TesuqueRed
Master Don Juan
Re: STOP
Interesting post---got some issues, though..
Interesting post---got some issues, though..
Words men shouldn't use
- Thread starter bp1974
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busterchaplin
Don Juan
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um, OMG, super cute! I guess...
What's this guy getting at?, I wondered through the pain ....
Say whatever you want to if you can pull it off, and until you can pull it off, these rules are a good start.
Oh, and one last thing: If you want an alternative for "I don't know," and you don't really know, one I like is "I don't know yet ". This shows that you're not indifferent to the topic, implies that you'll either find out or decide soon, and it's good if you catch yourself saying "I don't know" -- you just tack on that "yet" and you're golden.
When I read this, I thought HappyHobo was going to lay down the law and reemphasize Mr. Latte's remark that you just have to pull it off.
I was nodding and smiling, revving up to pump my arm in aggreeance, when I read:
My arm didn't pump in agreeance. I lost control of it and knocked my hot coffee into my lap.
What's this guy getting at?, I wondered through the pain ....
Then what's "as long as it's not negative"? A corollary?
Say whatever you want to if you can pull it off, and until you can pull it off, these rules are a good start.
Oh, and one last thing: If you want an alternative for "I don't know," and you don't really know, one I like is "I don't know yet ". This shows that you're not indifferent to the topic, implies that you'll either find out or decide soon, and it's good if you catch yourself saying "I don't know" -- you just tack on that "yet" and you're golden.
WORKEROUTER
Master Don Juan
lol.
right on man!
SnatchJP
Senior Don Juan
Actually, busterchaplin if you want to make a powerful statement negatives aren't useful. (Although I admit that post was a bit on the hypocritical side, but I'm sure we all get what he meant.)
Here're a couple good examples of how "positive" statements are more powerful than "negative" ones.
First of all, to define the two. To simplify things a lot, negative statements are the ones with the word "not" in them. [There is a bit more to it than that, but it's simple enough that you can figure it out on your own.]
Now tell me which one of these is more powerful:
"I don't like that" (negative)
"I hate that" (positive)
You see? lets look at a couple more:
"I'm not bad" (negative)
"I'm good"(positive)
Ones like these are obvious, there are some that aren't quite so much so. For example:
"I'm not lying!"(negative)
"I'm telling the truth!" (positive)
Beleive it or not, the positive statement will still be much more convincing than the negative one.
(Skip this part if you're not intresested in psychology) The catch with a negative statement is that it contains a positive one which registers positive subconsciously. So "I am not a crook" registers in the subconscious as "I am a crook". This is called reverse psychology, and it explains why negative statements undermine themselves to a certain extent.
Here're a couple good examples of how "positive" statements are more powerful than "negative" ones.
First of all, to define the two. To simplify things a lot, negative statements are the ones with the word "not" in them. [There is a bit more to it than that, but it's simple enough that you can figure it out on your own.]
Now tell me which one of these is more powerful:
"I don't like that" (negative)
"I hate that" (positive)
You see? lets look at a couple more:
"I'm not bad" (negative)
"I'm good"(positive)
Ones like these are obvious, there are some that aren't quite so much so. For example:
"I'm not lying!"(negative)
"I'm telling the truth!" (positive)
Beleive it or not, the positive statement will still be much more convincing than the negative one.
(Skip this part if you're not intresested in psychology) The catch with a negative statement is that it contains a positive one which registers positive subconsciously. So "I am not a crook" registers in the subconscious as "I am a crook". This is called reverse psychology, and it explains why negative statements undermine themselves to a certain extent.
Interesting stuff, Snatch. I also heard that if you have kids, you should use positive admonitions.
Instead of: Don't eat the cookies before dinner.
You should use: Eat your dinner before you eat the cookies.
I'm guessing that in the first statement, only "Don't eat the cookies" registers with the kid and thus upsets him.
But anyway, I'm with Bob2007. I HATE being asked "Are you sure?". My mom and dad would always ask me that in the mornings before I left for school.
