Worst Mistake a man can make

[mahon83050]

Over years of experience and various readings by various love doctors, I come to agree that: "Attraction does not work the same" for men and women. David Deangelo has mentioned about this in some of his postings.

As men, we are very visual and "looks" have heavy, heavy weight on who we are attracted to. Since we only see things through the eyes of a male, we think women are the same. WRONG! Women are attracted to handsome men and handsome men do have it easier. However, it does not have as much weight as it does with men. Lack of self-confidence, depression and shyness is a HUGE TURNOFF for women even if you look like Pitt. Ya see, that is the main difference. MOST men do NOT care if a women is insecure, shy, non-assertive etc. WOMEN DO CARE, if a man has these qualities. If a man feels sorry for himself, is a WOMAN going to be attracted to him? NO!! No matter how rough your life is or if you feel like the victim, you cannot feel sorry for yourself. IT IS THE KISS OF DEATH because it brings out those negative qualities mentioned earlier. I know it is hard, but you CANNOT!

I have used the process of elimination in my own failures with women. Let's see, am I short? Nope, that is not my problem. I am not saying short guys cannot get girls but it is a handicap for some. Am i fat? Nope, I look physically fit. Am I facially ugly? Nope again. Well, lets see, it must be MY attitude and my depressed emotion (which is not entirely my fault (chemical imbalnce) but that is another issue.

Lets use this as an example:

John is 6'2", has the body of a Greek God and has a handsome face. John gets alot of looks from women,but he is shy, introverted, insecure and has some self-esteem issues. Eventhough John is bright and good-hearted his other negative attributes hide those.

Carl is only 5'6", has a nose slightly too big for his face, and is going bald. However, Carl is witty, assertive, confident and will not take any disrespect from anyone. Carl is no looker, but he is NOT ugly and chicks dig him.

Who do you think women would want to date? If you said, John WRONG ASWER!!

Now if this were reverse, MOST men would choose to date the female version of John. WHY? Because looks have more weight with men than women.

Looks do matter, no argument there, but they are only 1 of two things you must pass. Seems like in order to pass the physical attraction test with women, you have to be atleast average. Carl can probably pass for average on his best day. Like someone mentioned earlier, success with chicks is like eating dinner with a knife and fork. You cannot successfully eat a steak dinner without one pf them, same applies to women!

 

[mahon83050]

BTW, this was written by me, not DAVID DENAGELO

 

[DraGon_luv]

i like this post

 

[Duke]

Yeah, that's true. Another thing I'm coming to terms with is that women just don't identify with "cool, icy" men too often, even if they have tons of confidence. You'll get much further if you kill Mr. Monotone and get some intonation and facial expression. Actually, you'll notice intonation and facial expression on just about anybody that's charismatic.

Women actually have it harder than us. Outlooks can change dramatically, but looks can't in most cases.

 

[ultrashogun]

Is being introverted really such a negative thing though?

 

[Matt Rogers]

mahon you have described me to a t. I am rather serious, introverted, and not particularly socially adept and come across as rather aloof and emotionally cold.

Despite having a good body, fine looks, I still get nowhere with women.

How do you propose guys like us deal with this problem, and learn to become more warm and friendly. I thought of just wearing a permemant smile when I talk to people and meet people, but this sounds a bit fake. Vocal intonation is another thing I am working on, as people who sound really enthusiastic usually get girls.

Ultrashogun, i do not think it is being introverted per se, but the dangers that accompany withdrawing from people that tend to lead to the behaviour mahon was talking about.

 

[ASav]

Good insight mahon. Thanks.

 

[matius]

Is being introverted really such a negative thing though?

Only if it's getting in the way of you want. That's your decision. I have been introverted my entire life. When I got to that thinking age it was even pounded into me further by events and circumstances...but this has blocked me from getting what I've wanted. I realized that in addition to getting what I want out of life (monetarily), I also have a long road to deal with learning how to feel solid inside, how to communicate and how to start making the relationships I want work > notice the order on that.

You need to start setting small goals for yourself now- and turn those smart habits into your habitats.

 

[Pedro]

You are wrong mahon

The worst mistake a man can make is getting laid with his ex-girlfriend !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Monkey]

Originally posted by matius
I have been introverted my entire life. When I got to that thinking age it was even pounded into me further by events and circumstances...but this has blocked me from getting what I've wanted. I realized that in addition to getting what I want out of life (monetarily), I also have a long road to deal with learning how to feel solid inside, how to communicate and how to start making the relationships I want work > notice the order on that.

