Would you disown your children if they'd hate you due to brainwashing from your ex?

[Baibars]

My children are 8 ( girl ) and 4 (boy) years old. Ex brainwashed them, especially my daughter into believing that i'm a abusive man + i'm not allowed to see them because my daughter even said that she hates me in front of family court so things look bad for me.
When i was seeing the kids consistently we always had a good time and all of the claims they make are false but they still managed to take custody away from me.
But what hurt me the most was the fact that my daughter is now against me. Let's say i can't see her again and she grows up brainwashed like this would you keep trying to change the kids mind or would you just accept the situation and disown them?

 

[jimwho]

Your ex is a piece of ****. Your kids will in time figure it out on their own. Sad, but time is your only friend.
There's no way they won't find the truth eventually. Just lay back and be all things good. Sorry dude!

 

[EyeBRollin]

My children are 8 ( girl ) and 4 (boy) years old. Ex brainwashed them, especially my daughter into believing that i'm a abusive man + i'm not allowed to see them because my daughter even said that she hates me in front of family court so things look bad for me.
When i was seeing the kids consistently we always had a good time and all of the claims they make are false but they still managed to take custody away from me.
But what hurt me the most was the fact that my daughter is now against me. Let's say i can't see her again and she grows up brainwashed like this would you keep trying to change the kids mind or would you just accept the situation and disown them?

No need to disown. The truth comes to light as they get older. Tell your ex to go fvck herself and walk away from her and the kids. Start over and live your life. Children do realize as they reach adulthood that when dad leaves (or was kicked out) the problem actually was mommy.

 

[corsica]

I guess it reached a point of no return (to civilized discussion with your ex) but I would try to put in her head that she's screwing her own daughter's (psycological) future by trying to hurt you. But then, women are so emotional that nothing else matters when she wants to hurt you.

If you can, try to have a good time with your kids and don't even acknowledge your ex (don't even look at her). It's important for you to go on with your life. If you can, try to find a younger and hotter woman to go with you to pick up the kids. Can be a friend, just to piss her off, lol.

I hope you're not supporting your ex (financially).

 

[Gamisch]

My children are 8 ( girl ) and 4 (boy) years old. Ex brainwashed them, especially my daughter into believing that i'm a abusive man + i'm not allowed to see them because my daughter even said that she hates me in front of family court so things look bad for me.
When i was seeing the kids consistently we always had a good time and all of the claims they make are false but they still managed to take custody away from me.
But what hurt me the most was the fact that my daughter is now against me. Let's say i can't see her again and she grows up brainwashed like this would you keep trying to change the kids mind or would you just accept the situation and disown them?

I am going through the EXACT same thing now!

My advice; by disowning your kids you're ex wins. I am in a civil case with my ex now, and in my preparation letter I wrote I understand my daughter has to pick her side, as she lives there and she gotta survive on a day to day basis. When ever she'll see me she'll notice she got the best ,most loving father in the universe.

Never disown your kids. Bring in a lawyer ASAP, because these things might take a long time. Lawyer up, dont think you can resolve this your self. That ship has sailed by now.

I also felt like f it, it's not worth it ect. But somebody close to me pointed out that ;
1- your ex will sleep VERY good knowing you gave up.

2- truth will come to the surface one day. You wanna be able to tell your kids you did everything within your power to make it work.

They only have one dad, and that is you. Its their right to have you on standby.

 

[9-3enthusiast]

I'm older than most guys who have posted so far.
My daughter was full-grown when I split from her mother, and so was wise to how things were between us.
When I left, she asked me how I'd put up with her mother for so long....
And in fact, has been a very good 'wing-girl' for me in the past - even to the point of helping me to pick up a couple of her friends/co-workers

When your kids grow up, they'll better understand the dynamics between couples, and likely realise for themselves that you aren't the monster your ex has painted you... it could even turn them against her to some degree...
Seen it happen a coupla times

 

[Dr.Suave]

And in fact, has been a very good 'wing-girl' for me in the past - even to the point of helping me to pick up a couple of her friends/co-workers

Best. Daughter. Ever.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As has been said the children will understand later as they mature. That doesn’t help now, I get it. If you have shared custody just be the best Dad ever:
1. Always be on time, ALWAYS.
2. Plan fun stuff, always have a plan, do t let her sit on her phone at your place.
3. Never, ever have her with a gf unless the gf knows your daughter is the focus and is only there to support you in that endeavor-a woman like that is basically nonexistent btw.
4. Your daughter will probably always have issues with any other woman monopolizing your time until she is older.
5. You need to be super dad and you need to ignore all the conditioning your ex has subjected her to. Keep on keeping on, years and years if necessary. She will get it, and then if your lucky when her mom interrogates her about the visit your daughter will eventually start being positive about you - that my friend is the sweetest victory ever.

good luck

 

[Scars]

Never give up on seeing your kids. Even if they seemingly hate you or spit in your face, you should keep trying. If you give up, you're just playing into the frame that your ex wants.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

They may hate you now but they will realize the truth and will end up hating her once they find out the truth as they get older...and that will likely be for the rest of her life.

It's so fvcked up when adults use kids as pawns in their sick games they want to play with people.

To your question, I would never see a situation where I would disown my children.

 

[Barrister]

First, let me say I feel really bad you are going through this situation. I know this has been difficult for you from your past postings about your custody case with your ex. No caring father should ever have this happen.

