Women and Their Guy Friends.....

[gixxer]

I think we've all dealt with women and their guy friends from time to time. Personally, I find it a really difficult subject to deal with since jealousy can tend to get the best of me at times. I understand that jealousy and insecurity are VERY unattractive to women so I know not to ever SHOW these emotions to women in relation to their male friends. At the same time, I've been burned by women and their so called "friends" in my pre-DJ days so it remains a sensitive subject for me. I'm curious what you guys feel the REAL deal is with girls that have guy friends and exes around - is it a smoke screen or do women really just have male friends that they have no interest in fukking?

Anyway, on to my current situation..........

I've been seeing this girl very casually for about 4 months. We met on match.com. We're both 33. She's divorced with no kids and still close to her ex. I've even advised him on his current girl situation this past week (he's an AFC)

I really put her through some crap when we met because I wasn't sure how interested I was in her and didn't really want an LTR at the time. So she basically pursued me for MONTHS. She cried over me a bunch of times and really had to chase me. She would cancel dates with guys last minute if I even hinted that I wanted to see her. (kind of nice being the one cancelled for NOT the AFC being cancelled on ) As time went buy I started to like her more and more and this past week I kind of just let her catch me. So, bottom line, after chasing me for 4 months she finally "has" me so to speak. She is a good girl and is ALL OVER ME all the time.

Now, she has a lot of guy friends and some are former bfs and then the ex husband as well.

So last night we're hanging out at my house and she starts talking about her friend that she's going to a concert with tonight. He's taking her for her B'day. Anyway, turns out, she met this guy only a few months ago when she was on a date. Her date goes to the bathroom and this dude swoops in and gets her #. She wasn't interested and she blew him off for a while then when she was on match.com he sees her and joins just to contact her (AFC?) Anyway, she doesn't like him "that way" but I guess they got a friendship going although I'm sure he'd fukk her any chance he got.

So this dude is taking her to a concert tonight "for her B'day"

I realize that she and I have only been "officially" in a "relationship" for like a week so I can't really freak out for her having made plans with this guy when I was still playing hard to get. But I can't help but feel uncomfortable that she's going on a "date" with some dude. Kind of makes me want to back off or at least keep up my sarging more than I planned to. I kind of smell a rat here............

So what's the deal? Is it possible for a woman to have platonic guy friends that have interest in her or is it just a smokescreen for her to keep other guys around? This strikes a nerve with me because I have gotten burned by this crap in the past.

Besides this her interest level is very high. All the signs are there.

But, still, I smell BS and have considered ditching her before I go and get attached and have to deal with another situation like this after we've been together for a while.

gixx

 

[speedo_meme]

Honestly, I think some girls just flirt and have a lot of guys and honestly don't think anything of it. I've had some exes that flirted all the d*mn time and had guys chasing after their ass constantly but wouldn't hook up with them. Guys in this site will argue that all day, but I think with some girls, you just have to decide for yourself if it's worth putting up with it constantly. Personally, I don't want my girlfriend going out by herself with a guy that's interested in her. She can say she's not interested in a guy all day long, but talk in cheap.

 

[warpy]

speedo, i second that.. talk is cheap and if she is going with someone for a casual b-day date, its crap . she knows he is into her so either she wants you on your toes or she wants something else.. from him.
it doesnt matter if you made her chase you for a while and this date was setup weeks ago.. the world is "dynamic" you should tell her that you dont feel comfortable about it and thats that.
he wants to get in her pants period. i know i would.

 

[NewMan]

1 word - respect.

 

[gixxer]

It's a tough call. Again, she made these plans before we were "together" In fact, I had blown her off for about a week and that was when she made the plans from what I can tell.

I got this girl by being aloof and challenging and practically encouraging her to go out with other guys. If I switch to being threatened or bothered by other guys now I'm going to loose my status big time.

I'm going to let it slide and watch her. If this comes up again I'll be justified in dropping her, but it just doesn't feel like I have a clean "issue" here do to the circumstances.

gixx

 

[speedo_meme]

Lol I agree the position just sucks period. I mean, we preach a lot in here about having multiple options....can we really blame a girl for dating multiple guys? I guess it depends how serious you are. You know, sometimes girls come around that you just can't "next" that quick......yes newman, titguy, all you emotionless guys will come across that type one of these days

 

[mcqueen207]

The only thing I can say is the best way to turn it around is to ENCOURAGE her to see this other guy.

