Will pay $50 for your answer!

[Parenthetical]

Hi,

I haven't posted here before but I've been reading this forum for a long time.

I have a problem that I really need a solution to and I will pay $50 via PayPal, check, cash, or anything you want for the best answer.

Think of it like a game. Answer well, get $50

I want to pay because I want EVERYONE to respond. Take a second to think to yourself about something that really, REALLY mattered to you, so much that it made your head spin. That's what this is like to me, and that's why I need your help.

I went out with a girl for just over a year, and things were fantastic. We were really close, hardly ever fought, and everything was amazing.

Over time, however, we became so close that we hardly saw any of our other friends anymore, and only hung out with eachother. Still, we loved it.

In the last few weeks, however, I became unusually posessive and got worried or paranoid if she did so much as smile, hug, or anything friendly with another guy. I forgot that what was important to me was our love, and began to stress too much about insignificant things such as whether or not she was friendly to a guy who hit on her.

My worry turned into my bad mood, and this made her feel guilty that she couldn't do anything she wanted. This guilt stalled our life sexually, and she became guilty about not doing anything sexually as well. She felt as if she didn't have her own life anymore.

So just the other morning, she invited me over to her house and she told me that she wanted a break, and wanted time off. This meant not seeing her nearly as much as I had been used to.

This came as a semi-shock to me, but I took it alright because I understood where it was coming from.

I consulted with a lot of people, and decided the best thing to do would be to let her know that I respected her wish to become independent again and have friends, and have a life outside of me. She was glad when I told her that I felt that way.

The next day was the first day in a long time that we hadn't seen eachother, and it was hard for me and I guessed it was hard for her too. She text messaged me and told me "I miss you. I am smelling some flowers you gave me and they smell good."

I consulted with more friends and thought a heck of a lot and decided I should let her know also that I believed that we COULD be together and she could still have her freedom. That I realized I had been to possessive, and that the break-up had been a wake up call to me, making me realize that my posessiveness was pointless, and that I'd been worrying about small insignificant things like if she hugged another guy, and not realizing that all I really wanted I already had, which was our love.

She agreed and was yet again glad that I felt that way.

However, she didn't feel ready to say anything yet. I asked her if she felt better having the freedom and she said that she did.

I know for a fact that she still loves me. I've heard it from her friends that she told, and I also just know it. Here's the problem I need a solution to:

Today she told me that she agreed with me and accepted that I understood her, but didn't know when she could see me because she is afraid that if she did she would be right where she started again, and she thinks that with time the chances of that happening would decrease.

So I'm sitting here just waiting for her to feel like it's OK to see me.

I told her that I want to see her at least once per week, even for an hour, to keep her a part of my life, and she agreed.

I know I've handled it well up to now, but I have to somehow get her to believe that honestly, we can be together and she can still have freedom. I've totally realized my mistake in being posessive before and I will be different.

I want her not to be scared to see me because she's afraid of getting back to "right where she started again".

I don't expect everything to suddenly be the way it was before everything went downhill, but I do want to make sure that we can see eachother even as just best friends, and that she can see me when she wants to without being afraid.

I want to make her feel comfortable being an independent person and also in love with me, and i want her to stop associating being with me with a non-free life.

I think you understand the situation, and if you want clarification let me know.

I do NOT want to hear "next" the girl because that isn't an option. This is going to work out, and I need as much input as I can get.

What should I do other than just sitting here and waiting for whatever might happen? What can I tell her?

Thank you SO Much guys!

 

[jmm854]

Are you serious? More like are you rich? $50 bucks a pop could break your bank unless you're Bill Gates's nephew...

If you're looking for a situation I had with a girl, it would be going against everything sosuave.com's all about. The point of this website is to not share our sobby bullsh*t stories over a cup of hot cocoa with each other, reminiscing over lost love. We're here to realize how un-important women truly are to us, and that we are the desired prize, not them. If you're looking for a seminar here, it's not gonna happen.

However, if you meant a life situation in general, I think everyone's got something that comes along and hits them unexpectedly from time to time. But in your situation, you seem to have a pretty good handle on why things haven't worked out right between you and your girl.

Keep your money, I don't want it. What I do want is an answer as to why you feel starting a thread like this is necessary and what can be accomplished from it.

