Women's Sexual Past

[KCGuy]

Why as men are we so hung up on how many men a woman has been with? I'm using my own meandering experience with my ex to push this point. Im a 21 year old law student and i have got many things going for me. Met this hot chick when i was in first year at university. I was 18 and so was she. But she had a past which left me non-plussed. Her first boyfriend was going to University when she was like 14. They had sex. He of course had other women and she eventually found out and broke up with him. At her school she hung out with this group of girls whom to call sexual promisuous would do grave violence to the english language. In my country we have this thing called 'ends' and 'night beach' (Im from Jamaica).She claims she only went with them but never participated in any of the debauchery which these two institutions are known for. To fill you guys in 'ends' refers to a house where teens crash after (even during) school and engage in varying activities ranging from just 'liming' (chatting and convo) to full blown sex and drugs. "Night beach' is where girls hook up with boyfriends (normally bikers , yes we have them in Jamaica too) and have sex with them.

Now I have to admit that my upbringing wasnt very christian but she was my first 'real' girlfriend. Maybe thats why i was so caught up with her and her sexual experiences. Probably what shocked , and hurt, me the most was that she told me she had sex with one of her ex boyfriends she met at an 'ends' on the first day she saw him. This really took me for a blow and i have felt that she has had some 5 sexual partners before me and she was only 18. I broke up with her in 2nd year of our program due in part to this. I felt very inexperienced (something like Holden McNeil in Chasing Amy , a movie i relate to on so many levels). Since the break up iv been with three different women, including my current , whom I took her virginity from. But i digress. It has bothered me to no end that i made a mistake in breaking up with my ex due to my own feelings of inadequacy. I dont know if its regret or maybe the fact that my friends and family keep reminding me to no end that i made a mistake because she loved me so much. I often wonder what there reaction would be if i told them her sexual past for real

Anyways gentlemen , give me your view or share your stories about this theme. I know whats in the past is in the past but sometimes it rears its ugly head too much in the present.

 

[Trapspringer]

Wow, it is funny that you made this thread. My brother is going through something similar from a recent break up and I went through it before also. Every now and then, I can kick myself for giving up a recent woman who I dated for several years because I just couldn’t get past her sexual history even though she loved the damn stank of my draws.


Have you ever met someone you wanted so bad and fantasized about her all of the time and just wish she was yours? Well that was me and I got her.

Since she was so open, she told me about many of her sexual exploits. She also reminded me of Chasing Amy which was one of her favorite movies. The thing about it, I met her in college, and she had done some things that even make me blush (just use your imagination here folks and you probably won’t be too far off) and I am a damn freak. I can’t put into words how much this woman loved me and cared for me. She always wanted to be with me and was so into me that it was unbelievable but I couldn’t get past her past and often wondered if she would cheat on em because she told me she cheated on her past fiance’. This bothered me really after she proposed to me. The woman proposed to me for God’s sake! I accepted but I was always wondered if she would cheat on me or something since she had such a hot past.

I miss that damn woman. She was so freakin beautiful, great body, wonderful and adventurous in bed and outside, and very outgoing. Oh yeah! So many guys were attracted to her but she wanted me!


No one I have been dating seems to compare to her. I miss the way she would cry out “baby, are you ok?” whenever I stubbed my toe around the apartment. I missed how she always wanted to please me sexually. I miss how proud she was to cook me dinner every night. If she did not feel like cooking, she would even insist on going to pick up the fast food! I miss how she would do almost any thing to cheer me up when I was down. She took almost just as much care of me as my own mother did when I was a child and I let her go because of my own security. Of course she could be a little too much at times but I realize that that was nothing compared to how much love she gave me. I have learned my lesson now. You can’t sweat those little things in a relationship. Women have just as much right to sexual freedom as men.

I pray to god that I would meet someone who loves me just as much as she did. I won’t ever let her go. Ever!


