etc.

Your best bet is to observe her actions, and use the hot/cold technique with her. Give her a little bit of what she wants, but then pull it away. Keep her wondering. In this manner, you give her what she desires (Your interest!), but you leave her craving more.

------------------
No, his mind is not for rent
To any god or government
Always hopeful yet discontent
He knows changes aren't permanent
--Rush "Tom Sawyer"

 

[Wyldfire]

And here I thought you guys claim to want a woman who TALKS when something is on her mind instead of resorting to responding with games.

Guess it's not only the women who say they want one thing but then do something completely different when it comes right down to it.

 

[T Dog]

You are only playing games if you admit you are playing games with her.

Never ever admit this. Deny, deny till the day you die.

"you're playing games."
"no i'm not"
"yes you are"
no I'm not"
"yes you are "
infinity

 

[Lawrence]

hahaha EXCLUSIVE????? WTF!!! Fvck that **** dude!!

Only be exclusive to yourself! Dont ever be exclusive to her because she will have won right there and then.

Tell her you like her but your NOT mad about her. You may think that you would like a LTR with her but also convince her that there are lot's of other women out there that you are ready and willing to date if she play's YOU for a fool.

Your doing well but be careful you dont throw too much water on the fire and put it out completely.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Originally posted by Lawrence:
hahaha EXCLUSIVE????? WTF!!! Fvck that **** dude!!

Only be exclusive to yourself! Dont ever be exclusive to her because she will have won right there and then.

Being exclusive isn't about one person winning, it is about both people winning. Two people making each other happy.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by VeryBadGirl:
Being exclusive isn't about one person winning, it is about both people winning. Two people making each other happy.

What VBG said.

There is nothing wrong with exclusive relationships, if that's the sort of thing that you want.

I think a lot of people are taking the "games" out of context here. When you are flirting, teasing, being a mystery and a challenge, you are not doing these things in some sort of competition "against" a woman, you are actually doing it FOR yourself AND the woman. Sometimes a girl might protest, say that I'm just toying with her or whatever, but I realize that they enjoy the chase. But take the "games" in the context that they are intended... your goal, ultimately, is often a relationship that is mutually beneficial.



------------------
CASANOVA

"Now when you talk with her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen. I want you to be the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet."
- Trent in "Swingers"

"Enough of this melodrama. My advice: Just one b*tch in this world. One b*tch with many faces."
- Jay, in "Chasing Amy"

 

[Sting]

I really enjoy reading posts that take a sentence or two of one of my postings out of context, and then engage in ad hominem attacks against me personally.

Regardless, the entire paragraph from my previous post read:

"It's still pretty clear that you haven't adopted the DJ mindset as your own. You still seem to see the "games" aspect of being a DJ as a means to an end. You probably think that once you win the girl, you can stop playing the "games," and show her your true self. You can't."

Now, I think the meaning of my words is reasonably clear from the context in which they appear. However, for those who need an explanation, the essence of the paragraph was that if you believe in the principles of being a DJ, you cannot turn them off. They are a part of you.

On the other hand, if you think that you can stop adhering to the principles of being a DJ once you are in a relationship, you aren't a DJ at all.

------------------
It could happen to you, just like it happened to me, there is simply no immunity, there's no guarantee...

 

[Dr_Feelgood]

You're not playing games. Quit looking at it that way. You're being an awesome DJ, with an awesome DJ mindset, and hence, having awesome success with this girl.

Keep this up for a long time.

Trust the guys on here who tell you this. We all speak from experience from a man's point of view. If you want the truth, about relationships, that's where to find it. Women, and men who are brainwashed into a woman's way of thinking will tell you to lighten up, or you'll lose her. Lose her? If you lose her for being a DJ and doing what you know is right, then that's good. It means there was something wrong with her or her interest in you to begin with. Again, I speak from plenty of experience on this.

I went through a really bad relationship with a very cruel woman a couple of months ago. I posted on here that I learned a lot from this painful experience and that I would continue to share what I've learned with everyone, so they don't go through this.

Sometimes, even after 2 months, you can't let up. I dated this girl for over 2 months. At the end of the relationship, she said she never had feelings for me, but she tried to. She said she knew I had feelings for her.*(hmmm)* This was after doing things that a person with no feelings wouldn't do. Doc Love said she was an actress with an agenda. She faked high interest in me for whatever warped reason or entertainment it gave her.

