Buddha_Mind
Master Don Juan
I was reflecting a bit today and I really felt compelled to write a post here.
The value in it to those reading, may or may not be of any use or relevance -- I am not trying to take some sort of soap box. More than anything, following a few of the more intense women-related events of my life in my mind today, I was thinking, g0ddamn, you know perhaps I really have learned a few things here -- and that I am fortunate that my reactions in those particular situations, were helped by people here.
I suppose I am always skeptical of myself when I start to talk about what I think I know, because I've learned once I go off on that, life has a way of bringing me something that makes me wonder if I know anything at all.
In some ways this place breeds anxiety in me at times, hearing gloom and doom tales and dire warnings and case-studies of people's hearts being broken. I don't know if that is per say healthy on the human mind, but I also know that through this place there is at times solace or understanding or pure intellectual discussion; and these things I value the most.
I came here because of this chick I had been working with in Seattle -- superfox redhead who had an ending relationship at the time. Her and others building up, I had vowed at that time to not let myself get so bummed out about women anymore -- and to learn how to be more assertive -- to learn strategy to be better with them. I honestly can't even remember what I googled, etc to find this place. And I believe my initial reaction was "jesus christ what is this place". But a lot of it clicked...reading others advice...finding similarity...and then trying new things on the women I met into the future.
I've had some successes and failures in that regard. I've definitely been bummed a number of time since then. But I have learned to be more assertive. I've also learned that really to find a genuine woman, being genuine is important -- learning to take on what we learn and make it apart of ourselves is most effective for myself.
I was so AFC back in the day, like a blind puppydog I walked towards my doom. I probably pulled all of the most romantic cheesy garbage cards there in college. I remember giving girls artwork, writing them letters, singing songs...basically the most lame-@ss shi.t this forum preaches against...and I wondered why my romantic mind wasn't finding progress. But I've learned a lot since then and am far more aware. I'm not saying I'll never give a gift again -- I am working against becoming a jaded bastard into my later years. But good lord the naivety I once had.
I've definitely learned that taking care of oneself is priority #1. I notice most of the men around me, or my younger friends, prioritize women as their focal point in life. They fail to pursue personal growth in their own ways (in regards to career or hobbies, etc) and focus all of their energy on one woman, or jumping from woman to woman. This can be aimless in a way; and in the end, there is still nothing built for oneself. One thing I am trying to focus most on right now, is building up a base for myself, in terms of career skill, money, hobbies, interests, and life direction. And to work to preserve this base by all means possible. This means not forsaking these things ever again for pursuit of relationship. If anything a woman ought to jive right on in with the flow I have going on -- and if it breaks down or falls apart -- I've got to keep my flow and base going.
I think it's taken me years to really understand this until just now. There is an eagerness for companionship, and that is great, because in companionship there's great connections and shared identity ("she gets me") those sorts of things -- but in the end if there is no work being done on ourselves, then it's sort of like a free-floating plant -- no real roots to grab ahold of anything solid -- and any real relationship will fault eventually.
A few things I've gained from experience and this site:
-- chicks with BFs = uphill and awkward ultimately.
-- women love attention, beware.
-- if she constantly flakes, bail ship.
-- if you fall into patterns of arguing, beware.
-- texting & SMS in moderation.
-- make the first move.
-- let her show you her attraction for you.
-- be a magnet of warmth.
-- chicks dig guitar.
-- sex and love are goddamned different.
-- handle your own emotions as best you can without flacking onto her.
-- mental/personal stability is a major issue -- always have this.
-- let go of the mental highlight reel from the past.
-- when suffering 'oneitis', be real, look at negatives too.
-- less is sometimes more.
-- jealousy, be careful, show none.
-- experience trumps theory.
I could ramble on more and make a laundry list and I'm really not trying to torture people in this way; but more so dudes I appreciate what you share.
Surely we all can have / have had dark moments. But I've learned a lot from this place. My last LTR specifically, if this forum had not been here as a resource, I probably would have lost my head. The two years reading here somehow subconsciously conditioned me for at least, mostly, self-preservation and not losing my mind entirely.
There are likely some bumps ahead on the road. I am still a young man. I am trying to be better at embracing the truth of things as they are. Rather than fight the realities of some things, I am trying to embrace them and utilize them. This I am directly referring to as the nature of women and the dynamics of the sexes. But I hope that someday whatever it "is" I am learning, helps me to successfully navigate a rewarding or mutually-beneficial relationship.
More than anything, in a relationship or not in relationship, I am learning the most important thing is to just continue to enjoy each dam.n day and whatever it is it brings and whatever it is we can learn to extract from it. Because there are no certainties. We could make it to age 42 or 52 or 62 or 72, and if we sit and bemoan female **** we are torturing ourselves. The entire world is out there waiting to be grabbed the balls, and in the US at least, in MOST places, if you are assertive enough and active enough, you can find a way to make progress in the ways you desire. I have learned b.tching and moaning gets old.
