women that call you controlling

[captain55]

so I recently broke up with my ex, one of the reasons we didn’t work out (besides from her being a total nut) is that she said I was too controlling and that I wouldn’t let her be herself.

For example, she would get overly loud and obnoxious when she would drink and I would get pissed off every time. Her response to all of this - I won’t let her be herself. When all I wanted was a chick that could handle her liquor without embarrassing me in public.

She would post sexually suggestive things on Snapchat and I would get pissed off. Her response- “you can’t handle dating a hot chick and You just don’t like the idea of other men finding her sexy (lol she really say this)”

When she would go out and drink, she would get so in the moment with her friends having a conversation she would fail to communicate with me...about when she would be home for example. I told her I felt like I couldn’t rely on her and she didn’t show me enough responsibility for me to consider having kids or a future with her.

After I told her that our relationship went downhill and the disrespect got worse...I stopped taking her out, No dates, ignored her, treated her like a ****buddy ....figured she would get the message but still dealt with the same old crap. . I finally left her because I realized she’s never gonna change.
girl grew up without a dad around maybe that had something to do with it.

Extremely frustrating situation because I had a deep connection with her and we had great chemistry, but felt like as a man it was necessary to leave to keep my self respect. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Anyone go through anything similar? It’s unfortunate because sometimes the chicks you know aren’t relationship material you tend to have the most chemistry with...even if your not compatible as people

 

[Roober]

Sounds like a low quality woman. A woman that behaves in that way does not deserve any sort of exclusivity. You learned for the next one!

 

[Serenity]

Extremely frustrating situation because I had a deep connection with her and we had great chemistry

even if your not compatible as people

How does that work? How can you have great chemistry and be incompatible? That's a contradiction.

 

[captain55]

How does that work? How can you have great chemistry and be incompatible? That's a contradiction.

There are girls out there with daddy issues unable to have a healthy romantic relationship with any man that just may happen to have the same hobbies and interests as you, like the same foods as you, who you can have deep intellectual conversations with. Your telling me you’ve never had women you connected with who you still wouldn’t date?

A girl that is rebellious that hates the idea of authority....your not gonna date her. Regardless of how much you have in common with her. This is why so many guys cheat on girls that are wife material with dangerous chicks...a lot of good women are boring.

 

[Julian]

The lesson here bros is you need to be the alpha who is superior to the women he is with. You cant wife up an attention wh0re whos a sloppy drunk on top of it. And you getting mad about it is your own fault.

Honestly you need to treat these girls like they are beneath you. You shouldnt be getting mad over petty stuff and you should not try an connect deeply with a chick like this.

These types u just need to let them fly free and be that california redwood thats supremely strong and alpha and always there for her to land on. U need to be tjat tree that all the fit birds land on. Unmoving, immobile, strong as fuk and majestic. Shes just a bird..they come an go and there are many beautiful varieties

 

[Serenity]

Your telling me you’ve never had women you connected with who you still wouldn’t date?

Haven't had that. If chemistry is lacking then she's incompatible to me. If compatibility is lacking there's no chemistry, at least from my point of view.

I do understand the fact that some guys are superficially attracted to sh!tty women, but it will never make rational sense to me.

 

[devilkingx2]

if a woman calls you controlling ask yourself if you're actually being controlling or if she's deflecting. here's an example involving a woman who dresses too conservatively/masculinely/plainly/boringly for your tastes:

controlling: you're not allowed to wear jeans because they're not lady-like enough for my personal tastes even though it's winter

normal person: I really like mini skirts and I think you look cute in them, tis a shame you don't wear them often, would be cool if you did

setting boundaries/being alpha: wearing baggy sweatpants 24/7 makes you look like a depressed teenaged boy and that's not my fetish

 

[Glassguy]

She is your ex. Who cares what she thinks as long as you're not actually overly controlling. Be laid back and fun and who cares what other people that you aren't fvcking think.

 

[Masculinity]

Your ex sounds nuts. Go find better women now that you can!

 

[Kultam]

She would post sexually suggestive things on Snapchat and I would get pissed off. Her response- “you can’t handle dating a hot chick and You just don’t like the idea of other men finding her sexy (lol she really say this)”

This one is so bad. She betrayed you emotionally on social media for attention and validation of other men. I used to get mad about this but it drives chicks away if you tell her you are pissed off, and she will even manipulate you more, yeah sad I know. But since cheating emotionally, is cheating, then I would do the same physically (devalue her to plate. Men dont need to cheat emotionally, they prefer doing it physically, and she cheated first, so).

 

[Reykhel]

so I recently broke up with my ex, one of the reasons we didn’t work out (besides from her being a total nut) is that she said I was too controlling and that I wouldn’t let her be herself.

There are some things we have control over and there are other things we have no control over.....

You have no control over the dating market for example. You have no control over other people (granted there's certain influence that you can have, but let's leave that for another day). You have no control over whether an addict consumes or not.

You have no control over whether she's a nut. HOWEVER, you do have control about whether you let a ****ing nut into your life (granted some of them are great liars and manipulators). You do have control over spotting her red flags and ditching her before you have any emotional connection...

Look, most folk who moan about things that they have no control over will end up with a victim mentality. Focus on what you can control. Believe it or not the more you do this YOUR CIRCLE OF CONTROL WILL EXPAND. YOU WILL EXERT MORE INFLUENCE

Focusing on what you can control puts you in the driving seat....it makes you responsible for your life experience.

You and your life is like a country. Every country has boundaries. You are responsible for what passes through your boundaries.

She's a nut? she's a drunk? Slam the fvcking door shut on her! No you are not getting into this country! But now you let her come in and yes in a way you did try to govern her.......you cannot control another person's drinking. Never mind if it makes you controlling in her eyes......which you are being......but it will make you codependent. You do not want to be codependent. You will get emotionally drained.

Recognize what's in your circle of control and what's outside of it. Recognize who and what you wish to let into your country (your world) and who you must slam the door shut on. No matter how nice her tits and azz makes you feel.

If she is trash, put her out like you would the trash. Later, why would you care for the trash's opinion about you.

For example, she would get overly loud and obnoxious when she would drink and I would get pissed off every time. Her response to all of this - I won’t let her be herself. When all I wanted was a chick that could handle her liquor without embarrassing me in public.

She was right, you should have let her be herself. Let women show you who they are and then decide quickly...
"do I want that in my life?" Your gut will scream at you.........listen to it.

What you see is what you get. You cannot change them. Futile to try as you have seen.

She would post sexually suggestive things on Snapchat and I would get pissed off. Her response- “you can’t handle dating a hot chick and You just don’t like the idea of other men finding her sexy (lol she really say this)”

Your mistake was to get reactionary. You must learn to be proactive.

She was not the girl you wanted to be with. Answer? Get rid of her sooner. You then make room for better to come through the door.

When she would go out and drink, she would get so in the moment with her friends having a conversation she would fail to communicate with me...about when she would be home for example. I told her I felt like I couldn’t rely on her and she didn’t show me enough responsibility for me to consider having kids or a future with her.

Christ mate, you were talking about kids and the future to a party *****. Can you see how futile that wise?

Don't talk to women about the future. It's like asking your five year old what university he wants to go to and then getting annoyed at his answer.

Keep your own counsel or post here. Let her be the one to talk to you about "relationship" or "future".

You sound like you were trying to nail down a party chick and from her perspective yes that was controlling and smothering.

You cannot work on her but you can work on you.