Will my exbpd contact me after seeing me doing good?

[Imdonswanson]

What's up

I'm in need of some advice, I've see a couple of post from this site talking about exBPDs. I'm not here for a blame game or to trash the woman. I left her a little more than a year ago. I still think about it but it doesn't have that hold over me as it did before. I've been dating things are looking up :rockon:

We have many mutual friends and I recently got a huge job promotion that I've been waiting for a while now. I know she must of found out but I'm not too sure I hope she does not checks up on me since I've been no contact since I left her.

I logged onto my twitter, instagram, Facebook the other day (first time since the break up) she still has all my family & friends (we dated for 1yr) and she only met my family/friends once for about 4-5 hrs. She was crazy in a creepy scary ass way. I'm worried if she might check up on me despite that all my stuff is private or that she might contact me...has anyone been in this

or was my fvck off cold attitude towards her when we broke up enough to make my point clear to never contact me again?

 

[VikingKing]

Maybe. If she does make it sounds like your great, and happy. Then tell her you have to go, you will talk later. Then never talk to her again!

 

[Callmejoe]

If you don't want her to "check up" on you, then I know part of an island in the western Pacific that has no electricity, no cell phone coverage, no land lines, no running water, and no road access. You can move there. It has a great beach with a barrier reef. It is kind of cool, for about three days.

If you don't want a girl to ever check up on you, then never give her your real name or anything else (including photos) that could identify you.

Since it is too late for that, just ignore her. If you cannot escape a contact, just say thanks, and that's it.

 

[drummerdude27]

My ex BPD just contacted me last week (A month after our 'final' break up and no NC, even when I got into it big with her and she said she'd never talk to me again). But low and behold, she texted me saying she still dreams about me. Honestly, who knows and who cares with these types? It's nothing about you anyway, its all about them and their needs. Hence why I ignored the text and went on with my life(which is going pretty damn good right now).

Be lucky she didn't contact you, you don't want to get hoovered back in.

Cheers.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Thanks dudes I mean I've read so much stuff about bpd I know it's all about her, always.

I just get a bit paranoid that she checks up on me/ will contact me. I'm finally in a good place and I don't want her bad vibes in my life. :nono:

 

[drummerdude27]

I think you should be glad she never hit you up soon after, cause I've heard many people that went back into it and they came out worse than before. I am pretty sure i'll get another text from my ex bpd later down the line. But I am going to remain strong.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Well since we have many mutual friends I heard she has had several boyfriends/flings after me and she is currently in a new relationship. I guess I do not exist in her mind any more

 

[christoff522]

What's up

I'm in need of some advice, I've see a couple of post from this site talking about exBPDs. I'm not here for a blame game or to trash the woman. I left her a little more than a year ago. I still think about it but it doesn't have that hold over me as it did before. I've been dating things are looking up :rockon:

We have many mutual friends and I recently got a huge job promotion that I've been waiting for a while now. I know she must of found out but I'm not too sure I hope she does not checks up on me since I've been no contact since I left her.

I logged onto my twitter, instagram, Facebook the other day (first time since the break up) she still has all my family & friends (we dated for 1yr) and she only met my family/friends once for about 4-5 hrs. She was crazy in a creepy scary ass way. I'm worried if she might check up on me despite that all my stuff is private or that she might contact me...has anyone been in this

or was my fvck off cold attitude towards her when we broke up enough to make my point clear to never contact me again?

It depends..it depends if she feels she could get you back, it also depends if she's moved on. BPDs tend to have lots of 'plates' spinning, lots of little insecure orbiters. If she's chosen on of them, idealized them, and 'fell in love' then no she won't come back.

BPD's don't care about ANYTHING to do with you. They just don't want to be alone. You could be 50 years old, obese, and smell like cheese and they'd care about you just as much as if you were a 25 year old hunk with a physique like Adonis - that is, so long as they're not alone, and get validation - it's all the same.

If you caused a narcissistic injury, then theres no way she'll take you back - you're painted black for eternity, any contact with you would be a trigger for her and that means its over for life. Just remember that BPD means Borderline narcissism, it stems from parental neglect, and the whole point of a partner as far as they're concerned is to have someone fill the gap that mommy or daddy caused when they mistreated her.

A BPD is not sitting there moping about their ex, it seems that way sometimes, but its not really that way. When they're alone they're cycling through other people, then when you enter their sphere..then they'll shower you with attention as though they've really missed you - or they'll abuse you and bring up every bad thing you've done.

So will the BPD contact you? If its been a year without contact...absolutely no chance. As far as she's concerned it's more like 5 years, you're a distant memory, the old family and friends that she has on there mean nothing to her. It's likely she's had half a dozen relationships that were all "the one", as well as lots of sex, booze, drugs and partying. If you contacted her she'd need reminding who you were, and she probably would be cold and aloof, or she would bring up what you said to her and tell you off.