"You've got your wallet?"
"Yes."
"You sure?"
"No, I'm just imagining this big rectangular bulge coming out of my ass."
"Heeeey!"
Nevertheless they persisted.
Instead of: Don't eat the cookies before dinner.
You should use: Eat your dinner before you eat the cookies.
I'm guessing that in the first statement, only "Don't eat the cookies" registers with the kid and thus upsets him.
But anyway, I'm with Bob2007. I HATE being asked "Are you sure?". My mom and dad would always ask me that in the mornings before I left for school.
"You've got your wallet?"
"Yes."
"You sure?"
"No, I'm just imagining this big rectangular bulge coming out of my ass."
"Heeeey!"
Nevertheless they persisted.
It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
"SORRY!"
Fair enough if it really HAS to be said, but one thing that irritates me about a girl im seeing at the mo is that she ALWAYS says sorry. I know were talking about blokes here and it applies the same.
Dont say SORRY to much, it's annoying and loses it' s meaning if you say it to much!!!!
Fair enough if it really HAS to be said, but one thing that irritates me about a girl im seeing at the mo is that she ALWAYS says sorry. I know were talking about blokes here and it applies the same.
Dont say SORRY to much, it's annoying and loses it' s meaning if you say it to much!!!!
hmmm...
Men definately should not say "I don't know", Best way to honestly avoid saying this is to be on top of your sh*t, schedule out your life make sure you know what you are going to be doing in the next couple months. Another thing men should not say is "can I.....?", If your are in a relationship and even worse if your are not, never ask someone permission to do something unless they are your parents or boss. "Do you think I'm....?" Just shut your pansy a$$ up. Never ever reveal your insecurities in a question form. First off the person answering will most likely lie and secondly know that you are insecure at whatever your questioning... If you have to, always suggest an idea in your question like "I'm pretty good huh?" or "I could make it better heh?" This shows that you recognize a fault of yours to some degree, and when people know you recognize it they will give you an honest answer.
Men definately should not say "I don't know", Best way to honestly avoid saying this is to be on top of your sh*t, schedule out your life make sure you know what you are going to be doing in the next couple months. Another thing men should not say is "can I.....?", If your are in a relationship and even worse if your are not, never ask someone permission to do something unless they are your parents or boss. "Do you think I'm....?" Just shut your pansy a$$ up. Never ever reveal your insecurities in a question form. First off the person answering will most likely lie and secondly know that you are insecure at whatever your questioning... If you have to, always suggest an idea in your question like "I'm pretty good huh?" or "I could make it better heh?" This shows that you recognize a fault of yours to some degree, and when people know you recognize it they will give you an honest answer.
busterchaplin
Don Juan
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So, presumably, if I were to argue against the use of negatives, I'd say "negatives are useless" instead of "negatives aren't useful", since the former would be much more powerful than the latter.
Your fanatical dislike of negatives is misplaced.
Despite your self-defeating opening line, I read the rest of your post. I read it despite that, having read numerous psychology books and language style manuals that have touched on that topic, I knew exactly where you were going. I read it despite being a writer, actor and orator.
My opinion stands.
I find it ridiculous to change your language if, as I so conveniently noted, "you can pull it off". Nevermind that I mentioned that these rules are a solid launch point if you can't do so. If a DJ is good, he won't need silly little tips. Even if a DJ needs work, your tip may go against the particular DJ's attitude or style, and, in turn, feel inauthentic when he uses it. Of course your tip will be useful for those that stutter, look at their feet with their hands in their pockets, and are barely audible when speaking to a woman. I see nothing sacrificed, however, by a confident DJ who says "Not bad" with a slight smile and a touch of sarcasm.