1. It makes you look like the kind of guy who doesn't give a sh*t.... so by chick-logic: she will want you even more because she wonders why you don't care if she sees this other guy.

2. It's all about composure. Maybe she is doing this to rattle you and see if you will spazz out on her.

Play it cool.

 

[gixxer]

Originally posted by mcqueen207
The only thing I can say is the best way to turn it around is to ENCOURAGE her to see this other guy.

1. It makes you look like the kind of guy who doesn't give a sh*t.... so by chick-logic: she will want you even more because she wonders why you don't care if she sees this other guy.

2. It's all about composure. Maybe she is doing this to rattle you and see if you will spazz out on her.

Play it cool.

That's my man! That's how I played it. I freaked out on the inside but didn't show it. She asked why I was quiet and what was wrong but I'm not sure if she knew it was that or not since I have some BS I'm going through at work too. Not sure if she knew or not. Since I didn't say anything she can't really be sure........

I asked her no questions about him, or where they were going or what time she'd be back or anything. The only mention I made of it today was the last email I sent her from work before I left that said "have fun tonight"

I spent the past 4 months having her chase me and even telling her to go for other guys instead of me. If I switched over to a jealous insecure dumba$$ after being in a relationship for less than a week that would have completely blown the attraction.

It didn't occur to me that it could have been a $hit test but now that you mention it I'm pretty sure it was at some level.

I hooked this girl by being aloof and not giving a fukk what she did, blowing her off for a week or two at a time and generally not being into her. If I got upset about this: GAME OVER.

Now, if this comes up again in a few months I might have a different opinion but going from jerk to AFC in less than a week would have blown the attraction IMHO.

gixx

 

[gixxer]

Anyone else? Anyone?

I'd be really interested in getting some theories on women and guy friends in general if anyone has any comments..........

gixx

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
Honestly, I think some girls just flirt and have a lot of guys and honestly don't think anything of it. I've had some exes that flirted all the d*mn time and had guys chasing after their ass constantly but wouldn't hook up with them. Guys in this site will argue that all day, but I think with some girls, you just have to decide for yourself if it's worth putting up with it constantly. Personally, I don't want my girlfriend going out by herself with a guy that's interested in her. She can say she's not interested in a guy all day long, but talk in cheap.

Very good post. I too, do not let my girlfriend go out DRINKING with guy "friends". I will let them if there are numerous other people around, or if they are not drinking (providing they dont hang out too often).

Other than that, I have really not had a problem with this.

A couple of the girls I have dated, guys friends of theirs have tried to have a crack at them, getting shot down. Other obviously like them, but once they meet me, they seem to just let it go and not bother anymore.

One girlfriend, had a guy talking to her ALL the time. Although they were never hanging out, just SMS and phone. I ended up dumping her after about 6 months and she is now with that guy. Although she is still obsessed with me and always tries to get me back. So far, luckily, I havent had too much trouble with these "bottom feeders"!

 

[GuitarPlayer]

Originally posted by gixxer
I've been seeing this girl very casually for about 4 months. We met on match.com. We're both 33. She's divorced with no kids and still close to her ex. I've even advised him on his current girl situation this past week (he's an AFC).

Being a conspiracy theorist by nature, I would be careful here. Depending on how close these two still are and how clever she is, your "advice" to him might get back to her, thereby letting her in on what your game is with her.

Just a thought....

 

[gixxer]

Oh, she knows my whole "game." I'm a woman hating player who would rather be single.

She feels lucky to have caught me and be getting a little glimpse into my manogomous "sweet" side. She made the comment last night that she's "sure one false move on her part and she'll be history" I'm 100% challenge and that's what I advised her ex hubby to be. Of course, he can't because he's AFC

I think the fact that I have the whole male/female dynamics thing down actually is what attracted her.

Good call though, GP! Not that women ever conspire against the men they get involved with

 

[gixxer]

It's not the case. She's not an AW as far as I can tell. I've dated a few hardcore AWs so I know 'em when I see 'em.

It appears she's between 1 and 2 below with an emphasis on 1.

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle:

1-Entry level Attention W-hore: She's a social girl, has girlfriends and guy friends. Loves the attention she recieves from the guy friends even if she has no intention of hooking up with them, she'll flirt with them even if she knows they have no chance. Now the guys who are stuck waiting for an entry level attention w-hore a pretty much shy, AFC's who are "waiting for the day when she realizes how great they are." Personally I have no problem with these girls, they're not psycho, or manipulative, they like the attention but would stop the flirting before it got too far.

