Women are not The Answer - They are a compliment.

[Rubato]

This is the answer to something I wrote a while ago that I no longer agree with.

I've been in the middle of a little thought experiment this week; don't worry. I know so many of you say that people (particularly me) spend too much time in their head as it is, but this was worthwhile.

Somewhere in the future, I had finished my medical education and become very very good with women. I was not just a Don Juan, but I was The Don Juan. A rich heart surgeon in an administrative position at a major hospital who had just finished developing my dream project - a functional artificial heart. When 500k+ people die every year in the United States waiting for a heart transplant, to say I made a fortune would be an understatement.

Being in this great position, I decided to retire and live the rest of my days somewhere in South America where women truly appreciate men, and where I would be rich enough to live as a king. And kings always have a harem to compliment their status. What a life, right? A devilishly handsome, rich and retired Don Juan, living in his castle in the tropics with a small army. I can go wherever I want and bring whatever woman I want back with me and have her as long as I would care.

Hang on to that thought for a while and personalize it for yourself: What if that was the case for you? What if you developed your skills with women, social status, and resources so sufficiently awesome that you could literally have whoever you wanted at your whims. Let's not debate whether this or possible, but instead consider that it is for a moment.

When I did this, I became sad. Counter-intuitive, right? Why did I become sad? I think there is only so much a man can get out of repeated sexual encounters with beautiful women. Think of any skill you've ever wanted to develop develop in the past. Anything. Maybe you wanted to learn how to lift weights, how to rock climb, play an instrument, play a sport, something. You probably had some sort of arbitrary goal set that would define for you when you reached a point of success. And what happened when that happened for you? You either quit or increased the scope of your goal.

I see a lot of people terminally hung up on the idea that the reason their life sucks is because they suck with women and/or they don't have any. I have done this. And what they are doing is confusing disease and symptoms - being bad with women is a symptom of a bigger problem, not the disease itself. Being bad with women is never the reason why a person's life sucks. That's an important point. Read that again if you didn't get it.

If a man were to make his abilities with women the essence of his life, he's ultimately setting himself up for failure because he's setting his definition of success within something external and because if he is very dedicated to this cause, it's something he'll be able to realistically achieve before he dies. And so he gets to the point where he can go out to a bar, the mall, a club, somewhere, on any given night and come home with a beautiful woman and have sex with her. Maybe he's so good he can bring home 2 women and have threesomes every night.

Maybe I'm just different than everyone else out there, but I want more for my life than that. And I will be bold enough to say that if you are actually a man or trying to become a man, you should too.

Women are not the answer to the problems that plague men, they're just a very good indicator. Let me use a chemistry example here:

Phenolphthalein is a chemical called an indicator. You use them when you're trying to make an acidic or basic solution neutral. Neutral solutions are not very interested because they tend not to do much. They're the medium that real chemistry happens within. Acids and bases on the other hand are very volatile and you have to treat them with much care and respect because if you don't, they will hurt you. I was not careful with a pipette of concentrated sulfuric acid this past February in lab, and all I did was brush the tip of the pipette against my arm. The acid immediately reacted with my skin and it has still after 8 months not completely healed. Strong bases are just as dangerous. Neutral solutions however, in general, you don't have to worry about too much. They may bleach the color out of your shirt (or your personality), and maybe cause cancer if you drink them, but that's about it.

They're boring. They're just a good stage for real action to happen.

What's the point? Women are like Phenolphthalein. When you add Phenolphthalein to an acid or basic solution, nothing happens. Suppose the solution is acidic. If you want to make it neutral, you need to add a certain amount of base to it. Add the base very slowly. When the ph reaches 7 (neutrality), the Phenolphthalein will cause the solution to immediately turn BRIGHT pink. This is why you add the base very slowly, drop-wise - if you go too fast, you'll end up with a slightly basic solution.

Watch this video to see it in action and for slightly more information (though, he uses poor technique and overshoots the equivalence point - see the comments for details): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIiQce07u2o

Think about all the metaphors you can get from watching that video.

And this is what women do to us. They expose neutral men very effectively. And a neutral man is not a man at all. He's just a body with a penis who is failure to express his true nature.

