working things out with the ex?

[firsttimelongtime]

we have all had ex's that we were better off not being with. when people ask here what to do we quickly say, spin plates and move on...but what if the girl was a great catch for you and was great for you.
my story, been dating someone for a long time...about 2 years. she broke it off bc i wasnt moving forward in life/ career 5months ago.. i have since then but we havnt spoken since i went nc a month ago.

how do you go about getting back into contact with her or working things out again. i have been spinning plates, nothing great, just really been working on myself.

 

[Chromeo]

Its not that you werent moving forward with your career, its that you became boring to her. simply getting a new job isnt going to make her see you in some new magnificent glow. look what you said here

but what if the girl was a great catch for you and was great for you

she was great for you but, obviously you were not great for her. Most women just want to have fun, true some women are fond of just staying in with their hubby and relax and not going out doing things, but you still must be able to charm those women and have fun with them while doing nothing.

you need to work on yourself, but great work in moving up in your career your on the right path. If you think you have grown as a person to where you think you can get her back, give her a call and ask her for coffee and see how it goes or ask her to do something fun. If you havent gone out and bagged a few girls tho, your minds probably not over her and it will be impossible to get her back because in your mind you have put her value above yourself.

 

[Cry For Love]

dip your rod in the pool,see what it catches. gl

 

[firsttimelongtime]

Its not that you werent moving forward with your career, its that you became boring to her. simply getting a new job isnt going to make her see you in some new magnificent glow. look what you said here

I definatly was not boring. I always kept thing exciting. This is one of those unique cases where she was honest and wanted a more driven bf. but everything else you said was good. maybe i will give her a call soon.

 

[Chromeo]

I definatly was not boring. I always kept thing exciting. This is one of those unique cases where she was honest and wanted a more driven bf. but everything else you said was good. maybe i will give her a call soon.

Make sure your forward with her then. Her saying she wants a boyfriend thats driven = you didnt have any passion or any hobbies or interests besides having fun with her and cashing your paycheck.

me for example I love music, I dj and am passionate about that, I also own my own business which I have big goals for. I run that sh!t with disregard to any women in my life

 

[firsttimelongtime]

how do you suggest being forward with her? straight up telling her "ive changed?"

also

Whats a good way to ask her out while holding frame? Reason i ask is that she isnt the type to do a coffee date

 

[Kailex]

The only thing you should ever "work out" with an ex is the stuff that she has in her possession that you really want back: Like an HD TV or an X-Box.

Other than that, you shouldn't be working out anything.

She is NOT a great catch.

She dumped you because she didn't think you were career driven?

Now you HAVE a good job. Doesn't that make her.... WRONG???
She was wrong about you, why would you want to go back to that?

And BTW, if you do, she'll eventually have another excuse to not be with you:

"Well, that job isn't good enough for me."

When a woman wants a man who is more career driven, it basically means that she wants to be better off economically and live more off of YOU.

How is she a great catch if she made a wrong assessment about YOU?

And isn't it easier to game new women rather than re-visit this situation? What are you going to say to her: Look, I'm worth it now, I have a new job?

You'd spend less effort and time trying to meet new people. Forget her.
It's not worth it.

 

[firsttimelongtime]

The only thing you should ever "work out" with an ex is the stuff that she has in her possession that you really want back: Like an HD TV or an X-Box.

Other than that, you shouldn't be working out anything.

She is NOT a great catch.

She dumped you because she didn't think you were career driven?

Now you HAVE a good job. Doesn't that make her.... WRONG???
She was wrong about you, why would you want to go back to that?

And BTW, if you do, she'll eventually have another excuse to not be with you:

"Well, that job isn't good enough for me."

When a woman wants a man who is more career driven, it basically means that she wants to be better off economically and live more off of YOU.

How is she a great catch if she made a wrong assessment about YOU?

And isn't it easier to game new women rather than re-visit this situation? What are you going to say to her: Look, I'm worth it now, I have a new job?

You'd spend less effort and time trying to meet new people. Forget her.
It's not worth it.

I see and understand your points... With that said, maybe this is the extreme case. I have already made the decision to get back into contact with her and i am searching for ways of doing it without losing frame. I wasnt focused on work earlier, i was just happy not working before and she wanted a driven individual.

 

[Kailex]

I have already made the decision to get back into contact with her and i am searching for ways of doing it without losing frame.

You lost the frame when she dumped YOU.

You're frame is at ZERO.

In other words, contacting her will put you at a NEGATIVE frame. She has ALL of the power right now, even if you don't contact her, so do yourself a favor, and DON'T.

And this isn't an exception, but by doing so, you are suggesting and implying that you have ONEITIS.

Go ahead, contact her yourself and find out the hard way.

 

[boomerick]

"I got dumped now I'm gonna prove her wrong and get her back"......

A new one every week on this form...

Dude, you're done with her by her choice.....

Move on, start fresh, stop waisting your life on this chick who isn't into you....

Women - Break perfectly good things and then feel bad

Chumps - Try to fix things that are unrepairable and then feel bad

DJs - Take their sh!t away from the breakers so they don't have to be the repairers


Over and Out.

 

[cavedweller]

firsttimelongtime,

Pal, she lost interest and dumped you.

There is a reason why them call them an ex.

You are wasting your time.

Forget her and move on.