Women's crap, A test, Flaking, or A gentle "get lost"

[The Juan and only]

I don't have a clue how I could be coming across as needy.

You say you don't have any idea how you're could've come across as needy, and yet here you are clingling on to any hope that she likes you. People have given you good advice by telling you the harsh truth....but despite that, you refuse to believe anyone and contantly talk about how she said sorry and all this; over-analysing small details and living in desperate denial. Not needy huh?

just think of the irony.

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay...I think you perhaps "gushed" a bit too much in that first text message. Too many exclamation points...too excited. In the second text you sounded a little too formal and didn't have a firm plan for a second date...no specific time or specific place or thing to do. You were not asking her out again...you were suggesting that you'd like to go out again and asking her if she wanted to do "something". Never ask a woman out like that. When you ask a woman out you say something like this..."Let's go play miniature golf on Saturday afternoon and grab something to eat afterwards...whoever wins picks the restaurant. What time is good for you?" The way you asked sounded like you were kinda afraid to ask her out and lacked confidence that she would want to go out with you again.

You came across as too "tentative" and sort of unable to take the lead. I'd almost bet this is what you did wrong.

 

[styleman]

Okay...I think you perhaps "gushed" a bit too much in that first text message. Too many exclamation points...too excited. In the second text you sounded a little too formal and didn't have a firm plan for a second date...no specific time or specific place or thing to do. You were not asking her out again...you were suggesting that you'd like to go out again and asking her if she wanted to do "something". Never ask a woman out like that. When you ask a woman out you say something like this..."Let's go play miniature golf on Saturday afternoon and grab something to eat afterwards...whoever wins picks the restaurant. What time is good for you?" The way you asked sounded like you were kinda afraid to ask her out and lacked confidence that she would want to go out with you again.

You came across as too "tentative" and sort of unable to take the lead. I'd almost bet this is what you did wrong.

I tend to agree, is there a way to turn it around?

 

[Wyldfire]

I tend to agree, is there a way to turn it around?

Once a woman has you pegged as being a certain way it can be hard to unpeg yourself. There's always a chance to turn it around, I suppose. I'd say your best bet is to not contact her at all. If she contacts you again then call her the next day and ask her out assertively instead of tentatively. I'm not saying to be demanding...just ask her as if you expect her to say yes. If you ask her in that way she won't dance around the question and leave you wondering if she likes you or not. Then you won't have to post questions like this. If she wants to go out with you again she will either accept or offer an alternative time if she can't make it on the day you ask. If she's not interested she will say she can't but not suggest an alternative time. If she does that then you know she's just not into you.

 

[everywomanshero]

Yea, I'd say you're probably toast unless everything else around her dries up.

You should post her digits and I'll call her to find out what went wrong. I can then post an honest assessment for guys to see. I'll tell her the date was actually part of a reality TV show, so she'll be willing to talk and think she's going to be all cool.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

The girl cares. She is just busy. Give her a chance. If she was not interested in you, she wouldn't bother with the follow up texts. Think about it.

A person (girl/guy) can care about not trashing the other person's feelings while still not being interested at the sametime. Actually I just did this to a girl that had extremely high interest in me recently. I didn't respond to her phone calls immediately, then finally told her I'm a very busy guy but I enjoy her company and would like to hang out again when I have time.

Probably not the best way to LJBF a girl because it gives the person a glimmer of hope which they will cling to, but its a lot easier than flat out saying "I'm not interested" or not answering the phone.

I think the girl Styleman is after is similar to me in that she feels bad when she disses someone, so she does it in a gentle way that almost makes the other person feel they still have a chance.

Style: Move on, TRUST ME THIS CHICK IS NOT INTERESTED!!




PIMP

 

[insomniac]

A person (girl/guy) can care about not trashing the other person's feelings while still not being interested at the sametime. Actually I just did this to a girl that had extremely high interest in me recently. I didn't respond to her phone calls immediately, then finally told her I'm a very busy guy but I enjoy her company and would like to hang out again when I have time.

Probably not the best way to LJBF a girl because it gives the person a glimmer of hope which they will cling to, but its a lot easier than flat out saying "I'm not interested" or not answering the phone.

I think the girl Styleman is after is similar to me in that she feels bad when she disses someone, so she does it in a gentle way that almost makes the other person feel they still have a chance.

Style: Move on, TRUST ME THIS CHICK IS NOT INTERESTED!!

PIMP

I've done that too with girls I'm not interested in. They'll keep e-mailing or calling, and I unintentionally put off getting back to them and say I'm busy.
The thing is, I actually do feel that I am too busy. But, in reality, if I were into her I'd make the time to get together.

It's a subconscious stalling tactic, a way to put off bluntly telling them you're not interested. Once you've done it to someone, it's much easier to recognize it being done to you.

 

[Hot Ice]

A thread this long *****ing about one chick who shows red flags is like trying to find some gold in your toilet.

Next her already and find new girls that show you respect.

 

[Wyldfire]

THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO FLAKES LIKE THAT.....

"You are feeding me that load of crap?
Have a nice life..."

That message above will call her on her "flakiness." You are seeing through her BS! She will respond to you in a heartbeat after you leave that message. It works everytime and she will want you even more because you are putting her in her place. A respecful girl doesnt send text messages like you posted in your first thread. Therefore, you dont have to be respectful back!

LMAO...sorry sugarbritches...but no woman is going to have any kind of respect for a guy who handles rejection poorly. He didn't handle it horribly...just could have handled it a bit better. What you advise him to do is a hell of a lot worse than what he did.

Your suggestion REEKS of insecurity and she's think he was the most pathetic loser on the planet as well as incredibly immature if he took your advice.

You need to be doing more reading and listening to the advice of others than dishing out advice.

 

[styleman]

You know, in a way I can totally understand how you say she feels, because even I did not feel any strong attraction. I too 'feel' busy, but maybe I am that bit more interested than her, because I know that I can make time.
The reason I want to persue it, regardless of strong atraction, is because although there is not much there on a subconcious attraction level, in terms of conciously liking her, I do. So, given time, I think it would get better.

 

[styleman]

Would a casual chat with her on the phone (not asking her out) be out of the question? How would one go about that if it is not out of the question?

 

[Jariel]

You are analysing way too much! This is a bad sign that I recognise in my former self. It's the sign of a control freak and that's one of the most offputting things in a man and the reason for many of my failed relationships.

Stop analysing so much and whatever will be will be. If she's interested in seeing you again, she'll let you know. Otherwise, start looking out for someone else and don't bother this chick any more.

 

[Jariel]

LMAO...sorry sugarbritches...but no woman is going to have any kind of respect for a guy who handles rejection poorly.

I agree. This is the surest way to burn bridges and ruin any chance of recovery. That would be a shame if she had legitimate reasons for posponing.

 

[styleman]

You are analysing way too much! This is a bad sign that I recognise in my former self. It's the sign of a control freak and that's one of the most offputting things in a man and the reason for many of my failed relationships.

Stop analysing so much and whatever will be will be. If she's interested in seeing you again, she'll let you know. Otherwise, start looking out for someone else and don't bother this chick any more.

If I'm going by the ideology on this site, in my opinion, if I waited for her to call me and tell me that she is interested, it would seem very unmanly and wussy. I cannot see how this works.

 

[grr]

casually.

 

[styleman]

casually.

What do you mean?