Hi again, a quick update.
Somehow clarifying, I know DJ principles, and I usually use most of them, etc., and the family and job risks, (Points taken and addressed, thank you), but I started this thread, since I got in the middle of this situation (yes, with my emotions involved) ,
I lost control of it (for the reasons I stated or whatever) and therefore this thread regards dealing with the relationship with this work gf (physical and emotional).
Following on several great comments from you (since it’s different to know, understand, and comment from an outside point of view for a perspective, not because I’m a newbie).
Last days I started a cold detached but gentle dynamic with work gf. Minimal text, no sexting, public fun to be, but not related to this girl in specific, cold treatment, very slow or no replies at all, special hello yes (to keep kyno, and act like nothing happen to that extent) but no small talk the rest of the day, and I got this feedback: It went from looking for my attention with a lot of small details like caring for the flavor of my water, (besides texts) to have her acting like me… detached…
We agreed to talk in person on Monday… of course it didn’t happen…
I kept my dynamic without complaints.
On Friday, about one hour before ending work time, I decided to escalate things or end them, so I sat at her side looking at her while texting (the most similar way to a real conversation given the circumstances) and went straight forward, “I can’t continue this situation, either we **** today or that’s it”, she small talked, tried to avoid the answer, etc., I insisted, just give me an answer Yes or No, until she said Yes.
She told me she already had an appointment, so she would check the times to have a quick escapade with me.
I, of course skeptical, told her to meet me in the kitchen, we alone to a slight touching/fondle, as an appetizer/foreplay to **** (to check how real was that yes, and “invest” a little in case she bailed).
She came, and I grabbed her a**, her waist, her hips and slightly her t*ts (we were not so close at that moment, in case someone would come not to be too obvious), then I also pressed my hard *** to her ass.
Odd thing, she acted stiff, she didn’t look horny or anything, like surprised, like overwhelmed just letting me fondle her, so I stopped and told her, lets get our things and go together in half an hour to f*ck.
I asked her, your car, mine, your place … and sent her a motel location nearby …
Needless to say… 5 minutes before leaving, she told/texted me was not going to be able to do it. After requesting a detailed reason, she told me that her bf (which she rarely mentions and when she does she say something like remember I’m seeing someone…), went out early and expected her to arrive soon.
I texted her that no way, I left really mad (not that I didn’t see it coming, I paid to see her cards but, why would she even fondle/foreplay if she was not ****ing? I don’t get it) and texted that if tomorrow would do it, that I could not keep that dynamic between us, that I needed to escalate, etc.). No feedback of course.
Yesterday we arrived at the same time at the parking, I tried to cat cool and detached, and we had a half special hello without mentioned the incident.
At work we had breakfast together with 4 other coworkers like nothing happened, and eventually I texted her that, as she didn’t answer my messages I had to act under an assumption and she should come to the kitchen for us to foreplay a little bit again, which we did in a very similar way that the day before.
Thereafter I told her to leave with me and she told me she had an appointment with a girlfriend…
I asked again about ****ing and she eventually told me that, she was feeling a little bit pushed, that I intimidate her when I’m so close and touch her, and she wanted to go slowly, I told her that her initial suggestion was for us to have a mere sexual relationship and therefore, if there was no sex, then there was no relationship at all, under that logic. Also, that I’m not and would not be her Plan B (leftovers).
She texted me that, we would eventually ****, but that she doesn’t go through life ****ing around, and she wanted to make it one step at a time (odd since at our first chats, she sexted, sent me sexy pictures, wanted only a physical relationship with no romantic emotions, etc), and that for that moment it was ok to start it from our current status, meaning foreplay, and she would start getting that “confidence being close to me”…
I told her that if we don’t meet in person off hours even with no sex, that would hardly happen, she agreed and told me we should do it, in principle with no sex, eventually MAYBE with sex)
When we left, I waited by her car and we talked a bit in person about that (basically the same stuff above), and we said good bye like 3 times each time we would address to our status, and then a bit fondling, also touching her like a gf in public a little ass a little waist tits, very comfortable for us, and we closed with a big slow paced and sustained hug in public (with no one really around).
I told her I wanted to half/kiss her, and got close but slow to it, and she told me nervous/jiggling that nooo. We left each on our own…
That’s where I’m at right now…
Its hard for me to figure out what the f***, and therefore to decide what should I do next, and what to bet to…
She changed the rules from aiming a strictly physical relationship to a gf like relationship (I would say), which by the way I like better because at this point I have invested emotions therein.
The problem is that, it would seem like she keeps buying time for her bf relationship outcome, like waiting to see if it evolves or dies to be with me, but she also escalated (a little bit) with me, this foreplay stuff is really nice. (I know I really like her in a physical and in a no physical way too).
On the one hand each time I have ghosted, she has gotten close to me and escalating (a bit) and also I gave her like an ultimatum (If I ghost, I would have to be more consistent or it would be seen as bluffing), on the other hand, as Skyline said, it may be a question of time, and foreplay during the wait doesn’t seem to be a bad deal, mainly when I really don’t have something better to do at that time. Also, I could keep pushing to f+ck, but I don't think that would take me to a nice outcome, or simply leave.
Yesterday I went to a strip club to "clear my mind"/change airs/have some different skin to change mood and avoid thinking about gf so much" it went great.
Side note, this Thursday she will travel abroad until Monday (coincidentally to mi wife is visiting me the same days), so there will be a scheduled gap.