Working on inner game and not just outer

[IKO69]

A friend of mine and I started lifting weights at the same time recently. I have wanted to do this awhile to not only improve my health, but also be more attractive to the opposite sex as a perk. I have also tried to improve myself in many different other areas by doing new things, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, doing cold approaches etc. As you can guess, working on your inner self takes a lot of time and effort and I have crashed and burned pretty frequently. My friend has been giving me **** for it telling me it's a waste of time and that just becoming "big" from the weights will take care of the confidence issue.
I can't really speak on this but I'm not sure if I can believe that. I think having a nice body is worthless if you aren't confident in yourself. When my friend told me what he did, For some reason I thought about a buff guy being intimidated by a little girl he was interested in while talking to her and how that looked pretty...pathetic.

 

[magickarl]

You know, inner and outer game both seemed like a mystery to me for a while. Then I let something that people had been telling me for years dawn on me:

Make YOUR life about YOU. YOU are number one. So do what YOU want to do, and stop giving a **** about what other people expect YOU to do.

Be your OWN man, and live for your OWN happiness.

Is that selfish? Maybe.

Will it make you more happy than letting people walk on you and being scared of talking to females ? Definitely.

In 60 years, think about where you want to be at. I bet for damn sure you don't want to be washed up, scarcely laid, and clinging on to memories of days that weren't so bad (as opposed to good.)

Wake up every morning and live life. If you want something, ask for it. Seldom will someone give you anything if you don't reach out for it.

--------

As soon as you grasp this, things will begin to fall in to place. No longer are you out to please other people. You have nothing to prove because you know that you are a unique and dynamic person whom is always having fun with or without others and is therefore a fun person to be around.

You like being around fun people, right? So does everybody else --- Including girls.

The game has changed all of the sudden -- Now people are out to impress YOU. To follow YOU.

Don't believe it? Give it a shot. Stop giving a ****. Say the first thing that comes to your mind to someone (use common sense/discretion/decency). Be a stand up guy. You only live once so live for yourself. Get your own beliefs, ideals, and values and live by them.

(It won't hurt to pump some iron either

 

[IKO69]

Right, I fully agree this. I think we all should be living for ourselves first and foremost. The thing is my friend has decided to lift weights with me for the women because he's pretty bad with them. And when I say bad, I mean bad as in he doesn't even know how to talk to them and gives them all the power. He seems to hink that just by lifting a couple of weights he will be some sort of chick magnet but I have challenged him on this and the importance of working on other aspects of your life, but he just tells me i'm an idiot, this, that and the other thing. lol what can you do?

 

[everywomanshero]

OP sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

If you sit around lifting weights and telling yourself that's the answer to your problems, you escape actually having to get out of your comfort zone. I have no problem with lifting weights, I used to do it (now I just do body weight and cardio).... lifting weights help keep bone density and muscle tone, but really without cardio you are only helping your health so much. Cardio is what really helps your health the most, and studies show women prefer a lean V-shaped body not some freakishly muscle bound body anyway so even that is flawed and wishful thinking.

If you want more women in your life, shock, you need the balls to talk to women. It's only scary until you're used to doing it anyway or if you're being a phoney. If misfit kind of guys would stop being so freaked out about women and deal with their issues, they wouldn't have all these problems in the first place.

 

[Dstructor]

Ur right man, but not in terms of being pathetic or such

The thing is confidence...it's something you develop purely out of choice, not as a result of lifting weights or changing something about you. you do something OUT of confidence...not to get confidence; let's take results for example, if your confidence is on how much you succeeded in the past, the first "crash & burn" will have your confidence down in the ****ter

And i assume that this isn't really the confidence you're looking for; that type of confidence doesn't belong to you

Right now, i see that you're kinda at a cross road between lifting weights and inner work. To be honest, there's a million ways a person can find and develop confidence in himself and lifting weights, with the discipline and determination it requires can built tremendous confidence in some people

Notice how i said built confidence; NOT related to being a chick magnet (neither is inner work)

so your friend MAYBE right. But if you're aiming for confidence...keep your focus on that and don't be too hesitant and focus too much on what might or might not work
focus on the ends (confidence) mostly not the means (lifting weights, hypnosis, presence...etc)
and try each method TILL the end, one at a time till you get to where you feel is confident

on a side note; IMO, getting out of your comfort zone has the goal of making you come face to face with what you're afraid of or facing your fears and desires at the same time. it isn't really about quantity (how much you do it) as much as what you learn about yourself from it

I'm very introspective and always look at the person doing the work, especially on women, and pay little attention to the results so, if this isn't your kinda dish it's cool

 

[thefonz]

One of the great myths men try to teach other men is that muscles alone are enough to attract women. And this is the male mindset: If I'm sexually attracted to a hot body....so will women.

If your a big enough guy aka 240+ lbs of pure muscle than maybe you may be on to something, but you're at not more of an advantage than a husky built guy who is 240+ lbs. Muscles will not get you laid.

If you can create a mindset where you can be a protector to the woman and defeat other men than that is what gets you laid, but the thing is you don't need to be big to do this...and if that's not your style than your going to be in a very unhappy relationship cus you'll be a fake.

Having gone from 120lbs to 175lbs of all muscle I can tell you the skinny guy mentality never goes away, you'll always see yourself like that even if others don't. Thats why inner game is so essential, you need to make certain things a non-issue. The best inner game book I've ever read is Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy", that's a good place to start.

 

[chinwaggler]

If being big makes YOU more confidence in YOURself, then it will help your inner game.

But inner game is mainly mindset and experience. You think and believe things, experience things and they will become true a part of you.