Hang in there. Like others have said, your kids will eventually come to realize the truth of the matter once they are older. I know that doesn't help you now, but there is only so much you can do given where you are at legally. It certainly will be difficult, but don't write your kids off when they are so young. Remember that they are children and stay focused. Good luck, brother.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

My ex may have been an abysmal partner, but she is a great mother, she feels like I do about the kids. To the point that she understands and supports me being in their lives as much as is possible. I’m a kick ass father, at least she sees it - and when it comes down to brass tacks, that is all that matters…

 

[bmp2cpm]

My children are 8 ( girl ) and 4 (boy) years old. Ex brainwashed them, especially my daughter into believing that i'm a abusive man + i'm not allowed to see them because my daughter even said that she hates me in front of family court so things look bad for me.
When i was seeing the kids consistently we always had a good time and all of the claims they make are false but they still managed to take custody away from me.
But what hurt me the most was the fact that my daughter is now against me. Let's say i can't see her again and she grows up brainwashed like this would you keep trying to change the kids mind or would you just accept the situation and disown them?

My story might help you see your future….

My BIL was in a similar situation. The mother constantly spewed hate regarding my BIL to his children.

My BIL is a great guy, but it seems he could never stand up to his ex-wife and therefore his children. I got to see his kids as young adults.

His 19-year-old daughter would visit BIL and in front of everyone say “my father”, referring to her mom’s live-in, pot-smoking boyfriend who is an amputee on disability. Incredibly disrespectful, I wanted to slap her for being so disrespectful to my BIL. BIL just smiled, happy to have time with his daughter.

BIL is a vice president at company you have heard of, but for whatever reason he never could lead his wife, always overlooked whatever his kids did. Wife got him in major debt. He’s very religious too. None of this helped the situation.

When the 19-year-old daughter needed money she would spend time with BIL. Then the mother would guilt her into asking her dad for helping her.

Example, BIL bought daughter an expensive laptop for school. After a few months, she told the dad she smashed the laptop because it was wrong to accept help from him and she couldn’t see him anymore. Mother’s work no doubt.

BIL always overlooked the wife and kid’s disrespectful behavior.

Finally the daughter went completely nuts over the constant negativity from the mother regarding my BIL!

Daughter and the other siblings got together, made up a story that BIL had abused them when they were children and got the police to do an investigation on my BIL.

Even the toxic mother told the police BIL did not abuse the kids.

After $20,000 in legal fees the investigation was dropped. BIL finally realized jail time and losing all of his money to his kids who were out for revenge was not worth having a relationship with his kids.

The adult kids live with the mom and her boyfriend, smoke pot all day, and do nothing. After 40K in college loans, daughter dropped out.

Moral of the story, when a man fails to lead, bad stuff turns into a run-away snowball followed by an avalanche.

BIL has been going through a major midlife crisis and has been questioning his life, knowing he will never see his grandkids.

Lead now before you end up like my BIL!

Best of luck to you!

 

[Alvafe]

Your ex is a piece of ****. Your kids will in time figure it out on their own. Sad, but time is your only friend.
There's no way they won't find the truth eventually. Just lay back and be all things good. Sorry dude!

actually that depends, on how smart the kid is, some people will never figure out the truth because the lie is too comforting, she could still blame her dad for the crap life she have because he was not around, hoping for the best is all and dandy but getting real here, he should go for what would protect him, if disowning then would do that then do so, also never be alone with then would be a good thing for him, so there wouldn't no way to have any backslash against him, and since he already don't have any way to visit the kids anymore, better move on and let then **** thenselfs up.

if by luck his kids are smart and they figure out it was all a lie, then he can start to talk to then, but moving a baby steps and certainly no access to his money

 

[Zimbabwe]

Society already gaslight men at every opportunity, being a man is always going to be an uphill battle

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Firstly, sorry you are going through this. Time is your friend. Eventually as they get older they will get curious about you. Take those opportunities when they come. They will.

My player friend went through a horrid War of the Roses divorce and eventually managed to arrange a custody agreement. He had been VERY in love with his wife, she had cheated & he divorced her over it. Of course her affair partner dropped her (LOL) and she HATED my playboy friend for divorcing her. It broke him/deeply red pulled him instantly and he went on to become quite the unapologetic man w h o r e. His ex wife waited for an opportunity to strip him of his paternal rights and unfortunately he gave her that opportunity by having sex loudly with a girl he was seeing one night when the kids were home. The children, 9 and 14, heard the woman screaming during sex and thought their dad was hurting the woman (reinforcing the abuse narrative his ex had been selling).

Needless to say she took him back to court and stripped away his paternity rights. He has never seen his daughter again. His son is now over 18 and he has a fledgling relationship but he is very patient with his son due to his knowledge of the brainwashing. His daughter remains under 18 and he hopes to hear from her once she gets curious, out from under her mother and so forth.

It’s not the children’s fault. They are innocent. Time is your ally.

Hang tough.

 

[SW15]

This happens regularly. A man I first met in college and have remained friends with since college is experiencing this right now. His eldest child, now 13, ceased her relationship with her father based on brainwashing from the ex-wife.

 

[Murk]

Find a younger better looking woman and have more kids, better kids, smart enough to have loyalty to the king. Leave your ungrateful family and make a new family. The boy is only 4, try to keep a relationship with him and see how that pans out.

If my 8-year-old daughter was getting manipulated to hate me, then she's made her bed and is obviously a bit of an idiot. Sounds harsh but I remember at 8 years old, I couldn't be made to hate someone for no reason. I knew what I was doing at 8. You need to make your life so successful your kids have no choice but to be part of it. Go start a business. Spoil your young wife and new kids, you have a chance to do it all better this time.