Would you date, possibly marry, a girl who could possibly die of cancer?

[Poonani Maker]

I'm struggling with this question for a girl I've grown a little attached to. I'm helping her because she can't do things because of the surgery, radiation etc. She's 10 years younger than I. She's not exactly my type physically, just mentally or personality wise. I want her to keep up her spirits and be happy. I see no chink in her armor, she's holding up well, but She told me how she hurts. She's very confident. I just want to be there for her, to rebound off of, in these tough times. I couldn't imagine having to Wait for a test result to give you the status of your LIFE. She's at that point right now. I didn't cry for her in front of her today. She wouldn't want that, and I tried not to pander to her. I just talked about normal stuff and life, our backgrounds. I've known her since Aug '08. She has a lot of college girlfriends. I can't imagine being drained or tired from all the chemo and medication. You could tell she was a little mentally distracted. She's a straight A honor student too, Really smart. We talked and talked and talked in the car today.

 

[KontrollerX]

Damn and I thought in my AFC days I was the king of the capn save a ho's.

This sh!t takes the fvckin cake.

No I wouldn't date or fvck a girl thats dying.

I may be an assh0le but I'm not that big of an assh0le but far be it from me to put forth a morality crew position. Have at it tiger.

The only thing I'll say before ending this response is why would I want to put myself in a horrible devastating emotional situation like that?

I've already seen enough family members die of that sh!t.

Why would any DJ who has the vast resources and awareness that this place provides, with all that DJ's new found options want to put themselves in a horrible devastating emotional situation like that?

I'm sorry but its fvcking retarded to do this bro.

Its one thing if you are the boyfriend of some chick who finds out she's got cancer midway through your relationship and you want to stand by her till the end whatever that may be but KNOWING a chick has it and THEN dating her and setting yourself up for a horrible potential loss you will have to bear on some level for a lifetime?

Wow, I've officially heard it all. :woo: :nervous:

P.S: I think this girl needs your support and friendship more than your c0ck but hey if she begs for your c0ck you better find out first if its safe to nail her considering she's undergoing radiaton. You don't want to burn your d!ck off brah.

 

[speakeasy]

Several years back I'd met a girl who was in almost the identical situation you are. She had a boyfriend that had terminal cancer. She knew this before she became his girlfriend. I might have thought something like this was crazy before, but after taking a long walk with her and hearing the passion she had for the person, I could totally understand. When there is a true connection, it's almost on a cosmic level, and even something like a terminal illness doesn't get in the way. She just wanted to be with this person and give herself 100% to him. I don't try and judge that sh-t man. Only these two people can understand what is really going on between them. I say if you want to be her boyfriend and you have a connection with her that transcends her illness, then do what makes you happy.

 

[speakeasy]

P.S: I think this girl needs your support and friendship more than your c0ck but hey if she begs for your c0ck you better find out first if its safe to nail her considering she's undergoing radiaton. You don't want to burn your d!ck off brah.

Dude, that's a jacked up thing to say. Way too serious a situation to be joking like that.

 

[Desdinova]

Would you date, possibly marry, a girl who could possibly die of cancer?

If she had lots of money, yes I'd marry her.

I personally wouldn't want to set myself up for that kind of devastation. I would perhaps be there to support the person and show them as good of a time as I could, but why would I spend a 5hitload of money for a wedding to marry a person who may not be around within a year or two?

There's nothing wrong with being there for her and even dating her, but turning it into a silly made-for-TV romance movie by marrying her is not going to fulfill anybody's fantasies and desires. What happens on TV doesn't happen in real life.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Dude, that's a jacked up thing to say. Way too serious a situation to be joking like that."

I was 110% serious with what I said.

Radiation treated people's families are regularly warned not to share the same toilet with their family member for a few weeks until the radiation dissipates.

It only makes logical sense to warn this guy of the potential dangers of having sex with this chick in her radiated state.

People who undergo radiation are literally having their body cooked from the inside out.

 

[Da Realist]

All I have to say is that you better be prepared to face some of the worst pain you'll ever feel if she's terminal.

 

[Alle_Gory]

If her chances are good for survival, then yes. We can't predict the future.

Terminal? No way.

 

[Colossus]

It sounds more like you are developing feelings for this girl rather than serious dating or marriage on the horizon...correct me if I'm wrong. You have only known her for like 9 months.


I'm not going to tell you what you should or should not do based on her prognosis. It sounds like she may have a pretty good support network. If you DO have feelings for her, and they are mutual, there is nothing wrong with "dating"---as much as you could in that situation--but understand the more involved you get with her emotionally the more devastated you will be should her condition be deemed terminal.

She probably also understands that people will naturally distance themselves emotionally from her if her prognosis is poor, and this is rough to say the least. My suggestion would be to be there for her as a friend.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Would you date, possibly marry, a girl who could possibly die of cancer?


I would. I think you get a different type of interaction out of her because of her situation. It is anything but shallow, and not something you could get from any woman. I am guessing she understands that life is too important to not b!tch about stupid sh!t - and that is a lesson that most women will probably never learn.

And if she dies on you, at least you will come away with a story that will fascinate every other woman you will ever meet. Staying by your girl's side while she dies of cancer? That's Lifetime movie stuff; women will forever be fascinated with you. That story would get you laid for the rest of your life.

 

[DJDamage]

You should never start dating the sick or the walking wounded.

Maintaining good relationships that last for a long time tend to be difficult in this day an age as it is, and if the person is not healthy physically or mentally it would take a toll on the relationship from the get go.

Also lets not forget the basic understanding of attractions. It doesn't matter if your girl has cancer or she is just depressed from breaking up with her boyfriend, if you become that shoulder to cry on, when she gets better she won't want anything to do with you.