Guys, if you have a woman similar to this, don't let her go or you will have much regret about the one you let get away.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What qualities do these hors have that are so endearing to you fools. These hors are not loyal to you, no matter how nice they treat you at the tiime! You are just the next pimp in line. Guys that love hors are usually sexually freakish in their behavior and prize pvssy above all else, and constantly seek sexual gratification. These are the same guys that get upset when they find out their hor was disloyal to them - surprise, surprise.

Pimps should not fall in love with their hors - use them for their purpose and nothing more! These women are a hotbed of disease and are walking sperm banks! You look like a chump walking down the aisle or holding her hand in public as if she is so worthy. Other dudes see as you as a fool! And they see you correctly!! Their past tells you of their future behavior...this is why you are weary to commit to them - because you know who they are.

 

[ManOMan]

From my experience the # of partners a woman has had reveals ALOT about her attitude towards casual sex.

That is, Some Women think sex is sacred, and should only be done with people they love & on the other end of the spectrum is women who think sex is fun! and will screw any guy that shows a hint of interest

Maybe Im wrong, but I think the more laid back and open women are about casual sex, the more likely she will put out to others while in a relationship to you

my logic is this: If a chick has no conscience about bangin many guys, chances are she has a lower conscience in remaining faithful

 

[Trapspringer]

Manoman, you just expressed the main can of worms that plagued my mind during our relationship. In the end, it was all just speculation. The imagination can think of any thing and when that any thing involves something you don't understand well, it can become a monster.

I was just skimming over another post that dealt with the perfect woman. there was a long list of almost a flawless person, My ex fitted at the very least 90% of that profile. But should we be stressed out over the other 10% and just ignore the fact that she loves the hell out of you and shows you this all of the time? Some things just have to be looked past.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by ManOMan
From my experience the # of partners a woman has had reveals ALOT about her attitude towards casual sex.

That is, Some Women think sex is sacred, and should only be done with people they love & on the other end of the spectrum is women who think sex is fun! and will screw any guy that shows a hint of interest

Maybe Im wrong, but I think the more laid back and open women are about casual sex, the more likely she will put out to others while in a relationship to you

my logic is this: If a chick has no conscience about bangin many guys, chances are she has a lower conscience in remaining faithful

Exactamundo. There is no reason you guys should be feeling guilty about having standards in a woman. It may not be politically correct to have standards on how sexually active a woman has been before she was with you, but who cares? What's better, peace of mind or political correctness?

 

[Viking25]

Last time a woman proposed marriage to me,I said:" Welll...you had 7 more sexual partners then I I do.So I don't mind being in long term relationship with you and even pehaps getting married in the future,but we gotta even this number out!" So I made it win-win situation for me. If she would have let me bang other chicks, just so we can get over this little problem, that would show me how much she really loved me.I swear I would marry her! She said she would think about it and we broke up few weeks later. So yeah...we do have the right to be with someone we trully like and noone can tell us different. And by the way...next girl I was dating,she was a virgin!So I don't regret letting that other hore go.

 

[dietzcoi]

Plus, do you want to be the chump that invests in (marries) the slvt that a ton of other guys banged and dumped?

I must admit this idea bothers me a lot. Is it my insecurity?

I just broke up with my 21 year old I dated for six months. Many reasons, but one is that she had had more sexual partners than I did! She told me she cheated on both her previous LTRs... when I went to events in her home town I did not know which of the men there had already fvcked her... plus I knew of a few that she told me she had slept with! Also the same at her university... very bad indeed. She first had sex at age 12 with a 19 year old!! I told her he should be in prison... she could not understand what was srong with it!!!

I took it as long as I could, but she fell in love with me... Yes I was supposed to be the sugar daddy chump who would take her after she had been fvcked and dumped by so many... Ridiculous!

Trapspringer... snap out of it! Yes leftovers can be delicious but they are only leftovers...Think about being the laughingstock of your town by marrying the town wh0re... my God, the horror, the horror!!!

PRL, how about more help here! We need to save these young guys from their doom!

