would it be a mistake?

[ronp78]

I am going on a 4th date tonight. She is taking me out to dinner for my birthday. 1st date was fun, but no kissing. Second date was dinner and some pretty good kissing. Third date was dinner and movie followed by kissing. All of the kissing was in semi-public places.

She hardly ever calls or texts during the week except to plan our next date. I don't even know the address for where she lives, nor have i met any of her friends or family.

Yet she still continues to want to see me.

So....Would it be a mistake during our 4th date tonight to ask her "what are you thinking about me?" I expect most of you will say "DONT SAY THAT!" but I really want some resolution. I am seeing two other girls (and have had sex with them), but this is the one I really like.

I need to get some resolution.

 

[speed dawg]

It would be a colossal mistake. She would lose interest and see you as a chump.

What are you complaining about? You have it made. A girl who shows high interest in you, but doesn't call you 24-7. Straight to the point. I wouldn't fret unless she doesn't call you at all. Only thing is, she may have some baggage of some sort in her life, and that's why she's not revealing too much of herself but either way, that's not your problem at this point in time.

You, however, are going AFC on this chick already. My advice is to continue to see her and do whatever you're doing now, because it's working, and keep your mouth shut about how much you like her. Like Samspade said, turn up the flirting and such. My suggestion would be to actually go find 2 other girls to fvck ie spin plates, and not make it up for sosuave.com purposes to make it appear that you're not falling in love head over heels for this ONE girl.

I need to get some resolution.

No you don't. Why?

 

[vitor]

This is where men get it wrong and f CK up. I do it as well . Things are going somewhat good and you are wondering why she has not opened up and told you everything, gotten closer etc.

Think about it.
1. you do not have to deal with her family
2. You do not have to deal with her friends.
3. She is a mystery to you as you are to her.

What resolution do you need. She is showing interest going out with you. What you need is some sex from her. After this date invite her over and cook her dinner or get her at your place and make a move to sleep with her. You have a good thing going do not ruin it by getting needy ..

 

[ronp78]

I really am having sex with 2 other girls. I didn't make that up.

 

[ronp78]

How strange

I just got back from the dinner. How odd. She greeted me with a hug, and we had a great 2 hour conversation over dinner (that she paid for), with lots of eye contact and smiles at each other. Then she had to go home for an hour nap (she works the midnight shift).

I walked her out to the car, did not hold her hand, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips and that's it. Neither her nor I mentioned anything about this weekend. I also avoided all mention of missing her, thinking about her, telling her she looks great, etc. I was friendly, slightly flirty, but did my best to avoid looking needy or desperate.

On the way home, I called her cell phone to tell her something related to our conversation that I wanted to tell her. She didn't answer, and I didn't leave a message.

I still like her a lot, but wonder what is with the mixed messages. This was the 4th date for chrissakes!

I still think there is a possibility with this one, but she is moving SLOWLY. I tend to think it would be a mistake to ask her out too soon for the weekend. Maybe I should let this one rest awhile and see if she reaches out to me? I do genuinely like her a lot.

 

[ronp78]

why was that weak? It was related to something we had been discussing. She didn't answer, probably because she was driving, and I didn't leave a message.

I don't understand what you mean by saying I care too much. What did I do, besides the phone call (which she doesn't even know the reason for), that would lead you to say I care too much?

So should I ask her out this weekend? if so, when?

Or instead wait for her to contact me?

I could send her an email tonight saying "thanks for the dinner, what's your weekend look like?"

or I could just say "thanks for the dinner" and wait to see her reply.

Or I could just go radio silent completely

What do you think?

 

[sodbuster]

When you meet her family, they will be a bunch of inbred trolls,she lives in a dump with her druggie ex BF and 3 kids, and she's actually a man. So, how can you be falling for a woman you know nothing about? You are falling for your perfect IDEA of what she is-not what she actually is. Find out more before you take this one for anything serious

 

[ronp78]

not true. I know a lot about her family and they are highly educated and successful people. I am 100% sure of this.

 

[piranha45]

There is such a thing as being too available to a woman. Don't let the woman take your attention for granted. Make yourself a scarce commodity by limiting your interactions. YOU are the prize, not her. She should be going out of her way to contact YOU, not vice-versa.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hey Ron,
You'r shagging two chicks and got a nice little number auditioning in the wings.....You shouldn't be asking the guys on this site how to play the game,they should be asking you!!!

