Would you write this one off and move on?

[lorekeeper]

Don't put your life on "pause" waiting for her because....

1)This isn't 100%. It may not work out. And...

2)You may miss out on someone better,someone you don't have to do this "no contact" thing with.




So if you see her,be POLITE,and polite only.


Polite,NOT INTERESTED.


Just remember:No contact means NO CONTACT.

I don't think NC will work on this one after the last text i've replied to, she's texted me 4-5 times, from "going to the bar tonight?" to"well someones making himself scare lately...fluff ...wanna play pool?" to "my grandma is at a point where she is not leaving the hospital, can anyone help me empty her apt (a mass msg everyone but me replied to, i feel pretty ****y about that) to "hey babe! i just found a spanish book i bought to teach with, you still wanna learn?" one night i was out at the bar and apperantly she heard and txted me the next day "you played pool withoout me! *sob*" and finally "what are you doing for new years?"( possibly a mass msg) she's also posted on my facebook wall about going out to play pool. but this past week has not made any attempt at contacting me, do I NC until I bump into her? even then being polite and disinterested might come off as d*ckish, no?

I wanted to reply to at least one text or fb message to show im still alive... even something like "wow you always text me at the worst possible times, when im out eating, when im sleeping, or even having sex! How do you do that?"

I'm still running off your advice igetit! :rock:
ps: i have gone on 2 different dates since then and even got some last night

 

[lorekeeper]

Hah. I got drunk and replied to her on FB after her last "is everything ok? message" looking back, thank god it wasn't anything stupid. Just broke the NC and possibly undid the entire outcome of it.

I just replied a week after the last message on new years eve: "hey tiger, everythings great havent seen you around where you been hiding? hope you ahve a happy new year, wish you all the best for 2010"

least i didnt embaress myself. even if now i have no chance. She texted me later saying "you replied to me on FB! its a miracle!" with wishs for a happy new year.

the NC thing really helped me a bit too trying to get over her, but theres still STUPID stuff that makes me think of her, like a movie that we were supposed to see comes out, or some girl I'm with rubs me the way she did. I'll get over it eventually.

Sorry for the thread hijack. Thanks for the advice Igetit, but this is probably now a fish dead in the water.

 

[Igetit!]

Hah. I got drunk and replied to her on FB after her last "is everything ok? message" looking back, thank god it wasn't anything stupid. Just broke the NC and possibly undid the entire outcome of it.

Hmm.

Well the majority of the members I've suggested this piece of advice to have gotten the results they wanted,but yeah,nothing's 100%.


This advice was originally given for the OP and the situation he was going through.


It was meant to cure flaking. I don't know if that was the problem you were having,or if you were trying to apply it to some other situation.




Are you sure you followed everything correctly?



The way it goes is....


You cut contact for FIVE DAYS. If she tries to contact you in ANY OTHER WAY OTHER THAN A PHONECALL,ignore it.


If she tries to CALL you at ANY TIME within that 5 day preiod,you can answer the phone,but keep the conversation brief,and above all DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HAVING A DATE OR SEEING EACH OTHER.


From there,it's the same as the original post.



I'D HATE to think there was a flaw in my suggestion,so the only other options as to why things didn't work out would be you slipped up and didn't follow them correctly,or you did follow them right,but applied them to a problem they were never meant to solve.



This "no conact" wasn't meant to be forever,just 5 days.


And at the end of the 5 days,you were supposed to CALL HER and ASK HER OUT. If after a week (5 days) of no conact,you call her,ask her out,and she comes up with another excuse,then you're supposed to drop her and move on.


One misunderstanding most guys get from this advice is thinking that it CREATES INTEREST.


That's NOT TRUE. It doesn't create interest,it only RAISES IT.

So there has to ALREADY BE some interest there in the first place.

Sorry for the thread hijack.

Don't worry about hijacking the thread. The guy who originally wrote it is no longer a member here,he got banned.

Thanks for the advice Igetit, but this is probably now a fish dead in the water.

