Worst story ever. Is it possible to go from introvert to extrovert. I got nothing

[Craig Reeves]

It seems to me that you are allowing other people to dictate how you are supposed to feel about yourself. Because one woman looks down on you, you will look down on yourself. You're also looking to women's approval as something that you need to have to feel better about about yourself. If you really wanted this girl, you would have just approached her instead of trying to make her approach *you*. No, it seems to me that you only wanted this girl's admiration of you. She didn't say anything to you because you didn't approach her. Women generally do not approach unless they can find a really good excuse to. This is the way that they have been taught; and the really attractive women have never had to worry about approaching guys so they're REALLY not going to do it.

You are going to have to create your own self image and live with IT, not allow other people (especially your peers) to create one FOR you. YOU have to know who YOU are, and if anybody disagrees with that, that's THEIR business, but you cannot go through life always trying to gain the respect of everyone, because you will never do it. Ever. No matter how good with women you ever become, there will always be one that thinks that you're a loser. However, you KNOW you're not a loser so you're not going to let that get to you.

It also seems to me that this problem is running much deeper than just girl problems. I would check on my relationships with my freinds and family and get THAT handled FIRST. Because if those areas of life are not handled, many other areas of life (including dating) will never be either. Remember that.

Your going through life trying to please everyone really does need to stop, because I'm very concerned about you. I'm very good with women, and I can assure you right now that there's probably TONS of women that think that I'm a loser. I can bet ya ten to one that a lot more women look down on ME than they do on you.

Your girl problem are all caused by what's going on on the inside, man. The reason why your approaches and everything are ineffective is because you believe that you do not DESERVE results, so you are not getting any. All the pickup lines, outside gestures, and everything WILL NOT WORK until you start truly believing that you are a catch and that any girl would be lucky to have you. But right now, you believe that you DON'T deserve a great girl, and so you're conveying that attitude each and every time you approach a girl. You can't fake a good attitude. It's just impossible.

And I know some guy told you to read the DJ Bible...you can read it if you want, but the DJ Bible is really not all it's cracked up to be because they just don't tell you enough information on how to actually improve your self image, attitude, and beliefs. Because let me tell ya....I don't care HOW many techniques you learn, if you don't use them right.....they will NOT work at all. The only way you are going to improve is for all of your thoughts, beliefs, and knowledge about women and dating is completely redesigned from the ground up. Seriously. Because you have it all wrong. Don't worry....you're not alone....almost ALL guys do.

Even working out 3 times a week for over a year and eating properly, gaining 40lbs of muscle hasn't helped at all). I fvckin hate this, why the hell am I here. I try my best to be a man in the situation, I try hard to not put girls on a pesdestal.

Like I said, you would not HAVE to even TRY not to put girls on a pedestal, or be a man in situations, because once your beliefs and KNOWLEDGE is right, it will only make SENSE to do these things.

You have got to also stop focusing on your FAILURES and ONLY on the future. Every DJ that is BREATHING AIR has been lead on, mistreated, taken advantage of, and rejected WORSE and MORE TIMES than YOU. I've been lead on, rejected, heartbroken, and absued so many times in my life it is a wonder that some people can see how I can still go ON! Yet I've dated everthing from LSU cheerleaders to walmart employees. Things didn't happen for me until I through away EVERYTHING that I have been taught about women and dating, and learned completely over again.

It seems right now its like "once an AFC, always an AFC."

How many chicks reject you is CERTAINLY NO INDICATION on whether or not you're a DJ. Some of the best guys I know with women have been rejected more times than you would ever be able to guess. Look, "AFC" is how you THINK and how you PERCIEVE, not about what you DO.

I'm telling you all this not to make you feel bad or to be condescending. Because *I* used to be like this too, Jack. I used to beat myself up about every single little thing. I used to feel about about women not liking me, or liking somebody else better than me.

