Work is really affecting my social life and MORE....am I being a pu$$y?

[STR8UP]

What are your thoughts on the negative ramifications having to work basically 7 days a week, an average of 9 hours a day?

I've been doing it for the better part of a year now, and it's really catching up with me.

To top things off, my business partner just got into a car accident a few weeks ago and ended up with a fracture in his neck, so my work load has increased even more.

This has a big impact on my social life. I don't have the time or energy to get out and meet women and have a good time with my friends. I usually go out on Saturday nights just to keep my sanity, but even that is a chore cause I would almost rather sit at home.

The worst part about it is the psychological impact. I basically have nothing to look forward to. If I had a day off I could make plans to do something, ANYTHING that would help to get my mind off of everything and give me something to get up for every morning.

Before you say, "just take a day off", it isn't that easy. I have a new business I am getting off the ground and I have to manage a bunch of rental properties on the side.

I can't really afford the "luxury" of taking time off, however I firmly believe that you HAVE to at some point, just to stay productive and keep your sanity. My biz partner and I had planned to start taking one day per week off each, but that very weekend he got into the car accident, so it's been weighing on me 3x as much ever since.

I'm really surprised I haven't gotten sick yet. Usually when I get in this kind of position my immune system goes to sh!t and I end up getting sick for weeks on end.

Anyway, I really hate feeling this way. When I found out my friend is coming to visit for a couple of days it was pretty much the highlight of the past six months for me, and I will STILL be stuck working in the day the whole time she's here, but at least it's something to look forward to.

As soon as my biz partner recovers (could happen as soon as two weeks, but if he has to go into surgery this will be indefinite) I plan to take at least ONE day off per week, but I have absolutely no clue when this might happen.

So what are your thoughts on this? Is it possible to suck it up and keep this up indefinitely? Or does something have to give?

 

[Metro3pilot]

Keep it up and you're going to be the richest man in the graveyard ! !

:rockon:

 

[decades]

balance.

 

[Interceptor]

Str8.

I've been through that before, and I realized that although I "handled" it, I was on a much shorter fuse, and often in not so great a mood.

So I got through by just gritting my teeth and getting through it.
But next time, I won't be repeating that again.
And in fact, I feel it's important to make a daily habot of maintain relxation and active Peace of Mind control.
What I've found is deep breathing, meditation, and stress relief are extremely important, and NOT just "hobbies".
They ARE necessary fior proper daily life, and should be a daily lifestyle routine like brushing your teeth is.

Here are some things that have helped me along the way:

http://www.hypnotica.org/privatedownloads.htm

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4551765739454453962

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4551765739454453962

http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...=11&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=8

just look at some of these things over and take what you like.

Good luck.

 

[squirrels]

You may want to try this book:

http://www.amazon.com/4-Hour-Workwe...6701269?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189533399&sr=8-1

 

[STR8UP]

You may want to try this book:

http://www.amazon.com/4-Hour-Workwe...6701269?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189533399&sr=8-1

Didn't dive too deep into this, but lets just say that a this point I have way too many loose ends to tie up to be able to take time off or even make a change in how I structure my time. I'm basically tied to what I am doing and have to stay with it for the long haul.

 

[MatureDJ]

I haven't had a job in over 4-1/2 years. It has been wonderful. (Unfortunately, I will have to start earning some cash again in the near future.)

 

[blueguy]

How much money is your house draining from your pocket every month? Have you done some math lately?

 

[grinder]

It’s not about time, it’s not about energy: it’s about control.

Specifically, internal locus of control.

If you feel in control, the master of your domain, then the hours are almost irrelevant, whether the work is “hard” or not is irrelevant.

Very, very small slices of entertainment can go a very long way if: you guessed it: you are in command.

It’s your business, right? You have control over more things than you realize. You need to be creative. Your business does not have to suffer.