 

[Parenthetical]

I'm at a time in my life when I need advice. I was hoping that anyone here might be able to give me some. If there's a problem with that I suppose I came to the wrong place.

 

[Roots]

I have a question that will probably help out the DJ's in their giving you advice:

How old are you?

 

[Gaming111]

Alright, here's my take. And you might not like it.

Attraction is somewhat rooted in challenge/mystery. People are most interesting when we don't know everything about them; wondering how they feel is part of the fun. This is where you may have gone wrong; you were seeing her SO much, that you lost the mystery and challenge. She doesn't have to worry about losing you to another girl, because you're giving all your attention to her; she doesn't have to work hard to keep you. That decreases the attraction.

Second, girls are attracted by STRONG men. This means guys that do not depend on them and have lives of their own. The alpha male type. When you give her ALL your time, you're showing that there's nothing better you have to be doing, and you're not strong or independent because you rely on her to provide you with something to do.

Third is social proof. You've obviously sacrificed a lot of your other friendships and acquaintances to spend time with this girl. Girls are attracted to HIGHLY DESIRED men; it's another part of alpha male-ness. You gave up your social proof (proof that other people like you, therefore she should to) because you spent so much time with her. Another strike against you.

Last is control. STRONG, independent men don't have to worry about controlling their girls; they KNOW that they're the BEST the girl can get, and there's no reason she would go anywhere else. The jealousy you displayed is a sign of insecurity; it proves you aren't confident enough in your own attractiveness to not mind if she talks to other guys. Attraction goes down another notch.

So, now you know why she decided she wanted to "take a break." Another unpleasant truth is that these 'breaks' tend to be permanent; she's trying to let you get ready for when she decides it's time to move along. If she DOES decide to come back, it's because she's comfortable with the relationship and is nervous about having it end; either way, the spark (the attraction) that kept the relationship going well is gone. If you DO get back together, chances are it will never be as good as it was before.

Your best course of action now is to enjoy your new freedom. Hang out with your friends, start talking to other girls. If I'm completely 100% wrong and she just felt like taking a couple days to figure out how she felt, you haven't lost anything. You've had a good time with your friends, and you can just jump right back into your relationship. If I'm RIGHT, and she is looking for the chance to ditch you, you'll at least have started rebuilding your other social contacts and the blow won't be quite as harsh. Just don't mope around the house... You'll end up being depressed. Get out and do something.

Good luck.

 

[jmm854]

I wasn't trying to be an ass. If you wanted advice, just ask for it...asking us to come up with a life story is a little different.

As for your situation, honestly, make yourself available to the 3+ billion other females in the world. Few relationships can be put on a respirator and survive in the end. Whether she's lost interest in you or not, you've obviously taken several steps backwards together. It's not what you want to hear, but it's best for you to move on, reguardless of your present feelings toward her.

On another note, you've come to the right place! Seeing as though this is your first post, I highly recommend checking out either the DJ Bible or the HS DJ Bible, they will soon become priceless to you. Here you can work on becoming a better person, getting a new mentality...or what most will call becoming a Don Juan. Welcome to the boards, and best of luck with your situation.

 

[Nocturnal]

Most people here will tell you that you need to change to adjust to the way that most of us are fundamentally aiming at. I'm going to tell you right now that's not going to work for your current situation.

I will tell you, however, that there is a good chance you can salvage this. It will take some dedication.

You need to start off by looking at this in the correct perspective.

What does she really want? Listen to her actions. Let them drown out her words. Is she always laughing when you're around her? Is she excited when she's walking away to go home? Is it excitation that started when she was with you or right before she walked away?

What went wrong? You say you were overprotective?

There is a good chance this means that you need to back off and loosen the grip you have on her. Don't spend 5 hours a day with her. Even married couples might not see eachother until 5 or 6 PM, then one might run to get groceries, cook, go run to the store for something. Then they probably have friends, etc. SLOW DOWN.

Schedule some times to do things together. Don't just go "Hi, come over we can hang out". That can get old really fast. A key point here is that she DOES NOT GET BORED. That ranks in probably the top 5 reasons for failed relationships. Do exciting things, keep her on the edge, don't let her expect for you to call her at exactly 5 and then you guys go hang out at her house. Make her wonder "I wonder if he's going to call today and have a suprise for me". Major moderation when dealing with romance is key though.