 

[ronp78]

thanks for the compliment but it isnt how I feel. I really really want this girl #1 and it is driving me bonkers.

 

[jophil28]

...but I really want some resolution. I am seeing two other girls (and have had sex with them), but this is the one I really like.

I need to get some resolution.

Perhaps what you really mean is that you have a strong desire to know exactly how high her interest level is, and you want that info to come to you in the form of a verbal statement from her.
Her actions in wanting to see you for another date are in fact sending you the information that you seek.

A woman who had waning/low interest would have flaked by now, or made lame excuses not to see you at all ,or avoided most your calls, or the most telling of all - she goes to radio silence.

Man, you have two other sex dolls and just this one to go. I don't think that you need much more advice from us. In fact there are a couple of unlucky 'lifers' here who could adopt some tactics from your SOP.

 

[countermart]

Mate you seem to be kissing this girl in public places, kiss her in a private place..if you get my meaning (alone at your house is best) and you will have your answer.

Countermart

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Kill the neediness! She wants a John Wayne, not a John Cusack!

 

[ronp78]

Thanks SamSpade. I know your advice was good but I officially F'd it up. I didn't keep my nerve and I blew the whole F'ing thing up today.

I texted her today at 630 saying "Only 2 more sleepless nights! (she works nights and has gotten a new job - her night job ends this week). Can I take you out to celebrate this weekend?"

She replied "Sorry. Got plans with the gals on Friday. Sat have (her child), Sun working...."

It's over. I wish I knew the reason she lost interest.

Time to detox from this one and move on.

 

[ronp78]

Thanks SamSpade. Live and learn!

I know exactly the errors I made now, and I think the insight you just wrote about a dinner date being exciting for a single mom to tell her friends about is EXACTLY right.

I'm walking away from this one. But it still hurts. Bad.

The two that I am having sex with - those 2 i have never ever shown any emotional neediness to, have played them both by sosuave textbook methods, and it F'ing worked. Neither are LTR material though.

But this cowboy is getting back on his horse.

I know what I need to do now.

Again, thanks for your super-insightful analysis.

Keep the faith

 

[jophil28]

I texted her today at 630 saying "Only 2 more sleepless nights! (she works nights and has gotten a new job - her night job ends this week). Can I take you out to celebrate this weekend?"

Ron, this reeks of neediness and desperation. It is one stop short of begging and pleading.
Go slap yourself.

 

[ronp78]

believe me....I'm beating my self up many times over right now.

But looking back, this one had all sorts of warning signs from the start, even when I wasn't feeling desperate or needy. For instance, her only wanting to communicate by email, her setting artificial deadlines to end dates by certain times, her never introducing me to any friends, and so on.

I think she was a bored single mom that wanted someone to take her out, and that's it. Could I have converted it to something more? Probably. Is it too late now? definitely!

 

[steviecruiser]

I cant get over how this is supposed to be the mature man forum and most of the advice you been given is immature "texting is the kiss of death blah blah blah" "dont call right after the date" blah blah blah

Honestly F all that stuff!

Ronnie the only mistake you made in my opinion is trying to be too textbook with this DJ crapola which did a number on your inner game.

ATTENTION ALL KJS AND WANNABEES!!!! ITS ALL ABOUT INNER GAME!

Inner game + rapport = seduction

There was nothing wrong with calling her on her way home. That is plausible and I'm surprised she didnt pick up or call you back. That means that her IL went down before this.

So instead of trying to play it cool and not show too much IL... you should have showed interest, played it cool, but then escalate... and I mean go for a hot make out and a change of venue afterwards

She isn't gone yet...... Contact her Tuesday and make up an amazing weekend you had... then suggest getting drinks. You have nothing to lose at this point. If she refuses that then you can officially next the milf

 

[jophil28]

I think she was a bored single mom that wanted someone to take her out, and that's it. Could I have converted it to something more? Probably. Is it too late now? definitely!

She had high enough IL to work with. But she did expect you to mold to her schedule because of her work hours..That could have been overcome in time when she changed shifts.
I mentioned to you in PMs that you needed to take charge and set the frame.
Instead you ignored that advice, wasted the opportunity and wrote the above.
Dude, you needed to be LEADING not PLEADING.

She may contact you again after the w'end, in which case you have enough time to get a grip and consider your sins ..Live and learn.