Women who claim they are sweet people

[Luminescence]

I would generally think that a girl that says she is ''sweet'' is less likely to be intelligent......The girls that make me actually feel uneasy are the **** teasers with the superficial charm and sweet persona, who put a great deal of effort into appearing humble and virtuous.....The few that I've interacted with eventually seemed as cold as ice to me.

In other words a cunning women will avoid praising herself to appear even more virtuous.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Interesting replies.

Mr. Me, Lex Luthor, thanks a bunch for posting that information on that complex and syndrome. They actually caused some post mortem eureka moment with me about some past occurences.

Especially the Good Child Syndrome. The symptoms actually describe the female friend I spoke of in my example pretty well. In fact, every single one of them applied to her (probably still do).

When things were nice, it was good. But the minute she felt misjugded... Hide! I continuously felt as having to deal with a "holier than thou" attitude when we had misgivings. Funny. Where at first she had seemed so very mature with her wise words, I later felt more and more like she was just rehashing whatever her parents had put in her mind as a kid. It all sounded so imprinted and unreal. As if you were talking to a person who doesn't thinks for herself but instead spews, literally, what others have told her. All those idealized shoulds and musts that are really inhuman. Inhuman. That's actually how it all felt at the time. And I just didn't understand. Was she for real? Really very... strange.

It's good to be able to put a few more of the last pieces of the puzzle together, even after all that time.

Anway. I think we all agree that any person who volunteers something positive about themselves without being asked, has something to hide.

Incidently, the woman who was the cause for me to put up this thread has already shown herself to be very enthousiastic about me. She didn't have the patience to wait for 4 days for my reply to her first message. ("I had really hoped to hear from you again.") Hey, I was busy. Really.

Talk about insecure. Or desperate, seeing that she's "seriously looking, wants kids". 31-year old medical doctor with a nice rack. Then again, she's a blonde.

This is going to be fun. Dealing with the me of several years ago. A piece of my own cake. I'll eat it well.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

You're right that people who are sweet usually don't need to proclaim it to the world. Everyone can tell immediately or just knows already. This applies to plenty of adjectives concerning personality, though. Usually people feel a need to say things like this because they are worried or know that they aren't true, but want to make sure other people believe it anyway. It's almost like they are their own bad publicists.

The reason I'm posting this is because I'm back into the dating scene again after a little break, and I just got in touch with someone via an online dating service. We're in the introductory phase, a few short messages were exchanged. In her last message, she called herself a "sweet" person (as in nice, kind, gentle). Despite the fact that she appears quite healthy personality-wise, career-wise (of course one can't really tell from an online profile and a few messages), my gut alert immediately went off and I felt the urge not to proceed any further.

I would not let your previous experience jade you too much. In online dating, before meeting the woman, she is probably going to give you a laundry list of personality traits. This is for you to get to know more about her, but also an opportunity for her to qualify yourself.

I just feel as though it is not as big of a deal when e-mailing with someone as they can soon run out of ways to describe themselves, so "sweet" seems to be a very general yet positive term that women can throw in there. I'd wait until a meeting in person before wildly passing judgment (assuming there are no other red flags).

As for the woman you mentioned, she is in a high profile job where women have traditionally not participated. She's also probably been working hard since high school and, while professional fulfilled, is seeing her social life pass her by. She is also early 30s, so she has that old biological clock issue as well. I say use these facts to your advantage. She's obviously desperate and interested; she basically told you that in so many words.

 

[slaog]

My girlfriend is interesting. She told me that everybody thinks shes very sweet but she told me she isn't really. She says that she often says "mean" things about people and swears. I don't think shes a fake person though. Usually you can tell when things go wrong and she's usually consistant in her behaviour from the day I met her till now.


My mother is definetly one of those women who is fake. Just the other day my father was telling me how she was argueing and swearing in the car as he was bringing her to work. She was angry and very aggressive. As soon as she steps out of the car there were a few work colleges there and she greeted them with a smile and a big hello! As I said to him, if we told somebody they wouldn't believe us. lol


Over time it's usually easy to spot fake people.


