Women and social "networking" sites.

[Riegs]

My last post vaguely made reference to a woman I was with who had started playing games on the internet.

What are everyone's opinions of the myspace's, the hi5's, the facebooks, etc.? Being members of these sites is now becoming more culturally acceptable for people of all ages, it's not just a teen thing anymore.

Evidence points to the fact that

a) Women, universally seem to get bored easily
b) Women want constant attention and thrive on connecting and reconnecting with others; old colleagues/boyfriends etc.
c) Men want tail, and if she's attractive and her profile's public.. there WILL be interaction eventually, with many opportunities to take these innocent encounters off-line.

Say your girlfriend or wife is very involved in certain hobbies, or a certain religious denomination and starts corresponding through private messages on these sites with single men who are members of these groups or affiliations...

How would you handle a situation like this? I am one of those people who cannot stand a girlfriend corresponding with male strangers on the computer while I'm away from her. Call it insecure or not, but this stuff lead to both of my brothers divorces. Not only is there less accountability over the internet, but there's something about it that lowers inhibitions and encourages flirting and window shopping.

I've found that if you raise concerns over this issue to your girlfriend, you're insecure.. if you do it yourself out of spite, you're an a-hole, but if you let it continue and play it cool.. there's some other loser on the end of a computer screen that's going to get her buying into the fantasy that he'll provide something she's "lacking". If she thinks he might be an upgrade from you, we know how that usually plays out...

As a side-note to this, I am seriously considering putting off the idea that I will ever commit myself to one woman. I am used to being on my own most of the time anyway, and there are other avenues to pursue to ensure my social needs are met. Life is too short to emotionally and financially invest yourself in what turns out to be a losing proposition most of the time.

 

[STR8UP]

Maybe you should ask for her email password and take her cell phone away while you are at it. Just a suggestion......

As a side-note to this, I am seriously considering putting off the idea that I will ever commit myself to one woman. I am used to being on my own most of the time anyway, and there are other avenues to pursue to ensure my social needs are met. Life is too short to emotionally and financially invest yourself in what turns out to be a losing proposition most of the time.

You actually hit on something here.

Women will be women. How do you know if you got a good one? spend 30 years with her. By then you should know.

 

[Heretolearn]

good post, i know SO many stories of girls who have cheated/left for another guy because of facebook/networking with people................

Worst, it is all anonymous.

 

[STR8UP]

good post, i know SO many stories of girls who have cheated/left for another guy because of facebook/networking with people.................

Because of???

If she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat.

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

Get a clue.

 

[Heretolearn]

Because of???

If she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat.

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

Get a clue.

Look, appreciate you have made your viewpoint clear. I however, do not feel your 'guns dont kill people. People kill people analogy' to be appropriate. Even if it was, that statement is not actually true, very subjective and 'chicken and egg scenario'.

Not going to debate the topic with you here, hopefully we can both agree though that new tools of social networking have been developed and have not been tested nor have they been set with guidelines on how to use them responsibly and avoid issues like this.

I feel this is a great question and look forward to the input of others who have something positive to contribute on how to handle these tools as opposed to saying its not the tool its the person. That is true but there is a lot of material on 'the person' already. So unless a person chooses the person as a new ludite, learning how to handle these tools is useful to me.

 

[Riegs]

True, but the way I look at sites like this --- it's like putting a block of cheese in front of a lone mouse. Even if the mouse is not hungry.. the temptation is going to be there to take a bite so long as it's within reach. If it gets a taste, it's likely to then gorge itself.

Remove the cheese, problem solved. If you can't remove it, stop feeding the mouse and leave it to its own devices.

If I ever decide to become a father, there will be NO internet in my household whatsoever. Situations like this I and many others I know have experienced are pandemic nowadays and while still it still does depend on the individual to some extent and a wide variety of other factors, these sites stroke our egos and tap deeply into our lower selves. Women being the weaker vessels are even more prone to be affected in my opinion.

Because of???

If she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat.

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

Get a clue.

 

[Jitterbug]

Women can't cheat ON the Internet. They have to get out of the house first.

good post, i know SO many stories of girls who have cheated/left for another guy because of facebook/networking with people...

Most of the cheating happen through work or social circle, not a random stranger on the Internet. Are you gonna ban your woman from working or having friends?

 

[Heretolearn]

Women can't cheat ON the Internet. They have to get out of the house first.



Most of the cheating happen through work or social circle, not a random stranger on the Internet. Are you gonna ban your woman from working or having friends?

Look, I agree with str8up if someone wants to do something they will FIND a way. Not the point. The point is that if someone cheats/flirts/acts a certain way at work/socially it is IN PUBLIC generally or there are possibilities to see and then you can take action (i.e bring it up or walk away).

