Would You Ever Pursue A Friend's Plate? Where Are The Boundaries?

[jamesfromhouston]

Thanks bros for all your responses. They are all very on point.

After reading your thoughts and reflecting on my own, I've come to realize that:

1) I was pissed that this "new friend" pursued my old plate without asking me about it. He knew that the plate and I had something.
Yes, we are not close friends, we only just recently met but still it just feels off to me. That friend should have better integrity but ofcourse not everyone is the same.

2) I've always believed in the "bro code" hence why I never pursued his plate despite all the signals. I wanted to break it out of spite because of the reason above. But honestly, not worth it, it will just stir drama. And yeah he isn't a close friend but doesn't mean I have to stoop so low to his level.

3) Some of you might think it's fair game but I also resonate with the idea that there are other women out there, no need to sloppy 2nds with full awareness of someone I know and see face to face. Clearly that new friend has shown himself not deserving of further friendship or trust.

Thank you all for the input.

 

[Bokanovsky]

A guy with options. If she's just a plate or the neighborhood bicycle, no player would care. Bros who have options laugh this sh*t off and don't catch feelz, esp. if the girl is throwing signals around.

A "neighbourhood bicycle" is a slut who has sex with everyone. Where in the original post does it say that the girl in question fits that type? Just because the guy in question has several plates doesn't automatically mean that those plates are hoes. This sounds more like a case of the guy having several bicycle and the OP wanting to steal one of them.

 

[Bokanovsky]

1) I was pissed that this "new friend" pursued my old plate without asking me about it. He knew that the plate and I had something. Yes, we are not close friends, we only just recently met but still it just feels off to me. That friend should have better integrity but ofcourse not everyone is the same.

Pursuing a former plate is very different from pursuing a current plate.

 

[Barrister]

3) Some of you might think it's fair game but I also resonate with the idea that there are other women out there, no need to sloppy 2nds with full awareness of someone I know and see face to face. Clearly that new friend has shown himself not deserving of further friendship or trust.

Thank you all for the input.

OP - why are you bothered about this if your "new friend" pursued an old plate? You seem to be unfairly holding that against him. I get the feeling you developed stronger feelings for this old plate - hence the reason you now are somewhat upset by this. If all she was was a plate, you shouldn't care at all about her falling out of your rotation and into his. Technically speaking, even if she was a full blown ex-GF you shouldn't care - although I understand how that could make having a friendship with the guy tougher for a variety of reasons. Much more so than a plate.

I don't mean to be overly critical, but you seem too emotionally invested in these girls at times. If you want an LTR, then do that. But you are going to burn yourself out if you get so attached to women who only serve as an occasional pump and dump. I get the feeling you are treating all of your plates as girlfriends and you are subconsciously becoming emotionally invested in them whether you want to be or not. Maybe I am wrong - but that is my reading between the lines with your posts.

 

[Manure Spherian]

A guy with options. If she's just a plate or the neighborhood bicycle, no player would care. Bros who have options laugh this sh*t off and don't catch feelz, esp. if the girl is throwing signals around.

I really don’t know why people analyze this stuff for women they are not going to marry and have kids with or have something resembling a marriage.

 

[Chow Mein]

I really don’t know why people analyze this stuff for women they are not going to marry and have kids with or have something resembling a marriage.

Lack of options

 

[Manure Spherian]

Lack of options

Wouldn’t not analyzing the ethics of treatment of plates make more options available?

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Pursuing a former plate is very different from pursuing a current plate.

I agree. I was offended by it but perhaps I shouldn't be. It just felt off to me that he never spoke to me about it. But again my expectations could have been misplaced in how others behave. Something I cannot control.

OP - why are you bothered about this if your "new friend" pursued an old plate? You seem to be unfairly holding that against him. I get the feeling you developed stronger feelings for this old plate - hence the reason you now are somewhat upset by this. If all she was was a plate, you shouldn't care at all about her falling out of your rotation and into his. Technically speaking, even if she was a full blown ex-GF you shouldn't care - although I understand how that could make having a friendship with the guy tougher for a variety of reasons. Much more so than a plate.