There are some men who are similar to this too. They're called AFCs. AFCs are fake too and tell women what they want to hear.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

My girlfriend is interesting. She told me that everybody thinks shes very sweet but she told me she isn't really. She says that she often says "mean" things about people and swears. I don't think shes a fake person though. Usually you can tell when things go wrong and she's usually consistant in her behaviour from the day I met her till now.

Maybe she is the opposite and is afraid of being labeled too nice or too sweet, so she's trying to do the same thing as the other women we've discussed just reversed.

My mother is definetly one of those women who is fake. Just the other day my father was telling me how she was argueing and swearing in the car as he was bringing her to work. She was angry and very aggressive. As soon as she steps out of the car there were a few work colleges there and she greeted them with a smile and a big hello! As I said to him, if we told somebody they wouldn't believe us. lol

You could call that fake, but it's really just good that she can flip it like a switch that way. Her colleagues need not be subject to her wrath when they have nothing to do with it.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

My girlfriend is interesting. She told me that everybody thinks shes very sweet but she told me she isn't really. She says that she often says "mean" things about people and swears. I don't think shes a fake person though. Usually you can tell when things go wrong and she's usually consistant in her behaviour from the day I met her till now.

Maybe she is the opposite and is afraid of being labeled too nice or too sweet, so she's trying to do the same thing as the other women we've discussed just reversed.

My mother is definetly one of those women who is fake. Just the other day my father was telling me how she was argueing and swearing in the car as he was bringing her to work. She was angry and very aggressive. As soon as she steps out of the car there were a few work colleges there and she greeted them with a smile and a big hello! As I said to him, if we told somebody they wouldn't believe us. lol

You could call that fake, but it's just good business that she can flip it like a switch that way. Her colleagues need not be subject to her wrath when they have nothing to do with it.

 

[Alexander the Great]

I would not let your previous experience jade you too much. In online dating, before meeting the woman, she is probably going to give you a laundry list of personality traits. This is for you to get to know more about her, but also an opportunity for her to qualify yourself.

I just feel as though it is not as big of a deal when e-mailing with someone as they can soon run out of ways to describe themselves, so "sweet" seems to be a very general yet positive term that women can throw in there. I'd wait until a meeting in person before wildly passing judgment (assuming there are no other red flags).

It doesn't jade me and I'm not passing any judgement on her, no worries there. It just puts me on yellow alert. I've never understood why anyone would have to present themselves as being nice or sweet. Especially if they're not asked what they're like.

Then again, maybe I'm thinking too much like a man. Maybe it's normal for women to spew such claims about themselves and it doesn't mean much. Especially over e-mail. But you know, when you're corresponding or meeting in the flesh with someone, what's the purpose of qualifying yourself? I think you qualify yourself better by the way you write or talk, what you say, how you say it, the way you respond to questions etcetera. In short: you qualify by showing your personality. Show, don't tell is the adage here. Even over e-mail.

But maybe that's a man's way of thinking, who then seeks all sorts of trickery behind statements he wouldn't make himself. And of course there are bad previous experiences with women who did the same. Hence yellow alert.

Anyway, as I read this back it seems as if I'm making a big fuss over it. This girl labelling herself sweet in the somewhat decisive, brook-no-argument manner she did it in, she didn't tick me off, she just brought back some memories with it, inspiring me to put up this thread as I wonder about why people do such things. I won't let a probably innocent statement jade me. But the yellow alert has me watching her closely if we ever meet. Of which there's a good chance. She does like what she's reading so far.

As for the woman you mentioned, she is in a high profile job where women have traditionally not participated. She's also probably been working hard since high school and, while professional fulfilled, is seeing her social life pass her by. She is also early 30s, so she has that old biological clock issue as well. I say use these facts to your advantage. She's obviously desperate and interested; she basically told you that in so many words.

