Women laugh at and ridicule inexperienced man to his face

[needimprovement250]

i like how people say that men are in default scarcity, women are in default abundance

Yeah and that’s exactly why I feel that a lot of them think why hassle with an inexperienced guy when there’s an abundance of other guys who are probably more experienced to choose from and they’re only a swipe away.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Unlikely since the overwhelming majority of women have basic relationship experience by the time they reach my age group. I’m also not talking to any women and haven’t in over 6 years.

I would agree, but unfortunately women seem to think it is very useful and important.


I think the chances of me even getting a first relationship are really low at this point. I still feel like the more probable outcome is getting repeatedly rejected due to my lack of experience.

I want to be clear and say that I wouldn’t volunteer this information about myself though. The most concerning thing for me is if a woman was to bring up the topic of past relationships and dating history, but if she did I would probably straight up refuse to discuss that and say that I want to keep the past in the past and I don’t think much good will come from talking about that. Then who knows if she would let it go or keep persisting until you tell her what she wants to know.

To add to the discussion, I still believe experience is often considered irrelevant in the dating world. Many women reject men for seemingly trivial reasons. For instance, they may dismiss men with a history of numerous relationships, men with children, those who have undergone tough breakups and carry emotional baggage, or even those with limited relationship experience but many past partners, viewing them all as potential red flags.

Additionally, in today's dating world, women often wait about six months before committing to a relationship with a man. They invest their hopes, dreams, and fertile years, so it's important for them to ensure the man is a valuable one. From conversations with women I've had in the past, many are worried about men being horndogs instead of them wanting a genuine connection. Hence, they feel like they need to thoroughly evaluate their potential partners to make informed decisions.

From my perspective, the lack of experience can sometimes be an advantage if one presents itself as a "fixer-upper" or the "guy who's had no previous relationship and I can mold him" type of guy, like the fairy tales. However, I believe that the lack of experience in this thread is being presented as a scapegoat to the fear of rejection, a pessimistic outlook, or being scared of competing.

Rather than thinking on past rejections or anxieties about the future, it think it is important to focus in the present and what we can offer in the moment. Considering the six-month trial period many women impose on men, it's beneficial to view oneself as a valuable man, like a king or a trophy. Please read the excerpt from "The Art of Seduction" below as it may show you ideas on how to increase your attractiveness, become more sociable, expand your social circle, etc. After all, it's a numbers and social game, and the more women and men you interact with, the better your reputation can grow.

PS: I am not sure what the purpose of this thread is. Is it that you think experience is relevant or you want posters to validate your lack of it and that you will be forever alone because of it (which I can assure you it will not).

"We are social creatures, and are immensely influenced by the tastes and desires of other people. Imagine a large social gathering. You see a man alone, whom nobody talks to for any length of time, and who is wandering around without company; isn't there a kind of self-fulfilling isolation about him? Why is he alone, why is he avoided? There has to be a reason. Until someone takes pity on this man and starts up a conversation with him, he will look unwanted and unwantable. But over there, in another corner, is a woman surrounded by people. They laugh at her remarks, and as they laugh, others join the group, attracted by its gaiety. When she moves around, people follow. Her face is glowing with attention. There has to be a reason.

In both cases, of course, there doesn't actually have to be a reason at all. The neglected man may have quite charming qualities, supposing you ever talk to him; but most likely you won't. Desirability is a social illusion. Its source is less what you say or do, or any kind of boasting or self advertisement, than the sense that other people desire you. To turn your targets' interest into something deeper, into desire, you must make them see you as a person whom others cherish and covet. Desire is both imitative (we like what others like) and competitive (we want to take away from others what they have). As children, we wanted to monopolize the attention of a parent, to draw it away from other siblings. This sense of rivalry pervades human desire, repeating throughout our lives. Make people compete for your attention, make them see you as sought after by everyone else. The aura of desirability will envelop you."

 

[BaronOfHair]

"From conversations with women I've had in the past, many are worried about men being horndogs instead of them wanting a genuine connection"

They fear that our natural desire to mate with as many women as possible before we croak will lead us to abandon them, just as we worry that they'll leave us for a richer, more handsome dude

Life is tough for everyone

 

[Mike32ct]

1. That’s like giving up looking for a job because of lack of experience. You might have to be very flexible about what type of job you start with, but you can eventually find something.

