Would you get married if....

[Igetit!]

What's up guys,

It seems to me that marriage seems to get a bad wrap here on Sosuave. There seems to be more advice for staying single and spinning plates than finding a good woman and having a sucessful marriage relationship.
Now before I get blasted,let me say that I DO agree with the advice given of being single and simply dating throughout your 20s and perhaps even early to mid-30s. But the idea of "spinning plates" for life just turns my stomach. We all know the frustrations of dealing with women,especially in the beginning/approach stages. Dealing with approach anxiety,possibly getting rejected,getting her number then trying to decide how long to wait before calling,getting with the "I'm busy","I have to work","I have to meet my friends" excuses. Dealing with flakes,AW behavior,etc. I don't know about you guys,but I don't want to spend my whole find dealing with all that nonsense. Eventually,I just want a good woman,someone who I love and who loves me (and yes,I used the word "love").

I'm full aware of all the negatives and possible pitfalls of getting married. The falling into everyday routines,being with only one woman,possibly getting divorced and losing half your possessions,etc. I know all this. Don't get me wrong,I'm not ready to get married yet,I'm just saying one day I will be.

With all that said,I was just wondering,would you guys get married if....

1.There was NO chance of divorce. No getting half your money taken away,no having to give away your house,car,or any other assets.
2.Your wife would be 100% faithful to you,totally keeping her vows,all of them. Love,honor,obey,etc. (I know the "obey" has been replaced with cherish,but I'm old school)

I'm sure there are other reasons people don't want to get married,but I just want to focus on these two main reasons.

 

[Warrior74]

who wouldn't. and I'd eat pizza every day if it didn't make me fat and I'd shoot myself in the head twice a day if the bullets bounced off my skull. But I live in the real world where such behavior is as rare as pizza and bullets having no effects on you.

 

[Jitterbug]

We all know the frustrations of dealing with women,especially in the beginning/approach stages. Dealing with approach anxiety,possibly getting rejected,getting her number then trying to decide how long to wait before calling,getting with the "I'm busy","I have to work","I have to meet my friends" excuses. Dealing with flakes,AW behavior,etc. I don't know about you guys,but I don't want to spend my whole find dealing with all that nonsense.

You don't have to deal with them if you don't want to. I don't. I just walk away when the IL is low and it's too much BS. All of those little lines & tricks some guys here are addicted to are essentially their jumping through the hoops that those chicks prepare for them.

The first stages (approach, dates) with women are nothing, wrt frustrations. You can easily walk away when she shows bad behaviours. Not that easy later on. It's a lot harder to deal with a woman whom you've invested a lot in, or get rid of one that's crazily into you.

With your 2 conditions re: getting married - some of my relatives live in countries where those conditions are pretty much guaranteed, yet they still recommend the younger guys NOT to get married too soon.

Personally I won't even be thinking about it until somewhere between 35~40.

 

[Drewskie]

I was with you all the way up until the "ifs". I feel the same way, that eventually we have to get married, however, I think it's very unlikely to find a woman that you will not have to worry about those 2 major things happening. Also, you described them as major, but imo, those are the only two reasons people get divorced, because anything other than those 2 reasons can be worked out. It's sad, but the more I read on this site and others, and just by looking around in society, marriage seems more and more unlikely. Everyone I know that is married just seems miserable, or is cheating, getting divorced, etc. However, one godo reason to wait until much later to get married, is to be able to weed out the women that you know will eventually fvck you over.

 

[Drewskie]

I'm with you Jitterbug, 40 seems about ideal, it sounds older but I think by then I will know whether or not I want to be with a woman "forever". Btw, in other countries, is marriage as fvcked up as it is in the U.S?

 

[FairShake]

I am pretty close to believing I have those two conditions. And the answer is yes.

I'd like to be married by 30 and kids in the next two years if I'm lucky.

 

[Igetit!]

I'd shoot myself in the head twice a day if the bullets bounced off my skull.

Shoot myself in the head? Wow. Got to admit I didn't see that one coming. But yeah,I get where you're coming from.

But I live in the real world where such behavior is as rare as pizza and bullets having no effects on you.

This same real world you speak of,I also live in. And I also know married people who live in it as well,happily married people. I have an aunt and uncle who Thursday (Dec.31) will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. Has everyday been roses for them? Of course not. But here they are 30 years later,and as in love as the day they first got married. But like you said,these type of marriages are rare.

Personally,I won't even be thinking about it until somewhere between 35~40.

That sounds about right. A person should have some sense of who they are after 30+ years. They should,but these days the world is so screwed up. You see women 45 to 50 years old staying out all night getting drunk with college age kids when they should be home taking care of their children and other foolishness.

Drewskie,
As far as marriage in other countries,hey man,I have no clue. But it can't be any worse than here in the old U.S.of A.

 

[Kerpal]

Nope. I don't think there's any reason for a man to get married unless he wants kids, and I don't want kids.