I think that she may have had interest in me for the first few weeks, but do to my slipping up, she quickly lost whatever interest she had. If, I had done what you're doing, it may have raised her interest a lot, assuming she ever had any.

Also due to the fact that a couple of mutual friends, who couldn't keep their mouths shut, she knew that I liked her and everything else about me. One of these friends also talked me into lightening up with her and not "playing games". This happened early, and I foolishly listened.

Keep the mystery alive. Keep being a Challenge. This doesn't mean that you're not being yourself or that you can't be yourself. It just means don't give into the AFC idea that you have to lighten up on her. Keep doing what you're doing. Trust me. I've been there, and lightened up way too much, too soon. Don't make this mistake.

"Everyone makes mistakes. Only a fool doesn't learn from them."

 

[Wyldfire]

No one is talking about turning into a total AFC suck up...some are saying that you need to lighten up SOME...not entirely. If he sticks to the DJ extreme long term or goes AFC extreme he's going to get dumped either way. No self respecting woman will tolerate games intended to make her feel insecure any more than a DJ will tolerate games intended to do the same to him.

If he loses the woman for trying to have a good balanced and healthy involvement with her then she is NOT a good woman. Staying hard core DJ long term WILL chase away the good women because they won't put up with a man who tries to make her feel insecure or who doesn't respect and value her.

 

[Sting]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:

Staying hard core DJ long term WILL chase away the good women because they won't put up with a man who tries to make her feel insecure or who doesn't respect and value her.
___________________________________________

A DJ does not make a woman feel insecure, or fail to respect and value her as a person. That would describe a jerk. A DJ respects everyone, but most of all, he respects HIMSELF first. While many DJ principles may appear at first glance to be ways to make a woman feel insecure, or even disrespectful, in reality they're not. To the contrary, DJ principles serve to level the playing field, nothing more, nothing less. Like anything, however, they can be abused by applying to women with whom the playing field is already even. If that is the context to which you are referring, then we are in agreement.



------------------
It could happen to you, just like it happened to me, there is simply no immunity, there's no guarantee...

 

[Jake Steed]

GODDAMMIT! You're doing great, DJ Fantastic! DO NOT CAVE IN TO THIS WOMAN! Listen to the DJ's.

No, you don't have to "let up" after two months. I've been dating an awesome girl (and other girls as well) for 8 months now and I haven't given her exclusivity. I'm still mysterious and still stand my ground on what I want. She hasn't gone anywhere.

IF YOU CAVE IN NOW, SHE WILL BECOME BORED OF YOUR WEAK ASS AND LEAVE YOU. Period.

Why the fvck would you give her exclusivity?? Have you banged her? Have you fvcked her brains out?? Has she swallowed your come on a weekly basis? Tell you what, after you date her and other girls for ONE YEAR and she's given you the best sex of your life and NO DRAMA and you still want exclusivity with her, then give her that wonderful privelage. You don't have to do any fvcking goddamn thing you don't want to. If she walks, she walks. Fvck her. She needs to be patient if she wants to keep the best thing that's ever happened to her--YOU.

It is WAY too early for you to give in. Frankly, your problem isn't with you or your "games", it's with your girl. She sounds like a controlling, insecure bytch. I wouldn't give her exclusivity on that alone. What's in it for you?

I ask again. What's in it for you?

Jake

 

[roadwarrior]

Great post!!! Tons of insightful feedback!

Been away for some time...good to be back!

I can definitely relate to this. Started dating a new woman a couple of months ago. Her interest level is much higher than mine...she gave me her phone number, unsolicated, and asked me to asked her out on the spot. I thought, 'why not' and we've been dating somewhat ever since then.

Interesting thing, however...she's continually trying to play games with my head. She refuses to call when she says she will. She breaks dates without notice, often with nothing but the lamest of excuses.

I realize this is all probably a great receipe for disaster, but here's the kicker...She calls me at times I don't expect, she shows up at my house, usually some time after a broken date, carting beer and cigarettes for me, and often ends up spending the the night with me.