Hey,if it's dead,it's dead...which is EXACTLY WHY I say to continue pursing other girls while you do this.


That way at least your time won't be wasted if things don't work out.


Oh...and one more thing:It REALLY HELPS if you try to execute these instructions sober.

 

[lorekeeper]

Grr, lost my post. Here it is again. (shorter this time )
It's my fault, I accept total responsibility. I didn't remember to call after 5 days, but text was the only way we really communicated. I never had a issue with flaking with her. I thought this would raise her interest. I've messed it up by randomly msging her a month after our last contact.

I think this year I'll actually start cold approches, I've relied primarily on being introduced in the social circles. I'm very anxious around people I dont know, and this month I've bit the bullet and got a part time job for two days at a video store to force myself to deal with people (its my first job dealing with people) Just today I've noticed i held 5 minute convos with the last 6-7 clients.

I'm glad I stopped lurking on here and actually asked for some help. I felt embarrassed doing it, but twice last month I f-closed (yes, I already knew them, and granted, one was a mercy**** and the other was with a friend that was drinking and we both were kino'ing quite a bit she's bi/les in a relationship and the other one is married) the married one took my v-card so twice in one month is quite a big thing for me.

here's to 2010 and the hope I become the man i was meant to be.

 

[lorekeeper]

seems like everytime i post a msg in this thread, she messages me at the same time

I'm going to try stuff on my own now, try and find my own way. maybe if I get more suggestive now or somethign it might change things around. One thing I've noticed about her is that she always has to get her own way, and since she IS a hb9.5 she usually gets it. I'm gong to start rejecting her more.(if stuff moves forward)

Heya!
\Well, I haven't seen you in ages and you weren't responding to any of my texts or hellos on FB, I thought you were annoyed with me or something. How is your business going? What else have you been up to? I've heard rumors that you've moved but wasn't sure. You out on your own or living with someone?
I'm off for another trip to Mexico in a week, gotta help my best friend plan her wedding. Hoping this shape up for 2010, but I have a good feeling for this year.
How about you?
Wishing you all the best, and I miss hearing from you!

hugs,
HB9.5

I haven't moved, Just been keeping myself busy with my own stuff. Should I post what I write back? or should I just call her up outta the blue? Or should I just stop posting in this thread?

 

[Igetit!]

should I just call her up outta the blue? Or should I just stop posting in this thread?

If it's been a few days since you last spoke to her,then call her up and ask her out.


If she says no,or gives you a 1000th excuse as to why she can't,drop her.

 

[Joe Stud]

next time she contacts you, jokingly say: "I'm gonna call the cops cause you are stalking me"

 

[underoath777]

I just started this no contact thing today. Well technically I started yesterday, after I sent the girl a text which she didn't respond to.

Here's my situation btw, if anyone would like to give some advice,
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170188

So she texted me this morning..it wasnt the usual "good morning baby!" it was just some irrelevant statement which I could care less about. This girl began to ignore me but I guess feels as long as she contacts me at least once throughout the day everything is ok.

Well, that was the first text, and I report back on how it plays through. There was a TREMENDOUS amount of interest between us, so I am confident this will respark it.

So let me get this right, if she texts me for the next 5 days, I can't answer at all, only if it's a phone call?

I have to ask, what if the texts get intense, and reveal that she IS showing interest?

 

[lorekeeper]

update: she's gone to mexico for a few more days. I replied to her:

Hey, I been hella busy! Working in XXXXX, and freelance, and been going out like crazy I gotta slow down for a while, don't know how much more my body can take The occasional 18hr shift doesn't hurt, but it's a pain to go skating in the morning. You have skates right? maybe I should take you some day. Have fun at the wedding, you didn't get me a souvenir last trip, so now you owe me two!
-M

which was probably a little too much info, but like i said, I'm trying to not take advice on what i say, mostly advice of general principles and stuff, to which she replied:

