Women often seem better friends to each other that men with other men?

[englishman]

Anybody have any thoughts on this?

Im familiar with the idea that as men we will tell each other when we are going wrong etc..

But in my life I found when the sh1t hit the fan that a lot of my men friends were just fair weather friends.

The one's that were good friends seemed to exhibit characteristics that I see often in female to female friendships.

Women will check up on each other, help each other to settle into changes in their lives. Meet up for dinner and chat about things in depth. Offer reassurance. And they don't just do it once, but over and over, like they base their friendships on it.

Men on the other hand in my own experience in life don't really want to know beyond a kind of "hey, beer, football, chicks blah blah"

Here on SoSuave, a lot of guys have tended towards thinking things through, but I have to say the majority of men I know are what a women once called 'dummy boys'

What is a 'dummy boy' It's a kind of guy that sees a pair of t1ts and kind a drools and gets all 'ya man... hooters' and totally loses it. Drops a hundred bucks on a date with a chick he doesn't even know..We all know that kind of chump behaviour.

Myself I'd like to find more solid friendships.... an example is, a young guy I knew went nuts with a gun a few years back. He ended up shooting himself.

Everyone rallied around the mother, but the father? Know one seemed to really particularly know much about how he was doing. Or give a fvch that they didn't know.

My own brother took his own life years back, of my friends after a couple of weeks they had forgotten about it. A couple of them asked how I was doing. Most didn't bother.

I didn't say a lot, I just observed what happened and made mental notes. But it was extremely disappointing. At the end of the day I'd narrowed it down to 2 solid friends and a whole lot of chump change.

 

[Cejay]

Seems to me most men are like that. We typically have a few, real solid buddies. Guys who keep a little bail money in a coffee can with your name on it. Guys who ask what do you need and when do I be there when the sh1t hits the fan.

The rest of the men in my life are somewhere in between casual acquaintance and friend and tend to drift in and out of my life.

I found out who mine were real quick when my wife's affair was discovered.

CJ.

 

[englishman]

Seems to me most men are like that. We typically have a few, real solid buddies. Guys who keep a little bail money in a coffee can with your name on it.
CJ.

A little bail money in a coffee can with your name on it! Yep, that sounds about right. For sure the guys I'd call solid friends are like that.

The others would need the money to by themselves tampons or something :rockon:

 

[Who Dares Win]

I notice for many men myself incluced that associations and friendships exists only when there is a common goal or a common mutual help need.

I noticed in my life than men which I was used to associate and spend time with, simply stop being part of my life the same moment our shared activity or common goal was no longer existing.

The guys with which I train in the gym or those from university for example.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Woman have their "radar" to assess a man's willingness to commit resources set very low. This an advantageous trait. Helps women find a man who will really commit. However, because it is automatically set low....women rely on other women to help them assess how much their man will commit.

Bottom line.....women get together and help other women figure out how willing a man will commit resources to a woman. It's another survival of the species thing that women do.

However women tend to be friends with women who have men. A group of women who have mates tend not let single women with no mates in their circle of friends and consider single women the competition.

To summarize: Women need each other to help determine their relationship with their mate. Evolution and survival of the fittest. Men don't need anything like this.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

A true (male) friend has both cash onhand for your bail and always has shovel ready and never asks questions. Ok maybe that's a little extreme but I think you get the picture here. I can think of only 1-2 people in my life who would do this.

I have to agree with the OP though that I've noticed my wife tends to have an easier time making friends with other women but I've also noticed these other women also have it easy.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Englishman.
Benjamin Franklin had it right when he said,"...at the end of the day,the only thing you can really trust in life are an Old Dog and Cash at the Bank"...Darned right!

 

[Cejay]

A couple, additional, random thoughts on this.

Women may seem to have better/closer friends but they make them easier and seem to flip on them/be two faced and back stab them quicker.

Agree that I also have friends based on activity. When I lived in Canada one of my very good, long term buddies was a riding buddy. I would hear from him regularly during the riding season and then maybe 1-2x over 5 months of winter.

