Woman Griping about my Boots

[logicallefty]

Been seeing a woman for just over a month now. No red flags yet, just a few small things but nothing big.

She invited me to her work Holiday party tomorrow. But she says she doesn't like my boots that I wear and wants me to go "shoe shopping" and find some other shoes to wear to the party. The party is casual. I have 1 x pair of dress shoes, 2 x pair of Nikes for running, 1 x pair of work boots for working in the yard, and 1 x pair of boots I wear 98% of the time pretty much everywhere (the ones she doesn't like). I have worn these same style of boots for 7-8 years.

I could go buy a cheap pair of $20 shoes that she approved off for this party, but I'm not at all wanting to:

1) that's what women do and I am not a woman . I don't buy new shoes for every occasion

2) I think this is a sh|t test and she attempting to break my frame

I am considering telling her I don't want to go to this party because I have a ""diagnosed emotional attachment disorder"" with my boots and where I go they go..

What would you guys do? Thoughts/opinions?

 

[MOTU]

Bro that's fvcked up. I would turn it around and tease her about it "yea maybe I should buy a sharkskin suit and get a spray tan too" and laugh. Then go to the party in your boots. If she says something tease her for having a shoe fetish and tell her your fetish is leather thigh highs so she should run right out and get some.

 

[mangotot]

She could have a point: those boots could look really bad and could do with a change. How old are these boots you are wearing, if they are really old maybe there is a point.

But me personally, I would not get anyone including a woman to tell me what to do. Its my way or the highway.

 

[logicallefty]

She could have a point: those boots could look really bad and could do with a change. How old are these boots you are wearing, if they are really old maybe there is a point.

But me personally, I would not get anyone including a woman to tell me what to do. Its my way or the highway.

Thanks for the replies so far, fellas. The boots are not fancy, but then again neither am I. They look worn but do not have holes or tears in them or anything like that. I could polish them and they'd be looking really good, and I may do that much.

Do you guys think this is truly about the boots or is it her attempt to sh|t test me to see if I will break frame for her? I think it's the latter.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She invited me to her work Holiday party tomorrow. But she says she doesn't like my boots that I wear and wants me to go "shoe shopping" and find some other shoes to wear to the party.

This is the type of thing that should have been corrected as soon as it came out of her mouth. You have to call out bullsh!t like that immediately. Seriously, what kind of invitations come with contingencies? That's insulting. If your shoes are that important to her, she would have asked your size and bought you new ones as a Christmas gift. Going to that party is a gift to her, not you. If she sees it as her being nice to you to let you go, then that's the root of the problem.

But once again, your mistake is not calling out the bullsh!t immediately. Now that you didn't, it puts you in a more difficult position. There are lots of snarky, passive-aggressive ways to retaliate, but I don't think they are going to help you.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Do you guys think this is truly about the boots or is it her attempt to sh|t test me to see if I will break frame for her? I think it's the latter.

One way to find out. Tell her casually, no problem, I will wear something else. Then go out and buy the most obnoxious ugly boots you can find, and wear those to the party.

 

[dasein]

I'm thinking birkenstocks and socks are in order here.

 

[Cejay]

A different perspective

Hey,

I get where you're coming from. I'm always looking for; and fighting the sh1t tests but I suspect, that this is one of those times where you may actually need nicer shoes.
Its hard to tell without seeing them, knowing her and the outfit she's going to wear.

Keep in mind that I don't know you, her, or what type of work party this is but I've done a lot of entertaining at fancy parties for my job and learned a bit along the way.

I think I get the type of boots you're talking about. Those are epic, comfortable, great for ass kick'in, **** kicking and hanging out boots. They're worn and scuffed, right? Perfect for on the bike or the bar stool.

I'm a lucky if my socks match but for some reason I have what women call "shoe style."

I entertain a lot for work. I'm not going to lie to you, shoes are pretty important sounds like especially to your gal. I've been to, helped throw; some fancy parties for work when we're trying to make friends.

Is it possible that she may just want to show you off to her gal pals and that a$$hole in accounting that hits on her? Remember, shoes are important to women. They say (to them) a lot about you.

If you feel like she's pushing you around, or **** testing you, then I suggest that you go to a shoe store on your own. Wear what you're gonna wear for the party, tell the salesperson that + the type of party and select something.

Depending on you/your attitude tell them you want to make a statement. If you're wearing black trousers they are going to (probably) get you a brown belt and brown shoes (for example.)