 

[Warrior74]

Shoot myself in the head? Wow. Got to admit I didn't see that one coming. But yeah,I get where you're coming from. This same real world you speak of,I also live in. And I also know married people who live in it as well,happily married people. I have an aunt and uncle who Thursday (Dec.31) will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. Has everyday been roses for them? Of course not. But here they are 30 years later,and as in love as the day they first got married. But like you said,these type of marriages are rare.

I'm sitting here now visiting my parents who have been married for 39 years. They come from a different age. People had more incentive to stay together, not less. And they learned in hard times to appreciate each other instead of abandon each other.

 

[Juanito]

yeah, why not?

but I'm still young... I would start to consider it when I'm 35+

 

[J Roc]

I dont believe any woman will satisfy me enough to make me want to be in a monogamous relationship with her for the rest of my life.

 

[DJDamage]

Women today perpetuate the myth that men need to change themsleves in order for marriage to work while they can act however they like.

If you ask me, marriage today sounds like a raw deal for a man.

 

[Smack]

Nowadays in the Anglo sphere marriage is a rough deal for men. So unless things change then unfortunately I won't be able to get married. I'd be too paranoid about getting fvcked over since my whole material assets would be online, and my future earnings greatly diminished. And if we had children I could not be allowed to see them again/only see them sporadically, depending on how good a liar she is. The law would be biased against me, I'd be presumed guilty and even if I prove myself innocent it still might not matter.

Marriage, to me, seems too much of a risky situation which men are herded into, like sheep, by society because it is the 'right thing to do'. Men who aren't married by 40 are called 'immature' and there must be something wrong with them. Marriage in this society is part of growing up, not a choice which someone doesn't have to do if they don't want to. You don't get married, you're not grown up.

But more and more men are waking up. People are now waiting longer to get married and have more partners before marriage. This could be a sign that men are waiting for a girl they truly love rather than being pressured into marriage by first the girl they are with in their early twenties. More and more men are outright rejecting marriage, which could be a sign that men are realising how much of a raw deal marriage is for them.

In Britain, prenups are not legally binding, and courts can and will totally ignore them in favour of fvcking people over. A rock solid, legally binding prenup would be required for me to get married. And until that happens, I'm going to just have to not get married. Hopefully more men follow suit and, when people realise there is a disturbing lack of men marrying and children being made, something happens.

 

[Nutz]

Women today perpetuate the myth that men need to change themsleves in order for marriage to work while they can act however they like.

If you ask me, marriage today sounds like a raw deal for a man.

Because it is. I've been listening to Tom Leykis at work recently and he makes solid points on why men really shouldn't get married. For most guys you're just giving up any power you may have had in the relationship and you're stuck if you ever want out should the woman turn into a dictator of sorts, which happens a lot because men these days don't put their feet down and stand up for themselves.

I'm surprised many of you guys feel like you just *have* to get married at some point to be honest. I think that's great that some guys here don't feel the urge like they just have to get married. I see it as social programming to a large extent. A lot of people, especially women, have been groomed from early childhood to think they have to get a good job, house, marriage, and kid, and pretty much in that order, or else they're a failure in life. That's such a load of garbage. If that works for you then so be it, but that's not for everyone. Plus the way society has changed and gender roles of been shaken up, marriage is just a giant trap for men right now.

And if yo want kids, why do you want kids? Are you financially secure? Have you traveled to all of the places you've ever wanted to? Is your retirement fully funded? Do you have so much free time and extra cash to burn that it's no loss to you?

Some guys say marriage is a good financial decision. The fact of the matter is that it's not. I'll say it again, marriage is NOT a financial blanket. In fact marriage is actually more costly for men than staying single. If anything, why not just live together, keep your accounts separate, and do your thing. There's no reason to get married unless you're caving to ultimatums, scared the woman is the best you can get and you've got to lock in with her before she finds someone else (aka scarcity mentality), etc. Doing it for religious reasons I totally understand, but there is NO practical aspect to marriage anymore, at least in its current form with laws in the western nations. Everything you get from marriage you can get while not being married and then some. As it stands many men that get married end up trapped in unwinnable situations, many of which don't even realize the predicament they're in.

Furthermore, so long as the govt plays a role in relationships then it should do so in a fair way. As things are currently structured men will lose almost every time. That's a big reason right there not to get married if you're a guy. If you don't CYA then you're gambling your financial life on the flip of a coin with divorce rates being about 50/50. IF IF IF you decide to get married, the least you should do is wait as long as possible:

Who you love and respect today may not be the same person in 1, 2, or 20 years time. People change, that includes you, me, your oh so perfect little princesses, everybody.


Listen to some of these to get a better sense of what I'm talking about. I know the guys that think this is all crap won't bother, but those of you that are on the fence should check them out. He makes very logical sense, which of course has a tendency to rub people the wrong way when they get all emtional:



http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3183121

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3192596

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3161516

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3098979

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3072114

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3035840

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3005659

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=3001854

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2991962

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2973394

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2970774

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2946144

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2946138

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2939753

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2914266

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2914144

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2911439

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2900917

http://www.971fmtalk.com/episode_download.php?contentType=36&contentId=2894957


One last thing, for the guys who say you'll be alone when you're old and elderly... False dichotomy. It's not a either/or situation. You can date when you get older and there's no reason you have to die alone. As a matter of fact, would you rather be with a 60+ year old when you're that age or older, or with a woman in their 20s or 30s? Seriously, think about the long term. Do you find 60+ year old women attractive now? Because you likely won't then either. 20-30 year old women will ALWAYS be attractive to men. Chalk that one up to biology & evolution.