Your value as a man is very high when you are this busy, your time and your schedule are paramount. It’s very easy when you are tired and not thinking ahead to allow others to waste your time. I will sometimes consent to spend and entire day or weekend with friends with no clear agenda. Yeah, it can be fun to have no plans, just chill, but at the end of the weekend I ask myself, WTF did I do? Just because the majority of the friends were women made it easier to consent. It did not make the time that much more valuable unless I hook up with one of them. As you know, that can be awkward and kind of messes up the “gang” you hang with. It does me.

I know from your other posts you will hang with some lady friends and in general this is a positive. But not if you have zero time. I hate to use a business term for recreation but I have gotten more “outcome oriented” with my socializations. If there is no clear path to pvssy/recreation, then it’s a wasted path.

I think you can be more demanding of women working around YOUR schedule as being busy naturally increases your value.

You don’t need to blow up your work and schedule to change it: I always advocate working within the system you have to effect changes. Change from within, whether an organization or a person, is always far more effective than change from without.

 

[RedPill]

STR8UP, I'm in the same boat as you right now as it relates to massive work hours, borderline burnout, trying to get a business going, etc. My sig here is to remind me of the importance of not getting fully burned out.

What is the end goal of your current workload? Not necessarily in economic terms but in lifestyle terms?

You may want to try this book:

Interesting idea to consider. His premise of not deferring your freedom by living an ultra-simplified lifestyle is definitely outside the box.

 

[STR8UP]

What is the end goal of your current workload? Not necessarily in economic terms but in lifestyle terms?

I'm not going to get into the whole thing, but lets just say that I'm not busting my ass to have extra beer money.....it goes WAAAAY deeper than that. I have a lot of people who are counting on me to make things happen and I know that I DO have to bust ass, however, I also know that there is a point where you end up shooting yourself in the foot by trying to take on too much.

The night before last I didn't sleep well at all. I felt like hell all day yesterday.

Last night I popped 1/2 of a clonazepam (an anxiety med that also helps you sleep), went to bed late, and got up three hours early, and I feel like a million bucks compared to yesterday.

I need to go back to the doc and see if I can start taking that stuff nightly to help me sleep cause WOW, what a difference quality sleep makes.

 

[STR8UP]

Your value as a man is very high when you are this busy, your time and your schedule are paramount.

True, but it's tough to reap the benefits of that when you are too wiped out to get out of the house!

I know from your other posts you will hang with some lady friends and in general this is a positive. But not if you have zero time. I hate to use a business term for recreation but I have gotten more “outcome oriented” with my socializations. If there is no clear path to pvssy/recreation, then it’s a wasted path.

Thats the thing. The only thing that really KEEPS me plugged in is hanging with my friends, and a lot of them are female. That's really the only way I manage to meet new people right now.

I head out on Saturday night and since I live right in the middle of the entertainment, everyone who is planning on going out calls me. Sometimes it's all guy, sometimes all girls, usually a mix.

Ever since I got busy the primary thing that has kept me getting laid is my female friends. Some go out of their way to hook me up, others might even be attracted to me but they still bring their friends around and I end up mackin them.

When you have no time or energy you don't care how you satisfy your hunger. I would rather shoot some fish in a barrel than watch a cork bob in the water for hours on end!

 

[Last Man Standing]

What is your priority in life?

 

[Latinoman]

STR8UP...

I understand the importance of your business as others depend on you.

However....and this is going to be critical...I noticed that you are not that efficient when it comes to maximizing your time in the most efficient way.

If you only have one night (few hours) to go "social"...I understand you going "social" with the boys. Or, going by yourself and meet some new women. NEW women.

But you waste your time with these recycle of women that are all drama or have very questionable morals and the likes. Women that not even I would waste my time (your PRECIOUS time) with.

Men...this is the perfect time to seek NEW women. Because if you ever find a woman in your life that you would like to have in a relationship...ANY woman that is willing to stand by you on periods such as this (when you are working everyday), then you know you can count on that woman to stand by your career.

