Would You Marry a Girl Who is Handicapped?

[robrulesyou]

Hi everyone. I joined tonight and I found this place from google just randomly.

I have a situation that's really bothering me.

I'm dating this girl and we've been together for almost 8 months now. I think I love her but I don't know. I know she loves me because she's said so. I've always dodged it and if she said "I love you" I would just kiss her or say "I know." Never really told her I love her.

I think she thinks I'm "the one." Our families know each other and we're kind of close. She's been my friend when we were little.

Then she got in a bad car accident after prom in highschool. Some drunk driver messed up her car bad, and she ended up getting her legs amputated. It didn't change much between me and her. I mean, I didn't start dating her until lately, but we were still close friends then.

It's weird because she's a handicap. I really like her though, but I just can't see myself - what I'm saying is, this isn't how I pictured it to be when I was younger thinking about marriage and finding that one girl.

I know I could break it off but I feel bad about letting her down. I mean, she's in a wheelchair and she probably would have a hard time finding anyone else. She is still hot though, I mean, even without legs. And I mean, she can still get out of her chair and we do have good times

But I feel like I'm driving down the highway in our relationship with one foot on the gas and one on the brake. I don't have any brothers or sisters and talking to my parents about it is out of the question. I have like one close friend and he's still a virgin, so no way he could give me any advice.

I just have to ask you guys this:

Would you date a girl who is handicap with no legs? (Because this is basically what I did)

And what kind of emotions would you have? Would it be out of pity? I mean, let's say she's really hot but just doesn't have legs. I can post a picture of her in a couple minutes. All I'm saying is, would you marry her? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

because this stress is really eating me alive. thanks for any help and ideas.

Rob

 

[robrulesyou]

Actually on second thought I'd rather not post her picture because I don't want anyone to know the way I really feel about our relationship. After her accident, she's started hanging out with some nerdy friends - I mean before she used to be like a cheerleader and all but now she hangs out with these dorky-types. And anyway they surf the web a lot so I don't want them finding about this.

But if one of you is wondering, you can post your email address and I'd send it to you.

 

[KillaCam]

Of course I would.

Let's face it, in reality, a DJ looking for a quick fling isn't likely to make a move on a chick in a wheel chair. That's no secret at all.

But love is something different.

If it's her you want, and only her, then don't let her disability hold you back.

 

[robrulesyou]

Of course I would.

Let's face it, in reality, a DJ looking for a quick fling isn't likely to make a move on a chick in a wheel chair. That's no secret at all.

But love is something different.

If it's her you want, and only her, then don't let her disability hold you back.

thanks.

But the thing is, I don't think I truly love her. I think these past few months I've stuck it out just because I can't see a way out of the situation. I love her as a friend maybe but I don't think I could see her as a wife.

I mean, our families are close. Their parents have already taken me in as like their own son. They've even bought me stuff. What I'm saying is, if I could go through with it, but I would be unhappy in the end. Or I could break it off with her, and make my family, her family, and her hate me forever.

 

[Delta]

argh,

that is an unbelievably tough situation. of course you're not obligated to her but then again, the connections that we end up developing in this life can't just be tossed away like nothing either.

here's the question:

do you not love her because she's an amputee? and what your answer is has very different outcomes: if the answer is that you don't love her, regardless of her amputations, you're COMPLETELY IN THE CLEAR. you have nothing to even consider.

get out. it's not going to work for you and even for her, does she really want a guy who's doing her a favor? get out and you've got a clean conscience to boot.

if the answer is that you don't love her because of her handicap, the course of action is still probably the same... you have more to think about... but in the end, if you don't love her and you won't, then the course of action is the same. especially since in the long run, it will probably result in you resenting your amputee wife - horrible.

right?

ah hell, but then again, all of this stuff about "being in love" stuff is not univeral you know... it's very western and pretty modern. lots of cultures don't place the emphasis on it we do. and i wonder even in america, how many people actually end up being able to marry for love... and how many, whether the man or the woman, because of time and circumstance just end up throwing in the towel at some point and say that this will have to do.

i'd give you advice if i could but it's one of those things that would stump me if someone asked me as a hypothetical.

all i can say is good luck and may you find a way so that both of you find happiness.

delta

 

[blinkwatt]

If you want out,opt out,its YOUR LIFE. The longer you wait around the more she will become attached to you.

 

[julym]

you can't force yourself to love someone, but if--as you said--she is still hot, and you have feelings for her, and she surely has feelings for you, the question becomes "why not?".

Understandably, you'd be a little hesitant, but if the chemistry is there...Sometimes it is good to be loved by someone more than you love that someone, believe me.

 

[Nighthawk]

If she had bionic legs definitely. Does she refer to herself as 'a handicap.'?

 

[typical]

Ok forget the marriage part for now bro, you say you love the girl right ??, and she has already told you she loves you, now she could be telling you she loves you cause no other guy would ask her out. Like honestly most people shy away from people with any sort of disability.

If she's hot enough for you and you think your both in love give it a shot, just get into a more involved relationship. Just make sure thats what you really really want and that your not feeling sorry for her and commiting, it is your life.

You also sound young so theres a tonne of things out there for you to experience, so getting married isnt the answer.

Now about the girl .......... shes a girl treat her just like the others, cause if you dont one day your gonna come back here saying how some chick without legs dumped you for some playboy type guy get what I mean.

