Womenese Interpreters! Text message transcript

[ColdNight]

Just when I thought I had women figured out, they manage to confuse me...once again.

A girl. We've chatted a few times, but for very limited periods. The last chat went quite well. I got her laughing, made fun of her etc. I got her number last week (she gave it to me without hesitation and asked me to text her that night with my number - I wait a day, then texted her). Since then, I've spoke to her, what, once? She was stressed at the time, which I noticed, so again, it was only brief.

Anyway, I finally took the initiative to ask her out. I really would have preferred to ask her in person, but knowing it wasn't like that I'd see her, I texted instead.

Here's the transcript (typed out properly for ease of reading):

Me: Hey XXX, how are you? blah blah blah joke blah blah
Her: Heeey, I'm good thanks =), how about you? my days been okay, pretty normal really

So far so good, just usual chit chat.

Me: I'm just relaxing at the moment; could really use a vanilla cream drink though - why don't we go for one towards the end of the week?

I ask her. Busy myself with other work. Check my phone a couple of hours later.

Her: Hey, sorry for the late reply, mmm, vanilla; well I'll see what I'm doing, what day were you thinking of?

Not a flat out yes (which I would have preferred, but still, she didn't decline).

Me: Hmm, depends, what day are you free?

There's no way the ball is going in her court.

Her: hehe, can I just ask, not being rude or cheeky or anything, but what context would you put going out at the end of the week?

A good chance to make fun of her. So I did.

Me: lol, well usually friday, saturday or sunday i.e. the days people are free
Her: lol, sorry it didn't make sense - it did to me though! hehe, I meant that are we talking a "date" or a friendly drink?

Warning lights. She doesn't me all that well (and I don't really know her that well). I'm taking this as "I'm anxious about going on a date, as I hardly know you". I quickly came up with a ****y and funny response - classifying it as either would be suicide.

Me: woah there XXX, I know I'm irresistable and everything, but I usually like to be platonic when I'm just getting to know someone
Her: lol, okay, just making sure - sorry had to ask; that wasn't a hit on you by the way, lol

Further warning signs? This is about where I get confused.

Me: heh, well, I'm free friday evening, busy later on that night, and probably the same for saturday, unless something comes up in the meantime
Her: Erm, I think I might be but I'll let you know to confirm =)

UGH. CONFIRM. I hate that. When girls have high interest in me, it's usually "Yes!" without hesitation, followed by flirtation and THEM saying "it's a date then" etc. I don't know what to make of this. The last time I got a "I'll see what I might be doing" from another girl, she cancelled on me.

Me: We're on for now then (gotta mark these things in me diary you see) - I may see you in college tomorrow, if your lucky

I wanted to get across my time is precious. She was frustrating me at that point.

-END LOG-

So come on lads, what the crap does all that mean. I...can't read her. What's your gut reaction? Post.

 

[ShortTimer]

she doesn't want you

 

[DankNuggs]

Next time ask in person...she's trying to be nice, even laying groundrules...you'd have better luck with the waitress who serves you the drink

 

[dontmindme]

but what context would you put going out at the end of the week?

she asks this because she wants to make sure that it's just a 'friend' date thing because she's not interested in you romatnically. she wanted to make sure you knew that before she said yes.

 

[Duff]

Ok never do what you did again.

Don't ask a girl out through SMS.
Phone her up.

If she text's you, don't reply, wait a day or two then u can phone her back or better still wait for her to text you agen or for her to call.


You were trying to emphasise the fact that you are a busy man rite?

Does a very busy man have time to have text conversations?

Never have a conversation over SMS, email or any other form of communication like that!!!
Can't stress that enough.

When i text a girl it will be after i have asked her out BY PHONE OR IN PERSON

Something like

I'm running a bit late, make it XXXX"

Thats the only kinda stuff i will text because i am TOO BUSY to call.


Sometimes you get girls emailing you their day and ****

Does a busy man have time to read all that **** and reply with conversation?
No ****ing way

 

[ColdNight]

Right. I get the point.

Damage control.

Should I cancel altogether since I'd have "better luck with the waitress"?