I know this is just the internet and these (posts) are just strings held in a database behind this server, but thanks to the following dudes out there in the real world who reach out through it (in no particular order):
Maybe a bit AFC of me, but I just felt like giving some props. If it's too 'AFC' for your blood, well, than how about this: 'fvck off', maybe that'll work better!
I genuinely am working to push on many fronts in life, and I may or may not find success in all of them -- I know understanding 'women' in a sense is a goal of mine, and this may be like taking on an unsolvable puzzle -- but I appreciate everyone's thoughts and opinions, and the ways by which you all have challenged me or also given me some good vibes in some dark times.
Right now my biggest battle is my own attitude -- avoiding negative mindsets or cynicism, or being too big of a prick to the people around me -- to take care of my business but not forget the entire world is out there everyday, and it reflects a lot of what we put into it. It is still sometimes easy, because of women, or other shortcomings, to get down on life and upset -- but truly all you have is yourself and your own attitude -- and shi.t never gets better when the mind is rolling in garbage piles. The best way is to grab life, get bruised, keep rolling, keep pushing towards what it is that drives you. You can't fail if you never stop.
Alright, Stay up dudes.
Hope your guys new year is full of good things.
--bm.
The value in it to those reading, may or may not be of any use or relevance -- I am not trying to take some sort of soap box. More than anything, following a few of the more intense women-related events of my life in my mind today, I was thinking, g0ddamn, you know perhaps I really have learned a few things here -- and that I am fortunate that my reactions in those particular situations, were helped by people here.
I suppose I am always skeptical of myself when I start to talk about what I think I know, because I've learned once I go off on that, life has a way of bringing me something that makes me wonder if I know anything at all.
In some ways this place breeds anxiety in me at times, hearing gloom and doom tales and dire warnings and case-studies of people's hearts being broken. I don't know if that is per say healthy on the human mind, but I also know that through this place there is at times solace or understanding or pure intellectual discussion; and these things I value the most.
I came here because of this chick I had been working with in Seattle -- superfox redhead who had an ending relationship at the time. Her and others building up, I had vowed at that time to not let myself get so bummed out about women anymore -- and to learn how to be more assertive -- to learn strategy to be better with them. I honestly can't even remember what I googled, etc to find this place. And I believe my initial reaction was "jesus christ what is this place". But a lot of it clicked...reading others advice...finding similarity...and then trying new things on the women I met into the future.
I've had some successes and failures in that regard. I've definitely been bummed a number of time since then. But I have learned to be more assertive. I've also learned that really to find a genuine woman, being genuine is important -- learning to take on what we learn and make it apart of ourselves is most effective for myself.
I was so AFC back in the day, like a blind puppydog I walked towards my doom. I probably pulled all of the most romantic cheesy garbage cards there in college. I remember giving girls artwork, writing them letters, singing songs...basically the most lame-@ss shi.t this forum preaches against...and I wondered why my romantic mind wasn't finding progress. But I've learned a lot since then and am far more aware. I'm not saying I'll never give a gift again -- I am working against becoming a jaded bastard into my later years. But good lord the naivety I once had.
I've definitely learned that taking care of oneself is priority #1. I notice most of the men around me, or my younger friends, prioritize women as their focal point in life. They fail to pursue personal growth in their own ways (in regards to career or hobbies, etc) and focus all of their energy on one woman, or jumping from woman to woman. This can be aimless in a way; and in the end, there is still nothing built for oneself. One thing I am trying to focus most on right now, is building up a base for myself, in terms of career skill, money, hobbies, interests, and life direction. And to work to preserve this base by all means possible. This means not forsaking these things ever again for pursuit of relationship. If anything a woman ought to jive right on in with the flow I have going on -- and if it breaks down or falls apart -- I've got to keep my flow and base going.
I think it's taken me years to really understand this until just now. There is an eagerness for companionship, and that is great, because in companionship there's great connections and shared identity ("she gets me") those sorts of things -- but in the end if there is no work being done on ourselves, then it's sort of like a free-floating plant -- no real roots to grab ahold of anything solid -- and any real relationship will fault eventually.
A few things I've gained from experience and this site:
-- chicks with BFs = uphill and awkward ultimately.
-- women love attention, beware.
-- if she constantly flakes, bail ship.
-- if you fall into patterns of arguing, beware.
-- texting & SMS in moderation.
-- make the first move.
-- let her show you her attraction for you.
-- be a magnet of warmth.
-- chicks dig guitar.
-- sex and love are goddamned different.
-- handle your own emotions as best you can without flacking onto her.
-- mental/personal stability is a major issue -- always have this.
-- let go of the mental highlight reel from the past.
-- when suffering 'oneitis', be real, look at negatives too.
-- less is sometimes more.
-- jealousy, be careful, show none.
-- experience trumps theory.
I could ramble on more and make a laundry list and I'm really not trying to torture people in this way; but more so dudes I appreciate what you share.