Dietzcoi

 

[KCGuy]

I beleive some of you guys need to get over your selves. It is insecurity , not any 'standards' that makes a man want to leave his girl because of her sexual past. Let us have a meaningful convo about this topic and lets try to be a little bit less mysoginistic. I've taken my experince as just that. I broke up with a wonderful girl because of my own insecurity. Only Time will tell if this was for the best but at least i can say in the future that a how many men my girl has been with is irrelevant. As long as she is with me i should have no problem.

I should also mention that we live in the same dorm and attend the same classes at Uni. So i got to observe for myself the hell i put her through during the breakup. It was not pretty at all.

Trapspringer I can really relate to your situation. Despite what these guys are saying , if you get a good woman hang on to her. They are rarer than sightings of the flying dutchman. She sounds like a great woman and im guessing you too will use this as an experience to grow up from.

 

[dietzcoi]

I still think it is reasonable to not want a woman who has been thru many, many men. We are talking 30+ before age 20....She might just be "settling" for you, thinking you are enough of a chump to take her after others dumped her..

You need to be objective and not let your "love" cloud your rational thoughts. She may be leading you on to get you to commit.

I am open to the possibility that you did in fact find Ms Perfect, who for some reason had a checkered past but is now normal. But I must say, I doubt it. Something is wrong with an overly promiscous woman, especially in her teens. In any case, I have the right to decide what I can accept and not accept.

Please do not be Captain Save-a-ho... Don't be the chump that wants to rescue a screwed up female.. you will get screwed in the end.

Dietzcoi

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by KCGuy
She claims she only went with them but never participated in any of the debauchery which these two institutions are known for.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That's like the girls at the strip club who "only sell drinks." LOL

 

[Trapspringer]

I really do understand the reply from every one but consider this-

We have this whole site here and all guys do is talk about how many women we want to pick up or bang, yet we feel that we deserve a virgin when it is time to settle down. Why do the women have to be the our virgins while we try to get as much a$$ as we can yet this doesn't make us any less worthy of having a virgin as a woman?
SThere is no other answer but the one concerning her gender and what we want that gender to represent in our lives. Sluts were once virgins too.

Now I am not saying that we shouldn't keep them from being barefoot and pregnant but I really do think that we are losing so much more for ourselves when we allow a great person who loves us very much to walk out of lives just because she banged more guys than you banged girls and had a lot a fun while doing it.

Maybe she cheated on a couple of guys in the past but those guy just may not have been as great as you are. Maybe she did bang a lot of guys but maybe they were not as fulfilling as you are. I don't think you guys want to spend the rest of your life chasing Amy.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by KCGuy
I beleive some of you guys need to get over your selves. It is insecurity , not any 'standards' that makes a man want to leave his girl because of her sexual past. Let us have a meaningful convo about this topic and lets try to be a little bit less mysoginistic. I've taken my experince as just that. I broke up with a wonderful girl because of my own insecurity. Only Time will tell if this was for the best but at least i can say in the future that a how many men my girl has been with is irrelevant. As long as she is with me i should have no problem.

I should also mention that we live in the same dorm and attend the same classes at Uni. So i got to observe for myself the hell i put her through during the breakup. It was not pretty at all.

Trapspringer I can really relate to your situation. Despite what these guys are saying , if you get a good woman hang on to her. They are rarer than sightings of the flying dutchman. She sounds like a great woman and im guessing you too will use this as an experience to grow up from.

How is it misogynistic to want a pure girl? You need to think beyond what the feminist movement has told you and think for yourself, because it is POSSIBLE to have standards, and just cuz someone disagrees with you doesn't mean they are insecure. You might have done it out of insecurity, but your experience is NOT the same as every guy's experience.

Trapspringer, while I can see where you're coming from, not all guys who are saying this go out and bang as many girls as possible (for example, I don't), but even if they do, they still don't have any less right to have standards.

 

[Alonso]

Here's my thinking: A person's past both reveals, and shapes, their character, to some extent. So no, it's not irrelevant how many sexual partners she's had, any more than it's irrelevant whether she's ever been arrested or ever used drugs or ever stopped speaking to a family member.

