Would you date someone with an eating disorder (ED)?

[Seán Kelly]

Recently I had a relationship end after quite some time, the girl pressed me for commitment and I said I could only do that if she recovered from her ED 99%+. She said this was fair, but decided she wanted to start dating other people.

Thing is, I really loved this girl, and it was quite difficult to do this, the thought of her with other guys still makes my stomach turn, but at the same time I'd love if she could find someone who could make her laugh and smile, sorry it couldn't be me.

I've heard that EDs double the risk of divorce/breakup in the future, which sounds accurate to me (I'd even say it's an under exaggeration), but does anyone here feel differently? Would you stay with a girl who has an ED? Or is it always a deal breaker? If she committed to a full time recovery program would that be enough for you?

For me now, I think an ED is always a deal breaker, I'm starting to think that no one ever really recovers 100% from that (like being an alcoholic), you can never forget the reasons that drove you to an ED in the first place, and it's always an option to deal with stress in the future, even if you're "recovered" I think...

Guess I'm just hoping to connect with guys with similar experiences, and get opinions to the contrary in particular, but any contribution is welcome.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Disorders (so long as they are valid) are very hard to get over, even with drugs and therapy.

Did you know about the disorder when you started dating her?

Kind of thing you want to DQ early on.

Eating, drugs, booze, debt, excessive (or any) tats, etc.

 

[Serenity]

I've heard that EDs double the risk of divorce/breakup in the future, which sounds accurate to me (I'd even say it's an under exaggeration), but does anyone here feel differently? Would you stay with a girl who has an ED? Or is it always a deal breaker? If she committed to a full time recovery program would that be enough for you?

I would probably try digging down to the underlying cause of it and see how messed up it. If I encountered a ton of resistance I'd just back out of the relationship. Eating disorders are typically symptoms of some psychological trauma. If she was already in recovery and have made a good amount of progress I'd consider it, but take it very slowly.

For me now, I think an ED is always a deal breaker, I'm starting to think that no one ever really recovers 100% from that (like being an alcoholic), you can never forget the reasons that drove you to an ED in the first place, and it's always an option to deal with stress in the future, even if you're "recovered" I think...

It's not comparable to alcoholism. It's probably easier to recover from an eating disorder than alcoholism, because alcohol actually feels good while starvation or puking does not feel as good.

The point is never to forget the cause of something like this. It is to stop suppressing it and staving off the difficult feelings with unhealthy behavior. If the past is acknowledged and accepted as is, then that's more of a sign of healthy psychological functioning. What I'm saying is that they're not truly recovered until they reach a level where their past doesn't affect their behavior. Resisting the symptoms of an eating disorder for whatever amount of time doesn't solve the problem, that isn't recovery although it would seem that way to many. It's when the cause is dealt with that there's no risk later that they'll use this as a coping mechanism.

Anyways, best to stay away unless they're in the very late stages of recovery and you can tell that they've solved the cause and not just their symptoms. If you're unsure if she's safe then you're not unsure, she's unsafe.

 

[The Duke]

What lies beneath the surface of the eating disorder is the real concern. The eating disorder is just a symptom.

 

[051AV]

Nope it’s not worth the hassle she will have self esteem issues to go along with it.

 

[Alvafe]

Recently I had a relationship end after quite some time, the girl pressed me for commitment and I said I could only do that if she recovered from her ED 99%+. She said this was fair, but decided she wanted to start dating other people.

Thing is, I really loved this girl, and it was quite difficult to do this, the thought of her with other guys still makes my stomach turn, but at the same time I'd love if she could find someone who could make her laugh and smile, sorry it couldn't be me.

I've heard that EDs double the risk of divorce/breakup in the future, which sounds accurate to me (I'd even say it's an under exaggeration), but does anyone here feel differently? Would you stay with a girl who has an ED? Or is it always a deal breaker? If she committed to a full time recovery program would that be enough for you?

For me now, I think an ED is always a deal breaker, I'm starting to think that no one ever really recovers 100% from that (like being an alcoholic), you can never forget the reasons that drove you to an ED in the first place, and it's always an option to deal with stress in the future, even if you're "recovered" I think...

Guess I'm just hoping to connect with guys with similar experiences, and get opinions to the contrary in particular, but any contribution is welcome.

if you have to ask,then no, I don't have patience to deal with people anymore so the less hassle she can bring the better, also note the moment you said that she said she wanted to date other people, so she didn't liked you that much just need a sucher to deal with her, bullet dodge,

also with the whole" I hoped she find someone else who loved her and all" that really irked me.


@Grewd btw I wouldn't say alcohool would make you feelgood, they hit your brain with most of the time make you numb, its not it feel good its literally works as something to make the pain go away, with then tend to bring other kind of pain later

 

[Kotaix]

Eating disorders are indications of deep psychological problems and insecurities that a person has allowed to go unadddressed to the point they're sick. I've known people with them who will lie compulsively to everyone in order to continue with their disorder instead of facing the fact that they have a problem, even when they pass out for hours due to hunger and no one can raise them from it. The lack of food is worrying enough, but the compulsive lying is the real red flag here.

I would agree that you need to stay away from people like as a matter of principle, although a lot of these people keep their disorders secret so you're not likely to know about it right away unless they're anorexic to begin with. Or... fat AF on the other extreme, but that one is impossible to hide.

 

[Serenity]

btw I wouldn't say alcohool would make you feelgood, they hit your brain with most of the time make you numb, its not it feel good its literally works as something to make the pain go away, with then tend to bring other kind of pain later

Yeah, you're correct. Point is that it's not comparable to eating disorders other than probably having an underlying psychological cause.

 

[JohnChops]

If she has one disorder, she likely another 1-2 more. Co-morbidity for psychiatric conditions is very high.