Hey M! lol
Wow, you have a real knack for burning both ends of the candle, my dear! Be careful, hun, even big tough guys like you need some down time!!
Skating, omg, I haven't been skating in years! haha No, I don't have skates, last time I went was simply at the Atrium indoor rink where we go round and round and round lol Felt kinda pointless like gerbils in a wheel (chuckle) I'm sure you go somewhere way more interesting!
Where are you living now? You didn't let me know! I'm curious!
For me, I have big plans for 2010. For that reason, I'm super proud of you and your business in XXXXX! You ought to give me a call when you go out sometime... I feel like you've forgotten about me! I thought you were angry at me, that's why I stopped bugging you!
I'm looking forward to my trip to Mexico, though this trip is only to PLAN the wedding. The wedding is actually on April 3rd.
I'll definitely bring back a souvenir for you, but promise we'll hang out so I can give it in person! I miss hangingout with my Lorekeeper!

Hugs,
|Your lil HB9ita

I like that reply, makes me feel like im sorta back at stage 1, although I could be wrong lol!.

what I like: I did not reply to her answer "i heard you moved out" which is funny, because i didnt, and I dont know who would tell her that, and my business is going horrible, but im not gonna tell her that too

thanks for the advice and walkthrough Igetit, even if i did screw it up

underoath777, I'm going to go read your post now, this thread really works

 

[Donnie Darko]

Igetit! - Here is a hypothetical scenario using your no contact method in order to raise interest that I'd like to hear your input on.

A girl flakes, you apply this method and go no contact for 5 days and eventually before the 5 day no contact period is up she calls and leaves you a voicemail (you're busy out living your life and having fun). Later you see that she called and left the voicemail.

Do you ignore it and wait for her to call you again or do you return her call before the 5 days of no contact is over?

Instinct tells me to ignore the call and wait out the 5 day no contact period. I'm curious of your opinion.

 

[Igetit!]

Igetit! - Here is a hypothetical scenario using your no contact method in order to raise interest that I'd like to hear your input on.

A girl flakes, you apply this method and go no contact for 5 days and eventually before the 5 day no contact period is up she calls and leaves you a voicemail (you're busy out living your life and having fun). Later you see that she called and left the voicemail.

Do you ignore it and wait for her to call you again or do you return her call before the 5 days of no contact is over?

Hmm. To be honest with you,I had never taken this sort of thing into account.


That's why it's good to fluid and flexible and not "locked" into following some rule.


Man,I HATE guessing about a situation without having more info and insight into what went down,but here goes....

I say to go ahead and wait out the whole 5 days.

You don't want to return her call as soon as you get it. Go ahead and call her the next day and ASK HER OUT.


If she ask you if you got her call from the day before,just tell her that you noticed the call late that night,and that you thought it'd too late to call her back.


But do the best you can to ignore the subject of her calling you if you do call and talk to her. Just tell her it was too late to return her call,then GO STRAIGHT into the subject of you two going out.

Instinct tells me to ignore the call and wait out the 5 day no contact period. I'm curious of your opinion.

I agree,but like I said,I hadn't taken the time to think about this particular situation possibly happening during the 5 day no contact.


So I guess it's open to interpetation.

 

[cycol]

Hey guys im new here!
anyway i was looking around the web, and noticed that these communication methods never mention instant messaging such as MSN or whatsoever. is it disregarded or assumed that people dont use IM? phone and texting is sufficient?

 

[brekke]

Absolutely NO CONTACT for the next 5 (4 to 5) days.
...
After 4 or 5 days of no contact plus this type of conversation taking place after all that time has passed,her interest level should be raised.

I did this, and I made her call yesterday. Now what? I feel like a total jerk, but do I just call her today or tomorrow and act like everything is normal?

Is there a "next step" for this thing?

 

[Igetit!]

I did this, and I made her call yesterday. Now what? I feel like a total jerk, but do I just call her today or tomorrow and act like everything is normal?

Didn't you read the instructions I gave? I laid them out as clearly as I could.

You said she called you,right? Uh....well? What did I say to do if she calls you?


