Would it bother you to date a girl who's been played?

[bdinar]

Like the new girl I'm seeing...she had been out of a serious relationship for about 2 years and was dating but only met bozos who never made it past the first date. SHe also went without having sex for that time. A couple of months before we met she was dating a guy who approached her in the club. They hit it off and she kind of clicked with him.

Anyway, long story short, things progressed and they ended up sleeping together after about 3 weeks into it by the 4th date. She normally waits to get to know a person better, but it had been 2 years without sex and so many bozos in between so it made this guy look even better. She realized that things weren't really evolving so she asked where things were going and he told her that he didn't really want to get into anything serious, but that he still wanted to hang out with her. Anyway, she ended things when she found this out. Also, she would've ended things sooner if she had known what he was about. Now he's just another name on her list who shouldn't even be there.

My problem is that I really like this girl. It's almost as if....she didn't have the discipline to respect herself and wait and wasn't good enough for this other guy to get serious, but now I'm supposed to value her and wait? Should I even care? It's made her more careful with me, so I know it'll be awhile before we'd have sex. Would it bother you?

B

 

[spider_007]

so she slept with somebody after a forth date (it could be a big deal in your colture or age group, I don't know, but i don't think it should be a big deal). Every body makes mistakes.

If you like her and think she could be a long term lerationship, or even more, I'd wait. Because after all, you wan't a woman with some standards, and self respect. I'd make sure tho, that you arn't the only one she made wait. 2 years is a long time, I don't think she obstaied from sex all that time.

all this makes me wonder haw old she is and where you guys are from..........

 

[uniassign]

I think you are insecure.

You feel threatened by this guy because he got more in a shorter time than you did. You feel that because of this, he is somehow a better man than you. Like solving a maths problem, because he got the answer faster, he is smarter.

But that's not true. He was at the right place at the right time. No need to be jealous or envious of some lucky guy.

I wouldn't be thinking less of a girl for what she did either. Every girl goes through a slutty phase. Depending on the girl, this could mean sleeping with hundreds of guys over several years to a few guys in a couple of months. After they get over that period, they tend to settle down. They usually don't mention what they did either.

The thing is if a girl haven't gone through the slutty period, she will be wondering about it. Most chicks I know that married young have those wonderings now. That's not where you want to be.

The more you show you are concerned about what she did, the more likely you are to lose her. She will just end up thinking you are some insecure little freak.

Remember, she will always justify and defend what she did. No amount of anger, guilt or whatever you lay on her will make her change her mind.

Think about it, if you have not had sex for TWO YEARS, and some hottie offers to take you home after meeting you in a bar, would you NOT go?

 

[djbr]

I'm experiencing the SAME THING, bdinar.

I think you shouldn't get serious with this girl. This is the kind of issue that will come back to bother you. Get what you can out of it, then leave.

You have some self-esteem issues to deal FIRST. That's exactly my situation. And that's why I don't want any LTR by now. I want to KNOW that I can get ANY girl I want, because when I reach this stage I will not have any issues to be insecure about. In that point I will be ready for a LTR.

My past LTRs made me realize this: if you don't come in as good as you can (read self-improvement, personal satisfaction), you'll come out as fvcked up as possible. Add to this equation a crazy girl/wh0re/etc, and things get even worse. Usually what happens is that all your self-esteem (which is not much in the first place) will be destroyed big time. It happened to me.

But that's me, you do have your own way.

 

[JT47319]

I wouldn't bother dating a girl if I haven't slept with her after the fourth date.

She didn't make a mistake, she probably enjoyed the sex, but also wanted someone with the "provider" mentality. Or MAYBE she's looking to you to be the provider while she fuc.ks him (or someone like him) on the side.

It's simply a matter of nature. Forget Disney, forget Hallmark, forget all those silly romance novels. Girls are as horny as guys are. Period. There is no such thing as a slut or a ***** because all women are the same, down to their hormones and XX chromosomes. They are no better and no worse than men.

Let me make a prediction. You won't even have kissed her by the fourth date because you want to "respect" her body. Then she starts giving you cold signals and stops returning your phone calls. Why? Because you didn't show enough manliness and sexual interest and is no longer turned on by you.

Stop living in the Matrix, man.

 

[wind20mph]

Your most honest mistake is her. I would have forget her if I were you. I should have fun and enjoy more dates in a couple of days after socializng with many women. Go out there and find some more. HB8 is preferable. They are cool than an *****y HB9's and HB10's

 

[Unregistered]

How did this even come up??? Personally, I don't want to know about stuff like that unless she's been gangbanged by a football team or something.