Don't worry about it

 

[christoff522]

My ex BPD just contacted me last week (A month after our 'final' break up and no NC, even when I got into it big with her and she said she'd never talk to me again). But low and behold, she texted me saying she still dreams about me. Honestly, who knows and who cares with these types? It's nothing about you anyway, its all about them and their needs. Hence why I ignored the text and went on with my life(which is going pretty damn good right now).

Be lucky she didn't contact you, you don't want to get hoovered back in.

Cheers.

Simple sh1t test, she probably sent that to a few people, relationship probably broke up or she had a row and the well is getting dry of available orbiters.

 

[expos]

It depends. Some may check out your FB page once in a while and see what you are up to. I know that they hoover a little a bit but don't follow up on their actions if they've got someone roped in.

I've got a good story for you.

My BPD ex-wife was riding her high with her new guy for a good 8 months. She looked pretty decent and in shape.

But....she then saw me in person with my new and hotter girlfriend last October. I completely ignored my ex-wife, and held hands with my new girlfriend in front of her. I'm sure this was a pretty unpleasant experience for her.

Cut to March...a Facebook photo surfaced of my ex-wife and she's a FATTY now. At least a 30 lb weight gain. Apparently, her seeing me with my new, hotter girlfriend affected her so much that she ate away her pain away. It was an unbelievable transformation that showed me how FVCKED up she is. Nobody gains weight that fast.

I disagree that they forget things. They are completely insecure and jealous. They love to control and inflict pain, and NO they don't like it when you do well. If they painted you black, you are supposed to be bad and never amount to anything in their distorted thinking. They never feel like they are to blame, and when you prove them wrong, it sets off a wild of chain erratic behavior.

The reason you think about her from time to time is that she gave you a lot of grief. They use a lot of push/pull techniques to always keep you on edge. A good, stable person doesn't do this. Normal relationships are stronger and more linear. They are masters at game and brainwashing you into thinking that they are better than they really are. They are hot and cold and completely unpredictable.

Be glad that you are done with her. She's a miserable person who hates herself and not one that anyone should build a future with. She'll never be a good girlfriend, wife, or mother to your children.

In the long run and when you meet someone better than her, you'll realize how bad she really was.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Thanks for the replies

You know it was a crazy fvcking relationship, I was scared to leave her because she'd fake suicide. I take blame for staying too, it's just not her. She's diagnosed with bpd and I have my own sh1t I worked out/ am working on. I hear from friends that she is indeed a fatty or at least gained weight and is still working at a dead end job with no college degree, doing the same thing as before. She's a grown woman.

Expos, sorry to hear that dude. Once I left, she was dead to me and I never had closure and to hear that she's prancing around with several guys a week after, bpd or not that sh1t is hurtful. Yeah, not going to lie, I like to hear that she's not doing better, or at least better than me (immature reaction I know). But with all that said, she was a toxic cloud of radiation and smog and I don't need her to watch wind of my life (I'm very private about my personal life) or contact me..it's just real bad fvcking vibes, you know?

 

[expos]

Expos, sorry to hear that dude. Once I left, she was dead to me and I never had closure and to hear that she's prancing around with several guys a week after, bpd or not that sh1t is hurtful. Yeah, not going to lie, I like to hear that she's not doing better, or at least better than me (immature reaction I know).

It's a normal, very human reaction to get back at someone who did you wrong. Accept those feelings, but don't go out to hurt that person. Never act on it. That's the difference between a healthy individual and one with BPD. The BPD will look for ways to hurt/inflict pain because they are generally broken individuals who project their issues onto others.

You won't get closure with these types either. I've been in relationships with some girls and we do have that closure talk. Sometimes we don't.

Like I said, BPD avoid closure because that means coming to grips with their problems - which they don't want to admit. Remember, they never feel like they are wrong. This is the basis as to why their relationships fail in the first place. Everything is very one-sided, selfish, etc - which makes them bad partners.

Believe me, once you find a good woman, you'll realize how good a relationship can be.

I'm heading across the country to Vancouver in a few weeks with my new woman. We have a healthy and strong relationship. I could ramble on forever, but this trip wouldn't be happening with my ex-wife for many reasons. Surround yourself with great people and watch great things happen.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Expos,

I would never plan any sort of revenge physically or emotionally against her, she's a 5 year old child, mentally. But what happened with you, that she saw you with your new girlfriend, that's the best revenge. Doing way better than them. I stopped entertaining the idea that she will feel bad or regret what she has done. Even when I was with her it was very one sided.

I'm dating someone new and I got a great promotion, I dreamed for these things when I first broke up wit her so I could passively flaunt it so she would catch wind of it. Now that I truly realize what I'm dealing with, she's a scary individual who I want as far away from me.

Btw congrats on your relationship mate. Enjoy your trip, cheers!

 

[christoff522]

Yeah when I get those moments of clarity, I completely regret any contact with her. I should have rejected her when she asked for my facebook, I knew she had a bf, I just didn't expect her to be completely off her head.