2. Also, being inexperienced with women as an adult male isn’t rare anymore in 2024. It’s becoming more common. But even so, you don’t have to bring it up with her.

3. Don’t be afraid to fail. Dating is like a video game. You last longer at the game each time you play. You might just get first dates that go nowhere at first. Then maybe you can’t go beyond a second date. Then maybe you can get a one month relationship. Then finally a chick that wants to keep you lol.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I mean I shared this as an example to how most women feel about inexperienced men. Yeah it could be modified for more views as you describe, but I still feel that most women look down on inexperienced men.

Well no, men who are confident regardless of experience aren't looked down upon even if they don't deliver, they got there

 

[needimprovement250]

From my perspective, the lack of experience can sometimes be an advantage if one presents itself as a "fixer-upper" or the "guy who's had no previous relationship and I can mold him" type of guy, like the fairy tales. However, I believe that the lack of experience in this thread is being presented as a scapegoat to the fear of rejection, a pessimistic outlook, or being scared of competing.

I still believe experience is often considered irrelevant in the dating world.

It seems that women have a different perspective and think that it is important though. Don’t get me wrong, I agree with what you said about it, but it just seems women have a different opinion on its importance and do value dating experience. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m using it as a scapegoat because I am very concerned that I’m now stuck in a cycle of guaranteed rejection because the majority of women don’t want to date a guy who doesn’t have experience. So I feel that I do have a fear of rejection that is being fueled by my lack of experience. And it has made me more pessimistic for sure because I’ve felt that it makes my dating prospects a lot more bleak and also puts me at a major disadvantage when it comes to competing with other men for women.

They invest their hopes, dreams, and fertile years

This brings up another concern of mine related to my inexperience as well, and that is I fear that I’ve missed the dating for fun and exploration phase of life and that most women in my dating pool relative to my age are dating with settling down in mind and once they hear I’ve never dated, they won’t take me seriously. And to be fair, I don’t want to jump into something that serious when I’m brand new to dating, I feel like that’s never a good idea and that I should explore and learn lessons in love so me and those women wouldn’t be compatible anyway, I’m just worried they’re the majority considering my age.

That was also a pretty interesting and relatable quote there at the end.

 

[needimprovement250]

How many stranger women have you approached in the last week, even just to say "hi"?

Well I’m never around women so I don’t ever get to do that. But if I’m at the store and there’s a girl my age as a cashier, I have no problem exchanging pleasantries with her. I also had a job at a horse racetrack last summer, which let me approach women every workday and they would also approach me to ask questions about betting on a race.

 

[needimprovement250]

Well no, men who are confident regardless of experience aren't looked down upon even if they don't deliver, they got there

So you’re saying confident inexperienced men are less likely to get rejected?

 

[needimprovement250]

1. That’s like giving up looking for a job because of lack of experience. You might have to be very flexible about what type of job you start with, but you can eventually find something.

2. Also, being inexperienced with women as an adult male isn’t rare anymore in 2024. It’s becoming more common. But even so, you don’t have to bring it up with her.

3. Don’t be afraid to fail. Dating is like a video game. You last longer at the game each time you play. You might just get first dates that go nowhere at first. Then maybe you can’t go beyond a second date. Then maybe you can get a one month relationship. Then finally a chick that wants to keep you lol.

1. I will admit that I feel it isn’t right to give up without even trying. I’ve never even asked anyone out, I just feel discouraged since I’m so far behind for my age.

2. I agree, it is a lot more common than it used to be compared to previous generations and it doesn’t seem to be a trend that’s slowing down either. Oh I would never ever bring it up, what I fear most is her bringing up the topic of past relationships/dating history and it gets revealed, then she loses interest. I would try and get away with not telling her anything, but I’m unsure if women are gonna be persistent and not let it go until you give them an answer.

3. It is a trial and error process for sure and I’m really not afraid to go on dates, but I just don’t know where to look for them (that’s one of the main reasons why I’m still in this situation) maybe I should just start with OLD, I know it isn’t a be all end all, but it’s a start at least and more than I’m doing now to get dates, which is nothing.