A girl who's slept with 20 guys has had different experiences, and will in my experience have a different outlook, than one who's slept with none.

Yes, it's possible that a woman could have an extensive sexual past and yet now be ready for loyal monogamy without any headtrips, but the more freaky her background, the higher the odds there is (a) something not quite right in her personality; or (b) some lack of ability to make a LTR work. These are legitimate danger signs. It's no different than my not-so-subtle attempts to find out if the girl's ever been "in therapy" or had an eating disorder or tried to kill herself or isn't on speaking terms with her mother (you'd be amazed how I can usually work the conversation around to all of those topics within a one hour dinner). Yeah, someone who's been in psychotherapy might well be totally stable now -- but the odds are way, way lower than if she hasn't.

So what does extensive sexual history tell us? One of the reasons it is a bit of a red flag to me is precisely that women don't like sex that much. Okay, okay, that's an oversimplification, but at least in this venue, I don't think I'll get much argument for the ridiculous feminist assertion that "women have every bit as strong and frequent a sexual urge as men." If it were true, women would be hooking up with male prostitutes and lesbians would be having anonymous assignations in bathouses and public restrooms -- which ain't happening. So it's not a double standard to cut men more of a break for sexual indiscretions, because the urges driving them are simply stronger. What can you say about someone who by all odds has less physical need for sex than you do, but has nonetheless engaged in it much more indiscriminately than you have? To me, it means she is: (a) using sex for essentially non-sexual reasons (i.e., to feel popular or desired, to substitute for some other lack in her life, etc.), which raises warning signs for other emotionally-perverse and self-destructive behavior; or (b) despite the fact that her sexual urges can't be as strong as yours, she is giving in to them because it feels good -- which is a sign of lack of willpower and weak character. It's like someone who doesn't really like chocolate eating a ton of it because it sort of tastes good.

 

[KCGuy]

I appreciate a reasoned argument like that of Alonso's. Now that makes sense. As has been pressed many times on this board , but in a woefully mysoginistic way , we as men often view women through rose tinted glasses. In hindsight some of alonso's points could be applicable to a few women of my past. Continue posting and try to include some of your own stories.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by KCGuy
I appreciate a reasoned argument like that of Alonso's. Now that makes sense. As has been pressed many times on this board , but in a woefully mysoginistic way , we as men often view women through rose tinted glasses. In hindsight some of alonso's points could be applicable to a few women of my past. Continue posting and try to include some of your own stories.

Apparently you just like listening to yourself type and ramble on. Get off this tangent and stop expecting elaborate reasoning if you can't get past your whole misogynist flawed-point. You're lucky Alonso gave you actual reasoning.

 

[dietzcoi]

I also agree with Alonso's reasoning.

In the case of my ex 21 yr old with 30+ sex partners, she was very insecure about her looks and attractiveness to men. In truth she was only a 6 at the most. She made statements to me like "Men tell me I am good enough for sex but not good enough for a relationship" Obviously this led her to be promiscous from age 12 onwards.

Yes I have my baggage myself and yes it seems hypocritical but no notion of "fairness" is going to force me to take on an LTR with a woman who has these issues.

Dietzcoi

 

[Befuddled]

You guys who regret leaving these women.... i gotta tell you...
these women probably didnt love u n vice versa.
They probably saw teh fact that you didnt like their past, so were going out of their way to make sure you like them. chances are they are gonna be doing that for the rest of their lives, because the 'good guys' dont really like skanks. (just my opinion)

And you probably thought you 'loved'(whatever that is) them cause you probably just loved all the attention.

Personally, im preety sensitive on this issue as well. i havent been in any 'long term' relationships, cause im not into the whole thing. just dosent do it for me... but i usualy dont bother asking them about their past. if i do find out about if from them, i honestly loose respect/interest in em.i dont feel inadequate or anything, just that they dont have 'firm' convictions and values similar to mine.

And the odd thing is when i start loosing interest, their ILs sky rocket..and that just turns me off even more lol.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

From my experience the # of partners a woman has had reveals ALOT about her attitude towards casual sex.