You sound alot like me Matius.

I've been the whole cold introverted person thing since I was a teenager, don't know how I got that way or why, but I developed into someone with a inferiority complex.

Maybe it was being brought up by parents who never had any friends, hardly ever went out, just wanted to stay in and scream and shout at each other all night while I could hear them through the walls. Having a dad who would rather blow his top like a baby, even in public and embarass his family than be cool and act like a man. Maybe I retreated into myself from this??

Its been a hell of a struggle getting some sort of control over my life and a feeling that I have a right to be a part of this world as much as anyone else.

You just have to take it slow, and give yourself a chance, I'm still right in the middle of becoming the MAN I want to be, somedays I wake up and feel right back to the old shy me and other days I feel strong and can see a better future. But I do know that when I finally conquer my fears I WILL be that really great guy that we all want to be.

I'm not giving up.

 

[Peymora]

Good post....

quote which fits:

"Have you ever seen a deer in the woods feeling sorry for itself?" - Drill Seargent from the movie "G.I. Jane"

 

[matius]

Monkey you're the man. You need to stay in the periphery of positivity rather than falling back into your shell. It's too easy to do that. So what I suggest is to always try and shake it up. Out of the blue when you feel yourself diving in, go up and talk to some chick. If you're living at home, try to move out and make it on your own...anyway you catch my drift. Start something.

Two quotes I carry around and wear at all times today. First from Eric B. and Rakim, second from Stereo MC's:

1. "It's not where you come from, it's where you at."
2. "There ain't no other day but today, now I'm livin' it up."

So yeah, I think I know why I've developed an inferiority complex, and I suggest you do the same (figure it out). I never had anybody tell me to think independently, talk to women or how to avoid conformity. I was actually raised to conform and to conceal my feelings (especially when I was older, sex could not be a subject- it was wrong you know what I mean). You know, not in a mushy context, in a way that didn't allow for venting. You know how some kids have dads that have prepared their sons for these kinds of things, some have brothers, cousins or close friends that examined the ropes. NOBODY told me and I've learnt some lessons the hard way. Very hard but I'm working at being on point every minute, every hour and every day. My struggle continues but I will prevail- it's like that kind of an attitude.

I think I'm getting way off subject at this point.

 

[Foreigner]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
mahon you have described me to a t. I am rather serious, introverted, and not particularly socially adept and come across as rather aloof and emotionally cold.

Despite having a good body, fine looks, I still get nowhere with women.

How do you propose guys like us deal with this problem, and learn to become more warm and friendly. I thought of just wearing a permemant smile when I talk to people and meet people, but this sounds a bit fake. Vocal intonation is another thing I am working on, as people who sound really enthusiastic usually get girls.

Ultrashogun, i do not think it is being introverted per se, but the dangers that accompany withdrawing from people that tend to lead to the behaviour mahon was talking about.

To be friendlier you've got to generate more INNER HAPPINESS and be more INDEPENDENT. If you're positive, you enjoy your life, you are in a progress all the time - you'll radiate this feeling to others and they will reflect it back to you. As for independence - the less you'll fear of others' opinions, the more open and free will your actions be, and consequently, people will be more open with you too.

The key to your friendliness is in you, but to make it mutual you have to lay the base for it first by affecting others with your mood.

These two short paragraphs convey nothing of how to do it, but I believe that this board has enough knowledge to help you find the way that motivates YOU!

Anyways, I'm curious what Mahon would answer on this...

Peace,
~Foreigner.

 

[ASav]

Originally posted by matius
Monkey you're the man. You need to stay in the periphery of positivity rather than falling back into your shell. It's too easy to do that. So what I suggest is to always try and shake it up. Out of the blue when you feel yourself diving in, go up and talk to some chick. If you're living at home, try to move out and make it on your own...anyway you catch my drift. Start something.

Two quotes I carry around and wear at all times today. First from Eric B. and Rakim, second from Stereo MC's:

1. "It's not where you come from, it's where you at."
2. "There ain't no other day but today, now I'm livin' it up."

Now I'm livin it up. Livin it true to life now. Livin it true to life now! You must be true to life. You must be true to life. Deep down and dirty .... YEAH