The depression surrounding this has just really been getting to me as of lately. Maybe because I have nobody to talk to about these struggles face to face and I’m keeping it all bottled up? There is a dating coach who specializes in helping inexperienced adult men get started with dating and eventually finding a relationship. It probably is time to reach out to him, even just talking about these struggles with him might give me some relief from this depression since I’ve never once talked about all of this with anyone, only on forums like this one.

 

[BaronOfHair]

So you’re saying confident inexperienced men are less likely to get rejected?

Men who exude this trait https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-assured out of every pore and orifice are irrepressibly magnetic. Getting there is just a matter of not being attached to your desires for anyone or anything. Cultivate a mindset that goes something like:

"I want her, and the world also won't end if I don't snag her. That'd be monentairly disappointing, yet hardly fatal"

 

[needimprovement250]

When is the last time you went out of your way to have a conversation with a woman you find sexually appealing (enough to pass the boner test)?

Age is irrelevant.

Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever done that. I got into this situation in the first place because I had my confidence with women destroyed and then continually bruised as I was growing up. This whole concern over inexperience didn’t start until I was 20 and I’m an idiot for not doing anything to overcome it back then. I let it hold me back all throughout my 20’s and now I’m in my 30’s and still in the same situation as 10 years ago because of it.

 

[needimprovement250]

That'd be monentairly disappointing, yet hardly fatal

Basically the same way you look at losing money at the casino. I’ve gotten plenty of monetary disappointments from casinos over the years and I’m sure the monetary loss from a failed date would be less than what I lose at the casino.

 

[needimprovement250]

if you aren't doing anything about it now, then you will be kicking yourself in your 40's thinking you should have done something in your 30's.

That’s exactly how I feel now and I’m kicking myself for not doing anything in my 20’s. I mean yeah I lost my virginity during that time and fooled around a little bit with one other girl one time, but that’s the extent of what I experienced in my 20’s. And I don’t want my 30’s to be the same way. My job, housing, and social life situation has been holding me back from doing anything about it too. I don’t know wether it is a good idea to date as I am now, or wait until I improve those 3 things.

You're not the only one who had some bad run-ins with women at a young age, dude. Life ain't about what happens to you, but how you respond to it.

Now this is gonna sound even more ridiculous probably, but it actually wasn’t anything like that and women didn’t play as much of a part in damaging my confidence. What actually caused it was witnessing my male friends getting repeatedly rejected firsthand. I didn’t want to go through what they did and I thought the same outcome was guaranteed because I was associated with them. I should have never let someone else’s failures have such a deep and lasting influence and impact on me.

 

[needimprovement250]

I'm not sure why you have to choose between the two.

Go talk to girls. Get some numbers. Get rejected. Get used to it; it doesn't matter anyways - they're only girls.
Do the things you know you need to do.

Because I still live at home with my parents, I don’t have a career and only do DoorDash for work at the moment, and I don’t really have any friends. If I was in my early 20’s still, those first two probably wouldn’t be so bad but I feel like they really look bad at 30 and that would become known before my lack of experience ever would I’m sure. That’s why I’ve felt that I need to choose between the two, since moving out and launching a career would help my chances when it comes to dating versus where I’m at right now.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You are not going to go anywhere if you are not breaking through all these fears. Most of your posts are anxiety driven from future scenario that hasn't happened. That negative mentality is not fun to be around and it just repels. Start changing your state of mind by working out or practicing a hobby that requires you to do a physical activity.

Men do things; they penetrate. To be blunt, you will not be getting any punani or a relationship by acting like a baby.

Good luck man.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

if you aren't doing anything about it now, then you will be kicking yourself in your 40's thinking you should have done something in your 30's.

You're not the only one who had some bad run-ins with women at a young age, dude. Life ain't about what happens to you, but how you respond to it.

yeah because for all time, men are the only ones that have to get off their asses and do something about their problems or situation, women can rely on others to take care of their problems for them, if your a guy, the world isn't coming to save you, the opposite for women though.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Basically the same way you look at losing money at the casino. I’ve gotten plenty of monetary disappointments from casinos over the years and I’m sure the monetary loss from a failed date would be less than what I lose at the casino.

I meant to write "momentarily"