Women with emotional walls up

[Pandora]

I subscribe to the anti dump/nexting school of thought. That it is more efficient to find a high interest chick than to create it (nexting low interest chicks ASAP). It has served me very well in the dating world, and i do ok with women. But, i have been noticing lately that nexting can be premature. Many women have alot of baggage and are emotional guarded. They will show a certain amount of interest, for instance make out with you, and then act disinterested for a couple weeks later.

Most experienced guys would take this as an automatic sign of disinterest, hence the mixed signals. But i have found that sometimes its a little more complicated. Some women really are afraid to get emotionally attached to a guy that they like because of some paranoia of being hurt. Its sounds like bs when women used to tell me this, but i am starting to believe it. Its like a self protection mechanism. Women like this need a little more persistence before nexting. I usually ease up on the game and ramp up the honestly with these women.

I have noticed these are the more sexually inexperienced women that have these walls. These girls are attractive but sheltered. I would still suggest nexting girls that dont reciprocate high interest, but as one advances in the dating world you recognize certain exceptions to the rule. Do you guys agree??

 

[Limmy]

I think I agree to some extent and I found myself trying to categorize on girls few years ago as well. It is more reasuring for your mind to label them but believe me, it often makes you loosing opportunities. I'm sorry I did not mean to turn your opinion down but you know girls are complicated

 

[Warrior74]

In the past, I've found that the more I tried to work to get a woman to trust me and remove her emotional walls, the more into AFC land I slid. I just don't bother now, it obviously isn't the right time for us and it isn't meant to be. If it is meant to be it will happen. (god I love using chic logic).

In other words. I would just move on to the next one. Of course I can totally see guys putting in a little work if she's particularly attractive. But it falls too much into RomCom land for my taste. All this trying to prove you're worthy of her emotions and her trust. How far are you gonna go? Some chics run this type of behavior as game. You have to pick a cut off point with these types and see if they chase back.

 

[sstype]

Well if you're dealing with a guarded woman....who's keeping you at bay because she's been hurt in the past....you have to ask yourself what type of men is she's trying to filter out through her actions? If you're a pump and dump player looking for the next easy lay, well can you necessarily blame her for protecting herself? Even if you somehow manage to sleep with her, you'll be dealing with the emotional drama and b.s. from her when you decide to cut her off. Not worth it.

If you do want to stick around, just be gently persistent with her until she opens up. You don't have to "prove" anything to her per se....but just staying on her radar can reassure her that you're willing to invest a little effort.

 

[AW1983]

Well if you're dealing with a guarded woman....who's keeping you at bay because she's been hurt in the past....you have to ask yourself what type of men is she's trying to filter out through her actions? If you're a pump and dump player looking for the next easy lay, well can you necessarily blame her for protecting herself? Even if you somehow manage to sleep with her, you'll be dealing with the emotional drama and b.s. from her when you decide to cut her off. Not worth it.

Very true man, and very insightful.

 

[Burroughs]

This should be law:

BEFORE any woman gets the benefits of 'feminism' she must forfeit all rights to treat her vajayjay as 'precious'

the two cannot go hand in hand

either you demand victorian decorum from a man and you must act ladylike and demure

or you act like a strident, selfish feminist brainwashed cvnt in which case you are obligated to fvck a new man every week by order of law...the VAJAYJAY CANNOT BE A PRIZE IN A FEMINIST MODEL

right now as it stands women have it both ways

 

[Jitterbug]

You can still temporarily next them, but stay on the radar, and don't go No Contact.

Still, most of them (emotionally guarded ones), even if highly interested, aren't worth the effort though.