My thoughts were that since she doesn't know me that well, and has just had a rough break-up (didn't mention that in post), she may be hesitant in doing anything with someone new - especially someone she hardly knows.

From re-reading the transcript though, it's obvious what her romantic intentions (or lack thereof) are.

Should I give it a shot anyway? Is she worth the friend "date" we're now supposed to be going on?

My plan was to give her a chance, work my magic, and AFTER she gets to know me properly (as in, more than a few words down the corridor) if she has romantic interest, then great. If not, I move on.

As I said, damage control. Your thoughts?

 

[1hepcat]

A few things I can contribute. First, like others have said, ask her out on the phone or in person. That way you can get a better idea of how she feels about you. (You'll know by her tone of voice and possibly body language.) SMS is a wimpy way to do it, and you don't want her to think you're a wimp.

When you are asked to do a "confirm" date, you have to put your foot down right there and say no I'm not going to do that (or just don't call when the time comes -- I did that one time). She's turning you down, but don't let her string you out and put you on call for her.

Girls that like you don't ask about the context because they know it's supposed to be a date and that's what they want. If they ask that means they don't have any interest.

 

[ColdNight]

Lads. Honestly. Can I turn this around or not? If not, I'm cancelling. I have enough friends.

 

[1hepcat]

Originally posted by ColdNight

Should I cancel altogether since I'd have "better luck with the waitress"?

I would, or just don't call to confirm it and make other plans instead. It's kind of rude, but asking someone to call back to confirm is rude too. Especially when she plans on NOT BEING THERE WHEN YOU CALL. Trust me on this one, the probability (I just had a final over probability today, yeay.) that she won't be there if you do call is close to 100%.

My thoughts were that since she doesn't know me that well, and has just had a rough break-up (didn't mention that in post), she may be hesitant in doing anything with someone new - especially someone she hardly knows.

My friend, you are rationalizing. We all tend to do that, I included, but you have to stop. If she were nuts about you she would want to go out with you so she could forget about that other guy.

Should I give it a shot anyway? Is she worth the friend "date" we're now supposed to be going on?

It's not worth the friend "date", and the only silver lining might be that she has some good looking friends. But you don't want to torture yourself spending time with some girl that you have the hots for that doesn't like you.

My plan was to give her a chance, work my magic, and AFTER she gets to know me properly (as in, more than a few words down the corridor) if she has romantic interest, then great. If not, I move on.

Here's what you're missing: if she isn't interested in going out on a date with you now (it's just a date -- ya know, where people get acquainted?) she probably never will be. If you worry about her you might pass up someone girl that's really crazy about you. Been there, done that.

 

[ColdNight]

I hate to say it. But my gut feeling is that you're right (though mind keeps rationalising).

The text pickup (however weak it may have been) was a test. She failed. She has no romantic interest.

The AFC thing to do would be to hang onto her "confirmation" and then go on the friendship thing, then torture myself afterwards in constant mental thought.

The DJ thing would be to leave her and her confirmation hanging. I'm sticking with this course of action. I don't see how she can change that at this point.

I may set her straight tomorrow. "Date or friend date etc. etc.", but then, even that would be a waste of time as she's made her feelings clear.

She's letting me down, but as lightly as she can. Ugh. This year isn't going well.

The thought going through my mind now is that IF I had waited and asked her in person, would her answer have been any different? (i.e. would she have considered it a date?).

 

[Vronski]

You broke one of the cardinal rules:

Don't be afraid of your desires. Be sexual. It's your right. Rephrased. (c) Jeffries

Best of all is to ask them giving a time, place and a reason. Time and place is easy, reason is even easier. We'll watch the sun go down or a walk in the park.


Basically you failed to be sexual. And it's a turnoff. Be bold, be creative and basically speak your mind. It'll turn out to be ****y and funny.

an I just ask, not being rude or cheeky or anything, but what context would you put going out at the end of the week?

I hope you will restrain yourself for at least a week or so. (weak ****y and funny) By then I'll decide, that's if you behave (challenge, mystery, uncertainty, curiosity)

Can she still say no? Yes she can. But you'll continue be sexual anyways. She won't have the courage to stop the convo with you and after some time she'll associate you with sex. And that's what you need.

