would it be a mistake?

[jophil28]

For instance, her only wanting to communicate by email, her setting artificial deadlines to end dates by certain times, her never introducing me to any friends, and so on.

Ding ! What do you make of this ?

 

[ronp78]

well, my female confidant thinks that she might be living with another guy. I know for sure she did in fact get divorced back in April.

 

[ronp78]

Whnn

 

[ronp78]

What are you thinking jophil28? Similar things?

But in the beginning she used to talk about "when you meet my brother..." etc.

But having 4 dates with never picking her up at her house or her never picking up the phone at home, it's very suspicious.

On the other hand (and the most likely explanation) is that she just liked being taken out for dinner, I tried to push it to far too fast, and she lost interest. Having a child at home, she is naturally very protective of allowing a man into that part of her life.

But something still feels a but unusual.

 

[jophil28]

What are you thinking jophil28? Similar things?

But in the beginning she used to talk about "when you meet my brother..." etc.

But having 4 dates with never picking her up at her house or her never picking up the phone at home, it's very suspicious.

Indeed it is suspicious, Ron.
Something smells fishy - and I get the gut feeling of another guy being in there somewheres.
IF she calls you again, and you want to continue seeing her, TELL her when you and she are going out, and then TELL her that you will pick her up at 8pm at her place. IF she baulks at that, and gives you some BS about meeting you at the restaurant, you have your answer.
Secretive women are ALWAYS secretive for a reason, and usually it is because they are cheating on some other poor chump.

 

[jophil28]

well, my female confidant thinks that she might be living with another guy. I know for sure she did in fact get divorced back in April.

Another point Ron. Never discuss your sexual or romantic interest in a woman with another woman who has any kind of investment in you. You will receive 'advice' which is highly skewed. Get your good oil right HERE.

Secondly, recently divorced women are NOT suitable for a 'relationship'. These woman usually seek doormats, or rebound guys who are recruited to validate them and rebuild their damaged ego.

The psych folk refer to these relationships as "transitional" which is a trendy buzz word for the rebound guy getting used and discarded when the bigger better deal comes .

 

[countermart]

Here’s my view.

The guys are right you are way too needy.

You did not escalate in private – crash through or crash style (she probably liked you enough to try).

Texting - there is nothing wrong with it as long as you use it effectively.

So it now looks like a long shot and you are getting the brush off. The fact that she paid for dinner means only that she sees you as a friend, or that she is not a user. But you seem to indicate there was chemistry.

The reason that she does not want you to come to her house is probably 1. She does not like the house and does not want to be embarrassed or 2. That she is protective of her child and does not trust you...yet.

So now it’s a long shot.

She replied "Sorry. Got plans with the gals on Friday. Sat have (her child), Sun working...."

Text her this:

“Shucks Gertrude I’m right up there on the priority list after the goldfish, let me know if it’s free on Saturday night and I’ll take it to the beach? Of course depending on how things go I may get back to you, but I can’t promise anything, I may get hooked on the guppy. Have fun Friday. Hi to (her child). Catch you later.”

Nothing to lose. See if she bites!

Good luck,

Countermart

 

[Zunder]

Steviecruiser has to be a gal.
Has to be.

 

[Zunder]

Here’s my view.

The guys are right you are way too needy.

You did not escalate in private – crash through or crash style (she probably liked you enough to try).

Texting - there is nothing wrong with it as long as you use it effectively.

So it now looks like a long shot and you are getting the brush off. The fact that she paid for dinner means only that she sees you as a friend, or that she is not a user. But you seem to indicate there was chemistry.

The reason that she does not want you to come to her house is probably 1. She does not like the house and does not want to be embarrassed or 2. That she is protective of her child and does not trust you...yet.

So now it’s a long shot.



Text her this:

“Shucks Gertrude I’m right up there on the priority list after the goldfish, let me know if it’s free on Saturday night and I’ll take it to the beach? Of course depending on how things go I may get back to you, but I can’t promise anything, I may get hooked on the guppy. Have fun Friday. Hi to (her child). Catch you later.”

Nothing to lose. See if she bites!