 

[Desdinova]

I actually had the opportunity to date a girl in a wheelchair. She was pretty good looking, but she smelled like pee. If that wasn't the case, I would have tried dating her.

Also, there was a recent thread here somewhat similar. You might wanna check it out:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=106230

My final advice on your situation is, if you still find her attractive and have a connection with this girl, don't ditch her. Her lack of legs don't change what's between the two of you.

 

[PUA in Training]

You say you've known her for a lot of years. When you think back to the times before her accident, could you see the 2 of you together then? Because unless the accident has drastically changed her personality, she's still the same person. But don't be with her because you think you SHOULD, be with her only if you REALLY WANT TO.

 

[lildevil]

Im in high school and last year about a month after my birthday i was on my motorcycle cruising down Miami beach here in florida and it was late and this transit bus just hit me in an interception and it all happened in matter of seconds no time to look back or time to react.I went completely onconscius i woke up about 10 hours later i had been in surgery most of the time i was so lost that i told the doctors i felt good and i wanted to go home but i couldn't i had to put up with three months of intensive care in those three months i never saw one of those so called buddies of mine,but most important all my family was there by my side.when i went to school i felt like a ghost.I didnt have a girlfriend and i lost almost all my so called buddies.


This girl your with really appreacites you more than the world itself right now more than ever, your like everything to her.


Treat her like any other girl dont make her think that your with her just because you feel bad for her that is going to break her in to little pieces .

Dont promise anything to her that your going to regret in the future because you are not going to be happy and she is going to caught on which is going to lead both of you to have miserable lives. Thats the worst thing you can do.

If you want to decide wether you want to be with her or not. Dont let her accident influence your decision.

Think about the good times and bad times you have passed with her they are really going to help alot and help your decision much clearer.

As long as you love her nothing is imposible....



Hey bro really think this through...........

Quote:

People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

I am going to ask you a really hard question, it is what Mr. Pix asks me when ever I have a hard time deciding on a matter.

What do you want?

4 simple words, but sometimes the hardest ones you will ever have to deal with.

So?

What do you want?

 

[Desdinova]

Dont let her accident influence your decision.

Golden words

 

[Helter Skelter]

Paul McCartney married a girl with one leg.

Of course, now he's paying for it:trouble:

 

[qweretyuiopas]

Angelus?

 

[pooparu]

I dunno if its Angelus or not and I'm gonna have to be the resident A- hole really quick and laugh at:

She is still hot though, I mean, even without legs.

How did no one else find this funny?

Whether is angelus or not, I'm gonna be honest bro, there's no point staying around if you aren't happy point blank. I know its bad if its for her injury, but I mean here's the thing, would you date a girl who was really hot but mentally cahllenged after an accident? Or would you date a girl who was born with AIDS but was really nice? I mean this women didn't have control over their situations but they have to deal with it. I look at it the same way, if you can answer yes to those, then go for it, if not then don't. Don't do it because you'll feel bad for dumping her, you'll feel worse and she will if you marry her out of pity. Why not still be close friends?

 

[The_Lifter]

If it's enough for you to post on a message board about then it's already too much. I'd still rail her first though - orange wings.

 

[Brando SC]

You really need to ask yourself "What do I want?" And look back at all the times you've had with her, and just honestly weigh this out. Does the lack of legs play too big a role? Or do they not matter because of the actual feelings and experiences you've had with this girl? Just don't stay in there just to stay in there. If you want out, get out. If you're having concerns or questions about whether or not you should continue, chances are you probably shouldn't stay. And if you want to stay, stay and give it all you've got. This is a tough situation. Just stick to what you know and feel, and be true to yourself. Best of luck.

 

[robrulesyou]

Thank you all for your advice, comments, feedback.

Desdinova, thanks for the link. I read some of the replies on that thread but it's a little different.

Hey pooparu, that's okay. I'm a very laid back person and you're cool to find that funny. I didn't mean it to be funny though, but no problem. Who or what is "angelus" mean?

lildevil, thanks for sharing I think you hit the nail on the head with the way she probably feels.

But some of you asked what do I want?

Well I want her to be happy. I love her but not as much in the romantic sense. I love her as a friend and a companion. In the romantic sense, she is still beautiful yes, but I can't see a future. The reason is because when I was younger I always pictured being able to do lots of things with my 'future wife.' And maybe when we were younger she did fit that role in my mind, but now, it's like the fact that she's disabled limits the sort of things we can do together.

It was okay in the short run but in the long run, it's going to be very tough raising kids with her. She's usually needs someone to be there to help her. She lives with her parents and her mom is always helping her with reaching stuff, etc. I mean, it would probably be easier when our kids grew up but those first few years, I can't imagine how we could do it.

I'm not with her because I feel bad for her, but because I want her to be happy. I want her to find someone but and be happy but at the same time I realize she's already found me. She feels like it was destiny. When you have a friend that's been through something like this it's really tough, especially when it's a best friend.

People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

I like that quote. Yeah, we've been friends through thick and thin. I get what you're saying.

But yeah what I really want is her to be happy. I know I probably said this a couple times but the problem is that for her to be happy, she wants to be with me. She loves me, and I love her to, just not like that. I guess I'm just going to have to talk to her about how I feel. I think that would be the best way. I'll keep you guys posted.