Hmm, kind of a her-centric statement there. You a woman? :trouble:

No worries about her social life. She seems to have plenty of that. Was living together less than a year ago, so I don't think she's that desperate (if she is already: red flag!). Interested, yes. Still, yellow alert.

 

[Alexander the Great]

You could call that fake, but it's really just good that she can flip it like a switch that way. Her colleagues need not be subject to her wrath when they have nothing to do with it.

Sorry Bucket, but I don't call that "really good". Yeah, she's a really good ACTRESS. That's what her behaviour is showing. And you should always beware of such people.

Sure, colleagues need not suffer her wrath. But why wrath? Why always the extreme? Why always either happy or angry? Can't she just seem a little down? Affected by the previous less-than-stellar experience just before in slaog's car? I'd think that her colleagues wouldn't mind. What's she to hide by not showing herself? Why the need to act?

People who are able to flip their switch and hide themselves easily are a little weird. Inhuman. Actors. Dangerous. They'll flip the switch on you someday and then you're f*cked. Spies, infiltrants, double-agents. All actors. A deadly foe if turned against you. Even if it's just your mother.


My impression gauge that you're really a woman is now rising steadily, by the way.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

My impression gauge that you're really a woman is now rising steadily, by the way.

Haha, you're a bit off on that one. We both know you should probably meet this woman in person before you get a real feel for what she is like and whether you should be worried or not.

As for the "flipping the switch" issue, I guess we just have a different opinion here. I think being able to "act" like this is just good practice in a business environment. I'm not saying she should be a robot, but being worked up emotionally in the car with your father is one thing, but her colleagues have nothing to do with it. If she has anger or aggression problems, that is a separate issue.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Haha, you're a bit off on that one.

Well, I'll just have to take your word for it.

We both know you should probably meet this woman in person before you get a real feel for what she is like and whether you should be worried or not.

Yes, of course you can't get ANY feel from anyone unless you meet them. Indeed we both know that.

As for the "flipping the switch" issue, I guess we just have a different opinion here. I think being able to "act" like this is just good practice in a business environment. I'm not saying she should be a robot, but being worked up emotionally in the car with your father is one thing, but her colleagues have nothing to do with it. If she has anger or aggression problems, that is a separate issue.

For business purposes, yeah, being able to flip a switch is a good thing. A great asset, even. It just seemed to me that the situation didn't warrant it, making the person in question someone to look out for. I suppose we don't really disagree, perhaps I'm reading too much in of a forum post, which is a dangerous tendency of mine. Like with that e-mail you think I'm overreacting to.

 

[slaog]

As for the "flipping the switch" issue, I guess we just have a different opinion here. I think being able to "act" like this is just good practice in a business environment. I'm not saying she should be a robot, but being worked up emotionally in the car with your father is one thing, but her colleagues have nothing to do with it. If she has anger or aggression problems, that is a separate issue.

Well my mother usually lets her anger out at the family even when she is angry about something in work and even things outside of work.

 

[Mr. Me]

Mr. Me, Lex Luthor, thanks a bunch for posting that information on that complex and syndrome. They actually caused some post mortem eureka moment with me about some past occurences.

Isn't that feeling of lightbulbs exploding on, casting light on your life events and finally making sense of it all, just simply wonderful? Glad to help.

Incidently, the woman who was the cause for me to put up this thread has already shown herself to be very enthousiastic about me. She didn't have the patience to wait for 4 days for my reply to her first message. ("I had really hoped to hear from you again.") Hey, I was busy. Really.

Talk about insecure. Or desperate, seeing that she's "seriously looking, wants kids". 31-year old medical doctor with a nice rack. Then again, she's a blonde.

High interest is what you're seeing there.
"Insecure" would be a message from her blasting you for not calling or hurting because "you're so rude".
"Desperate" would be an email from her asking for your opinion on the names she's chosen for the kids she wants to have with you.

She's probably got a plan for her life. "After I get my M.D., then I want to start a family."

Come to think of it, that's the plan many women have even when they're not doctors themselves.

