Will I be right if I tell my friend I don't like to be treated like sh1t

djSlvt

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I have this friend, cool guy. But, lately he been drinking, and we don't get to do much sh1t, except when he needs me to do something. He been like this since last year after his mother died.


He was suppose to take a look at my camera, plug it into his PC and see if it works or not, he didn't do that for a week until yesterday, and day before he called me he needs me to go with him and do some computer stuff to his friend, install some software and stuff. So yesterday we went there, I spend two hours of my time fixing his stuff, free of charge. We though we'll go to walmart and have a look at some bikes after that, but it took way too long, so we agreed we'll do this today.

Right, so my license is bad. I can't just go places.

So today, comes the time to go to walmart and he calls me telling me that he can't, because he has some other sh1t with some *****es, hot tub and booth and all that sh1t. He mentioned him visiting his mom at the cemitary before he said he's having fun with some chicks tonight. Told me we'll do my sh1t tomorrow.

Going further back, pattern falls into place so that we only do things together when he needs things done. Such as problems with his computer, doing something for him or his friends, etc... It's not a trade, but that's the only time he'll have time, other times he's drinking with his b1tches. He is doing that every night.


He is gonna call me tomorrow, we could go, him, his dad, and me shopping (which I need) and then a bike shop and walmart. Cool stuff, right. It's not that I need it NOW, I have other people who can do this stuff for me with no string attached.

I'm thinking he calls I don't answer a few times. And if he does call me more than twice I pick up and tell him he told me we'll go yesterday, but he said it out of his a55, so I rather go with someone else and let him get his sh1t together first.


Do you think I should do that? Is it called for? Or is it too much and out of place?

I want to tell him we can't just be friends when he needs things done for him. This I see a perfect opportunity.
 

Desdinova

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Sounds like it's time to ditch him at least for a while. It may be a phase he's going through, or it may last forever. Become busy and give him some time away from you. Hit him up in a year or so and see if anything has changed. If not, you may want to write him off completely.
 

Wyldfire

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I'm really hesitant to help you again after you have taken to joining in attacking me as of late...but I'm going to anyway because I'm a good and kind person.

Your friend is doing what a lot of people do when they can't cope with the grief process in a healthy way...he is escaping and running away from his pain. He's showing classic signs of having survivors guilt. People who get like that will subconsciously do things to make the people closest to them angry. He's doing it because he wants you to get angry with him and punish him so he has an excuse to get angry back and release his anger and pain over losing his mother. Then he can feed his own guilt further and give himself even more of an excuse to drink.

The best thing you can do for him is talk to his father and tell him that you're worried about him and think he might need to talk about how he feels about his mother's death.

Try not to take it personally...he's not intentionally doing things to piss you off...it's all subconscious.

Just make it a habit not to depend on him or put any expectations on him right now. Distance yourself to an extent...but leave the door open because once he comes around and deals with his feelings he is going to need your friendship. If you react negatively to what he's doing you will only give him the fuel he's seeking to continue on a downward spiral...don't give it to him.
 

djSlvt

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Desdinova said:
Sounds like it's time to ditch him at least for a while. It may be a phase he's going through, or it may last forever. Become busy and give him some time away from you. Hit him up in a year or so and see if anything has changed. If not, you may want to write him off completely.


Sounds like a plan. I had in mind ignoring him this time, then maybe next week hit him up or most probably he'll hit me up.


Two options really


A) Roll with it, he wants a buddy who knows sh1t and stuff. But he also wants it so that I'm there when he needs it. I get out of this a trip to a grocery store, bike shop, other places... sometimes I buy things with local pick up that make money.


B) Reframe this thing. Let it be fair. I don't have a ride I can ride legally now, I even showed him yesterday as a trooper was looking up plates at a light, so I need things once in a while. That's what friends are for.



I know the right thing to do, but this guy goes ahead and mentions his late mom, and also says if you not up for it tomorrow, we'll do it other time, not a big deal. Right now it is so that it's when it is convinient to him, and if he says tomorrow and something comes up, then it is ok to ditch me.


I don't know about a year, but I'll do at least a week. He's a player, he'll know what's up. If that don't work, I'll give it more time.



Long time till tomorrow, I want more input. If it was a hoe I wouldn't care as much.
 

Obsidian

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pull back. show less interest. spin more plates. If worse comes to worse, NEXT.
 

djSlvt

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My friend is insecure right now. Thus far I pushed him further away, I'm not calling. He showed his insecurity every time. Such as several days ago tried calling me over skype, but only was 1 or 2 rings, so I didn't get a chance to pick up. Today he called me and tried to ask me about that in a nice "playerish" way. His game sucks, but well tuned....


Basically, he tried to get across that


"if you want something you're on your own, such as I don't drive you around now, unless you beg"

and, that was what his entire call was about....


He complimented me on my new looks, I'm slimmer and hotter. He now doing external rapport with me, trying to loose weight too.


I PM him video of messenger bikers in NYC. Half way through it he hung up on me without saying anything. He wants me to call him back up, so that he can feel secure again. I didn't call him back, because I think it's best if I don't do that for two weeks. Sure, if he calls me I pick up.

He did tried to search for reasons other than himself, about me pushing him away. Not directly of course. But in the end, I'm telling him that it is him. Not directly, of course.


I can predict what's he gonna do. Call me back before I call him. Maybe I should send him that book? Worth invesetment.
 

Go getta

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next this fool. he's just using you for his ego stroking and selfish needs! he's an attention pimp!

you need to drop him and start talking to other men, spin more plates.

he's only holding you back!!
 
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