Women and the "best friends" myth

[TooColdUlrick]

women always want a guy around who will help them with the leaky faucet, move the furniture, pick up the new TV, hang a picture, solve computer problems, make sure they aren't getting ripped off by the auto mechanic, etc. AFCs a plenty for this. they try to use you--flat out. not all, but a lot of them. some of them don't even know it since they're so used to it. what the fvck am i gonna get out of this "friendship"? huh? oh yes, nothing really....later.

many a times i've told chicks, "go find yourself another chump".

i have two best friends. both of whom i've known for over 25 years. no chick will replace them. a 25 year "relationship" with these cats, through thick and thin? insecure chicks get jealous of this pretty damn fast.

a while back when i put a personal up just for the hell of it, i said,

"Im not looking for a best friend. I already have one of those."

bet that chump on e-harmony would love this! that guy is a huge wuzzy. that guy is what women SAY they want, but really don't. no doubt, that guys wife is his best friend. dude has instant AFC written all over him.

here's a funny one...
i have another best friend. she's a legendary mexi place in so cal called Taco Lita. i've had a lifelong relationship with her. so i was there with this chick that i've been seeing on and off. as i'm having sex with my Jumbo Burrito, she says,

"if you had to choose between me or Taco Lita, which would you choose"?

without batting an eye, and with my mouth full, and not even looking at her, i say to her, "nice knowing ya". there was NO discussion about it! she was stunned and pissed. then i told her, "you can be replaced. Taco Lita can't". she got up and left right there.

end o' relationship! as i was finishing the Jumbo off, i thought to myself, "the nerve!". not one ounce of regret. she was potential LTR too.

i guess she was expecting me to do what the e-harmony dude would..."oh yes honey, i'd give up anything for you..."

fvck that.

 

[WestCoaster]

How a gal can be a "friend"

OK, I have a few gals as friends, not many. But one of my best friends is a gal I've known 15 or so years. She liked me early on but I was never physically attracted to her (let's face it, in the men-women/friends dynamic, one or the other is usually going to be attracted).

After a few months she got it when one of her friends asked, "Are you and Westcoaster gonna become an item?"

My friend: "If it hasn't happened now, it's not happening."

Good observation, but she still welcomed me into her life as a friend. She's way cool, tells me about her relationships, I tell her about my "flings" (it's been so long since I've had a REAL relationship I just refer to them as flings now); we share some similar interests. The passion element isn't there for me and won't be, so we're friends. I usually have pretty good language, but if I'm frustrated I can drop an f-bomb in her presence and she can do likewise. She can pound the brewskis, too, but sadly she doesn't like sports.

She won tickets to an outdoor concert this summer (Four Tops and Temptations) and knowing I like classic soul, calls me at work. I'm not there and she leaves a message: "Where in the hell are you?" (I was in a meeting, a long one.) E-mails me: "Where in the hell are you, I've got news?" I finally get back to her and she tells me to get my a$$ back to Oregon in a few weeks for the concert.

Now that's a FRIEND.

If women can't act like that and just want to let us down easy, just say they're breaking up or don't want to be an item. If you're gonna be a friend, act like a friend. No reason to hide behind false language that we can read right through.

 

[dietzcoi]

Well I for one am never going to help a so-called female friend move her couch or carry stuff upstairs or some such, been there, done that, been used as a chump. There are plenty of AFCs willing to step forward as Too Cold mentioned.

By the way last winter I helped a male friend (hunting buddy) move his apartment. Guess what, due to some other issues we are no longer friends and I no longer have invitations to hunt on his land. So I guess he used me as a chump too.... so it is not only females who can be false friends.

Best Friends is a very very selective term and if you have more than a few male best friends, they are not all best friends. You can only have a few. I have two, plus two more who are close. That's it.

But then, I am an a$$hole........

Dietzcoi

 

[Mr. Fingers]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Riddle me this: Why do women ALWAYS say this but don't really want this? Take it from a guy who has a few women as friends, it's near-impossible to go from friendship zone to passion. Why are women always perpetuating this myth?

One thing I have learned about women is that they often speak from their logical mind, but act from their emotions. Take their words with a huge grain of salt.

Also, it is only near-impossible to get out of the Friendship Zone if you are a desperate AFC who is secretly in love. In my experience, I managed to make the switch when I was flirtatious yet aloof. I had other options on my plate and wasnt pining for my friend. This was key.

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I totally agree that you need to have the trust, honesty, and belief in each other like you do with your friends, but there's that added element of passion and sexual attraction that separates it.

True, but you ever have a friend that just turned HOT one day? Maybe it was the way the sun was shining on her hair..a certain perfume...or perhaps she was showing a little more leg than usual..but I know this has happened to me before. The most extreme case was my best friend of 4 years. We were totally platonic the whole time and then one day we were hangin out and she was wearing a miniskirt and...BAM!