 

[MisterMcGee]

High interest females are trouble lmfao. you dont know what they're up to. any woman who says "i want to start a family" scares me because its like they have an ulterior motive haha...

 

[donif871]

a medical doctor?? bad choice..she have plans, either you agree with her or you're out..a woman who is medical doctor, is the last kind you want...

 

[Alexander the Great]

Well, we'll see about that after I give her a full physical. Let her be on the receiving end for a change.

Yeah Mr. Me, it's high interest. I know.

 

[IKO69]

I'll take that a step further and say be very wary of any woman who overtly comes out and purports some attractive attribute about herself. If it is a genuine attribute, it will just show. She doesnt need to advertise.

Women who have to come out and tell you--unsolicited--about how sweet or lovable they are, are simply insecure and want to preemptively augment your perception of them.

All of of these online dating sites ask you to describe yourself, however, so I wouldnt take that as seriously as a girl who tells me face-to-face how sweet she is.

Yes, pay attention you guys. All you have to do..10 times out of 10 is just listen and she will tell on herself. If it sounds weird just sit back and think why she would say such a thing.

Here's a personal example. I liked some girl alot years ago. She came back from summer vacation one time and we shot the ****. I forget how but she started talking about some dude she liked that ended up not being up to par. I said something along the lines of I bet she came across a lot of interesting guys while there. She responded back by saying some **** about how it wasn't like she went around having sex with random guys. I was like "Huh? When did I say that? why are you telling me this?" then she told me that sorta thing was dirty and she went on for a while assuring me she was able to have a lot of fun without being dirty. lol completely out of place. And that was just the tip of the iceberg...cant tell you how many times she'd brag about being so confident and an overall hot shot, that if she couldn't do it it couldn't be done, she was so sure of herself. Meanwhile one innocent little tease once about her funny sounding last name caused her to flip out and threaten to kick my in the balls lol. all a front. I always wondered if she even realized how big a liar she was.

 

[squirrels]

Never listen to the literal context of something that someone tells you about themselves.

Instead, pay attention to the context in which it is offered. Ask yourself WHY they are volunteering that information, and WHY at this particular place and time.

Are they trying to convince you of something? And if so, why does that not come through in their natural behavior?

There's a lot to look at when someone volunteers personal information like that directly. Often, you see examples of people trying to convince not only YOU, but THEMSELVES, that they have or don't have a specific personality trait.

This is basic socio-psychology.

 

[Tictac]

That reminds me of the joke about personal ads of women's and their real meaning:

40-ish.................. 48
Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic................ Flat-chested
Average looking......... Ugly
Beautiful............... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin
Educated................ College dropout
Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
Free spirit............. Substance user
Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun..................... Annoying
Gentle.................. Comatose
Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................ Loud
Passionate.............. Loud
Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional............ Real Witch
Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.............. Very Fat
Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart.......... Toothless crone

Instant classic! Funny as Hell because its (mostly) true.

Thanks, I needed this,
Tictac

 

[robinincarolina]

I never reveal my qualities, I let you find that out for yourself. Same goes with men, when they tell you how great they are and how good they would treat you, run for the hills. It show me, don't tell me. Who wants to be percieved as sweet anyway. Nothing wrong with sweet, but its not how I want to be viewed in the first place, smart, funny maybe, sexy even, but sweet, my mother is sweet.

 

[Sinistar]

Anyway, women who call themselves sweet people.

Translation: I want you to think I'm sweet. I want me to think I'm sweet. I keep hoping if I say it enough I'll turn out sweet. But I know deep down I never will.

Why would anyone you barely know volunteer "extra" information like this about themselves? Either they are trying to hide or manipulate or both.

This applies to men and women alike.

Maybe there's a really quick test you can run here. Throw some C&F right back at her:

Sweet Girl: "I'm really a sweet person"
DJ: "Well...that's not what XXXX said."

I suspect such an immediate challenge (even though delivered in C&F manner) will produce some type of reaction (albeit subtle) confirming they are not all that sweet after all. Rarely do these people have healthy programming for criticism.