What women should be to men is a compliment to a higher purpose they have already established. An acidic or basic man will have passions, something that drives him towards a certain end, to create (when he innovates) and dominate (when he exploits his innovation). It doesn't matter what that is, as long as it is not a woman. So many men are so sterile in their passions that they become sexually sterile. I'm aware that not everyone on this board is a fan of Mystery, but one thing he says that is true is that a man who is not reproducing (or I suppose, being sexually active) is by definition sterile.

When men don't have this passion - towards a certain career goal, development of a talent, whatever - and replace that passion with women - they effectively place the women on a pedestal because they are the most enchanting thing to the man and his life.

Guys, when you make your primary objective in life all about becoming good with women, how in the hell do you think that's going to work out good for you???

You say that you're not needy, you're not desperate, you're a confident put together guy who just needs to get this area of your life under control. Bull Sh1t! If all of that was true, would you have a problem attracting women??

Stop making this all about the women!! Look at how they treat you when you go out to the club. Think about that. How disrespectful they are to you. How they blow you off and flake. They are capricious creatures who in general, have no loyalty higher than to whatever they feel will suit their immediate interests most effectively.

Why would you want to make the sum total of your life about something like that? Give me a break!

One of the greatest drives in the most masculine and respected men I've studied as a history student were men who strove for immortality. And when they realized they weren't going to find a fountain of youth, they realized the only way to achieve immortality was through some sort of accomplishment that would supplant their name perpetually through the generations. Some men did this through decisive battles and bravery in warfare. Others did it through political conquest. Some still did it through innovation or enterprise. But one thing common to all of these great men is that they realized there was something much more important to life than serial conquests with women and that the ability to be good with women is an offshoot of a person's ability to pursue their highest purpose.

Stop making this all about women. They are a compliment to something much more important than them. And boys don't understand this. Men screw up when they forget this. Seek out your highest purpose. And if you do, you will see that women will come as a side effect.

 

[Racecar]

There are some good thoughts here.

I think there is only so much a man can get out of repeated sexual encounters with beautiful women.

While I certainly can't speak from experience, you might be on to something there. If you do ANYTHING for a long enough time, you'll eventually get tired of it. F-close enough 9s and those 9s will become AVERAGE 6s. At some point, your concept of a beautiful woman would be so far removed from reality that you will become MISERABLE because your standards are impossibly high.

Being bad with women is never the reason why a person's life sucks.

^ This. I've been guilty of falling into that trap, but fix the inside and the outside will follow.

So many men are so sterile in their passions that they become sexually sterile.

Agreed. The pursuit of one's passions is very important. MUSIC is a great example. When asked of their preference in music, how many men respond with a simple 'I like pop music'? Shallow answers are for shallow people.

"I usually listen to underground East Coast alternative hip-hop, but lately I've been absorbed into the whole electro-house dance craze. It's strange too - I've NEVER considered myself a house fan, but producers like David Guetta and Benny Benassi have done a great job of representing the genre and merging it into mainstream music..."

You convey PERSONALITY and CONFIDENCE while presenting yourself as a KNOWLEDGABLE man able to SPEAK HIS MIND on something that is IMPORTANT to him.

Doing something as simple as finding out about yourself conveys a ton of value and women are attracted to men of high value.

One of the greatest drives in the most masculine and respected men I've studied as a history student were men who strove for immortality.

Gilgamesh and Achilles come to mind here. What are we here for? Do the actions we take today fit in line with the previous question? If they don't, they should.

 

[Chamber36]

your posts are usually interesting Rubato, but AGAIN : TLDR.

 

[Rubato]

your posts are usually interesting Rubato, but AGAIN : TLDR.

There are some ideas that are simple to convey. Some are not.

One of my biggest issues with PUA writing is that it's full of statements like:

- Man up
- Don't be needy
- Be the guy you want to be around
- Go out and have fun
- Be social

On and on and on. And while these things are all true and it's a little embarrassing for me to admit, the first time I read them, I though yea, this stuff is great, but how in the world am I supposed to do that? People take nuance for granted and don't include it.

I'm glad you've thought the stuff I write is interesting. But I write this stuff for my own benefit rather than for the benefit of everyone else. It's like an extension of my journal, but I publicize it so that I can get feedback from whoever cares.

I write long stuff. I was a political philosophy student. We don't understand brevity. And somehow, despite this, I find myself running out of things to say to women!! But. I would rather think about something on a level where I'm understanding it on as deep a level as possible than to just think about it enough to hit the surface. So these may be too long for you to read. And that's fine.

