Women who want their wifebeating men to stop - but stay because they're bad boys

[MatureDJ]

I found this public service announcement video, and it got me thinking ...

http://www.upworthy.com/a-famous-ac...ne-a-scene-millions-of-women-recognize?c=ufb1

I can see the situation in which a woman who has never experienced her man beating her go through it for the first time. So after he does this once, why do she stick around?

Could it be that she deep down equates a wifebeater with being an alpha bad boy? Could it be that she has noticed her men acting in a somewhat violent way, and became attracted to him because of it? Could it be that what she really wants is that her man be capable of such brutality, but that he be kept in check by a large dose of shaming and prosecution - and possibly also because he could have a stronger devotion to her, then say, to another woman, for whom there would not be so much devotion (and hence that *other* woman would get beat)?

My opinion: Sorry honey, but once a man has proven he will beat you - for you to stay in the relationship, you deserve all the bruises you get. :box:

 

[expos]

I don't think the woman equates the beating as alpha behavior....it isn't rooted like that.

The woman stays because she has low self esteem, and that esteem is further flattened by the abusive husband so that the woman feels like she has no other options - so she stays until an outside party (mother, father, friend, or child forces them to see the light and leave the guy).

The abusive man is not alpha at all. He's a coward that doesn't have enough intelligence or emotional depth to handle his relationship or even himself.

 

[zekko]

The abusive man is not alpha at all. He's a coward that doesn't have enough intelligence or emotional depth to handle his relationship or even himself.

Careful, expos. You are going to be called a white knight beta faggot here for suggesting that men should not beat women.

Anyway, I agree that she likely doesn't see this as bad boy alpha behavior. I mean, that could be part of it. And I do think women want their man to be be capable of some brutality, sort of as a "protector" mechanism. And there are definitely women who like to be beaten as a sexual turn-on (pretty much all women like to be spanked), but that's a seperate issue.

I know some women who have been in domestically violent marriages, and I can say they might stay for a variety of reasons. They may have low self esteem, they may fear repercussions from the man if they leave him (like he will stalk and kill her, and her family, and/or her children), they may not think they have any financial options to be able to live on their own, they may ashamed to admit they have this problem, they may genuinely love the man other than the abusive behavior. Then there are things like Stockholm Syndrome.

 

[Warrior74]

Careful, expos. You are going to be called a white knight beta faggot here for suggesting that men should not beat women.

I'd rather be a white knight beta faggot. Men shouldn't hit people weaker than them if at all possible. In self defense or correcting children, you do what you have to. As for women, if she makes you lose control where you want to hit her, realize you chose poorly and are being a beta faggot that a woman can manipulate. Man up and leave her.

 

[zekko]

I'd rather be a white knight beta faggot. Men shouldn't hit people weaker than them if at all possible. In self defense or correcting children, you do what you have to. As for women, if she makes you lose control where you want to hit her, realize you chose poorly and are being a beta faggot that a woman can manipulate. Man up and leave her.

Careful, Warrior. You're going to be called a white knight beta faggot here for suggesting that men should not beat women. I know I've been called brainwashed here for suggesting the same.

But I think the same as you. Women are weaker physically. It would be like a teenage boy beating up a seven year old. There's no glory in it, only bullying.

 

[Warrior74]

Careful, Warrior. You're going to be called a white knight beta faggot here for suggesting that men should not beat women. I know I've been called brainwashed here for suggesting the same.

But I think the same as you. Women are weaker physically. It would be like a teenage boy beating up a seven year old. There's no glory in it, only bullying.

I don't care what these people here think. No more than I care what the mainstream thinks. My way is what matters most and I don't beat up on people weaker than me, I don't start fights and I believe in defending myself and my loved ones with as much force as needed. That's my code and fvck any man who doesn't agree.

 

[goons]

Beating women is not an alpha trait. Simple research will illustrate why women stay in abusive relationships it is a psychological phenomenon not because they are attracted to the individual.

 

[Lexington]

As Rollo points out, it's common for us to ascribe "good" qualities to Alphaness, often those that we are ego-invested in. This is why when you ask for examples of Alphas, most men submit people they admire. Alphaness and the evolutionary underpinnings of mating are amoral.

It is perfectly possible for a morally reprehensible person to be an Alpha. Mob bosses, drug dealers, hit men, oppressive dictators etc. all have Alpha qualities; they are simply people who are socially and physically dominant. This attracts women.

Of course, that doesn't mean there aren't morally upstanding Alphas either (e.g entrepreneurs, actors, musicians, athletes, religious leaders, soldiers etc.) But the point is, Alphaness can exist in many different kinds of individuals.