I don't mean to be overly critical, but you seem too emotionally invested in these girls at times. If you want an LTR, then do that. But you are going to burn yourself out if you get so attached to women who only serve as an occasional pump and dump. I get the feeling you are treating all of your plates as girlfriends and you are subconsciously becoming emotionally invested in them whether you want to be or not. Maybe I am wrong - but that is my reading between the lines with your posts.

Wise words @Barrister yes, you're right. Plates are plates. I need to develop a sense of detachment and emotional realism about what it means to spin plates. Perhaps, subconsciously at times I carry a sense of investment in some of them that I may not be aware of. Although I suspect in this particular case, it's more to do with my disappointment that the person pursuing the former plate is someone I consider a friend and the lack of him bringing it up to me just feels off. But after considering everyone's thoughts here, I realize I cannot expect and demand others to behave in the way I do. I realize that I need to move beyond these girls and friends that don't meet my standards and put my worries else where.

 

[Chow Mein]

Wouldn’t not analyzing the ethics of treatment of plates make more options available?

Wouldn’t not?

Aren’t you a TikTok Shakespeare….
I choose to be a bachelor and do not have to worry about the ethics of my choices

 

[zekko]

I really don’t know why people analyze this stuff for women they are not going to marry and have kids with or have something resembling a marriage.

If it's really that small of a thing, then why bother with it at all? Considering there are potential complications and all.

Another thing, if you tell the guy she's been giving you clear signals, what's to stop the guy from telling the girl that and subtly shaming her? She might get embarrassed and turn you down to save face. Then you look like a total dolt.

 

[Vanderdonck]

A "neighbourhood bicycle" is a slut who has sex with everyone. Where in the original post does it say that the girl in question fits that type? Just because the guy in question has several plates doesn't automatically mean that those plates are hoes. This sounds more like a case of the guy having several bicycle and the OP wanting to steal one of them.

A plate is a plate. She is probably fukking someone else anyway, so he is not a "total cuck" IMO. He's a guy banging plates w/o exclusivity. And if his frame is on point, it shouldn't matter - or if it does matter he will say so calmly and not get angry about it.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Wouldn’t not?

Aren’t you a TikTok Shakespeare….
I choose to be a bachelor and do not have to worry about the ethics of my choices

Yes. That was bad.

 

[parabellum]

This year I was introduced to a new friend through a buddy of mine. This new friend often goes out with us with this sexy plate (that he is not exclusive with) but every time we've been out together, that plate has been giving me clear IOIs and showing IL. She even interacts with me on social media behind the scenes but I've always held myself back, kept a cap on it because of the "bro code". She is quite attractive and if it weren't for this new friend, I'd go after her immediately. I am sure it would be an easy close, secretly something I want but refrained myself from doing.

This new friend seems to be seeing several girls at once and recently to my disappointment, even pursued one of my broken plates, a girl that I slept with but stopped seeing. Although I wasn't exclusive with that girl, somehow I felt that was a low blow to me because I always took the "bro code" seriously and it felt like it extended to plates. But perhaps I am the one being the loser here, sticking by an immature or self limiting principle that limited my own options and clearly it doesn't apply to this guy. I don't want any bad blood with this guy but it seems he doesn't give a **** about my reaction.

I am still tempted to go after his plate but wonder whether my brothers at SS would actually go for it or stick to the higher road. What would you guys do?

My answer to your question is no. Boundaries are such that even if you like them, do not mess with your bros girls. Bless and release.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

I grew up with some solids and going after some ex piece of ass of theirs was a violation of breaching the homie code.
And in all fairness, I would think you were motivated by desperation and I would put in deep question your loyalty and trust as my comrade if you pulled a stunt like that.

 

[Gamisch]

A friend of mine was hitting this hot Lebanese girl. But one day he went away for a brief moment while another homie of ours visited him.