I think its generally harder to make solid, male friends but they are more reliable and tend to be in for the long haul vs Women. Even if you move and return for a visit its often like you never left.
I just moved countries. To make a solid, male friend who has bail money and the shovel, it seems to take time to bond and build that relationship, whereas you're often banging a plate within 3-5 dates.

Thoughts?

CJ

 

[Prime_Beef]

People are shallow..
If you look closely most women don't support each other beyond a cursory, surface level. Very few are better than men when you look into it...and that's not saying much.

Most associations in life are fair weather friends for mutual entertainment or work/business associates.

As it should be. You come out the chute at birth one at a time, and generally go in the ground one at a time.I can count on one hand my friends. .. people who will bail me as stated, and also drop me off and pick me up somewhere with a loaded gun and not ask what or why. Had one more, was a war buddy, but he passed.

I count myself fortunate. Remember, loyalty demands loyalty.

Most people are at best indifferent. When was the last time you sent money to help the Africans with Ebola?

Take it for what it is. It's not distressing, but liberating.

 

[Poop1337]

Good friends are rare but as men we have a real opportunity women never will. Minds and bodies capable of true friendship and love. They have mother love for their children available but we as men have an honor and brotherhood that can be achieved. It's rare though.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I think its the other way around. Me and my buddy were discussing how a lot of girls compete with each other, do things behind each others backs....stuff like that. Scared to bring certain friends around

 

[englishman]

Yep, it's definitely different they way men and women make friends.
Also a bit different again depending on which country you live in, or even if your in the city or the countryside.

 

[G_Govan]

I notice for many men myself incluced that associations and friendships exists only when there is a common goal or a common mutual help need.

I noticed in my life than men which I was used to associate and spend time with, simply stop being part of my life the same moment our shared activity or common goal was no longer existing.

The guys with which I train in the gym or those from university for example.

I'm finding this has become the case even with friends I grew up with. It's the culture really. Everything is about the "feminine imperative," and women generally don't want/allow their men to spend much if any time with male friends because they don't want their 'slaves' getting any ideas of freedom.

It's gotten so bad that some of these guys could hang out but choose not to.

You might get a few texts here and there but that's not what I consider a friendship. I used to tell my gf that I needed some time to spend with friends because it's healthy, now no one wants to hang out any more.

You mostly find this in feminized societies.

 

[Warrior74]

I notice for many men myself incluced that associations and friendships exists only when there is a common goal or a common mutual help need.

I noticed in my life than men which I was used to associate and spend time with, simply stop being part of my life the same moment our shared activity or common goal was no longer existing.

The guys with which I train in the gym or those from university for example.

Yup. I was in a lot of different scenes and I was really good friends with guys in those scenes but when I moved on, very few kept in touch. I still touch bases with them every now and then to keep those contacts alive. But the whole brunch and checking on each other and girly friendship stuff just isn't necessary. I notice that the more emotionally needy men seem to want that sort of friendship. But they are so needy they want it from practically anyone who will give it.

Furthermore I think your post is the definition of civilization. Men coming together for a common interests or goal. When we lose that goal, civilization crumbles.

 

[Colossus]

You might get a few texts here and there but that's not what I consider a friendship. I used to tell my gf that I needed some time to spend with friends because it's healthy, now no one wants to hang out any more.

Story of my life man.

I think men have the capacity for deeper, more loyal, and more honor-based friendships. A real brotherhood. But these are going extinct.

Females tend to make friends more readily and have a larger stable of friends, but I'm not convinced they are "better". I see a lot of betrayal and capricious back-stabbing whenever it suits their immediate wants. They flake on each other just as much as men.

I find that most of my friendships tend to dissolve when there is no longer a shared activity or when said friend gets married or deep into a relationship. It's a crying shame, really.

 

[G_Govan]

^^^It is indeed. I have such fond memories and it confused the hell out of me at first, I was thinking "what's up with these dudes, did they forget all the good times we had?"

It's like a chapter I have to close.

It's interesting though, I've met guys who live out in the country and they have more traditional relationships. They still hang out with their male friends, going fishing, hunting, etc. Coolest, most down-to-earth guys I've met, men's men too. Never thought I'd have a sort of kinship with men typically labeled rednecks (granted, these guys are very intelligent, so maybe it doesn't apply).