I know where you're coming from, and I can help you. I know you're sick of being afraid to look in the mirror even though you know you're a good looking guy. I know you're tired of being afraid to look girls in the eye because you're afraid they're judging you. I know that you're sick of seeing really attractive girls, and this un-fightable force comes in and tells you that you will not be able to get her no matter how much you tell yourself that you can. I know EXACTLY how you feel because I was there myself. So if you have one more DJ here left in you....it will behoove you greatly for me to help you. I will be thrilled to help you out, my friend, because you're a really deserving guy and you deserve a nice girl that you really are happy with. I will help you if you let me.

If you would like to get help, you can either email me at:
aspenhighx@yahoo.com OR even better, contact me on AOL Instant Messanger. My screen name is CraigReeves1230.

Good luck, and God bless.
-Craig

 

[NaturallySelected]

God damn it. I don't give a fvck what sh!t you're going through. Why? I've been through the same damn sh!t. Hell I am at that phase again now where life feels like sh!t, no girlfriend, I got used by an AW who still controls me somewhat. My friends have all ditched me for their GF's. I have a sh!t job. I have no life. But I know I will get through it because I have made it through before.

And YES it is possible to go from introvert to extrovert. It takes a lot of time and effort. I have changed a LOT in the last 4 years but I'm not quite a extrovert yet. But what have I done?

I went from BLUSHING and having nothing to say to beautiful women to dating them and neg-hitting them.

I went from having ONE friend (because I was so shy) to having about 7 good friends and countless other acquaintences.

I went from never having DATED or KISSED a girl to having kissed two, dating five and feeling a HB7's pvssy and t!ts in the space of two years.

I used to be scared to ask ANYONE for help. I couldn't order food without being nervous. Now it doesn't bug me. I couldn't even talk on the phone to anyone, now it's easy. Including girls.

I am no longer afraid to flirt and assert my opinion. I was too scared to go clubbing and now I do it all the time.

I could go on forever...

How did I do it? I got fvcking fed up of being a pvssy and letting people take advantage of me. I hated being skinny and how people always walked over me and treated me like dirt. I hated not dating and not having friends. I started going to gym, I convinced my friend to go clubbing with me (we'd never been before! At the age of 18!? ). We got hooked and started trying to meet girls. Then I hit a slump, like you are in now, but I got back out there. Now I'm in a slump again. But I'm making progress.

It takes time my friend, and you will often feel on top of the world, only to fall back into the hole you climbed out of. But if you keep trying you WILL get what you want. You will go from feeling like a hero to feeling like a worthless p!ece of sh!t who hates life.

I am almost writing this reply for myself as well. As I said right now I am having ONEITIS for a AW, a liar and a b!tch (all the same woman!). You and I need to get pissed off enough with our situation to get out there and try again.

 

[Elfynne]

Hi JackFrost,

I sort of understand where you are coming from. I am also very shy, even though I'm not a fat cow or anything. It might be the vibes you are giving off...if you think you aren't good enough for a certain woman, she might be able to "read" that in you. From what you have said, you are apparently still young, so don't stress out so much. You have your whole life to meet women, and it might be better to wait anyway. I'm 24, and a lot more confident than I used to be in high school, yet I am still trying to grow past my meekness. Don't push yourself.

 

[SDBmania]

I haven't read your post really, just the title. I can tell you that being an introvert/extrovert is a personality thing, which I don't think can be changed. However, that doesn't mean you can become more outgoing. I prefer my me time, but at the same time, I'd like to go out with friends. I love the time I spend alone reflecting on my life and getting to know me better, but I also like socailizing and talking to people. I used to be very anti-social, but not anymore. It starts with you. Why do you think you are the way you are? If you can find this out, you can start to change who you are. You should live based on who you really are and not by what the past has defined you as. I'd recommend Dr. Phil's book, "Self Matters," and "The Compainion guide to Self Matters." These really helped me and they can help you, but you have to want to change.

 

[lizardfloyd]

I know college is a year away for you. But wait until you get there. Women are a lot different and a tad more mature than stupid high school chicks. Hell, i went to a community college for two years and i didnt think that i'd make any friends there, but i made a ton of friends there that i still keep in touch with. Even the women were cool as hell. I could have hooked up with a few but they lived too far from me. Sucks now that im bout to transfer to a big University. But, at least there, there won't be any stupid high school chicks. The chicks you'll remember from high school will be married to some stupid redneck and livin in a mobile home knocked up, wishin they would have done something with their lives. So, dont sweat them.