My point with the internet is that you can have NO idea what the person is doing. Yes you can have no idea with the other stuff too but realistically the person is limited whereas the internet gives infinite possibilities.

THe net/networking can be a crutch to run to just like anything else.

Problem is, you may never know until it is too late

 

[mintxx]

I agree with Jitterbug. The chicks that 'stray' purely through the internet were never going to be a winning proposition in the first place if you think about it. Girls need attention and chumps are happy to give it to them; if my girlfriend finds this entertaining it takes the load off me.

 

[backbreaker]

1. if a woman is going to cheat, she will go james bond out a helicopter, dive into the artic ocean, swim to shore and walk though the freezing cold to fvck someone else. the "internet" is not the reason she is cheating. her wanting new d!ick is the reason she is cheating.

2. this is just my experience. A good woman.. let me rephase, I dont' do the whole good woman thing. A woman that has alot of desirable traits, does not need the internet to find a suitable partner, if not a line of them. Even if she is "cute", there is a reason she is on the internet for 2 hours anight looking for a man.

3. I agree with rollo on internet dating=extra buffers. get out and meet real women in real life. there is no subsitutate for real physical interaction.

 

[Vypros]

As a side-note to this, I am seriously considering putting off the idea that I will ever commit myself to one woman. I am used to being on my own most of the time anyway, and there are other avenues to pursue to ensure my social needs are met. Life is too short to emotionally and financially invest yourself in what turns out to be a losing proposition most of the time.

You fear a lack of control, and it's driving you to be afraid of commitment.

You fear the pain of loss, and it's making you think of scenarios where you are in a long term relationship and it ends so it drives you to just not want to commit at all.

Look at it this way. You don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but you do have control over what you do today. It's getting increasingly difficult to say "forever" in a relationship anymore, but you CAN say TODAY. When you lose the fear of loss somewhere down the line, when you lose the fear of being cheated on, and you realize that even if those things happen to you, YOUR LIFE WILL GO ON and you will be fine, then and only then will you realize that it's not futile to commit to another person.

Most people see a relationship failing after 5 years as a waste of 5 years. The truth behind that is, NO TIME in a relationship is truly wasted, despite how terrible it was or how much time you spent fighting before you moved on. Every experience in the relationship carved you into the man you are today, and each new experience carves you into a new man tomorrow.

Embrace that. Release control of the outcome, and your relationships with people will become richer and more enjoyable.

The only thing you need to worry about:

Protecting yourself in the event of a break up--if you enter a marriage without a prenup, you're just an idiot. Period. Any girl who won't give you one is not marriage material. Period. A girl who won't give you one, should be grounds for a deal breaker. Period.

Do not have kids with someone that you cannot see yourself being in their life permanently. Even if you end up divorced or separated. Protect yourself. Use condoms and/or get a vasectomy.

That's it. If you protect yourself in those ways, then you need not worry about the outcome of the relationship. Keep your social circles alive and flourishing, keep other areas of your life rich and thriving, and do not allow the relationship to encompass all that is you. Don't bet it all on the relationship, because if you win you win big, but if you lose you lose hard.

But if you keep your life rich, and your social circles alive, then the loss of the relationship will be hard, but you will be able to transition much easier than if you are losing everything.

And, speaking as someone who has been cheated on, it's not the worst thing in the world. It really isn't. Most of the time the girl realizes what she lost by cheating on you, so you always walk away the bigger person in those situations. Also, have standards. Seriously, today's men don't have any kind of standards or moral codes whatsoever, and then they want to bi-tch when they get cheated on. Ask any man if he was have sex with a girl who is in a relationship, and I'll garauntee you the answer will be "yes, so long as the girl isn't in a relationship with a close friend or family member." They don't care about screwing a stranger, and they don't take any blame because they think that the girl is going to cheat whether it's with them or not, so they might as well get some a$$ out of the deal.

When you have crappy moral codes like that, then you can expect crappy outcomes in your relationships. What goes around, comes around. Mark it down.

But at the end of the day you can't fear commitment because of one possible outcome. If you don't take the risk, then you haven't truly lived. Only regret the things you didn't do.

 

[STR8UP]

Most of the cheating happen through work or social circle, not a random stranger on the Internet. Are you gonna ban your woman from working or having friends?

Exactly.

Chances are, if your woman is trolling the internet for men, she already has one foot out the door.

If you want to "remove the cheese" you have to lock her in the closet, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Yes, technology has made it easier for BOTH sexes to cheat. But the thing that has actually INCREASED female infidelity is the fact that they are now in the workforce instead of cleaning the house.

Forget about Myspace, Facebook, email, internet chat rooms/dating, etc. None of that will matter if you pick a decent woman and lead her like a Man. If you did all you could as a Man and she still cheats, you picked the wrong woman.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

The importance of a woman's social clutch and need for external validation is a well established fact. If she prefers Facebook (et al) to spending time with you, or things appear on her profile that are/were unbeknownst to you, then thats a red flag (or two).

