Winning back your ex? Doable?

[bennymd]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, I'm not looking to pick up any other girls I just want my ex back. I've done a lot of reading on here, now that I'm single again I thought it could help me get over my ex to find someone new. But the more I think about it, the more I know I want her.

Background info: We were together for 5 years and broke it off 3 months ago. Basically she wanted to get married and waited for me to make a decision for a long time. I was too chicken, I felt like i was too young to get married and just let our relationship deteroriate. We always spoke about how we were always meant for each other, and I always believed that.

After one fight she basically told me she couldn't do this anymore. I agreed, and we parted ways. I thought maybe the time apart would be good for us. During that time I realized even more how much I loved her and decided I needed to propose. Then I found out she met someone else=(

I confronted her and she told me it was true and that she doesn't want any more contact with me at all. She said she still loved me, but I didn't want her enough, I never chased her and it was always me in the power position. I proposed but was turned down, I think she thought it was only because she found someone new.

Now I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I've read here conflicts with what I think I should do. I mean, the whole point is she felt like I didn't want her enough. But the materials instruct that chasing her and being a wuss just drives women away. In my situation it was the opposite, she always chased me and she always wanted me more...until she couldn't wait any longer.

I feel like I'm stuck, can't do anything. If I don't chase her, she'll just go on with her new guy. If I do keep writing her telling her how I feel, would I just turn into a wuss in her eyes? I'm really confused, any advice from anyone that's been her would be great.

I don't need anyone just advising me to move on, not get stuck on one girl, etc. I realize that if there is nothing I can do, then yes I have to move on. But I just want to know I did everything I could to save this relationship. She truly was perfect for me.

 

[insidious]

Dude!

Bite the bullet. Squeeze that shyt outta your mind, don't do anything rash now. Don't go simpering to her, she'll just laugh in your face.

Take a cue from her: go FIND SOMEONE ELSE and quickly!

She doesn't want you, she sure as hell doesn't need you, she has someone else. You are nothing but a fly on her a$$ right now.

Move on.

 

[jigga23]

Yea man im in your same position probably not as serious though. We did talk about marriage and buying a house and all that stuff. I think she might have gotten scared about the idea when it came down to it cause we were at that point basically. Just broke up with my GF but i was only with her for like 1.5 yrs. I lived with her too. Its been like two weeks. Weve talked like 4 times and seen her once. We barely talk i want to talk to her but from other relationships I know if i just call her and say blah blah to her shell just be like i made up my mind i need time. I know shes fvcked other people already. Im thinking shell do whatever with other people then realize some other things maybe shell come crawling back maybe she wont. But in the mean time ill go after others cause there is always something better. sounds like your girl was just getting you back i think

 

[bennymd]

Don't get me wrong, I was never a total jerk to her. I just held the position of power more, I was definitely not an AFC to her. I was just too much of a roller coaster of emotions for her I think. I did show her affection, but maybe it wasn't enough. She still cares for me, but I think it was too much for her wondering when I'd commit. We've been through a lot together, through ups and downs. We didn't end badly or anything, I just guess I didn't realize we were really serious about breakup forever.

When she agreed to see me and I proposed, she insisted I just wanted her because now I couldn't have her. I asked what would have happened had she never met this new person, and I instead proposed earlier in the breakup. She told me she would have said YES. It was crushing to know I was maybe a month too late after 5 years of this.

Now I don't know a lot, but it seems this new guy is a really NICE guy. It's a long distance thing, mainly through the internet. She tells me he treats her sooo well, and that he's not moody and doesn't have a temper. I can't believe it but I guess they're even talking about marriage now. He wants to move out here to be with her, wtf?! I can't help but feel like it's easy to treat someone great when they're 2000 miles away. My only hope is she'll get bored of him, but right now she's enjoying all the attention I didn't give her enough of.

To chase or leave her alone? It seems like both options get me nowhere. I've been writing this long letter pouring out everything I've kept inside. Maybe it's not a good idea after all.

 

[jigga23]

dude im in you situation except the roles are reversed. Mine would be like you not showing enough affection and going through emotional rollercoasters. Now shell call try to say some sh!t about how hard her life is and im like yea ok cool sweet. then i say im not talking to tyou anymore cause you dont know want what i want. very selfish she probably thinks your selfish too. That sh!t comes back to bite you in the arse. I have the power now with her. I told her i would call her tomorrow to check up on her cause shes going through problems but fvck that im not going to cause of her selfeshness. ill call her on monday. Im tellin you how i would take back my ex. she needs to stop being so selfish make it look like she wants the best for both of us and willing to work things out then ill be like ok but if it seems shes doing sh!t just for herslef she can go fvck herself. so do what i said right there. make it so geniune, just tell her how much you fvcked up and youll do everything you can in your power to fix things.

 

[BlahBlah]

Basically I agree with Jigga. You need to come up with something so genuine, so emotional, and so focused on how you want to make HER happy. One thing I've said (that I truly meant at the time) to a gf was, after a long genuine monologue of how much I cared for her and how perfect I thought she was, I said the line "If you ever find someone else that makes you happier (saying this part in a bit of a whisper) just take it Linda... because all I want in this world is to see you happy, whether or not it happens to be with me... you're all I care about regardless of what happens."

May blow up in your face like the other things you've mentioned, but what this site doesn't seem to emphasize is that EVERYTHING and ANYTHING can blow up in your face given enough time.

Lemme know how it works out, and good luck to ya.

 

[bennymd]

Thanks, I realized I just need to be genuine and that's what I've been writing so far. I just wanted to confirm that was the best course, I got a little confused after reading a lot of stuff on here about the psychology of women. I'd just open up and cut through all the bs.