Worlds Collide Situation

[fantana_pandawatch]

I have a situation. (I've been a member of this site since 2002 and avid follower of the DJ philosophy, just haven't been here in long a time, hence new user name)

I have been with a girl for a about 6 and a half years. Live together for 4. Its been an abusive relationship. Verbally and physically from her end. Its broken me down and really sent me into some kind of depression that I can't put my finger on. Changed my perspective on women and relationships. I'm 24.

2 years ago I started working at a company and met someone there. At first didn't think anything of it, it was simply a friendly relationship. I worked there for about 7 months, but during those 7 months I saw myself falling for her. Maybe it was her demeanor or the way she spoke, just something that made me forget the problems I had at home. I never mentioned my live-in spouse. Whenever we would speak to each other, I always shook it off as just me reading into it too much, she seemed to have feelings for me in a way. I dismissed it but kept it in the back of my head. To me this was a world that was vastly different from my reality. I kept the 2 separate.

Vaguely keeping in touch, but never pushing it to anything further. Recently I'm heading to a restaurant with my spouse and end up running straight into this other girl. I'm a deer in the headlights. Both of my worlds that I chose to keep separate collided. I greet her in a standoffish but shocked and surprised way. She immediately notices that I was holding arm and arm with my spouse. Awkwardness ensues. I briefly introduce them, by name not by title. And we are on our way. My spouse asks me who that was and I mention non chalantly that its a former coworker. She ends up arguing with me about how I didn't introduce her properly. Strangely the fight isnt about jealously. While arguing, in back of my head I am more concerned if I hurt this other girl than my spouse.

Next day. I text this girl in the morning and tell her that I apologize for the awkward moment and that I didnt mean to react in the deer in the headlights look.

She texts me back half hour later with the words. "No Worries, whats wrong? She's pretty "

Im sitting here wondering what the **** to make of all of this. Granted my circumstances that I mentioned at the beginning. How do I treat this, without reading too much into the situation? Help

 

[Thatsalotoffish]

I have to ask, why you been with a girl for 6 years, where she verbally and physically abuses you? On top of that its really brought you down into a depression, yet your still with her? Dont you want to just move on, or are you too afraid to break up with her?

I mean theres also a reason you kept both worlds apart, because one where everything was simple and fine (co worker) and the one with your girl (which sucked). You didnt want to bring the bad energy into the one with the co worker, because you enjoyed what you had with her and didnt want it to stop in any way what you were getting.

I mean why text your co-worker as well if you didnt care about what she thought, I think you have feelings for her man and you just dont want to admit it yourself, you prob want somebody to give you the thumbs up or something.

My two cents

 

[TheCzar]

Well, firstly I'd say WTF?!? Where is your self-esteem and self-respect?!?! Why are you ALLOWING and ENABLING an abusive personality?? You shouldn't take that crap, nobody should and I can speak with authority on it because I grew up in a household that it was constant.

I think you have feelings for this other woman, and on top of that you're seeing her as an escape from your current situation -- In other words you've got baggage to deal with that would be potentially toxic in a new relationship, you'd most likely kill it before it started.

My advice, take yourself out of your current situation - keep in touch with this other woman, give yourself about 6 months to work on yourself and get back in the game. Then, when you're certain you like this woman on the appropriate merit, try turning up the heat.

TC

 

[Buddha_Mind]

From your first paragraph, you need to look seriously at where you are in life and where you want to go from here. How long would you like an abusive relationship in your life to continue?

The best thing I can say is, end the situation you are in and create something far healthier.

 

[tafakna]

I think it's about time for you to face reality and make a decision, or very soon you will end up without any of your worlds.

I'm sure you know that too, so this is not really a question you have, is more like the fear of taking a decision...

 

[thecurtainfalls]

You are dependent on your current situation because it is safe and comfortable, and basically all you know in your adult life so far.

I urge you to re-evaluate your situation. If you cut your losses now, the emotional and mental casualties will be far less than if you wait until the whole thing explodes.

Now this new girl has seen you pre-selected by an attractive female. She's most likely into you. So why do you cling to your misery?

To paraphrase the great movie Tombstone... "Go, find that spirited young woman and make her your own. Live, fantana_pandawatch, LIVE!"

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

You need a crash-course in the "DJ Philosophy" which you claim to follow.