So ,this Lebanese girl drops by unexpected. He let's her in. You can guess what happens next ; she starts hitting on him...so what did the guy do? He got up and left, and later told dude that his girl was hitting on him.

This one I'll never ever forget. Rarely do men have sp much honour. Dude was a very difficult person to deal with, but this was one he deserves all the credit for.

 

[Gamisch]

OP - why are you bothered about this if your "new friend" pursued an old plate? You seem to be unfairly holding that against him. I get the feeling you developed stronger feelings for this old plate - hence the reason you now are somewhat upset by this. If all she was was a plate, you shouldn't care at all about her falling out of your rotation and into his. Technically speaking, even if she was a full blown ex-GF you shouldn't care - although I understand how that could make having a friendship with the guy tougher for a variety of reasons. Much more so than a plate.

I don't mean to be overly critical, but you seem too emotionally invested in these girls at times. If you want an LTR, then do that. But you are going to burn yourself out if you get so attached to women who only serve as an occasional pump and dump. I get the feeling you are treating all of your plates as girlfriends and you are subconsciously becoming emotionally invested in them whether you want to be or not. Maybe I am wrong - but that is my reading between the lines with your posts.

Because most men's honour ,pride, sense of self and self esteem is mostly dependent on women and how women view them.

I've been here as well. Now it seems as if the other guy is "better" until OP evens the score. And perhaps feck a second plate of his "friend" so he can actually surpass him.

You see, the danger with this is that women are ruthless and there are plenty of women who WILL sleep with multiple men from the same group. What I'm trying to say is that such a man basically signed his own faith away by saying:" I am willing to lose friends, connection and maybe even family for a woman. "

Low-key he also says he's willing to do time or die over such a woman. Let that sink in OP..

The REAL lesson is, or will be , that some women have a very different view on pride, and very little understanding of male pride and honor. That's why you gotta vet carefully. This thread goes way deeper than OP realises now

The REAL issue is the attachment style and the worth you place on women.

 

[Barrister]

Because most men's honour ,pride, sense of self and self esteem is mostly dependent on women and how women view them.

I am not necessarily going to disagree with you because I think this statement is true. That doesn't mean this is a good world view to have as a man -- because it isn't. And that really is the crux here. OP needs to get past this and not worry about a former plate - a woman who wasn't even his GF - and who she is sleeping with. Friend or not. OP can't control what the plate or this new friend do. If the new friend chooses to axe the friendship over OP's old plate, then OP needs to understand that he is better off because that is not a friend he should want in the first place.

There is an undercurrent of jealousy it seems. OP just needs to move past that as it serves no good purpose.

 

[Gamisch]

I am not necessarily going to disagree with you because I think this statement is true. That doesn't mean this is a good world view to have as a man -- because it isn't. And that really is the crux here. OP needs to get past this and not worry about a former plate - a woman who wasn't even his GF - and who she is sleeping with. Friend or not. OP can't control what the plate or this new friend do. If the new friend chooses to axe the friendship over OP's old plate, then OP needs to understand that he is better off because that is not a friend he should want in the first place.

There is an undercurrent of jealousy it seems. OP just needs to move past that as it serves no good purpose.

To be clear; it's an extremely toxic view. I just state rather than encourage it or celebrate it.

The status of having a (beautiful) woman triumphs many others such as career, status and even material wealth. As our polarising friend Mr Tate once said: a good woman is worth as much as a male billionaire.

Ask a random man who was happily married if he would trade that life for a career and many billions of dollars. He'll probably say that the life with his wife and family was worth way more.

_________________________________________
The story above is the root of such issues. Inherently men will think there's something wrong with them when they don't have a woman. It's such a natural thing to happen..but anyway this is how male honour and pride is heavily linked to women.

When a man doesn't have that one woman, he might replace every other woman for that ideal image. So even though everyone will say "just a plate" ,it will STILL feel like she "cheated" on him. Buy he's aware that he can't control her, so he tries to gain honour back by taking revenge somehow someway.