 

[backbreaker]

what i find interesting, and hell i used to be just as guilty, is when guys will try to find exepctions to their particular rule just becuase they woluld rather find the rare execption versus nexting a woman. like

"most guys would leave a woman with these types of issues, but it's nothing serious i can deal with it" or "most women who are guarded you have to next but what i have found with girls that ....."



next.next.next. next all them hoes. it's really just that ****ing simple. next.



you know, i am a big draftnik.. in general I just like drafts. nba draft, nfl draft. hell I even keep up with the mlb draft. so these last 3 days needless to say I just have been glued in front of the TV watching the NFL draft , while trying to explain to my wife the differences between the 4-3 and 3-4 defenses, what a person with good hips means and so on and so forth.
[
once you get past the first, really the first 2 rounds, eveyr year in the nfl draft there are like, usually 50 to 60 players that if you can get they are just going to improve your team regardless of who they are.

but more times than not, l a team is going to draft for their scheme they run on offense and defense. a team that runs a 4-3 is not going to take a 340 pound nose guard, or a 5 technique Defensive end. on the other hand a team that runs a bunch of zone blocking on ofense is not going to take a 335 pound tackle who runs a 5.3 regardless of how good he is beucase he can't move downfield / off blocks..

I say all this to day,

men, you have to recruit women that fit your scheme.

You have to think of the set of rules or red flags as you doing your talent evl of a nfl prospect. there are certain things you can live with ther eare certain things you can't live with. but if you just took every half decent name that came up that you rememvered from watching TV you would never make the playoffs becuase half hte guys on your team have no business on your team depending on what scheme you are running.

when a woman does not make the cut, you just need to go on to the next prospect.

Look at the patriots. if they do not see any value where they are, they just don't take players just to take them they move down in the draft or move out of it altogether and will just wait until the next year. You have to be willing to be single versus having plates that don't fit your scheme. That's what it all comes down to.

you get out there and mack enough women the plates will come and from those plates some good women that will pass your crieteria.

this is why when I was single, I think i might have made no more than 5 posts about issues i was having in a 5 year period. and i assure you i was getting plenty. i just refused to deal with plates that did not fit. under no circumstances. "yeah my ex i dont' know what he sa.NEXT"

you are really cute but I want to take things slow but hey let's go out to eaNEXT"

No i'm not interested in putting in time to get into your pants, i want women who look at me and are turned on by me and want to have sex with me. i want women who can't keep their hands off me. i don't neogiatie attraction. I work my ass off and i don't want another part time job clocking in just to get you in bed. if that makes me a jerk well girl you can get in the goonie goo goo mobile and get the fvck out.

Go ari gold on that ass, get the fvck out. I just refuse to deal with drama. Even if it means not going on dates, but i over came my very itchy next finger with an unrelenting abiltiy to approach women and talk to them so I always had girls in the hooper.

well i'm not going to say any drama. if a girl had built up some good will, i can let a thing or two slide if you can make your case. my wife with the hole baggy thing, she had built up enough goo;d will in the previous month where i could let that slide if her story was true which it was.

but stuff liek this, this is just a woman not fitting your scheme. you need to keep mining for prospects

 

[Changing13]

BackBreaker,

Wow. The Eddie Murphy reference made me laugh out loud. I needed that man. That is funny. (goonie goo goo) Good stuff man, keep it up.

I also agree with the post. Just next it. Not enough time to waste on would of should of's.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Pandora,
We are all cyclic in our behaviour,little cycles within large cycles,but this doesn't start to compare with females.....They are all soo Moody...In general never next anyone,unless BPD.....Just slide out gracefully,and try to retain them as Plates for later on......You will find it useful,to remember precise dates when they were nice,monthly (28 Days) anniversaries will mostly be just as fruitful!.....If you have not been intemperate in your behaviour,their Birthdays,and Christmas can be worthwhile....Use them the way they would use you!

 

[origin138]

My personal take on this is to back off. If she's interested but has emotional walls up, that's her issue and she needs to address it. Much like a man should make himself better and deal with his hurt/anger/mistrust from previous encounters before engaging in the next, women should also be held to a similar standard. You won't fix her and you won't be able to "break down the walls", that's on her.

I'd venture it's only a matter of time before you step on one of her emotional landmines by mistake and are suddenly compared to the guy/guys who've hurt her in the past. You could be the likely target for something like that.

Some people view "walls" as justified. I view them as emotional immaturity.

Move on until she's healthy enough to accept you and the situation for what they're worth.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Pandora,
In general,hypergamy,branch swinging is the name of the game...In blunt terms she scored with you,is looking around for something that might be better....Such a Woman is never satisfied....Emotional Walls?Femme Dribble,What a lot of Hot Cvock!