I applaud Snatch for feeling "good" over feeling "not bad". Hurrah for "hating" over "not liking"! But you're being way too simple about the matter. Your antithetical opening line, for instance, is an overgeneralization. Most negatives other than "not" are usually powerful:
"Her loveliness I never knew/Until she smiled upon me." (H. Coleridge, She is not fair to out-ward view)
Also, parallel use of a negative and a positive is stronger than either alone. Think of:
"Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more." (Julius Caesar III.ii. 273-274)
"Ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country." (JFK)
Even the word "not" without contrast can powerful:
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." (Clark Gable as Rhett Butler, Gone with the wind)
Furthermore, you assumed he meant "don't use negative structure" when he said, using negative structure himself, "say whatever you want to say as long as it's not negative". He could have meant a number of things by that: possibly don't mention bad news, or don't express a negative opinion, maybe even your enterpretation. Regardless, you should not inhibit yourself with rules of speech if you don't need them.
Don't walk on eggshells with your girl. Don't analyse every word you say, every expression you give, every action you make, or else you'll burn out before the day is over.
The most basic negative statement that a man can utter is "no". Do we, as you suggest, recoil from using it? Fear that it ever pass through our lips when we speak to women? Avoid it at all costs?
"No."
"No" is one of the most powerful words you can say to a woman.
Lastly, you give the example of Richard Nixon's "I am not a crook" as leading to his downfall. When you talk to a woman, your words do not get immortalized in print, where they are taken out of the context of your delivery and your attitude. And, of course, if you take the stance that you're getting impeached in front of the nation every time she asks you how your day was, you should try being the strong, silent type -- and never talk to another woman, ever. Quit while you're ahead.
vdk
Don Juan
"Basically,......." - everyone uses this word to start sentences in college class discussions. Shows you have very 'basic' vocabulary.
"Like" - use this too often and people will automatically think youre dumb.
I'm too tired to think of more.
"Like" - use this too often and people will automatically think youre dumb.
I'm too tired to think of more.
I second that!
The record, I believe, was 38 times in a two-minute dissertion on, like, how Lo-Wan was, like, this totally strong but, like, un-fairly-judged woman in, like, Pearl Buck's The Good Earth.
I shudder to think of sitting through that again. Behold:
«shudder»
busterchaplin,
I had never seriously thought about the strength of the word "No". Thank you for that.
I found especially meaningful the following:
My only REAL contribution to the thread is thus:
For lack of a better word for it, the “chuckling” that so often follows a declarative statement is going to drive me berserk. I think you all know what I'm talking about...
It's all an insecurity thing, really, and has nothing really to do with "words men shouldn't use", but if you're out and about--say, macking--make sure that you're not half-laughing after everything you say. (I've only really ever heard guys do this, and it happens most often in situations they find themselves outside their Comfort Zone.) It's official: it's obnoxious, reflects poorly on you, and is a general anti-desiac.
My friends and I took this to new heights, fashioning a game out of counting how many times the "twittier" folk in our classes would use "like" per sentence.
The record, I believe, was 38 times in a two-minute dissertion on, like, how Lo-Wan was, like, this totally strong but, like, un-fairly-judged woman in, like, Pearl Buck's The Good Earth.
I shudder to think of sitting through that again. Behold:
«shudder»
busterchaplin,
I had never seriously thought about the strength of the word "No". Thank you for that.
I found especially meaningful the following:
A great tip in and of itself, to be sure!
My only REAL contribution to the thread is thus
:For lack of a better word for it, the “chuckling” that so often follows a declarative statement is going to drive me berserk. I think you all know what I'm talking about...
Few people notice it, but once you do, that half-assed chuckle at the end of every declarative sentence you hear will sound like a foghorn every time.
It's all an insecurity thing, really, and has nothing really to do with "words men shouldn't use", but if you're out and about--say, macking--make sure that you're not half-laughing after everything you say. (I've only really ever heard guys do this, and it happens most often in situations they find themselves outside their Comfort Zone.) It's official: it's obnoxious, reflects poorly on you, and is a general anti-desiac.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
duke007
Master Don Juan
I learnt not to say "I don't know" from a young age.
I remember this old Canadian kids show where the characters were covered in green slime if they said the evil words.