I'm of the mindset that serial monogamy is the way to go. It gives you the flexibility to drop them if they start acting toxic, or if for some reason things just don't work out. And that's not to mention maintaining your power due to being able to walk or trading in for a newer model so to speak. Willingness to walk is a very attractive thing to women. It shows you have options and don't tollerate bad behavior. This is part of why settling down and getting locked into a relationship is so horrible for men--willingness to walk is dependent on being able to walk!

 

[Socialreject]

No...

Maybe I'd get married though if one of the additional vows was... to love, honour, cherish and ride **** till kingdom come...

And if women could 'morph' into other women, and every so often like 'split' into two (different looking) women and then rode **** till kingdom come...

Then yeah, sure...

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I see myself getting married one day. But, before that happens. It's gotta be a girl who I think is fit. And at least lived with her for a while. Cause if I can't live with her for 2 years I couldn't marry her.

 

[Kerpal]

As a matter of fact, would you rather be with a 60+ year old when you're that age or older, or with a woman in their 20s or 30s? Seriously, think about the long term. Do you find 60+ year old women attractive now? Because you likely won't then either. 20-30 year old women will ALWAYS be attractive to men. Chalk that one up to biology & evolution.

I see people say stuff like this a lot and it confuses me. Unless you're very rich, how do you expect to attract a woman 1/3 your age when you're 60?

 

[Lexington]

Who says you need to get married in order to have kids? There are now plenty of people that have children out of wedlock and don't feel the need to contractually obligate themselves to each other. You could always adopt as well.

This idea that kids absolutely need a household with a mother and a father is rather absurd. First of all, the concept of monogamous marriage is a relatively recent innovation in human history and it isn't even universal today; some cultures allow and even encourage polygamy.

Then you have to take into account the fact that divorce rates are extremely high in the United States, with more than 50% of all marriages ending in divorce. The numbers aren't far off in other Western countries. There are LOTS of kids that didn't grow up in a household with both their mother and their father and they turned out just fine.

If a woman truly loves and would be willing to stick with you throughout her lifetime, then she can do all these things without a binding contract that forces you to give up 50% of your assets etc. in the even that you decide to part ways.

 

[Nutz]

I see people say stuff like this a lot and it confuses me. Unless you're very rich, how do you expect to attract a woman 1/3 your age when you're 60?

Um, have good game. I know a couple of 60+ guys that have their stuff together and routinely get laid by women in their mid 20s on up.

 

[Igetit!]

This idea that kids absolutely need a household with a mother and a father is rather absurd.

I couldn't disagree with this anymore if I tried. The kid absolutely needs a mother and a father in order to be conceived. So why once the child is born is it now ok that the child needing both parents is all the sudden optional? Kerpal gave a good answer imo.

There are LOTS of kids that didn't grow up in a household with both their mother and their father and they turned out just fine

This may be true,but this isn't the original way it was meant to be. It takes two people to make a baby,therefore,those two people should raise the baby.
Even if the child does turn out fine being raised by only one parent,the child will have a longing,a curiosity,a void created by the absense of a mother or father.

If a woman truly loves and would be willing to stick with you throughout her lifetime, then she can do all these things without a binding contract that forces you to give up 50% of your assets etc. in the even that you decide to part ways.

Hey,I agree with you. The laws concerning marital assets DO favor women. I don't like it either. Every time the subject of marriage is brought up here,this concern about a woman getting half of your stuff comes up. I was just curious if this one element was removed from the equation,then would the guys here be more open to the possibility of getting married.

I.A.F.Y.B. your comment about knowing a girl for at least two years before tying the knot makes sense,although psychologically,I think there will be some sort of a shift in a woman's behavior as well as a man's when they are husband and wife as opposed to just being girlfriend and boyfriend.

I don't believe any woman will satisfy me enough to make me want to be in a monogamous relationship with her for the rest of my life.

I'm totally clueless here. I have no idea what this means. What do you mean "satisfy you"? Does she have to tap dance to keep you intertained or something?

The thing is I enjoy dating and being single,but the idea of dating a woman for a few weeks or months,then me dumping her or her dumping me,then starting the process all over again with a new woman can sometimes get tiring. I don't want to be 40,45, or 50 years old and still wondering whether or not I DLV'ed myself,or if my neg was too harsh,or if she suddenly lost interest because I showed too much interest in her. And if you stay single for life and just "spin plates",these are things you're going to have to deal with consistantly. But like they say,to each his own. If a guy wants to just play the field into his 60s and 70s,it's his life. It all just seems like too much of a hassle for me.