You're supposed to answer the phone and talk to her. I even said CLEARLY what's ok to talk about and what's off limits to discuss.


You're NOT SUPPOSED to ignore her phonecalls,only her attempts to text,facebook,email you,or any other way to contact you BESIDE BY PHONE.




And also,you're only supposed to do this as a response to FLAKING.



If you contact her and she responds right back,you shouldn't be doing this,or if you make plans to see her and she actually shows up and doesn't give you the run-a-round,then you shouldn't do this either.



This is just for girls who keep repeatedly breaking dates with you and blowing you off,but who keep saying they still want to see you.

Is there a "next step" for this thing?

I don't understand.....why are you asking this? A "next step"?


Didn't you read the reply? It's laid out in 4 easy steps.


It's even written out as....


Step:1
Step:2
Step:3

...and Step:4


You can go to reply number 4 of this thread,or just click on the word "THIS!" on the bottom of this reply and it'll take you right there.

 

[brekke]

I should have been more clear. I did talk to her when she called, and that was after 5 days of no contact. She made up an excuse to call, and said she would be at her dad's place in 2.5 months, and that is where I could send a painting I did of her. And of course she will get me the address later.

I was really nice and everything, but I told her about a girl I hung out with the night before (I did not say we had sex). Then she was silent for a while. Then she just said "awesome". At that point I told her I was in the middle of something and told her that I had to go.

I kind of imagine her cyring into her pillow or something. So that is why I feel like a jerk.

And, "Step 4", thanks forum.

But now do I just act like normal with her? She is all emotional and I do not know if I should apologize, but it kind of seems like that would undo everything.

 

[buzzit]

major edit i finally know whats going on properly her dad is in the hospital and she feels really bad and her bf is helping her all the way now from some articles i know if you dont want to be LJBFended than i dont want to support her is this right or?!


ok so i see this girl for a while and we have an ok time

unfortunately my mobile phone broke down and i orderd a new one and i will get it in 2 weeks

anyways like 5 weeks ago i asked if she wanted to do something togheter..
but she couldnt because she was busy with her exames
so finally that stuff is over
and i asked her again in RL yesterday but she couldnt becuase her dad recently had an heartattack so she cant come today or tomorrow since her dad is comming home like that or something

but we are in the same chill group and we scheduled to go to a really nice mini beach today..
but what if she shows up there? i really gonna be pissed then! but do i have to right to warn her to be nexted if it goes like this?(im not gonna say it like this offcourse)
cuz i really have the feeling im waisting MY precious time on her
and i accually dont care anymore HOW cute she looks anyways..(so i already start to lose interest in her)


she also told me she's the extremely shy type and thats true
but for me thats not a reason to show no inniative she told me she liked me and i could see it o she smiled at me alot and stuff but isnt it true when you really like someone you want to be with that person no matter what so even if your shy you feel comfortable to him/her so you dont have any need to be shy imo!
but she never makes the first move and i did that alot of the time

correct me if im wrong! im still in the learning phases! but im made huge progress

 

[x1510]

What if?

I'm tempted to say ,"Yeah,just forget about her",but let's rather see if you can re-ignite her interest...that is,if you're still interested.

So if you're game,I'll put what it is you need to do to rekindle her interest in you in steps.

Step 1: Go at least the next 5 days with no contact.

Don't call her,text her,instant message her,communicate by Facebook,MySpace,or any of that. And if she tries to contact you IN ANY WAYOTHER THAN BY A PHONECALL,do not answer or reply.

Absolutely NO CONTACT for the next 5 (4 to 5) days.

Step 2: Let's say that in the 3rd or 4th day of this,she calls you. If this happens,go ahead and talk to her. Ask her how she's doing,tell her what you're been up to (make it something exciting/emotional). Talk to her for a little while,but whatever you do, DON'T SAY ANYTHING about you two getting together for a date or hanging out. Just talk and catch up a little,just a little,and then end the phone call as soon as you've done this.