I should have just said "no I don't think thats appropriate", but I gave in to my own desire for her. She 'was' gorgeous, and I'm a bit of an AFC :yes:

However, now when I see pics of her I just feel a bit sick, no amount of physical attractiveness can hide the evil, demonic, psychoticness of her, I'm scared of her, I'm scared of what **** she could make up about me, I'm scared of what she could do to herself.

Luckily, the longer I go NC, the less inclined she would be to seek revenge for me rejecting her 100% and calling her mental.

Haha, they are dangerous, they can lead people to violence, even suicide in some cases. There are cases of NPDs/BPDs actually pushing depressed people to suicide. These are people filled with hate, they hate others, and they hate themselves. How often have we guys heard them say "I hate men", its the first thing they come out with, when you're supposed to be the love of their life its quite a painful thing to hear.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Christoff,

They truly are, I tried leaving a number of times but she would fake suicide or some crazy wild story to suck me in.

I left her, I told her I know who she is and that she has major psych issues. I doubt she'll contact me after that because she cannot wear a mask with me any longer and since she has no face behind the mask, better to avoid me.

I hung out with mutual friends of ours after a year or so and I know they talk. I just get a bit weird knowing she might hear about it. Who knows what will come out her mouth, how many lies would she spread. Or maybe she'll just leave it alone.

 

[drummerdude27]

Be glad she doesn't hoover bro. A little update on me, mine hoovered yesterday. Texted me 4 times. First asking for a phone charger because she was in a motel and was about to relapse with drugs and needed someone to talk to. Another saying she found a charger and shes sorry for bugging. Then later saying how she knows its hard for me to talk to her but she really misses me a lot, etc.

It was hard as heck but I didn't budge/text her back. Ive been doing good a month+ of NC and already seeing diff girls. But I wont lie, kinda made me think about her a bit and messed up my day.

 

[christoff522]

Christoff,

They truly are, I tried leaving a number of times but she would fake suicide or some crazy wild story to suck me in.

I left her, I told her I know who she is and that she has major psych issues. I doubt she'll contact me after that because she cannot wear a mask with me any longer and since she has no face behind the mask, better to avoid me.

I hung out with mutual friends of ours after a year or so and I know they talk. I just get a bit weird knowing she might hear about it. Who knows what will come out her mouth, how many lies would she spread. Or maybe she'll just leave it alone.

To say she "has major psych issues" is a little different than giving it a name. She could possibly contact you, you should be prepared. She would rather argue than be alone. If she finds a void of interest from guys then she may still contact. If you don't want that make sure every avenue of contact is dealt with.

I know mine won't contact me directly because of the deliberate issues I've created between us. I told her I was insured in case of smears (I have video of her calling her mum a *****), I told her that she's a liar and that she's a bad person - basically I hit her where it hurts.

But basically, contact-wise it depends on who's around in their sphere, its what fruit she can gather that dictates how she will act. If theres lots of people in her life it's gonna be easier for her to just cut you off and move on leaving you as an orbiter. However if she's a BPD hermit, and if theres a lot of history she's going to try to keep some contact - hence the suicide stuff.

I say let them talk, if they're hanging out with you thats good, make sure to present a good narrative of a good life, happiness and health. Make sure to show as little desire for BPD as possible, make her a non-issue. If they discuss her simply discuss issues of lying, mood swings, cheating, psychotic behaviour. But frankly if its been a year its game over now.

 

[Imdonswanson]

Christoff,


I think my bpd ex besides the fact that she is good looking, I won't deny that, and is narcissistic beyond belief. She hates/loves herself in a weird paradox. Anyway, her social media is always some sexual vulgar nonsense to attract and guy who would just wanna use her like a piece of meat.

It's just that she as probably the craziest/ darkest person I've had in my life and im in a great place now. Always makes you wonder with crazy chicks when they'll be gone or coming back when you least expect it. :moon:

 

[guitaronfire411]

Well, I swear that she is a BPD ex since she cannot resolve anything. She came back, lured me in once with sex and it went from a super brief FWB to hanging out as friends, which I threw back in her face. I told her I need to date someone or get FWB as we discussed. I don't want to hangout with her as just friends because that's just lame and meaningless. She is still on my Facebook so I'm trying to show her what she is missing out on. She seems to have very few real friends.

I know she has latched onto a new guy and seems pretty obsessed with him. Kind of sad because I have a big heart but she has managed to squash it everytime I get any sort of hope. She's not the right one for me but haven't had any luck finding another girl (yet).

 

[Leprechaun2013]

Let her check up on you, this should make you thrilled that you are getting the last laugh over her. Take a good look in the mirror at yourself, now you have a promotion living bigger and better that you were with her. What you see in the mirror is a better man who has made a success. That man is you, so be proud of what you have done after you left her. Don't even give her a thought to make yourself miserable.

Any woman you break up with will contact you after they find out you became a success. They want to be part of the success too when you improved what you were before. All ex's want the better thing than what you were. The best revenge you can get is to tell them No Thanks after they try to get you back when they treated you sh!tty before. It's a great feeling to have when you know you've won!