 

[ketostix]

Exactly.

Chances are, if your woman is trolling the internet for men, she already has one foot out the door.

If you want to "remove the cheese" you have to lock her in the closet, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Yep exactly, you can't remove a woman from every source of potential infidelity nor should you have to. There are some women who don't troll the internet.

Yes, technology has made it easier for BOTH sexes to cheat. But the thing that has actually INCREASED female infidelity is the fact that they are now in the workforce instead of cleaning the house.

Yeah, the root cause is bigger than the internet or new avenues and technology that allows for meeting others. The real cause is a societal one that places no acccountability on a woman cheating. A woman use to have a lot to lose, finacially and socially, if she cheated on her man, not anymore.

Forget about Myspace, Facebook, email, internet chat rooms/dating, etc. None of that will matter if you pick a decent woman and lead her like a Man. If you did all you could as a Man and she still cheats, you picked the wrong woman.

If a woman is the kind that is looking to cheat and branch swing she'll find a way with or without using the internet regardless of what you do.
Having said that, if your girl is spending a lot of time on social networking sites then that is a big red flag. You might tell her once that you're not cool with it, but if she continues to do it, then you know what kind of girl you have on your hands.

 

[STR8UP]

It's like trying to keep the animals out of your garden by removing the easiest to reach vegetables. If the animal is hungry it's gonna climb the corn stalk.

As Keto pointed out, it is MUCH bigger than technology. It's a shift in culture.

I have Myspace and Facebook with exes, ex f/b's, ex one or two nighters, countless women I have messed around with, and a couple more who at some point wanted my d!ck but didn't get it. If a new g/f came to me and told me it was get rid of the networking accounts or lose her, I would tell her to hit the road. What's she going to do next? Make me delete any female phone numbers from my cell? Burn the miscellaneous numbers scribbled on napkins and matchbooks that are probably laying in my cabinet drawers?

HAVING one of these accounts isn't a red flag as they are now a part of our culture. It is how they are USED that can be a problem.

Like I said, guns don't kill people....people kill people.

 

[Bronxtal112]

How about if you and her are the main picture on her profile?

 

[Mr. Me]

Certainly the internet has facilitated incidents of infidelity. There's been a documented rise in the percentage of women who cheat (those that admit to it, anyway) and more affairs have started springing from an interest-group chat room or out of curiosity looking up an old classmate crush.

And cell phones have facilitated infidelity too. Women being in the workplace has facilitated affairs.

The only thing you can do besides affair proofing your relationship as best as you can (like not helping to create an environment that affairs spawn from or choosing low-integrity partners) is to stay aware, which is pretty much what you'd have to do with most women nowadays anyhow no matter what. That is to say, if all of a sudden she's going to bed way after you do because she prefers to be online late into the night, or she hurriedly minimizes the computer windows when you walk into the room, or starts hiding her cell phone when she goes to bed or keeps it in her car or the phone rings and you answer it and there's a hang up and this happens often, or her odometer shows a lot of mileage compared to where she says she went, or any one of a million things that could signal your internal alarm that something's not quite right, then you have a problem.

How about if you and her are the main picture on her profile?

Could go either way. Does she know you're looking at her profile?

 

[Heretolearn]

ok,

to me, you guys missed the point of the thread. It is not whether facebook is a gun or a murderer but how to handle someone who uses it.

Eg. Lets say it is a gun, do you date someone who like guns. You could say it is all moderation but you will never know what they are doing with their gun on the internet which is my point.

To me dating a girl massively into facebook is like dating a party girl. Someone constantly socialising/hitting the bars. Not LTR material for me as too much energy invested outside the relationship meaning it is hard to build a relationship.

Make sense?

 

[STR8UP]

ok,

to me, you guys missed the point of the thread. It is not whether facebook is a gun or a murderer but how to handle someone who uses it.

Eg. Lets say it is a gun, do you date someone who like guns. You could say it is all moderation but you will never know what they are doing with their gun on the internet which is my point.

To me dating a girl massively into facebook is like dating a party girl. Someone constantly socialising/hitting the bars. Not LTR material for me as too much energy invested outside the relationship meaning it is hard to build a relationship.

Make sense?

I knew exactly where you were coming from, and my point was that you need to pay attention to HOW she uses these mediums rather than if she does or doesn't.

 

[Heretolearn]

I knew exactly where you were coming from, and my point was that you need to pay attention to HOW she uses these mediums rather than if she does or doesn't.

Agreed, but the challenge is that you will never really know how she uses them.


I guess its the old thing, if your relationship is good then no need to worry. If not, well just a matter of when not how. And how do you know the difference, I wish I knew