You need to make this independence of both of you natural. You can both be independent and in a relationship at the same time. But to gain the independence, do things with friends too. Call up a buddy every once in a while instead of her and go shoot some pool or something.

You need to understand that SHE IS NOT YOUR ONLY FRIEND. She is a privileged one, and have a different relationship with her.

What can you tell her? Nothing. Don't tell her anything. All you need to do is slowly change for the better. What does this include?

Be independent. Talk to strangers, make new friends. Move out of your comfort zone. Pretend that person sitting across from you is someone you know very well. Would you have something to compliment them on? Do it then!

I'm not going to tell you "don't be scared to talk to other people and get involved in things". You might be a little reluctant to talk to other people and become more friendly.

But it all comes with practice. Be comfortable with everyone. This will make you a more friendly person. You will appear (and be) more mature. You will be more confident, and from the looks of it you're relatively calm and won't get to egotistical.

The aim of sosuave.com is to improve yourself. And it works.

Don't try to improve the situation. Improve what the situation revolves around, yourself.

A few simple things that might help however

• Don't be too attention hungry. Let her know that you like to be with her, and you have the OPTION to. That makes it even more worthwhile.
  
• Plan carefully what you're going to do when you spend time with her. Talking on your couch is one thing, talking while walking along the beach is another.
  
• Don't tell her all your feelings. Let her wonder. Don't worry about her "needing to know how you feel". Just by spending time with her she will know.

Good Luck.


*Note* It might look like I'm in on this for money, but 1) I'm a sophmore... money is hard to come by and I don't expect this to be valid anyway. 2) From now on I think I'm going to dedicate more time to my posts and just answer fewer.

 

[Parenthetical]

Nocturnal, I have to say your post has been the best one so far. Honestly I don't care if any of you are in this for the money. Here's why.

I seriously care about this girl, alot. I am determined and dedicated to MAKE IT WORK with her. I don't want to hear that it can't be salvaged, I don't want to hear about how I should go meet other new women.

I want you guys to actually challenge yourselves. Why is it that when people ask questions such as this so many people say "it can't be salvaged, it can't be done, you need to move on, and next time be more like XXX". Is it because nobody wants to face the absolute hardest challenge of all?

Yes, I could go the easy route and forget about this girl and meet another one and "pick her up". But that's not what I'm going to do. I'm going to make this one work out. And fixing it is somteimes much harder then picking up 20 new women. That's why I posted the original offer of $50 for any of you. It's because I know this answer is a lot harder than the rest.

Nocturnal, good job man. You actually tried to help with my situation. I want more of this.

Who knows, I might pay more than one person.

SoSuave.com is about getting girls. Well show me how to get THIS ONE. "Oneitis" is a term that was coughed up by someone who wanted to describe how to get ass quickest. Many times it's easiest to try multiple girls until one gets you ass instead of fixating on just one.

I'm not here for the quick and easy, I'm here for a solution.

Thank you people. Keep it coming!

 

[Quad4IV]

None of these answers is going to be a perfect fit but rather a combination of them, so i'll and my 2 cents.

If you told her that you were feeling to possivie, then you need to make her realise that you are over this. You could orgninse a party or something invite a lot of people and her. Invite the guys she was hugging ect. Then if she is talking to some other guys don't care, talk to some girls.

Actully you just might want to talk to some more girls, this would sccomplish 2 things.

1) You will expand you view on the ladies
2) She will see that you are desired

I think that if you are in HS, which i guess you are or i don't see why you would be posting this here, you might next her and find someone better.

Look people takl HS relationships too seriously.

 

[Jester]

Well bros, its my turn up to bat. har-har-har Ive got no problem getting money for something i would already do anyway.

*Jester cracks his knuckles and rolls up his sleaves*


First i must suggest reading the DJ Bible unless of course youve already read it. As hackneyed as that reponse has become it still holds true.

Ive also gathered you dont really care much about doing anything that doesnt directly lead to your relationship being back together. Even though that may not be great, i believe the only way you'll overcome that is actually getting the relationship back in order.


Your girlfriend essentially came to believe you wanted to control her life for her, it didnt have anything to do with challenge, mystery or any of that bullsh1t, you were just too controlling and you know it bruddah.