 

[Troubles]

1st date we go for a drink, 2nd we go clubbing kissed and hugs, 3rd we go for a nice dinner and afterward we...:cheer:

I think there are 2 choices completely depends on urself :
1)

Your most honest mistake is her. I would have forget her if I were you. I should have fun and enjoy more dates in a couple of days after socializng with many women. Go out there and find some more. HB8 is preferable. They are cool than an *****y HB9's and HB10's

2)

If you like her and think she could be a long term relationship, or even more, I'd wait. Because after all, you wan't a woman with some standards, and self respect. I'd make sure tho, that you arn't the only one she made wait. 2 years is a long time, I don't think she obstaied from sex all that time.

Wait or move on is completely up to u,
but for me, I'll move on.

 

[NewMan]

How was she played?

Sounds like he did nothing to play her. He didn't lie to her - and to be honest she never talked to him BEFORE she fvcked him.

That's NOT being played kid.

Newsflash.

She wanted to fvck him. She was attracted to him. He wasn't into her - he just wanted to get laid - friends with benefits.

She's now telling you she got played - or whatever - because you can't get passed the facts.

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by Unregistered
Personally, I don't want to know about stuff like that unless she's been gangbanged by a football team or something.

An ex of mine was gangbanged by half of the LSU baseball team, if that counts. I dropped her when I found out - "You thought it was cool to be a slut?!"

Anyway, NewMan is right. She went into things willingly. Care if you want, but I wouldn't. She had sex with a guy; oh no. Have you ever had sex with a girl? What if she'd had sex with... 5 guy? 10? If it matters to you that much then by all means throw away something that could have potentially worked. However, I'm willing to believe that (to an extent) the past is just that - the past. Obviously there are exceptions (***-guzzling baseball groupies and the like) but for the most part when it's one girl, one guy the answer is going to be the same - who cares? I guess I can see it bothering an Amish person but you're definitely not that considering you're registered on a website based solely on seducing and engaging in sexual relations with members of the opposite sex.

 

[bdinar]

Yeah, I guess that this is fully an insecurity issue. I live a couple hours away from her and we actually have only been able to see each other once every couple of weeks. It`s not really my style to want to sleep with a girl I that I really like within the first month or so. Dunno why, I guess it just makes me want to stick around longer and get to know her better. We made out pretty good the first night we met and we have been pretty hot and heavy after our dates with make out sessions. I`ve never been shot down for sex with her, but I never pushed it any further.

It just bugged me when I found out that she slept with this guy by the fourth date (even though we`ve seen each other about the same amount of times, just spaced out over a few months instead of 3 weeks). I think it`s because in my mind I see it as her just being more attracted to him or something (even though she tells me she like me more than anyone before and gives me specific reasons why (I never asked, she just told me that)The other day I pushed it and got soem finger action, but I didn`t do any more because she was on the rag and not because she stopped me, but because I don`t like the mess.

Anyway, should I be looking at it like that? The fact that things are going slower with me to mean that she`s not as attracted to me, or should I see it as she learned from her mistake and even though she likes me more....she wants to take the time to get to know me better so she knows that I`m not just trying to play her(she thought I was player from the night we met)? Would you even care if you knew that some other guy got in your girl`s pants in a shorter period of time than you did? Is 3 weeks `fast``for sleeping with someone? or is there really no big difference between 3 weeks(when someone lives close by) and 2 months (when he lives far away). Let me know the way you see it.

B.

 

[JT47319]

You can sleep with a girl after a game time of 3 to 10 hours, typically 7. In other words, one hour first time you ever met here, 2 hours first date, 2 hours second date, 2 hours third date, 2 hours fourth date, etc (total of 9 hours).

Anything beyond that means you're playing in overtime.

 

[bdinar]

SHe`s 25, but she also lives at home with her parents...whenever I come up to see her, I crash in her guest bedroom....she joins me, but it`s kind of weird being at her paretns place...if we are at my place, then it`s no problem, but I think my being so far away and her living with her parents has really slowed things down. I know that she wants to sleep with me at some point because we`ve already talked about it. I know it`ll be soon and she`s a bit mistrusting because of what happened the fist time, but I just don`t know when. Should I even care or take it to mean anything that she slept with that guy(who lives close by) faster than she`ll sleep with me( I live 2 hours away...only see her once every 2 weeks). The guy and I have the same name, btw, which i hate knowing.

B.

 

[NewMan]

Dude you are reading way to much into this.

You are focusing on the past. Whilst it's ok to reflect on things - your not living in the NOW.

You've got to realise that people change. It's out experiences that make it who we are. People make mistakes - and people grow as human beings. Something that she did in the past - has no reflection on you.

Let's say you paid for a GF that you had only dated 5 times to go on a vacation with you. Then after you guys get home, she dumps you.

Now your with a new girl - would you pay for her to go on the vacation again, after only 5 dates and no sex? Probably not right? and would your new girl wonder why?


So things change. If you don't focus on the current and keep focusing on the past you'll mis the now.

SHe`s 25, but she also lives at home with her parents

Personally that's a red flag.

Also a woman who's not putting out for you is a red flag.

You've got to set your own timeline - what works for you. If she's not with YOUR program, move on.