2-Mid level Attention W-hore: She's also a very social girl has girlfriends and guy friends, usually her girlfriends are not as attractive as her, this makes her look that much more appealing to the male population. She will flirt with her guy friends, even maybe playfully make-out with a few of them, knowning damn well that she's leading them on, but she really doesn't see anything wrong with it. Once again, these guys are AFC's at heart who might have been mysterious and DJish in the beginning, but soon fell victim to the dreaded diease known as one-itis. These girls would easily be played by a seasoned DJ and enter a relationship with a true pimp and be loyal to him. However she'd still crave that male attention even though she gets it from her man. But she still needs more. These girls are usually young (16-20) and as they mature many of their attention w-hore characteristic vanish. Its more immature combined with attention w-hore characteristics.

 

[Kaine]

That's interesting, I just posted against the new thread about woman and guy friends.

In response to your more personal issue....


My ground rules for exclusive relationships are that my women is not to see men that are interested in her (that's dating). In your case the guy obviously wants to get laid, and she should not be going out on a one on one excursion. She should know that she is leading him on.


You should put a price on this relationship for her too. You should lay down your expectations now to prevent this happening in the future, this is not AFC. If she does not accept this, then she not relationship material no if ands or buts (because she obviously is a attention ***** or not ready for an exclusive relationship with you).


If she had known this guy for ages and they have already had an established relationship, then it may have been different. I would also have no problems with group situations ether, but she should not allow herself to be isolated in situations with a guy who is obviously trying to wet his danknutz.


In this case I would've told her she should cancel it as it is a date (plus fluff talk). Since you've let it slide, I would do some damage control to set the expectations of the relationship. i.e. it was cool because I didn't want you to break an arrangement made prior to our RL, but in future this is how it is.... Otherwise she will be cool with giving out numbers and "oh just hangin with a new friend" in future.


Yeah, also when you discuss it, be laid back and aloof. Your rules need to be matter of fact, i.e. "you got a problem with that, well hey no worries, lets keep this an open for the both of us eh? see ya"


Kaine

 

[gixxer]

Originally posted by Kaine
My ground rules for exclusive relationships are that my women is not to see men that are interested in her (that's dating). In your case the guy obviously wants to get laid, and she should not be going out on a one on one excursion. She should know that she is leading him on.

You're 100% right, Kaine. Thank you. You said it perfectly and succinctly and that was exactly what I needed.

You really set me straight on a topic that I have struggled with quite a bit for a very long time. You gave me another piece of this huge DJ puzzle. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

gixx

 

[Slickster]

My ground rules for exclusive relationships are that my women is not to see men that are interested in her (that's dating). In your case the guy obviously wants to get laid, and she should not be going out on a one on one excursion. She should know that she is leading him on.

Right on!

I'll add to that.

Actions speak louder than words. Always be listening.

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by gixxer
It's a tough call. Again, she made these plans before we were "together" In fact, I had blown her off for about a week and that was when she made the plans from what I can tell.

I got this girl by being aloof and challenging and practically encouraging her to go out with other guys. If I switch to being threatened or bothered by other guys now I'm going to loose my status big time.

I'm going to let it slide and watch her. If this comes up again I'll be justified in dropping her, but it just doesn't feel like I have a clean "issue" here do to the circumstances.

gixx

Wanna fukk her? Be seen in front of her with a woman who is all over your $hit. This will drive her mad with a certain type of feminine jealousy.

 

[Wyldfire]

She had these plans BEFORE you decided to have a relationship with her. A courteous, thoughtful person would not ditch someone who got concert tickets for their birthday. That would be terribly mean, inconsiderate and low thing to do to someone. The right thing is for her to follow through with the plans that she made with this friend. If she's as crazy about you as you believe her to be then you have absolutely no reason to be worried at all.

If you ask her not to go it will make you look weak and insecure. The best way to deal with this would be to suggest that they meet you right after the concert for a drink or something to eat. Yes, it looks like the guy is after her...but that's really irrelevent. As long as it's you she wants, especially with how new the relationship is...the guy will get nowhere. Meeting them right after the concert will eliminate his time alone with her and will remind him she is taken now. Not much he can do at the concert because you can't really talk and there are people all around you.

 

[tmpgstx]

Girls with guy friends when exclusive with you and doing things with them isn't good at all. It's all BS, get rid of her now.

 

[tmpgstx]

Yeah, i wouldn't worry about it. After having 4 shots or so after the concert, this guy will have her right where he wants her ..lol. It just happened, you know, but you're still number one.