Now just saying youve realised your mistake isnt quite enough. Problems dont go away without solutions, i am CONVINCED you will eventually started having the same controlling feelings you once had if you get back together. Though you may not act on them, unless you do something to fix that you will be unhappy and i KNOW it. Btw to fix it, all you have to do is get some hobbies man. Pick up skateboarding, or maybe join the soccer team, anything like that dude will infinitely help!

Do you have the same wardrope you were wearing a year ago? Or the same style of clothes you've worn forever...? If so go out to a mall with a friend and pick out a couple different outfits. Even if you don't think the clothes are "you", if they look good on you and your friend agrees, get them. Change your style, mix it up dude.

Remember DJs, you have to be able to be happy alone, before you can ever be happy in a relationship. In otherwords, you have to have a LIFE, so get off your ass and pick up a sport.

I can almost guarantee your girlfriend knows the reason you became controlling, and she probably wont feel comfortable going back to you as you are even though she loves you.

So this is what you do man, tomorrow in school, go down to the athletic office, and ask to sign up for a spring sport, anythign you want. After you do this, you call up your girlfriend and after some light convo you say "hey guess what i did today" "i went down and signed up for (insert sport) at school, im so pumped i cant wait for the season to begin!" "its going to be so much fun going out and kicking some ass on (insert sport) field". Be really excited, she will share your enthusiasm with you.

I guarantee her interest in you will become renewed. After you tell her that, ask her to meet you somewhere for coffee or something small along those lines. Do it like its your first date, ask her questions about her life, what her dreams and hopes are, anything like that. She will love it. Start going out on dates, chilling is fine if you do other stuff too. I'm sure once you join a team you will have opportunities to do many things with other people, bring her along if you want, just get out of the house.

Once, you two do get stable, i must suggest you do something actively as a couple. Im in an LTR of 7 months right now and i take ballroom/swing dancing lessons with my girlfriend. Its a lot of fun and im sure it increased my girls already extremely high interest. Every girl wants to be a dancer or a singer or performer because they love the attention. It's also to be said all girls just about swoon over a guy who can really dance. In otherwords, if you learn how to dance, with your girlfriend or not, you'll be money. You're still on solid ground just follow my advice and you'll be fine.

You're money baby and you dont even know it. - Swingers



__________________
Before the Battle of Thermoplyae, against the Persian army led by Xercies, a Greek scout told the Spartan warrior Dieneke that the Persian archers were so numerous, that they could blank out the sun with their arrows. Dieneke replied to the scout "Good, then we shall have our battle in the shade."


AIM SN - YogurtTastesGo0d (the second 0 is a zero)
Email - stoked_stockings@hotmail.com

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Well... naw... keep your money, I'm going to this for free, on the simple premise that I can tell from the emotion of your posts that you really do love this girl and it seems like it is the same way on both sides but maybe going to "pick up" other girls as you put it may not be a bad idea... why... because then you will be able to appreciate her more. I have been with my girlfriend for almost seven months now, and I still go to pick up girls... first for the challenge and second is... how can I appreciate something if I do not have any other idea what is out there. I think this has happened to the both of you, but she was the first one to do something about it. I think she wanted to take a break because she wants to salvage the relationship and this is the only way to do it. The best thing to do for you Paranthetical is to cut off all contact with her... period. I know it sounds like a hard concept to graps... but trust me... absence makes the heart grow fonder. The only way you guys will get back to together is if you cut off the contact... trust me. When she doesn't need a break anymore, she will let you know without any hestitation. In the meantime, between time, you need to get your life together. Start shooting ball, paint, cook, clean.. do somthing anything to take your mind off of this girl. Start hanging out with your friends again... trust me, it will all be for the better.

The Matrix: Reloaded

 

[Jester]

I must disagree matrix.

Originally posted by The Matrix: Reloaded
I know it sounds like a hard concept to graps... but trust me... absence makes the heart grow fonder.

In YOUR situation matrix this may be true but in HIS case im afraid absence definitely will make her heart grow fonder, but for somebody else! He isnt on that much of solid ground dude! Not yet anyway.

 

[Nocturnal]

Originally posted by Parenthetical
I don't want to hear that it can't be salvaged, I don't want to hear about how I should go meet other new women.

i think the idea is that AFCs are usually the only ones who worry about one girl so much, particularly in high school where relationships are more shallow and not so meaningful. but if yours is that meaningful then you dont have to be an AFC to have means to go for it. just be carefull about how you approach it.