Good luck,

Countermart

Yes, he could text her that. But why expend anymore negative any on this tralier park trash chick.
I suggest he goes somewhere like a mall, buy an icecream, sitdown, and just watch all the hundreds upon hundreds of hot ladies walking by. The very very old "plenty fish in the sea" quote is oft overused, but still a salient reminder in times of overcoming an AFC attack such as Ron is experiencing. And we have ALL been there.

 

[ronp78]

continuance

Well, this morning at 7:45am she texts me "call you later. Got to get some sleep"

I smiled at the message with a twinge of disgust. Over the last night, I've been moving on mentally by contacting other women and I'm now strong enough to not respond to this. In fact, while the AFC in me on this one is still present 50%, the other 50% hopes she doesn't call at all, because I don;t want to get back on that bus of being needy with her, and I know I am capable of it.

But, what if she does actually call later? What the hell do I say? I think I have 2 options.

1. Ask her "what's going on, did you lose interest?". This will surely lead to the "let's be friends" talk.
2. when she calls, she will probably say "what did you want to talk about?" I then say "oh, I had something in mind, but it's irrelevant now". Then be cordial, NOT needy, and say something like "see you around" at the end.

Would i still like to nail her? Yes. But I made mental progress last night on detaching from her and I don't want to reverse that progress.

One of the posters here has a tagline that says something about being a slave to that which you can't say "no" to. One of the feelings I had last night was one of freedom. That means, I felt freedom from the pain of thinking about her constantly and wondering when she will call, email, etc. It feels good to be away from that.

So what do I say when she calls?

 

[steviecruiser]

Ron like I said contact her Tuesday after telling her what an amazing weekend you had.... This does not show neediness at all. Then next time you get her out (which you will) just escalate

To Samspade;

Send me your mailing address so I can send you a pair of $*#($# glasses! You either have selective vision or do not know how to read. I never said anything about buying her dinners. The problem is most people on this board have no real experience and just advise with the same theoretical bs...

Anyone who really is devoted to getting poon knows that a little timely supplication goes a long way. Samspade read what I said again before you respond with your accustations of being an AFC. My game is all about ALPHA and that includes letting a woman know you are interested in her. The key is to be agressive when that interest is mirrored.

 

[ronp78]

Thanks Steviecruiser. I do agree with you that a little supplications applied correctly is effective.

But the problem here is that I slipped up and did some pretty classic AFC stuff. After the blowoff I asked her to talk for 5m and she ignored me until this morning. Now she texts me saying she will call me later. I don't know what to say on that call because I am now in a position of great weakness with her. Right now i am thinking that the best thing may be to not take the call at all.

I did in fact line up another date for Friday though. That will help get my mind off it.

 

[steviecruiser]

Thanks Steviecruiser. I do agree with you that a little supplications applied correctly is effective.

But the problem here is that I slipped up and did some pretty classic AFC stuff. After the blowoff I asked her to talk for 5m and she ignored me until this morning. Now she texts me saying she will call me later. I don't know what to say on that call because I am now in a position of great weakness with her. Right now i am thinking that the best thing may be to not take the call at all.

I did in fact line up another date for Friday though. That will help get my mind off it.

Okkkkk I did not realize you did this... This definitely was a big mistake. Fortunately for you I have been here before in my AFC days and know a way out of it for you.

You are going to lie just like you are going to lie about the exhilerating weekend you had when you follow up with her on Tuesday

Make up an excuse that a female friend went through something trauamatizing and looked to you for comfort. Since you aren't a female you can't relate and really wanted her advice on what to say to her. There's a lot of stories you can make up in this regard. Do not show that you are upset over her or anything cause that will put the fire completely out...

Then do not, and I mean this for real, contact her until Tuesday. When you speak to her Tuesday you say you had an amazing weekend i.g. went skydiving for the 1st time blah blah blah blah blah. Then say you are busy with work stuff but say you should meet up for drinks and plan it.

When you meet up play it cool but kino it up... once the alcohol starts kicking in go for the hook up and ask her if she wants to watch a movie at your place..

If this fails you then may next without any regret. At least you took your shot.

 

[ronp78]

Steviecruiser this is genius. I know just the backstory I will use. I'm going to say that I've been talking to a girl I knew from college who is also a nurse and has an interview at a hospital near here (where the girl I was chasing used to work). I will then say I was wondering if she would be willing to talk to my friend who was nervous about the interview, which is coming up on Monday.