Maybe I will learn the skill of brevity one day.

 

[Chamber36]

It's good that you write more for yourself than for others.

I also write with the intention of keeping a log, and also giving others the chance to correct me or teach me something new.

One of my biggest issues with PUA writing is that it's full of statements like:

- Man up
- Don't be needy
- Be the guy you want to be around
- Go out and have fun
- Be social

Well duh!! You're supposed to know that you have to do these things!

But you can't take them for granted. Like the basics of maths, they can be tested anywhere anytime.

But these basics have (hopefully) been tought to you in one form or another during your upbringing.

You were probably born social, and with the drive to have fun. I'm sure as a young boy you had the urge to imitate any cool guy you liked being around.

So having those 3 qualities just means staying true to yourself. Being a child. Staying interested.

Man up and Don't be needy, are things that you have to be specifically tought.

Some people are raised to be this way, but most of us westerners are taught to act like spoiled babies and cry if we want something.

I've been training myself to think like Charlie Sheen. To see my world as maliable. Life is serious business. But it can be enjoyed. Time is not to be wasted. We want to be WINNING! So that means buckling down!!

And it's just a matter of learning about yourself. Observing your own behavior and tweaking it. The problem is that when looking at certain aspects of your behavior, you forget to look at other aspects. (that's why I wish someone would critique me in the field)

 

[LiveFreeX]

how to not make women/girlfriends the center of your life... marry someone you are not really into.

done deal...

She can be pretty, nice and feminine and in the end you don't really give a sh1t about her. She'll love it and worship you. Sex is fine... then she goes back to thinking about u and u go back to doing whatever you want.

Take it from Jimmy Buffet:

" If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you. "

 

[Chamber36]

I want an HB10 to carry my baby, so that I can have HB10 babies.

I am not getting an ugly wife. you crazy?

 

[Poonani Maker]

It wasn't a long read for me. I guess my only goal is to make a lot of money. I have not much desire to invent sh!t.

 

[Rubato]

It wasn't a long read for me. I guess my only goal is to make a lot of money. I have not much desire to invent sh!t.

I think a lot of people would like to make a lot of money, but saying that doesn't convey very much actual information. How do you propose to do that?

Usually in order to make a lot of money (and really come on, a lot of money isn't making 40k or even 100k every year, that's not even breaking out of upper middle class. A lot of money to me means multiple millions of dollars. 1 million dollars really isn't that much.), you have to invent something, be it an actual product, the creation of a new service, or a new way of doing business. You probably won't be able to make "a lot of money" performing a job outside of a very elite professional field or the business world.

That used to be the way that I think, I just want to make a lot of money and be rich. I listened to an Anthony Robbins seminar that really changed the way I think, and he addressed this issue specifically - why do I want to make a lot of money? There has to be a reason or motive for me to want this... is it because I want power, because I want freedom, because I want social status, I want to buy a bunch of stuff? Then after you figure out exactly why you want the money, ask yourself if money is really the best tool you have to achieve your goals. It may not be. And if it is, start chasing the reasons that motivate you to want money rather than chasing money itself.

Usually people who end up becoming the movers and shakers of society have a drive about them do SOMETHING, whatever it is... bring a better or new product to market, find a better way to do something everyone else is already doing; they have a passion for something beyond money, and money (just like women) is a side effect of their passion. If you spend enough time searching through your soul, you'll probably find that you want to get more out of life than a 9-5 job doing some sort of average or even above average work. You can spend your life making someone else a fortune, and this is what most people do because they don't know themselves well enough to have elicited their Highest Purpose. We use tools like these to pick up women, so use them on yourself too - if failure was absolutely impossible and you could do anything in the world, what would you do? What would you be interested in and how would you spend your time? If you can't give an answer that you would find attractive in someone else, you need to do some personal development.

The alternative to making someone else rich is making yourself rich. How do you propose to do this? Find what inspires you and pursue it. If you spend enough time engaging the issue on all levels, you will eventually find holes in the ways people currently do things or think of a way to improve whatever it is you like. Then find a way to plug the holes or make the product better. This is what I mean by "invent"

 

[Rhino]

To make a lot of money, you have to take a risk. Think about it. Whether with a business, an invention, a revolutionary idea of some kind - it's always a risk of failure. You could certainly take the "easy and safe" (in quotations because it takes a remarkable amount of dedication and hard work to get a good education) way out and be semi-rich as a doctor, or lawyer, but anyone REALLY rich has taken a huge risk which has paid off for them.