So yes, the guy who beats his wife is probably weak willed in many ways. He is in many ways a loser. But in his wife's eyes, he is an Alpha. That's part of what keeps her around. Is wife beating going to turn every woman on? Of course not. But it is quite common for women to stay with and even adore men who beat them.

 

[goons]

So yes, the guy who beats his wife is probably weak willed in many ways. He is in many ways a loser. But in his wife's eyes, he is an Alpha. That's part of what keeps her around. Is wife beating going to turn every woman on? Of course not. But it is quite common for women to stay with and even adore men who beat them.

They may be attracted at first to the qualities you listed however they don't stay because of them. There is no escape for these women. They are abused across all levels: physical, psychological, emotional, sexual.
These men dominate women in every aspect. This is not being a don juan where women choose and seek to be around you. These types of posts are trash and give the wrong impression.
Cycle of violence, cycle of abuse, battered wife syndrome, stockholm syndrome are a few of the ways psychologically these women are ABUSED. Defence mechanisms the mind psychologically develops in order to survive. They become dependent on their captors, there is no choice.
This is not a case of what is alpha this is abuse of human beings which is what the scum of the earth are about.

 

[Lexington]

They may be attracted at first to the qualities you listed however they don't stay because of them.

I didn't say that they stay exclusively because of them. But there is an aspect of Alpha dominance which they are attracted to.

There is no escape for these women. They are abused across all levels: physical, psychological, emotional, sexual.

You're moralizing here and allowing your emotions to cloud an amoral subject. There are women who have escapes who nevertheless choose to stay with abusive husbands/boyfriends. I've personally known a good looking, rich, intelligent doctor who stuck with an abusive boyfriend who left visible bruises on her.

These men dominate women in every aspect.

And a lot of women find being dominated sexually exciting.

This is not being a don juan where women choose and seek to be around you.

I never said it was

These types of posts are trash and give the wrong impression.

I can't be held responsible for your lack of reading comprehension.

Cycle of violence, cycle of abuse, battered wife syndrome, stockholm syndrome are a few of the ways psychologically these women are ABUSED. Defence mechanisms the mind psychologically develops in order to survive. They become dependent on their captors, there is no choice.

As I said earlier, there are cases when women are not dependent on their men. They could leave them and they wouldn't have to fear for their lives. But they keep going back. At some level they are turned on by the violence or at least not repulsed enough by it to leave.

This is not a case of what is alpha this is abuse of human beings which is what the scum of the earth are about.

One can be scum of the Earth and also be Alpha.

 

[goons]

Psychologically they can't escape maybe you missed that part.
Scum can not be alpha. They have alpha traits but lack the power to truly lead others towards positive objectives, while subjecting those weaker than them. In the end were arguing semantics.
Domination can mean many things but in this case were talking about domination to break a person down into submission 100% of the time.
The mere fact that this thread exists on forum geared towards self betterment and growth is disgusting and not at all what this forum represents. This is the reason why I got bent out of shape. Its one thing if someone is into that type of stuff another when someone is using their physical dominance to control another.
There are other major reasons why these women stay. The topic has been studied researched and put into practice with how police deal with domestics. It is an issue of dependence and psychological torment, not just the physical act.

Scum control others, while alphas lead.

 

[Lexington]

Psychologically they can't escape maybe you missed that part.
Scum can not be alpha. They have alpha traits but lack the power to truly lead others towards positive objectives, while subjecting those weaker than them. In the end were arguing semantics.

Alpha male is a term borrowed from ethology. Take wolves for example, the Alpha male is simply the highest ranking male in the pack. He is the Alpha because he earned that position through physical dominance. There is nothing good or bad about it; he is probably bigger, stronger and more aggressive than the other males. We see similar patterns in gorillas, lions and many other social species.

"Alphaness" has nothing to do with being good or bad. It is about dominance. Dominance can be achieved through force, through persuasion, through money/influence etc. But there is nothing about being Alpha that necessarily entails leading others to positive objectives. A terrible person can be an Alpha and a wonderful person can be a Beta or Omega.

The mere fact that this thread exists on forum geared towards self betterment and growth is disgusting and not at all what this forum represents.

No one is advocating beating women here. We are just having a frank discussion. It's no secret that women (and men) are often aroused by unsavory individuals. This sometimes includes wife beaters. Obviously not all women are, but it is certainly not an unusual occurrence for women to continue to feel strong attraction for men who beat them for years.

This is the reason why I got bent out of shape. Its one thing if someone is into that type of stuff another when someone is using their physical dominance to control another.