You are going to spend months with her in the hospital crying as she becomes frailer and sicker and this is going to take a toll on you as well. Now imagine if she gets better, do you honestly believe that your kidness and dedication to her will triumph over her biological needs and she will fall for you?!! If that's the case I think you'v been watching too many Hollywood movies geared towards teenage girls.

Go rent the movie "A walk to remember" if you want to relieve a sappy teenage drama romance about a terminally ill girl with cancer who falls in love with a boy! (makes me sick just remembering seeing that movie).

fyi a little bit off topic: I remember my BPD girl who I was seeing loved that movie, because she had her own issues to deal with and she could idenfity her victimhood with the main character. Ironically I was like the guy in the movie who was there for her when ever she had some issues or nervous breakdowns and in the end of it all she bounced out of my life all happy in the arms of another guy like nothing ever happen.

 

[Wiesman44]

I could argue my point all day long, but many would not listen.

Marrying a girl with a death sentence = total waste of time. Oh god forbid, did I offend u all ?

Comfort her, be a friend, be there for her. But ****ing her, and getting her emotionally attached when she is vulnerable means you are a total scumbag. I really dont care what your intentions are. You do NOT get emotionally attached to a vulnerable girl. It is bad for both parties.

Say u make her happy and marry her and 2 months later she dies. What is the point of that. Does satisfying one's fantasys just because they are dying warrant action ? I do not think so.

 

[Desert Fox]

Answer: no.

Everyone has the possibility of getting cancer, yet, but this girl is actually getting treatment. Hell no do not date her.

 

[piranha45]

wiesman i am terribly offended by your outrageous post. you are such a rebel with your radical remarks. us old coots will never have the gall to hang with daring young charlatans of your sort.

 

[f283000]

I think the bigger issue here is poonani maker's lack of game. You have to be 1 desperate mother f@%#@ to be considering dating a woman that could die of cancer. You must absolutely have no contact with other women whatsover that you would even think about this.

Seriously, there are billions of women in the world and you are considering one that has cancer? it isn't enough that she is in pain due to all the therapy but you want to give her more pain by getting into a relationship with her? she developing feelings for you and knowing her situation will be of great pain to her.

You can still be her friend but the risk of she developing feelings for you and being rejected, do you really want to hurt her more?

 

[Gaucho]

Would you date, possibly marry, a girl who could possibly die of cancer?


I would.

As would I.

But what a forum this is, only such a forum could generate some of the responses you have seen here.

No empathy, most likely, little men in their own lives, hence, internet tough men. What a shame this is how they spend their lives, I would much rather be the girl dying of cancer than them.

 

[wolf116]

Yes I would date a girl with cancer who had a positive additude. If you love being around her thats all that matters. Just as I would date a girl who could be moving overseas. You should just enjoy the present and not think about the future too much IMO. But I would never date a girl BECAUSE she has cancer and you feel she needs you.

If she doesnt pull through it will be incredibly sad, but you can pull positives out of every situation and it will put life in its proper perspective for you.

If you decide not to date her, at least find out how much support she is getting from her friends and family. A common theme among cancer patients is their friends just abandon them and they are just locked up in their homes for the duration of the treatment. Something like a call or a visit from a friend once a week can really make the whole thing easier to go through.

 

[Deep Dish]

Tentatively, I say yes. However, as others have remarked, it depends. It's really too much of a case-by-case basis to say either way. She better be one fantastic woman.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Appreciate the responses. Gave me different perspectives on what Might be the perspectives of others onlooking, as if I care, because I know my intentions are to make her happy first, then let the chips fall where they may.

A thing I noticed last week was that, one of her friends I keep catching following me around and looking for me, to See me. She's 3 years younger, which would put her at 20. I'm 33.

This girl I've known and written about before recently in the sosuave forums. She is sooo sheltered, that she can't control her CRUSH (like go-go ga-ga high school crush). I can Perceive her watching from afar.

Last week, she walked past me as I was talking with a well-respected late-40s man, but I was in conversation with this man about the military, and she was probably wishing I'd look at her but I didn't (which may have disappointed her, made her mad, whatever, she thinking I'd ignored her). As she passed through the door to leave, the guy I was talking to smiled at her, so he picked up on her oogling for my attention, right?? He knows something's up, right?

Well, I think that my selfless (eh selfish, a little?) actions on behalf of her sick friend may have impressed/gotten under her skin. Either that, or her friend has mentioned me in a positive light, idk.

I want a LOT of kids, and this 20 year old might be the proper candidate. She's sooo young and naive though, that I don't know how I'd deal with that. She obviously can't dance, is clumsy, is always getting laughed at for being clumsy, or saying something. People shut her up and ridicule her, because she's so stuck up, I guess because they see she really has no real life experience, just books. She's a NERD.

Anyhow, because this young'un Never really says anything to anybody, it's hard for me to get a read on her, but I think she's comfortable with me.

I saw her open up to others I know last week for the FIRST time, she was speaking to all people. I've never seen her stick around and mingle with others like that. What is she trying to show/tell me by changing her behavior?

She's a student so she will be going home for the summer.

I will continue to play the field and get more sex under my belt. I need practice galore before I break this 20 year old wife!

 

[ready123]

I'm with Speakeasy and Bible Belt. I would but I'd have to have one hell of a connection with her. Cosmic level - I like that because that connection would naturally be so esoteric I wouldn't even bother trying explaining it to anyone

but from your above post, where you're qualifying her on the surface and are still playing attention games and can't really read her yet, I don't think that's what you guys have