 

[Konada]

That was a very inspiring and good read Rubato. However I do have a few questions to ask.

Well ever I have discovered this site I live by the motto:

"Live for yourself. Only when you realise everything else is a compliment, is the day you start living."

Frankly speaking I've been very happy with my life right now, eveything is in order, I'm striving hard and very well towards my goals. None of them have to do with women. I have to say that these goals I set are strictly because for myself only, no one else.

As you have said, women are a side effect of your passion for yourself but I can't help but feel that the harsh reality is, unless you put yourself out there, nobody (much less women) would give a flying fvck on what you have going on for yourself. What is your take on this? Its thoughts like these that conitnually mess with my frame and get my mojo down sometimes.

 

[Rubato]

That was a very inspiring and good read Rubato. However I do have a few questions to ask.

Well ever I have discovered this site I live by the motto:

"Live for yourself. Only when you realise everything else is a compliment, is the day you start living."

Frankly speaking I've been very happy with my life right now, eveything is in order, I'm striving hard and very well towards my goals. None of them have to do with women. I have to say that these goals I set are strictly because for myself only, no one else.

As you have said, women are a side effect of your passion for yourself but I can't help but feel that the harsh reality is, unless you put yourself out there, nobody (much less women) would give a flying fvck on what you have going on for yourself. What is your take on this? Its thoughts like these that conitnually mess with my frame and get my mojo down sometimes.

Thank you for your kind words Konada! This is how I think about things:

You're exactly right about putting yourself out there. Look at the difference between someone like the late Steve Jobs and Norio Sasaki. We all know who Steve Jobs is, but unless any of us are really in to the business world, I don't know that very many people would recognize the name Sasaki. He's the CEO of Toshiba. Let's not talk about whether Apple is a better company than Toshiba, but instead, consider that they're both amazingly successful companies that have made their respective CEO's very rich and powerful people with a lot to be proud of. I sincerely doubt that anyone outside of perhaps the top hundred or so richest people in the world would chide anyone about being the CEO of Toshiba, or any other Fortune 500 company. It's instant status and power. So then, what's the difference between Jobs and Sasaki? Sasaki doesn't even have a Wikipedia page written about him (which of course, means everything

My personal assessment of this (admittedly, without knowing much about Sasaki) is that he could have had a similar level of power, influence, and awesomeness that Jobs had, but he didn't, because he didn't put himself out there.

What I wrote was my attempt at given women their proper sphere to occupy relative to a man. What you're asking is more a question of how a man ought to go about getting the attention of a woman without sacrificing the qualities that make him a man.

I read the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover recently, and it was a very very inspiring book that I would recommend to everyone. The title describes what the authors opine to be the four fundamental archetypes that an actualized man should embody, in the order presented. A man is king first, then warrior, then magician (he defines magician as someone with mastery over "hidden knowledge" like technology or medicine - something akin to the primitive medicine man or shaman), then lover. Notice that lover is last.

I think Steve Jobs did an awesome job accessing his King archetype. He was a dedicated magician, obviously, as the founder of Apple and one of their chief innovators. He was a warrior in the creative ways he "fought" in the marketplace to make Apple a competitive tech brand. But let's get back to the King.

One thing that I don't see mentioned very often on these forums is the concept service. One of the fundamental responsibilities of a king is to ensure the well being of those under his purview. Every "man" has a group of "subjects" or individuals under his purview, and if he is access his male psychology, he will give regard for the way his actions affect those people. This is how a good king operates. It is out of regard for his subjects that many great kings performed acts of service. You can see this exemplified time and time again when you examine the Humanities - King Aurthur, Gilgamesh, the Patriarchs of the Bible, even Jesus Christ was the one who said that the First shall become Last. Did he mean to say that His purpose was to disrupt social order and perform some sort of Marxist social class disruption? No. I believe Jesus was given men some very prudent kingly advice - that if we are to be a good king and by fiat, a good man, it should be our priority to serve others to the priority of serving ourselves.

That may sound counter-intuitive, but think about this for a moment. I'm being serious when I suggest this as another example, but look at the Lion King and the character of Mufasa. I saw that movie in 3D a few weeks ago (no hating) and got a LOT out of it, just thinking about all of the masculine qualities embodied within Mufasa and later, Simba. It was really inspiring. Mufasa was a great man and ruler because his primary objective was service to the people under his rule. Now look at Scar. His primary objective was inwardly focused on obtaining as much power as possible to exercise OVER other people (rather than in the favor of other people). How successful was he?