In case you are curious, I posted my experiences with turning friends into lovers here:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=43174

 

[WestCoaster]

More on the FZ

Mr. Fingers, I have read that previous post of yours and it is excellent. I commend you for crossing over from the FZ ... it's tough.

In a REAL world, actually this would be the best way to go because while the passion, gleam in the eye, all that stuff is tremendous (and I love it!), it's staying power isn't that great. Even studies have shown that after six months that stuff starts to wear off (no wonder my relationships burn out so quick!).

I would just like women to be honest about it instead of perpetuating the myth. Heard that dating commercial on the radio again, the first thing it says is, "Are you looking for that best friend?" Huh? And the E-harmony clown in the other commercial says you're meeting people who are your best friends with the passion and love elements included? WTF?!

From my experience, I don't know any women who are looking for mates who are "best friends," though they say it all the time. Just be honest in what you say: They're looking for passion. There's nothing wrong in admitting that! Why is that a bad thing?

DJ's know the difference, sadly 90 percent of the men (AFCs) out there are buying into this "friendship" myth.

 

[Mr. Fingers]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
From my experience, I don't know any women who are looking for mates who are "best friends," though they say it all the time. Just be honest in what you say: They're looking for passion. There's nothing wrong in admitting that! Why is that a bad thing?

Its "bad" because social programming elevates practicality over passion. Thats why most women will give you the politically correct answers when you ask them what they want in a man. They say they want practical things.. a nice guy with a decent job and a bright future, because it is EXPECTED of them.

As far as best friends are concerned, I dont think they are being totally dishonest. I think they want a deep connection... but only after you have made them orgasm a bunch of times.

There are few things more passionate than making love to someone that you admire, desire and respect on many levels.

 

[WestCoaster]

No one really LOOKS for a best friend

As I continue to punch holes in the online dating B.S. and women's search for a "best friend," I say riddle me this: Have you ever really LOOKED for a best friend?

The answer is no. My best friend is a guy I've known over 25 years, met in school when his locker was next to mine (same last name) and we shared the same interests in sports, music, girls, etc.

Other close friends of mine I met in college through sports and student newspaper. The post-college friends I met were through my career.

I never SEARCHED for good friends, I just found them kind of by accident.

So women not only need to quit perpetuating these myths, they need to quit being fed them by clowns like that E-harmony AFC founder. People don't HUNT or SEARCH for best friends, they just happen.

Online dating sites are for just that: DATING. And dating is to find a person that pushes that passionate hot button in you, which you hope turns into a relationship.

Looking for a "best friend" on the net? That's insane.

 

[Mr. Fingers]

Westcoaster, I did a search on your profile and it turns out you meet my requirements. Will you be my friend?

 

[WestCoaster]

Nope, sorry, booked up

I've decided to put a hold on finding friends. I have too many right now and getting put into the FZ too much.

Besides, I'm just looking for horny women at the moment! :>)

 

[FratAndDiddy]

i don't think he was trying to trick you WT, just a figure of speech related to being "just friends." never seen you that defensive before.....thought you were a DJ sister.

anyways, the "let's just be friends" is a classic. hell, i use it too. women hate it, men hate it, it's a cool way to dump em. guys who still try to hang on after this comment are fools, chumps. women who hang on after this comment are still hooked on little junior.
however, when a guy drops the REAL "let's just be friends" bomb on them - meaning the pipeline has been severed - they boil in hate because you threw the first punch and they didn't get that chance to use you up and spit you out.

so cool, i love it and i vote for "let's just be friends" to remain in the American dating language.

 

[WestCoaster]

I vote against the term!

Friends and friendship is too valuable for me to throw the LJBF like a bad piece of fruit. If people want to be friends, I want them to step up to the plate and genuinely be one.

If not, just say I don't want to date you, or you're such an overwhelming DJ that you're out of my league, or you're way too handsome for me. Any one of those works, preferably the last two.

* As for Water Tiger, she's a cool DJette, trust me F & D. She's good at bantering on these boards, and she's a class woman. No worries there.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by FratAndDiddy
i don't think he was trying to trick you WT, just a figure of speech related to being "just friends." never seen you that defensive before.....thought you were a DJ sister.

I wasn't being defensive, just a sarcastic. They have code for BOLD, italics, and underlining but nothing for sarcasm!



**Thank you WC!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

saw a new E-Harmony commercial and this chick says,

"I put in a custom order for the perfect man and they delivered him".

paraphrasing.

then they show hubby next to her with a big smile on his face, happy as a lark.

so lets see, she "ordered" him via e-commerce for $29.95 (or whatever) and she's telling the world about it. that chump is nothing more than a Russian mail order bride.

PUKE!