That is, Some Women think sex is sacred, and should only be done with people they love & on the other end of the spectrum is women who think sex is fun! and will screw any guy that shows a hint of interest

Maybe Im wrong, but I think the more laid back and open women are about casual sex, the more likely she will put out to others while in a relationship to you

my logic is this: If a chick has no conscience about bangin many guys, chances are she has a lower conscience in remaining faithful

In my humble opinion... attitudes towards casual sex do not necessarily have anything to do with attitudes towards relationships.

Sex and love are different things. Yes, it's great when you can have both, but love is harder to find than sex and why should you not fulfill your physical needs, just because you can't fulfill your emotional ones? (I'm not saying people who only have sex when they're in love or in LTRs are wrong, but it's not something I could do).

Sex outside of relationships and sex inside relationships IS DIFFERENT. I am not in a relationship at the moment because I know I am not in the right head to be with one guy. I could casually date (and possibly sleep with) a few guys now until I am in the right head to have a boyfriend. Or I could get a boyfriend and cheat on him. But I would NEVER EVER EVER cheat. Never have and never will. To me it's morally repugnant. But I digress...

When I am ready to be in a relationship again, I will be 100% faithful. It has nothing to do with my views on casual sex or sex outside of relationships. The key word is RELATIONSHIP.

Also, I think that a woman who is experienced and knows what is out there, is LESS likely to stray in a relationship. She's already done the sleeping around thing, she's gotten it out of her system, she's ready to "settle down". And she knows she not missing out on anything, because she's been there, done that. A girl with a less experienced past, might someday in her relationship with you realize "wow I haven't experienced any other guys... I have no idea what else is out there"... Think about it. It can go either way.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

So what does extensive sexual history tell us? One of the reasons it is a bit of a red flag to me is precisely that women don't like sex that much. Okay, okay, that's an oversimplification, but at least in this venue, I don't think I'll get much argument for the ridiculous feminist assertion that "women have every bit as strong and frequent a sexual urge as men." If it were true, women would be hooking up with male prostitutes and lesbians would be having anonymous assignations in bathouses and public restrooms -- which ain't happening. So it's not a double standard to cut men more of a break for sexual indiscretions, because the urges driving them are simply stronger. What can you say about someone who by all odds has less physical need for sex than you do, but has nonetheless engaged in it much more indiscriminately than you have? To me, it means she is: (a) using sex for essentially non-sexual reasons (i.e., to feel popular or desired, to substitute for some other lack in her life, etc.), which raises warning signs for other emotionally-perverse and self-destructive behavior; or (b) despite the fact that her sexual urges can't be as strong as yours, she is giving in to them because it feels good -- which is a sign of lack of willpower and weak character. It's like someone who doesn't really like chocolate eating a ton of it because it sort of tastes good.

What on EARTH are you talking about!? Women's sexual urges are often just as strong as men's. It is the SOCIETAL DOUBLE STANDARD that says it's okay for men to give in to their sexual urges, (but not okay for women to do the same) that creates the situations you're saying. It is people like YOU that make women like me feel like sluts (I don't by the way) because "good girls don't do that" and "women aren't supposed to feel urges like men do".

We ALL feel sexual urges... sometimes people (male or female) who give in to them show a "lack of willpower". In fact, I'd say men (WARNING: EXTREME GENERALIZATION) as a whole have much less willpower, as demonstrated by the examples you gave (prostitutes, bathhouses, etc), although there ARE male prostitutes, etc... it's just not as BLATANT no doubt due to these double standards.

On the other hand though, what is the big deal with giving into these urges anyway? Unlike eating a ton of chocolate, which will make you sick and/or fat... having (SAFE, PROTECTED) sex is relatively harmless. Casual sex may not be emotionally harmless for people who have sex for non-sexual reasons (like you said above), but if you're okay in your head and you're not hurting anybody (i.e., cheating) then there's no reason why you should have to control your sexual urges, male or female.