Originally posted by Jester
I must disagree matrix.



In YOUR situation matrix this may be true but in HIS case im afraid absence definitely will make her heart grow fonder, but for somebody else! He isnt on that much of solid ground dude! Not yet anyway.

well... i see both points of view but i'll have to go with jesters. first off he's already had a break from her, second he cant really let her think he's giving up now, especially after he told her what he did.

 

[DX_Flyer]

Parenthical, just listen to yourself. You sound like your life revolves around this girl, and you put her on a pedestal. Believe it or not, Gaming111 is right and so is Matrix. You seem extremely desperate to get back with this girl. You told her you wanna see her once a week, so that you can keep her apart of your life. Damn that sounds AFCish. DO wat matrix said and cut off all contact with her, if anything she will get back with you whenever she wants to.

Now I know your gonna reply and say something to counter my advice, but you cant always listen to what you wanna hear, and you cant get everything you want, so wether you take this advice or not, you'll know in the future who was right.

 

[Parenthetical]

DX_Flyer, and the rest of you who claim that my behavior is "AFC"...

You're missing the point.

Think of this like a video game. There's only one way to win this one, and it's getting the girl back.

I know you can tell me other things but that won't win it now will it.

Why haven't you provided helpful advice in getting the girl back like some of the other people have in this thread? Is it because you don't know how to do it?

Is this challenge actually *gasp* difficult?

I know it's incredibly easy to say "don't be an AFC, it's just a girl".

To me, that says you have no clue what to do so you want to make it seem like what I want isn't worth anything.

Well I've got news for you. It is. So if you don't know how to solve my problem, you don't have to. But don't tell me what I'm doing is being an AFC because that's the cheap way out.

 

[Gaming111]

Alright. Here we go again.

This is the cold hard truth: you will NOT be happiest in the long run getting back with this girl. When things start going wrong, especially when you're young, they NEVER go back to being as good as they were. You're operating off the memory of how good the relationship USED TO BE to guide your actions, instead of HOW IT IS and HOW IT WILL BE. Like Doc Love says, this is the reality factor coming in: when you oppose reality, you experience pain.

Now, I understand where you're coming from, and if you are absolutely determined to get this girl back, here's how you do it.

1. Figure out what it was that made the relationship go bad in the first place. So far, it looks like a combination of over-protectiveness, jealousy, and lacking an outside life. Spend a few minutes and think about these things... I might not have it tagged exactly right.

2. Fix these things. Do NOT continue to do the things that caused problems. It's also likely that these were caused by some other stuff too... i.e. jealousy might be caused by insecurity, so you have to solve the insecurity first by finding outside interests, getting more confident, etc. Work on yourself first.

3. Give her some space. Don't talk to her for a few days. This will give her the chance to see what it's like to not have you around all the time, and let her have a basis of comparison. People tend to think that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill... Let her experience being without you for a little while, and she'll hopefully conclude that life is better with you and you guys can get back together.

4. Once you guys actually ARE back together, don't fall back into the same pattern you were in before. When you recognize yourself doing the things that hurt your relationship in the first place, get a firm grip on yourself and STOP DOING THEM. This is the #1 reason why often, getting back together doesn't work - neither partner addresses the reasons that caused the breakup in the first place. Fix what was going wrong, and you'll be okay.

Like others have said, there aren't any magic words you can say to her that will suddenly make her want you back. Fix the problems in yourself first, then she'll see what she was missing and you're golden again.

Hope that helps.

 

[DX_Flyer]

sigh.... The thick-headed stubborn AFC types are the hardest to deal with. I will say it again.

you cant always listen to what you wanna hear, and you cant get everything you want, so wether you take this advice or not, you'll know in the future who was right.

 

[Jester]

Uh flyer, have you ever been in a relationship nearly as long as parenthetical was just in?

Im assuming not, or atleast not recently. The dj tricks and principles that work in a STR get thrown out the window when u hit that LTR mark. You come off very know-it-allish when in reality you dont know anywhere close to it all flyer..so take a chill pill man and give advice to situations where you have experience in...

You arent totally off target though, had Parenthetical been in any type of advanced DJ mindset when he started this relationship he probably would not have the dependency he now does. Which is why for him getting a life is critical.

Anyway, parenthetical, you gotta show her that it wont be "right where she started again", do what i told you about joining a sports team. It WILL work.