Step 3: Now let's say while you two are talking one of the times she calls you,you do like I suggested above,but she suggests you two getting together and hanging out. Now at this point,you need to be CAREFUL. You can easily let your desire for her screw things up. NOW LISTEN:If she suggest you two hanging out,DO NOT AGREE TO IT.

You heard me. I'll repeat it.

DO NOT AGREE TO IT.

What you do if she suggest this is you reply something like this...

her:Would you like to hang out tomorrow?
you: Umm....well...well look,I know that between your job,hanging out with your friends,and taking care of your mother,you probably don't have a lot of time on your hands,and I COMPLETELY understand. You've got a lot going on right now,that's cool. So since you've got your plate full right now,if you don't have any time,if you're just TOO busy,then it's cool. Don't worry about it.

Now what will happen here is she'll think that you've lost or are losing interest. She'll think that you don't want to see her anymore,but instead of just straight out telling her,you're trying to use her being "busy" as an excuse to end things

At this point,things should have flipped over to your favor. After you say all that to her,if she has any interest at all,she should come back at you with something like,"Oh no,I'm not busy. Not anymore,I'll be free on (whenever).

Then you come back at her with...

you:Are you sure? I mean,I don't want to mess up your schedule or anything like that.

If she says she's sure,and suggest a time,then say ok and agree to it.

After 4 or 5 days of no contact plus this type of conversation taking place after all that time has passed,her interest level should be raised.

And finally...

Step 4: (And this is the most important one of all) Come back here and thank the forum.

The toughest part may be going the 5 days of no contact if you're used to talking to her everyday or every other day,but it's VITAL you do this.

Try that out. If after you do this,she's still not interested,then drop her and move on.

What happens when you see her in person and she asks you why you didnt reply to any of her texts during the week? What would you respond to this?

 

[ka_mate]

What happens when you see her in person and she asks you why you didnt reply to any of her texts during the week? What would you respond to this?

I would go with something like "Oh yeah you texted me the other day, I forgot about that. See I've been busy (insert interesting/exciting thing that you have been doing"

if the last few days have been boring and you don't think "Oh I've been busy watching videos on youtube and consulting men, whom I've never met before, on relationship" will cut it just leave it as

"Oh yeah you texted me the other day, I forgot about that"

and change the subject. (Insert relevant question about a topic she likes to talk about).

If she says something then like "Don't change the subject! Why didn't you text me back?"

Just shrug casually with a wry smile on your face. (at least if it gets to this stage she is indicating an interest in communicating with you).

Then you could bust on her with

"You can't even survive a week without me. I know I'm a great guy but you've got to give me a bit of space alright. You know all you women these days are constantly trying to talk to me."


The idea of ignoring her messages in the first place is to show that your time is valuable/ you are high value/ and that you can withdraw your involvment without it affecting your life at all. So, acknowledging the messages and then casually brushing the issue off.


Someone said this earlier but, I believe a 2 strike system is the best way to operate considering flaking.

First flake

"hey I can't make it. my house exploded/I'm going on vacation to the moon for a week/I need some alone time to come up with more plausible excuses blah blah blah..."

If she offers an alternative time (this is a good sign) E.g.

"How does friday sound instead?"

Text or any written form of communication facebook etc)

write back with "I can do friday, see you then."

if a phone call or in person say "I can do friday, see you then." and leave the conversation within 2-5 minutes. I'd err closer to 2 minutes if on the phone.

Do not initiate any conversation or interaction with her until the date. No texting, no facebook chat, nothing.

If she flakes on the second time, next her. You're a high value guy who doesn't hang around people who don't respect him and at this stage you have little emotional attachment in her so it's not difficult to sever ties.

 

[splinter cell]

I think...

Yeah delete her number... then when she sees you later and says things like "hey how come you didn't text me" or whatever, you tell her because you were busy. If she says we should hang out tell her you're too busy and walk away. If she pursues you then she does not like being ignored (Just like the rest of the low life who' res) and will pursue you. if not then w.e. shes a nobody.

 

[snipanchor]

Yeah man, Just move on, She doesnt sound to interested.