That thing you call "social" life is not really "social" life. It is drama by associating yourself with people that truly add NOTHING to your life. And your time is truly PRECIOUS. Don't waste it. Instead, maximize it.

 

[STR8UP]

However....and this is going to be critical...I noticed that you are not that efficient when it comes to maximizing your time in the most efficient way.

If you only have one night (few hours) to go "social"...I understand you going "social" with the boys. Or, going by yourself and meet some new women. NEW women.

But you waste your time with these recycle of women that are all drama or have very questionable morals and the likes. Women that not even I would waste my time (your PRECIOUS time) with.

I know exactly where you are coming from, but there are a few other factors in play here.

First, I'm not exactly "searching" for a woman. I would go so far as to say that I would turn away opportunities that I normally would not due to the fact that I am not able to maintain a real relationship.

Since I am not actively seeking someone, I don't go out with the intention of hooking up. I enjoy meeting new people (especially women) which I DO, because I already have a good social network that is only partially tapped.

So what I do get out of my Saturday night out is A) A little stress relief. I get to blow off some steam. B) An easy way to meet new people that allows me to loosely put together an even larger network that might be useful when I get my sh!t in order. And I enjoy going out with a mixed group, as opposed to only guys or by myself which isn't NEARLY as much fun.

Secondly, since I'm not looking for a relationship, if I get the opportunity to get some from a chick I've had in the past it's PERFECT for me. Zero maintenance. I see a woman from the past as a welcome change from the normal routine, not a waste of time. If I were searching for a partner.....yea, it would be standing in my way. But at this point it is beneficial because it fills a need (sex, and to a lesser extent "that" kind of female companionship)

You honestly believe that it's a waste of time if you are on good terms with the chick (we only hooked up a few times....never even "dated", really) and it doesn't hold you back from any other priorities?

I get the impression that you are the kind of guy who enjoys being in a relationship. I can take it or leave it. Especially if I don't have the time or energy for it.

Men...this is the perfect time to seek NEW women. Because if you ever find a woman in your life that you would like to have in a relationship...ANY woman that is willing to stand by you on periods such as this (when you are working everyday), then you know you can count on that woman to stand by your career.

This I agree wholeheartedly.

My thing is that it would LITERALLY have to fall into my lap. I don't have the luxury to pursue it.

And I have a mental block about this as well. I just don't think it would be fair to get involved with someone right now when I am having to deal with so many issues. I probably need to get over that.

That thing you call "social" life is not really "social" life. It is drama by associating yourself with people that truly add NOTHING to your life. And your time is truly PRECIOUS. Don't waste it. Instead, maximize it.

I wish you could be around when I am out with my friends....I really do. It isn't nearly what you make it out to be. you get the distilled version so you don't see the whole picture.

99% of the time I have a great time when I'm out with my male and female friends. I would be lying if I said that there is never drama, but it's usually the kind that involved other guys and their girlfriends....nothing that concerns me. EVERYONE who has friends that are in relationship has gotten to witness this before. I get to go home and go to sleep and forget about it.

 

[Latinoman]

Secondly, since I'm not looking for a relationship, if I get the opportunity to get some from a chick I've had in the past it's PERFECT for me. Zero maintenance. I see a woman from the past as a welcome change from the normal routine, not a waste of time. If I were searching for a partner.....yea, it would be standing in my way. But at this point it is beneficial because it fills a need (sex, and to a lesser extent "that" kind of female companionship)

You honestly believe that it's a waste of time if you are on good terms with the chick (we only hooked up a few times....never even "dated", really) and it doesn't hold you back from any other priorities?

It is a waste of time. Especially if it brings drama that you don't need. And the reason I say this is that I read all those threads you create about all those women that are bringing you drama. It is not worthy. You and I know that. Now...if you have a couple that you visit and do your thing and they are dramaLESS...then that's different. But you have lot of drama and you don't need that. You know it too.

I get the impression that you are the kind of guy who enjoys being in a relationship. I can take it or leave it. Especially if I don't have the time or energy for it.