Anyways: make some notes. Like ITS MY RIGHT TO BE SEXUAL ALL THE TIME WITH ALL THE GIRLS.

Here's an exercise for ya: Since you already lost the girl, continue talkin to her. but on the next conversation start talking about romance, feelings and sex. Start easily - ask her about her ideal guy. Then ask how long would it take her to have sex with him. Then about her kink or a sexual fantasy.

Be persistant. If she refuses to talk, tease her about her insecurities and that she behaves like an old maid from 100 years ago.

You can't have her body, so at least use her to train your skills

PM me when you've completed this exercise.

 

[1hepcat]

Originally posted by ColdNight

The thought going through my mind now is that IF I had waited and asked her in person, would her answer have been any different? (i.e. would she have considered it a date?).

Don't beat yourself up over that. If she liked you a lot, she probably would still have gone; her interest level probably would have gone down a little though and you want it to go up, which is what happens when you ask her directly, which is what you're going to do with the next girl. My opinion is that she never had high interest level.

 

[Lone_raider]

Here is my little bit. I think there are some women who will come up with anything to get out of a "date situation" even if they may have liked you a little bit. Now not all of them, but I have made some serious mistakes in the past and yes you can even screw up over the phone! I remember once long ago I had this girl that at least had medium IL in me. She gave me her cell and home phone when I asked lol! So I called a few days later and still being an AFC, failed to set up an actual place, and actual time, or an actual event to go to. It was sort of like let's do something on Thursday, I don't know what or when, we'll figure it out later. So of course she flaked out and ended up doing something else on our date day! I wasn't forward enough and I offered no leadership! I see you at least offered a time and an event, but regardless it was via text messages. And what this does is give the woman way to much time to think! They can read it, put the phone down, procrastinate all the fine details of this situation before replying and shooting you down somewhat. So your best bet is always the phone call! As you can see it is possible to mess this up as well, so you have to say hey, Friday at 8:00 let's go get a drink at "whatever place". Then you'll get your yes, no, or lame ass cop out lol, but at least you were forward and cut out any procrastination on her part.

 

[dontmindme]

keep her around and use her as social proof. just be careful to not get AFC-ish around her. just because she's got no romantic interest in you, doesn't mean she's totally useless to you

 

[ColdNight]

I'm...profoundly pissed off. I thought I was a good judge of IL. Hmm.

I dunno. She saw me today and said "Hey". I didn't stop though. I was too busy.

I expect that she'll probably text again tonight. So I suppose that means I'll reply tomorrow. If she's stringing me out for the day (as she did with that confirm crap), it's my bloody purogative to string her out tomorrow.

 

[annie]

girl's opinion

Maybe she just wants things to stay casual for a bit before going into serious date mode? Maybe still trying to decide? Try one or two meetings and see how it goes. You never know maybe her IL will go up?

 

[ColdNight]

I talked it over with one of my friends today, and he held that exact same opinion.

Most people on this board tend to disagree though...

 

[golf299]

i wouldnt waste my time. if she had any interest at all, you wouldn't be so confused...

 

[Oxide]

heh, people try to be macho man here and give you a big NEXT advice i see. I think the biggest flaw in asking for advice from people here is that we have no idea what kind of a person the girl is. We dont know what your experiences together have been, or anything like that.
May be she does really like you, but wants to play hard to get, then you will miss out. I'd say call her up in a week, ask her out, and dont say "Well.......what time are you free?" ...Do say. "Im going out thursday and i want you to come with" (dont go out on weekend, that's girls night out).
If she declines, say, "well, it is quite sad you wont have the pleasure to get to know such a cool guy as me".

and that' s it.

 

[BGMan]

Mmm... sorry. I looked at the transcript, and it's obvious that she was stalling. She knew full well that ColdNight was asking her out on a date, and she didn't want to.

I'd say to cancel, work on other women, and if you wanna keep trying for her, then work your DJ magic on her. Don't ask her out again until she shows obvious high interest.

BGMan