This was obviously a movie and not based on anything that actually happened, but if you want some real examples of this, then take a look back at history. Look at Robespierre during the French Revolution and how his quest for power cost him the loss of his head. Look at Nicholas Fouquet, the financial adviser to King Louie XIV. He lost his head as well due to the ostentatious display he created with the Vaux-le-Vicomte. His primary interest was the accumulation of wealth (he cheated Louie out of a lot of money) and the expansion of his power base.

Now before anyone starts accusing me of being very AFC, I'm not advocating that a man of service exist as anything less than a man. Just because a man is willing to do things to help other people does not mean that he starts also putting up with their crap and sacrifices all of the other qualities he has that make him masculine.

If you start operating from this frame, opportunities will arise for you to meet people. You will be putting yourself out there as an extension of being a man. You will be going out with your friends for celebrations, you will be attending events, benefits, charities, fundraisers, whatever. You may just go out to relax. The difference will be WHY you are doing it. Are you going out because you're looking for something you don't have, and out of lack feel a DESIRE that indicates on the most subtle level you may not be as complete a person as you would say? I would even say that a man could go out with the expressed intention of meeting a woman. But is he going out with fear, trembling and trepidation, almost as though he's trying to sneak across enemy firing lines? Or does he go out with an image of what it is that he's looking for, resolved to settle for nothing less, and confident that he is worthy of what he's looking for?

People write that sort of thing all the time, but that attitude and mindset is not always something that comes naturally to people. It is HARD to develop. And that's why I wrote what I did, because I think too often guys start their journey off backwards, focused on the woman rather than focused on something more important. Guys that I know (and I have been guilty of this) go out sarging or whatever they want to call it in order to fulfill an outstanding need in their life. And while I do believe that men have a genuine need for the feminine, a man will also recognize that being needy while sarging is akin to worrying about thirst while standing next to the amazon. People say it a lot, beauty is common, and it is. Good women are not so common, but I'm not sure if that's what you were asking about. It sounds like you were talking about women in general rather than women of quality. Think about how many attractive women go out on a given night or are out somewhere near where you are at any given time. Do you really not think you're capable of attracting ANY of them? If not, it's time to stop thinking about women and start thinking about developing yourself to the point where you feel you are capable of attracting at least SOME of them. But like I said, all of this is really easy for me to type and very hard to put in to practice. It's something I struggle with every time I go out. But it gets easier. The more I develop myself and the more experience I have with women, the more I realize I'm becoming a very awesome guy and women are staying at the exact same place they've always been. An 8 will probably always be an 8, a 9 will probably always be a 9, but YOU can CHANGE! Do you want to spend the rest of your life being whatever you are, or do you want to become BETTER? The better you become, the more you will realize your improvement, and the more you will notice that while you have been rising on the ladder of self improvement, the rest of the world has generally stayed where it was. Every day, you stand in a better position to do whatever it is that you want to do.

If you're an awesome guy and spend all of your time hiding in your office or your house, no one will notice you and you will not actually be an awesome guy, because that's not how he would behave. I wrote an article a while ago about how men attract and women choose. If you are an awesome guy, you will have nothing to worry about as far as your ability to attract a woman. It will not be an issue to you because if she doesn't bite, she was obviously a low value woman who failed to see how attractive you are. I gotta get back to my work, but hopefully this does something to answer your question. I realize it's long, but I just wrote what came out of my mind as though I was having a conversation with you, and I have no desire to edit it.

 

[Konada]

Rubato, I thinj you hit the nail on the head on what I was looking for! My high school always nurtured us to be men of integrity and men for others but I sort of abandoned that motto in the past because I realise people would take advantage of your kindness but after reading this I feel otherwise. Genuine service comes from the intent to help and not to receive. Thanks for putting things into perspective for me, looks like my school knows its stuff as well!

I finally realise what inner game is all about now, correct me if I'm wrong but from reading this I believe you know yours very well by now. Its all about building yourself up as a man, a confident and masculine man. Its not literally how women are a side effect to your progress, but rather what aura your progress emanates to quality women when you approach. Is that right? It feels great to have such inspiration on this site!