I get very busy myself as I travel quite a bit. But I do enjoy relationships with the RIGHT woman. The reason is this...it allows me to focus on other areas that I consider more important: my kids and my career. I have zero issues walking away too. I have. I did from a long marriage and from another relationship.

I cannot focus that well, if I have to worry about what's going on in town and what nightclub I should visit, etc. Especially when I don't have a lot of time.

Futhermore...I am the type of man that when I notice a woman find me attractive and manage to get into the kissing level...I have no problems escalating things. I remember having 5 plates of which I escalated on 4 and ended up having sex with all four within a 72 hour period. Which is cool...but the problem is that 3 of them wanted a relationship with me and one (married) wanted to continue to see me. That on itself takes work. Heck, I was even getting confused in the sense that I didn't remember what I told one or the other.

So...I try to be picky and choose one that I can see more frequently. And rarely a good with a great self esteem would not go into a FWB thing. So, I have been lucky as I pick good ones. That being said...it has its advantages. I don't have to be in the "social" scene entertaining friends and other social networks. It allows me to simply go home, have great sex and relax. Or simply to go to a restaurant and listen to some jazz and then take her home and have sex.

When I am very busy with my career and my children...I rather have ONE woman in my life. I don't even bother wasting my time tring to entertain others. It is not worthy (assuming your priorities is your career or your business as others rely on you).

 

[Latinoman]

All drama aside...you are a very smart man and most of the advice you give is actually pretty good.

You will be alright. You just need to know what YOU truly want and what are YOUR priorities.

If you like to recycle on women and that makes you happy...so be it. That does NOT make you any less of a DJ. In fact, if a man goes out with a single mother, that does NOT make him any less of a DJ. That is...as long as you understand the consequences or the possible consequences of taking that approach.

If you need to overlook your social life for a month or so...let it be. When you go back...it would probably be like a "breath of fresh air" as people will have missed you and actually you would become the focus of attention...the babes...etc.

Look at the positives. And pick your priorities.

 

[STR8UP]

If you need to overlook your social life for a month or so...let it be. When you go back...it would probably be like a "breath of fresh air" as people will have missed you and actually you would become the focus of attention...the babes...etc.

So what do you do if you have to overlook your social life for a year. Or two. Or three? It might come down to that! I certainly hope not but it's a possibility.

I just hope this sh!t doesn't age me ten years.

 

[grinder]

So what do you do if you have to overlook your social life for a year. Or two. Or three? It might come down to that! I certainly hope not but it's a possibility.

I just hope this sh!t doesn't age me ten years.

I have faith that if, in your mind, you did hang up your social life completely and focus on work, your social life would find you on your terms.

 

[blueguy]

I really held myself back from commenting, but this comment really threw me off...

So what do you do if you have to overlook your social life for a year. Or two. Or three? It might come down to that! I certainly hope not but it's a possibility.

I just hope this sh!t doesn't age me ten years.

I know you have a lot of real estate, and I just read this here:

Before you say, "just take a day off", it isn't that easy. I have a new business I am getting off the ground and I have to manage a bunch of rental properties on the side.

The thing is..., do you want to slave away to support those multiple mortgages when the chances of them appreciating over the next few years is very slim? I mean, it could turn out that after ten years, you haven't made any money at all... or worse, lost money.

There are a lot of people right now renting properties for less than their mortgage payments in hopes that the equity gained in their housing will be worth it. Just know that the real estate market isn't what it used to be. It's directly tied to incomes and historically only appreciates about .5% over the rate of inflation every year. It can't average 6% per year returns for long (as it has done the past 30 years) and I would bet the steam has already run out.

If it were me, I would try to get out from under of those properties as soon as possible and count yourself among the fortunate (possibly few) who have realized that typical real estate is not meant for investing long term.

Of course, my opinion is not of the norm and is usually met with much resistance from the mainstream belief that real estate will make you rich. Yes, in the past, but not now...