Sometimes in life in order to advance past a certain point you have to conquer some goal. To become a DJ i had to "conquer" a girl who going by a lot of the newbies on the board i should have NEXTed. Ive now been with her for 7 months and im very happy. I belive parenthetical is in a similar situaiton, hes either get his girl back or fight to the end. If not he may have a lot of trouble moving on, so lets help him on his way.

 

[Dj Deity]

Amazing what a little cash can do! Thx

First i have to say Wow! This helped me a lot and I think this post should go into the bible under LTR's or something to that effect, here is why...

I'm am into a deep relationship right now... 2 1/2 months... well I dont' know how deep but it is the longest I've been in a relationship..lol, I have been in a lot of relationships too... and looking at her interest level in me, and my interest level in her(I have never met anyone like her, with her looks!... and I, my friends, have met many hott women.)... I don't think it's ending any time soon.

BUT, just in the past few days I was wondering what will happen later in the relationship... Given my history, I wasn't one to get into LTR's, so I was getting weird about it... I don't want my relationship to end, because we get closer each time we see eachother, it allways get's better!... after thinking for about and hour, laying in my bed, all I could come to was: - "I know she wont dump me because of her still growing interest in me, and I know her interest will not change because of my ever growing dj skillz ...so... if it did end, it would be me dumpin her.. but why would I?" All I could come up will was: - "Because I may want to meet other girlz later... but I allready am meeting many other girls, & None of them come close to her..." lol. I just couldn't figure out what I was so bothered by!

HAHA, What great timing though for this post! Thanks to this post, I now know how to keep the LTR going, specifictly between me and my girlfriend. Also: although I had an idea in my head, being a fairly experianced DJ, on how to keep this whole thing togeather, this thing just kept bothering me... But, this post has put all the peices togeather! Basically - I just needed someone to spell it out for me. well I have to say thanks a bunch to jester, nocturnal, gaming, quad, and especially Parenthetical - for posting this... also to whoever else posted and I didn't say your name and to anyone else who does post anything else that is good in this thread! I'm glad I never had to lose anything really important to me to learn this lesson!

My questions have been answered! What I need to do is:
1.) Not worry so much about losing her
2.) Don't get attached to her where I spend everyday and everychance I have, to go out with her
3.) Go out with my friends more... and invite them sometimes when me and my girlfriend go out to places
4.) Sometimes take a break from her for a week or longer... then the next time I'm with her make it ... um... special
5.) Make sure she isn't only hanging around me (as a guy). In other words - make sure she meets new guys now and then, so she sees how much better I am... I'm not very a very jelouse person-haha, but I DO have very high confidence in my ever growing DJ skillz!NO WORRIES!
6.) (I liked quads idea) I plan on having a party, with a bunch of my friends there, on my birthday(Feb. 15th soon! Big 16th!). Also I will have a bunch of my friends bring their friends = Big A$$ party! Knowing my girlfriends interest level in me, and knowing that she is playful, I am going to propose a game to her: See which one of us can meet more new people of the opposite sex at the party, HEHE! (hmmm... now I'm starting to realize why my friends at school are predicting my becoming a pornstar director or something of the sort... (well, because of - just how open to new things I am, and how I'm not afraid to step out of my comfort zone, I guess))
7.) And last but not least I am going to to think-up/find more ways to say mysterious, a challange, and unpredictable to her!

I allready have many hobbies and my relationship isn't anywhere near where yours was Parenthetical, - way to attached. I just put up these points, to what I am going to do, to keep my relationship going! Take the good advise these DJs give you, and my advise of taking their advise, and PUT IT INTO ACTION!!!! GET OUT THERE AND JUST DO IT!!! YOU WILL WIN IN THE END, BECAUSE THERE ARE NO BOUNDARIES FOR A DON JUAN LIKE YOU WILL SOON BECOME!!!
**PeAcE**

 

[DonJuanita2]

i think its great that ur that dedicated to this girl. i think us should work back into the relationship slowly, don't go back to the possession and paranioa that drove her away. try to build back up her confidence and trust in you. once you guys start going to dinner and movies together, ask if she would consider maybe being with you again. perhaps u can bring up a really fond memory you both share. the important thing is, is that you give her time to ease back into the relationship. dont be pushy. good luck. i hope this helps.