This will be very believable to her. Then when she asks me what I am doing for the weekend, I am going to say that I am going to a housewarming party, implying that other girls may be there.

Then I will say nothing at all about dating her again, her plans this weekend, etc. I'll close with something like "see you around".

Then will not call her again until Tuesday, with stories about my weekend.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

I am going on a 4th date tonight. She is taking me out to dinner for my birthday. 1st date was fun, but no kissing. Second date was dinner and some pretty good kissing. Third date was dinner and movie followed by kissing. All of the kissing was in semi-public places.

Holy schniikees!

You bored her to death.

End of story.

 

[She_feelin_Me]

Only thing you should be thinking on that 4th date is...which place are we going to ****, mines or yours?

Seems like the ball is her court meaning she's not attached and probably just want sex because she doesnt call to talk about nothing thru the week except set up a date to meet...My kind of woman cuz thats easy sex right there!! No strings attached

 

[steviecruiser]

Steviecruiser this is genius. I know just the backstory I will use. I'm going to say that I've been talking to a girl I knew from college who is also a nurse and has an interview at a hospital near here (where the girl I was chasing used to work). I will then say I was wondering if she would be willing to talk to my friend who was nervous about the interview, which is coming up on Monday.

This will be very believable to her. Then when she asks me what I am doing for the weekend, I am going to say that I am going to a housewarming party, implying that other girls may be there.

Then I will say nothing at all about dating her again, her plans this weekend, etc. I'll close with something like "see you around".

Then will not call her again until Tuesday, with stories about my weekend.

Keep us posted Ron. And by all means please resist yourself from contacting her over the weekend. Even if she attempts to do not get back to her until Tuesday.

Samspade; Look up the word promoting in the dictionary and then re-read what I wrote. Either that or have another shot of jack

 

[ronp78]

She called

she called just now and I answered. It was polite, asking me about my business trip yesterday and a few mundane things. I then told her the (made up) reason for calling her and she definitely bought it. No neediness, no desperation. I then asked her when she was changing her jobs. She said she is working until the middle of next week and then taking a day off and then heading out of town on a short vacation with her sister.

I then realized this was code for "i don't have time for you". So I said "well, thanks for calling, see you later".

I didn't even feel any nervousness or desperation at all talking to her. More like I had mastered myself.

I am going radio silent. No calling, no emails no texting. Either she contacts me, in which case the power dynamics will have changed, or else she does not and it is a complete writeoff for me. Either way I am fine, because the way this relationship was developing was completely untenable for me.

Any other advice?

 

[iqqi]

It would be a colossal mistake. She would lose interest and see you as a chump.

I think that it is a mistake, but not for the constantly reiterated reasons that were mentioned here.

You've been on three dates and that is not a lot. She doesn't know you that well yet. If she hasn't told you any vital information, maybe you should start there. Ask about her family, her life. But the "what am I to you" talk is too soon, and will lead to uncomfortable situation, which could indeed lead to a loss of rapport, and then loss of interest.

It is ok to show that you really like her, smile, affection, giving her your time obviously. But keep cool, mayne.

 

[iqqi]

I cant get over how this is supposed to be the mature man forum and most of the advice you been given is immature "texting is the kiss of death blah blah blah" "dont call right after the date" blah blah blah

Honestly F all that stuff!

Ronnie the only mistake you made in my opinion is trying to be too textbook with this DJ crapola which did a number on your inner game.

ATTENTION ALL KJS AND WANNABEES!!!! ITS ALL ABOUT INNER GAME!

Inner game + rapport = seduction

There was nothing wrong with calling her on her way home. That is plausible and I'm surprised she didnt pick up or call you back. That means that her IL went down before this.

So instead of trying to play it cool and not show too much IL... you should have showed interest, played it cool, but then escalate... and I mean go for a hot make out and a change of venue afterwards

She isn't gone yet...... Contact her Tuesday and make up an amazing weekend you had... then suggest getting drinks. You have nothing to lose at this point. If she refuses that then you can officially next the milf

The smartest post on this thread!

Reps.