Another simple rule is your socks need to be the right colour (dark for dark) and your belt needs to match the shoes.

Good luck.

CJ.

 

[mangotot]

Maybe you should post a picture of your boots (if that's at all possible)?

I am personally ensuring I wear boots a lot now (hardly any guys around my locale wear boots) because it gives an edge to the appearance and makes one look like a player.

 

[VladPatton]

Put up a pic of the boots, I'd like to see the subject in question.

 

[Fireballs]

Are these the kind of boots you guys are talking about?

http://www.rmwilliams.com.au/EsaImages/item/master/BI540.41L.jpg

http://www.rmwilliams.com.au/EsaImages/item/master/B538Y_41.jpg

Personally I would wear my nicer boots. That's just me though and I like to dress better than the next man.

 

[logicallefty]

This is them:

http://www.galls.com/511-tactical-mens-atac-6-inch-quarter-boot?PMWTNO=000000000002082#.VKeAxyhMFTc

Like I said, mine look worn but have no holes or tears. They are police boots from my days as an officer. I could wear nothing else on my feet the rest of my life and be happy..

 

[glass half full]

I think she's testing you to see if you'll be her *****. Those boots don't look that bad, unless its a really dressed up affair. She may know more about this than you...ask her how fancy this "occurrence" is going to be, just try not to imply it towards the boots, but rather if you might end up nervous at this thing, what kind of people are going to be there. I think you need to know more of what you're getting into before you know if she's pulling your man-strings, or backing up her pride (which may not be a bad thing, really). If you decide she's messing with you, do what you want. And stick to it.

 

[dasein]

This is them:

http://www.galls.com/511-tactical-mens-atac-6-inch-quarter-boot?PMWTNO=000000000002082#.VKeAxyhMFTc

Like I said, mine look worn but have no holes or tears. They are police boots from my days as an officer. I could wear nothing else on my feet the rest of my life and be happy..

OK, tactical boots are not good for any kind of nicer social event or even regular parties, so can see where she is coming from. Get yourself a pair of ordinary loafers and you are set.

 

[Cejay]

Hey LogicalLefty,

I think I see her point. I don't think these are appropriate for the venue. Agreed with what Dasein said on Loafers.

CJ.

This is them:

http://www.galls.com/511-tactical-mens-atac-6-inch-quarter-boot?PMWTNO=000000000002082#.VKeAxyhMFTc

Like I said, mine look worn but have no holes or tears. They are police boots from my days as an officer. I could wear nothing else on my feet the rest of my life and be happy..

 

[logicallefty]

Thanks for the insight fellas. She text me and told me she was overreacting about the boots and that if I polish them they would be fine. I agreed to that. But she was also talking about me being on my best behavior and basically that this was going to be a stuffy party. I told her I don't like fake parties and didn't really want to go but would still go for the free food and would play on my phone and not talk to anybody. She said she really didn't want to go either and is now coming over to my house instead.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Thanks for the insight fellas. She text me and told me she was overreacting about the boots and that if I polish them they would be fine. I agreed to that. But she was also talking about me being on my best behavior and basically that this was going to be a stuffy party. I told her I don't like fake parties and didn't really want to go but would still go for the free food and would play on my phone and not talk to anybody. She said she really didn't want to go either and is now coming over to my house instead.[ /QUOTE]
Cool, now her DOING that gives you the opening to buy new shoes for her comfort with you. 511 makes excellent gear (I just bought water-proof snow boots for work, didn't check 511, I should have), my work rucksack (smallest I could find) is 511 = Quality, doesn't rip or tear. I hardly ever don Black boots, shoes (except dress shoes), while out. It's always Brown, or the women, or society in general, gets anxious with you, they simply don't like it --- black Anything on your feet (except your managers or for church, funerals, weddings, etc as dress shoes).

 

[Albatross953]

I say if you like her you up your game, but on your terms. Collar shirt, sport jacket, nice jeans, dress shoes. If you could be comfortable, and have access to all that.

Send the message you can and will display high status when you feel its appropriate. And next week go back to your boots.

No offense but those aren't party material.

 

[Donnie Darko]

It wasn't a **** test. She likes you even with your lack of style in foot wear. Those boots are hideous looking. Step outside your box for just a minute and consider getting some better looking boots or shoes for "special occasions."

 

[VladPatton]

Those sh!t kickers are grotesque, bro, she's got a point. Try looking at Red Wing boots or some neutral looking Timberlands. Tactical shoes just really don't go with anything you can wear to a social event and look good, sorry to say, man.