She knows that her interest level in me is much higher than mine in her. I have been honest with her in telling her that I am not looking for a LTR at this stage of my life. However, this has not deterred her from asking if she can move in with me or asking me, jokingly she says, if I want to get married. Of course I always say NO.

I've given her h@ll on the game playing and broken dates. She's told me she doesn't know why she does this, but that she has fallen for me so hard and realizing that I don't have the same feelings for her, believes that she is subconsciously doing this in an effort to protect her heart.

I sense that this indeed may be the case and have begun to start pulling back somewhat. I don't want to end up hurting her and I do care for her, but she is moving way, way too fast for my liking.

She sensed this and I have explained my reasons for slowing things down to her, but now she tells me I being rude and selfish for not showering her with the same attention she is me. Women...go figure!

I really care for this girl and am not yet ready to throw in the towel just yet, especially given her high interest level. On the other hand, I can't let her dictate the pace of the relationship. Her pressure is beginning to make me uncomfortable.

Any suggestions on how I should proceed? Honestly, I'm at a stage in my life where I'm not at all sure of what I want to be doing one week from now let alone six months or a year from now. I've explained this to her, but she seems intent on trying to force my hand and have me commit to her.

 

[Jake Steed]

Hey roadwarrior,

Same advice I gave DJ the Fantastic. Your girl sounds fvcked up in the head. Even if you WERE ready for an LTR, why would you want one with a girl who flakes out INTENTIONALLY to get the upper hand? She's a malicious game player. She's good for two things:

1. Inspecting your ceiling.
2. Testing the integrity of your bedframe.

NOT for an LTR. Under ANY circumstances. Do NOT let her pressure you into commitment. Like I said, what's in it for you? Ask yourself that. A lifetime with an insecure woman who's going to make your life a living hell? Do not commit to a woman solely because she WANTS you to commit to her.

And one last thing, roadwarrior. Tell her if she cancels on a date with you for ANY reason, you have no interest in dating her anymore. Tell her that.

Jake

 

[Dr_Feelgood]

I totally agree with Jake on both issues. Again, relating to being a Challenge, I'm not implying that you disrespect the girl in any way. In fact, giving in to her would be the ultimate disrespect, by depriving her of a real man. Since, there are so few left. Trust me, any woman regardless of what she says, would much rather have a jerk than a wuss/nice guy. If you start to give in a little, then you'll think, "I can give in a little more, and a little more, and..." Then you'll hurt and disappoint her by turning into wuss-boy. Then, she'll hurt you by dumping you. (I've been there)

I agree with Doc Love on this. I also like David DeAngelo's view. You should show her respect, romance, and affection. NOTICE, I said show, not spill your guts and tell her you love her and want to be exclusive, etc. Show her some respect and affection, then tease and kid her. Continue refusing to give in to her. Don't answer her questions if you don't want to with a straight answer. Keep her on the emotional roller coaster. Women love this. That's what creates attraction, and gives them feelings. Remember, women are not like men.

Pook had a good post that gave a good look at the idea a woman would rather have a jerk than an androgynous wuss. Better still, if you're a great guy or real man, instead of a jerk or wuss boy. When women get their hands on a real man, they don't let go easily. That is, if they're sane, and good women.

If you think you're being too hard on her...Good. Believe me, you're better off being a bit too much of a jerk, than turning into a wuss. Why give her that power over you? If she can't handle it, and walks, at least you'll still have your self-respect. DON'T GIVE IN!

 

[SomeGuy]

Originally posted by Jake Steed:
[B why would you want one with a girl who flakes out INTENTIONALLY to get the upper hand? She's a malicious game player.

NOT for an LTR. Under ANY circumstances. [/B]

The best comment I've heard on this yet.

 

[backbreaker]

look if she broke up with her boyfriend because she was tired of him what makes you think she wouldn't do the same thing to you if she got tired of you? this is not the girl you settle down with. be with her, but don't give in. if you "hurt her feelings" so what? she just got beat at her own game, and don't say it's not. if she didn't think it wasn't she would have stoped talking to him a long time ago. plus you have three other girls! what are you complaing for!

------------------
"you have to swing the bat to hit a homerun, Babe Ruth led the league in home runs, but he also led the league in strikeouts as well"