It was always funny when they tricked the snobby chicks into saying it!
Aah they don't make kid's TV like the used to...
What was this show called anybody?
I remember this old Canadian kids show where the characters were covered in green slime if they said the evil words.
It was always funny when they tricked the snobby chicks into saying it!
Aah they don't make kid's TV like the used to...
What was this show called anybody?
silverdog
Don Juan
I believe it was called you can't do that on television.
DJ Fedorov
Don Juan
Sounds like something from Nickelodean, ahhh the good ol' days, we should make a thread about which cartoon characters we're DJ's. Like Tommy Pickels from Rugrats, now that a real DJ right there but then that Doug character was a AFC, he'd get all nervous when Parry Mayonaise walked by...
Ok I'm done... hehGenghis Juan
Senior Don Juan
Here's a few more words
1. Software
2. Compiler
3. Model (Computer Models not Fashion Models)
4. Analysis
5. Economic
I go to B School, and when Im making small talk in the school pub or in the classroom, nothing scares away the girls faster other than anti-female remarks than techo babble. Something about IT & engineers in the class just have a masturbatory experience in upchucking their knowledge of this boring S**t to anyone in their vicinity. I really feel like telling the to s**t the f**k up!!
1. Software
2. Compiler
3. Model (Computer Models not Fashion Models)
4. Analysis
5. Economic
I go to B School, and when Im making small talk in the school pub or in the classroom, nothing scares away the girls faster other than anti-female remarks than techo babble. Something about IT & engineers in the class just have a masturbatory experience in upchucking their knowledge of this boring S**t to anyone in their vicinity. I really feel like telling the to s**t the f**k up!!
HappyHobo
Banned
You have it all wrong.
First off Tesquered and BusterChaplin,
From reading your posts it seems like what you are doing is seeing if you agree or disagree with my thoughts.
Lucky for you, many people on this board are like that and it's not just you two. By reading and seeing if you are for or against what another person has said is sheerly along the lines of ignorance.
It's not if you agree or disagree with another's views .. it's whether you understand them first... to believe or not believe in what they are saying. And for the most part from what i read, you two are NOT understanding what i am saying but only looking for things that satisfy YOUR views... You are not understanding before you AGREE or DISAGREE.
Despite yoru actions i am not offended and appreciate yoru responses but would just like for more people to be more understanding first, instead of looking to concur or contend with whats posted.
Now, i will try to elaborate on my previous post. What i have emphatically said and expressed great opposition towards is limiting yourself to rules and formulas. If you fix yoruself on rules and formulas you will be incapable of adjusting.... and every situation will be different because life is a process and everything will eventually change. Formulas and rules prevent you from thinking independently and finding out what works for YOU..
You will rely more on the fomula or rule.
Remember, MY message is a GENERAL message and not neceesarily taking in the context by the subject started by the thread initiater.
First off Tesquered and BusterChaplin,
From reading your posts it seems like what you are doing is seeing if you agree or disagree with my thoughts.
Lucky for you, many people on this board are like that and it's not just you two. By reading and seeing if you are for or against what another person has said is sheerly along the lines of ignorance.
It's not if you agree or disagree with another's views .. it's whether you understand them first... to believe or not believe in what they are saying. And for the most part from what i read, you two are NOT understanding what i am saying but only looking for things that satisfy YOUR views... You are not understanding before you AGREE or DISAGREE.
Despite yoru actions i am not offended and appreciate yoru responses but would just like for more people to be more understanding first, instead of looking to concur or contend with whats posted.
Now, i will try to elaborate on my previous post. What i have emphatically said and expressed great opposition towards is limiting yourself to rules and formulas. If you fix yoruself on rules and formulas you will be incapable of adjusting.... and every situation will be different because life is a process and everything will eventually change. Formulas and rules prevent you from thinking independently and finding out what works for YOU..
You will rely more on the fomula or rule.
Remember, MY message is a GENERAL message and not neceesarily taking in the context by the subject started by the thread initiater.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.