 

[Duet]

I'd venture it's only a matter of time before you step on one of her emotional landmines by mistake and are suddenly compared to the guy/guys who've hurt her in the past. You could be the likely target for something like that.

This comment really resonates with me. It's my experience over and over with damaged ones that at some point you will be likened and lumped with previous guys who have apparently hurt them. Often its with something completely innocuous that you've done.

Theoretically its important to stay away from emotionally damaged women but I think its naive not to accept or acknowledge that as women hit their 30's their baggage is infinitely higher - or rather the chances of meeting women in their 30's without these walls gets lower and lower. Its just a fact.

And of course the antidote to all of this is to try and date younger women, but that's not always as easy to pull off in reality as it sounds. Regardless, dating the younger ones often lower's these walls and is a far more worthwhile pursuit, even if I have to work harder!

 

[origin138]

Theoretically its important to stay away from emotionally damaged women but I think its naive not to accept or acknowledge that as women hit their 30's their baggage is infinitely higher - or rather the chances of meeting women in their 30's without these walls gets lower and lower. Its just a fact.

Point taken, and I agree...the baggage factor definitely increases for both sexes in the 30's. I think every man has a personal "breaking point" when it comes to how much emotional baggage he'll put up with and I think every man, and woman, should set reasonable expectations about what is acceptable and be prepared to walk if those expectations aren't met.

At the end of the day, I put a lot of work into making myself a balanced individual. I expect nothing less of the women I date. Do I allow some flex room for "being human"? Of course...but there also exists a line in the sand that once crossed, I rearrange my expectations to protect my own interests. Often, this means simply walking away or allocating more time for other plates and better opportunities.

 

[backbreaker]

Point taken, and I agree...the baggage factor definitely increases for both sexes in the 30's. I think every man has a personal "breaking point" when it comes to how much emotional baggage he'll put up with and I think every man, and woman, should set reasonable expectations about what is acceptable and be prepared to walk if those expectations aren't met.

At the end of the day, I put a lot of work into making myself a balanced individual. I expect nothing less of the women I date. Do I allow some flex room for "being human"? Of course...but there also exists a line in the sand that once crossed, I rearrange my expectations to protect my own interests. Often, this means simply walking away or allocating more time for other plates and better opportunities.

what i have found interesting is that most women as they get older have some type of baggage. an ex husband, kids, a physco x, something. "trama" whatever.

most women, will tell you that you need to be a real man and step up to the plate and you will get shamed by everyone around you for not being a real man yet women never want to take on a man's baggage. i'm not saying never but it's pretty rare. most 30 year old men are expected to be single, never married, no kids.

Not me, besides some past drug history and by past i mean over 6 years ago, i have no real baggage and only 3 girls i have ever dated know about that and they have to earn that right to know about that, not something i tell every girl i date, none of their business. Anyway like, a guy I know, not even tha well he used to talk to one of my wife's friends. He's like 34 years old and he came over my house a few times.

I don't know why and i didn't think it was my place to ask, but he has a 14 year old sister that lives with him everyday, he takes care of her. I can only imagine what went down, one of three things and not any of them are good. I have an 11 year old sister and i can very easily picture a scenario where she comes to live with her big brother, if anything happens to my mom that's what is going to happen her dad can't support her full time.

Anyway, this dude, and mind you, the woman herself has a 8 year old son, my wife's friend just never took him seriously. she would go out from time to time with him but always with her eye out someone where and the first man that came along that she was interested in zap bye bye. you could tell he doesn't get out the house a lot and i was actuallyy kinda peeved she stopped talking to him for no other reason than she didn't want to deal with his sister, and yes that's the petty ass reason why she stopped talking to him. I got his phone number and he seems like a cool dude i'm going to make a concious effort to hang out with him

this dude, puts his head down, does what he has to do, the kid isn't even his and he gets no play. all the women that are telling men to man up and take care of their kids no were to be freaking found. It's not like most men that can say oh i have a little girl and you might see her once or twice after a few months, she lives with him and she's damn near grown herself.

I don't necessarily blame women for that, people are by nature opportunistic they want what they want. the sooner you can accept that the more at peace you will be with life and society. don't ever expect anyone to do antying but what's in their very best interest.