 

[McEwan]

Hey Jack,

I went through a similar kind of thing to yourself, only recently (as described in my post "Long Time reader, first time poster (almost)").

When I realised how people perceived me and how girls thought of me, I went the other way:

Inside, I screamed "screw you! screw all of you! I'm better than any of you!" and focused my anger and rage on proving it and becoming the best I could be.

I aimed my sights at not merely surviving, but recognising the inherent fact that I AM A MAN, and no-one can take that from me.

As a result of reading the DJ Bible, and re-reading it, and reading it some more, I came to realise that all I wanted was within my own grasp all the time, I had missed it, that was all.

Ironically, it also made me look at my parent's relationship.

My father has always been an educated, quiet, thinking man who goes to church every week. He never raises his voice or his fist.

My mother used to be a biker, a rock chick and was a "wild child" in her youth. She was a popular sweetheart and was a prom queen.

They met at a coffee morning when they were both in their early twenties. He talked to her, go to know her and they started going out together. They were married a few months later. They've been together for over 25 years now with 2 kids (myself included). My mother adores my father. She worships the ground he walks on and they have a healthy relationship.

I looked at my father, and wondered how he'd managed it. Then it hit me.

Despite my father is a little nerdish, boring, etc. he stands for his principles and what he believes is right, and he never backs down over something he feels needs to happen.

He displays courage and strength in his role as a community policeman, and he wears a badge of authority (i.e. his uniform).
He is a member of numerous clubs/groups and has many friends.
When they go out, he still orders everything. He takes authority and responsibility for them having a good time.

You want to know how this affects us?:

When he was a teenager, nobody wanted to know him.
He was seen as nerdy, boorish and he was ostracised.
Girls would stay away.

He decided to change his ways, and then he met mom.

Moral of the story: Follow the DJ bible, and allow it to affect you.

 

[Seraph]

Hey Jack, nice to see so many helping you out.

There's been alot of good info already stated, but most are being too broad in their advice. You want to go from introvert to extrovert- but where to start off? I'm in the same boat as you, only a little farther down the stream so to speak. I'm going to try and help explain the best way to become more outgoing. The best way to start of course, is with eye contact.

Eye contact is the first thing you must get under control before you try to become a DJ or even an extrovert. Maintaining eye contact with people shows that you are confident and actually paying attention to what they say. Go to a mall or some semi populated building besides your school and try to make eye contact with at least 5 people. It doesn't need to be held for 20 seconds, 3 or so should do. Just get into the habit of being able to make eye contact with people as they pass you and not turn your head as soon as your eyes lock. Some people will try to tell you to smile as you make eye contact, but when I first started I could never get a real smile out towards a stranger, so I always used the fake " brief" smile that you give strangers. You know the one I'm talking about. It feels fake and looks fake, so why even bother with it? As long as you don't have a scowl on your face, your normal expression will do. Once you find making and maintaining eye contact easy, you can move on to actually smiling at people.

I already posted about smiling before, so just go here to read up on it.

After you get past those two hurdles (they were big hurdles for me, it might not be the same for you) you can start with making friends. IMO, don't try to be the " center of attention, the man conversation revolves around" when you first get to college. I did that and was burnt out (tired of it) by the end of a week. Sure I made a few friends, but I don't think jumping head first into it is always the best way to go. Baby steps buddy, baby steps. When college starts for you, (or if this is the start of your senior year) look for the quiet kids in class and try to start convos with them. Then when you are comfortable with it, start making convo's with the extroverted kids. I don't think it's too different everywhere, but most people want to make some friends during the first few weeks of college. Alot of people say to read the bible, but most don't give you any specific posts to look at. I suggest-

-Virtuoso's Social Skills posts- part 1 and part 2

-Mr Finger's Destroying Social Phobias

There is more stuff but this will be a good start. If you need any more help from me, just send me a PM.