Again, no one is advocating beating women here. The OP was simply making an unpleasant and politically incorrect observation. It's not a stretch to say that guys who beat their wives exhibit Alpha characteristics and that these Alpha characteristics are part of what keep the woman attracted to the man.

Beating a woman is an extreme manifestation of physical and psychological dominance. But behaviors which many women like such as picking them up, being decisive, taking charge, being dominant in the sack, slapping their ass etc. are on the same spectrum.

There are other major reasons why these women stay. The topic has been studied researched and put into practice with how police deal with domestics. It is an issue of dependence and psychological torment, not just the physical act.

I agree that there are other factors at play. But there is an aspect of bad boy behavior that arouses women. Beating a woman is an extreme example of bad boy behavior and not one that I advocate. However the fact remains that there are men who beat women who are extremely attractive to a lot of women (e.g Chris Brown).

 

[goons]

I agree with everything you said. Simply my objection to this discussion was that these women stay because these men appear alpha.
Playful dominance is the best way to describe what should be taken out of this thread but this is nothing new to what has already been discussed on here.
Read this a while back and expresses that point perfectly.

http://www.attractioninstitute.com/what-women-want-in-bed/

 

[orion]

Beating women is not an alpha trait. Simple research will illustrate why women stay in abusive relationships it is a psychological phenomenon not because they are attracted to the individual.

Well, I did read your other posts too, but this is really the core of your argument.

The thing is, it is not an argument at all.

Just because you can label psychological phenomena that lead to women submitting to dominance does not make them less powerful.

Just because it does not fit your idea of "attraction" does not mean that they do not stay.

If you look at what they do, not say, do:

He treats them like ****, they stay, they make excuses for him.

Thats the standard bad boy dynamic with a tad more dominance and hamsterbation.

 

[evan12]

Men who beat their wifes are usually have some traits that women like ,
first they are more masculine and have more deep voice, also they are more willing to fight with others which women consider that good sign for protector.
another thing they make their wife they submissive doormat which is the inner desire of a lot of women to serve a strong man .
socially he is a sick man but biologically he is the perfect man for the wife, some men go extreme and cause serious injuries to women , but most of bad boys/husbands only beat a woman to some degree without leaving permanent signs.
it is more easy to a woman to imagine her self submitting to an abusive husband than submitting to a polite nerd .

 

[zekko]

Most men who beat their wives are extremely insecure. They fear losing them, and losing control over them, so they beat them into submission. Most such men do not carefully calculate thier beatings, but rather lose self control and lash out in an emotional wave of rage. And fear, jealousy, or whatever else is driving them.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My bpd ex just got the hell beat out of her by her fiancee. He's in jail now, but she won't press charges, so he will be out shortly. When I saw her, one side of her face was nothing but a giant black bruise. She's still wearing his ring and she's not mad at all. Her facebook profile picture is still of the two of them.

I never did beat her when we were together. But I did almost beat up a guy for kissing her when she was at a bar with me. I lost my cool and would not normally behave that way. But that night, she practically raped me when we got home.

 

[Atom Smasher]

These tend to be parasitic relationships. Both feed off the deep insecurities of each other, and both are subconsciously sexually turned on by the dynamic.

In the case of a BPD, many (if not most) of them subconsciously egg the man on to finally hit them, the ultimate form of attention in their twisted minds. "If he hits me, that shows how much he cares and proves to me that I have an effect on him." Being hit, for these people, is a validation of significance.

 

[zekko]

In the case of a BPD, many (if not most) of them subconsciously egg the man on to finally hit them, the ultimate form of attention in their twisted minds.

Yeah, when you're talking about BPDs, you're in some twisted territory there. There's nothing these women crave more than drama, and what could be more dramatic than having your husband/boyfriend beat you? There's the excitement of the fight, then they get to play the victim card afterwards. These women also don't mind being hurt physically, they often do it to themselves (cutting, suicide attempts, etc).

 

[orion]

Yeah, when you're talking about BPDs, you're in some twisted territory there. There's nothing these women crave more than drama, and what could be more dramatic than having your husband/boyfriend beat you? There's the excitement of the fight, then they get to play the victim card afterwards. These women also don't mind being hurt physically, they often do it to themselves (cutting, suicide attempts, etc).

The interesting thing is that in most cases of DV couples hit each other.

Even more interesting, he is not likely to repeat this in the next relationship, she is very likely too.

Contrary to what was previously believed that those poor damaged doves actively seek out men who will abuse them, they can actually make a men deck them who never raised his hands in his life.

Conclusion: If you feel that a woman wants you to hit her she probably does, if you stick around you probably will and this would be as good a time as any to get up and walk out of her life.