Surely we all can have / have had dark moments. But I've learned a lot from this place. My last LTR specifically, if this forum had not been here as a resource, I probably would have lost my head. The two years reading here somehow subconsciously conditioned me for at least, mostly, self-preservation and not losing my mind entirely.
There are likely some bumps ahead on the road. I am still a young man. I am trying to be better at embracing the truth of things as they are. Rather than fight the realities of some things, I am trying to embrace them and utilize them. This I am directly referring to as the nature of women and the dynamics of the sexes. But I hope that someday whatever it "is" I am learning, helps me to successfully navigate a rewarding or mutually-beneficial relationship.
More than anything, in a relationship or not in relationship, I am learning the most important thing is to just continue to enjoy each dam.n day and whatever it is it brings and whatever it is we can learn to extract from it. Because there are no certainties. We could make it to age 42 or 52 or 62 or 72, and if we sit and bemoan female **** we are torturing ourselves. The entire world is out there waiting to be grabbed the balls, and in the US at least, in MOST places, if you are assertive enough and active enough, you can find a way to make progress in the ways you desire. I have learned b.tching and moaning gets old.
I know this is just the internet and these (posts) are just strings held in a database behind this server, but thanks to the following dudes out there in the real world who reach out through it (in no particular order):
Rollo: Thx for PM replies and for challenging my beliefs (that don't always bring the right rewards) -- for giving me some proper motivation at times and criticism.
Zekko: For the PM responses and for being a righteous dude and for the PM responses and all the good things you share and for adding a balanced perspective.
Die Hard: For trying to rattle me and get 'deep' -- hehe. I appreciate the kick in the ass sometimes.
5string: For the PM responses and for being the man and for always adding some positive enthusiasm and good vibes
I drink a scotch to you sir!
Backbreaker: Man, your posts are full of so much info and personal insights and things you've learned about life -- I wouldn't enjoy most threads without your input.
KarmaSutra: For a brother of the mind in some ways I believe; keep on your righteous path and for adding good healthy balance here.
Desdinova: For your thoughts and sharing the things you've learned through some of the hard shi.t you've been through.
Squirrels: Who is gone I believe in his LTR and I think believes me to be an annoyance, but who gets deep mentally and loves to deconstruct sh!t!
Scaramouche: What would this place be without you man? You may have one of the most unique writing styles across the entire internet.
Samspade: For all of your thoughts and insights and sharing the things you've learned.
Colossus: For your balanced posts and righteous perspectives.
Mr. Positivity: For your solid advice and self-enabled perspectives.
V for Victory: For solid advice and self-enabled perspectives.
Charismo: For your positive vibes! Are you still around here?
Epsi: Man for always your insight and enthusiasm and good attitude!
Zekko: For the PM responses and for being a righteous dude and for the PM responses and all the good things you share and for adding a balanced perspective.
Die Hard: For trying to rattle me and get 'deep' -- hehe. I appreciate the kick in the ass sometimes.
5string: For the PM responses and for being the man and for always adding some positive enthusiasm and good vibes
I drink a scotch to you sir!Backbreaker: Man, your posts are full of so much info and personal insights and things you've learned about life -- I wouldn't enjoy most threads without your input.
KarmaSutra: For a brother of the mind in some ways I believe; keep on your righteous path and for adding good healthy balance here.
Desdinova: For your thoughts and sharing the things you've learned through some of the hard shi.t you've been through.
Squirrels: Who is gone I believe in his LTR and I think believes me to be an annoyance, but who gets deep mentally and loves to deconstruct sh!t!
Scaramouche: What would this place be without you man? You may have one of the most unique writing styles across the entire internet.
Samspade: For all of your thoughts and insights and sharing the things you've learned.
Colossus: For your balanced posts and righteous perspectives.
Mr. Positivity: For your solid advice and self-enabled perspectives.
V for Victory: For solid advice and self-enabled perspectives.
Charismo: For your positive vibes! Are you still around here?
Epsi: Man for always your insight and enthusiasm and good attitude!
Maybe a bit AFC of me, but I just felt like giving some props. If it's too 'AFC' for your blood, well, than how about this: 'fvck off', maybe that'll work better!
I genuinely am working to push on many fronts in life, and I may or may not find success in all of them -- I know understanding 'women' in a sense is a goal of mine, and this may be like taking on an unsolvable puzzle -- but I appreciate everyone's thoughts and opinions, and the ways by which you all have challenged me or also given me some good vibes in some dark times.
Right now my biggest battle is my own attitude -- avoiding negative mindsets or cynicism, or being too big of a prick to the people around me -- to take care of my business but not forget the entire world is out there everyday, and it reflects a lot of what we put into it. It is still sometimes easy, because of women, or other shortcomings, to get down on life and upset -- but truly all you have is yourself and your own attitude -- and shi.t never gets better when the mind is rolling in garbage piles. The best way is to grab life, get bruised, keep rolling, keep pushing towards what it is that drives you. You can't fail if you never stop.
Alright, Stay up dudes.
Hope your guys new year is full of good things.
--bm.
