Wife material

[Zarky]

For the life of me, you guys sound like women with all your lists of supposed-wants and needs.

For me, all relationships begin as short term relps. Some progress to medium-term relps. Some of those progress to long-term relps.

I don't sit there beforehand and list all the qualities that society has told me I should want. That's what women do, and then they break all their rules by banging Outlaw Biker Dude.

Just let sh!t happen. There is no way I could categorize the ones that have lasted and the ones that haven't. Just let the relp happen. Constantly search for new women and have an open mind. Some will be short term, some mid-term and some long term. You don't need to categorize or label the women or the relps.

 

[Bluntmaster]

Bluntmaster

are you saying women shouldn't enjoy sex ??? Are you saying women should be judged negatively because its EASIER for them to get sex so they should fight their urges to do what they like ??

What if a guy has an easy time getting sex from women, should he not enjoy himself because he doesnt has to work as hard ?? should we judge a guy negatively who has sex with a lot of women and has an easier time than most ??

As far as cheating goes...ANYONE can cheat !!! Doctors who save peoples lives and contribute heroic deeds for the community everyday can cheat !!

Women who financially and emotionally support their men while raising good kids have the ability to cheat.

Women and Men who feel comfortable in monogamous relationships can cheat.

ANYONE can cheat !!

You have to look at the bigger picture and accept human nature for what is. Marriage and sexual loyalty are MAN MADE to fit into a MAN MADE society...why do you think so many guys and girls get bored in relationships....cause they are NOT natural, I dont care how hot or cool you think your wife or girlfriend is. After a few weeks/months your eyes and mind WILL start to wander as will hers.


.....and remember its only considered cheating if you or the other person gets caught.

At that point its up to you as man or woman to understand why that person cheated and weigh the pro's and cons on whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with your partner who may NEVER cheat again or who MIGHT cheat again.

Well, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. How about you start dating a girl and she seems cool, and you like her and date for a few months and start thinking about marrying her.

Then, things start coming out of her mouth about her past. Like she has been in threesomes, banged 10 guys last year, banged the poolboy and the mailman? And that's only the one's you know about. There's still the biker dudes she hasn't talked about.

You can have her I don't care. I'm not marrying it. Even if I banged 100 girls in a month I won't marry her.

If they were smart they would keep their mouths shut about their past but they will tell if you listen.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Lexington,
I think this all begs a question.....Are you good Husband material?it takes two to Tango....I certainly am no longer the marrying type,never was really.....I was a great nest builder....Having two wifes behind me and several Long Term relationships,I must accept the obvious,I didn't have what it took....my main need in a Marriage was sex and Yes Rollo she did change,as many have observed marriage normally destroys ones sex life....so this branded,blasted spur,that rides on my back like a Devil really
caused a lot of suffering for my kids....a bit more self control on my part and yeah an ability in my partner to lie back and think of England,and maybe things would have been different....I also realise that if I had found the Woman I wanted she might have got restless too....I once said to my first Wife,after her return from the Gym,"Is me between your legs,really worse than doing Push ups?"....What really is the big deal about a Woman giving Sex?,Its rarely discomfort that puts them off,I think it's all a Power game.

 

[Ballie]

Originally posted by RT

I'd be interested to know what some of the older, divorced (or LTR split) guys experiences are with their prior marriages in this regard. Did your first wife turn into someone else after marriage, or did you make her into someone she never was in order to rationalize marrying her?+

and summed up by Squirrels

Everyone has flaws. All of US have flaws...and women do too. The problem is when a woman refuses to take steps to overcome those flaws or turn them into strengths. Then you get into situations where she expects YOU to fix her...and when she fails, she blames you and makes YOUR life miserable, punishing you for her own faults.

Unfortunately, this takes a good deal of time to evaluate, since women are VERY good at initially hiding the REAL answers to both #1 and #2, for the sake of just "having a boyfriend/relationship". They WILL pretend to be on-board with your life plan when they're not, and they WILL pretend to be survivors when they're really victims.

All the warning signs (red flags) were there - the disfunctional alcoholic family, the aldultorous sister, etc. I chose not to see the real person behind that beautiful mask until it was too late and she showed her true colours.

Well, a man makes a mistake once - a fool twice or thrice. Up to you which path you take. But once the true nature of a women has been revealed to you its very hard to fully trust again. The so called "red pill" takes away your innocence

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Zecko,
a little young for Menopause?One of my Mates wife had full blown Menopause at 28 years old.....They are still together,whether its his tolerance,or the solace of his Secretary,who does tricks for him,I don't know.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Achilles,
I have had six great loves,in order they were 6,13,7,10,14 and 4 years younger....assuming that I generally like it on a Daily basis,and my line in the sand is at the 50 percentile then the time it got for this to happen was respectively,. 6,18,2months,then one I dropped,even though she was good little performer,but she was incurably ill,and I just wasn't happy to shoulder the burden,then15 months,the latest one has been going for 42 months and never shows resistance,well maybe three or four times,I just exert a little self control,I suppose you can take the bucket to the well once too often.The moral is,age didn't seem to affect things,the BPD one was initially the hottest but fizzled out in eight weeks,good riddance.

 

[AMDG]

What really is the big deal about a Woman giving Sex?

It depends - my current gf wants it even more than I do. Even if the desire is fake it suits me just fine

 

[zekko]

Dear Zecko,
a little young for Menopause?One of my Mates wife had full blown Menopause at 28 years old

Well, 28 is a little young for menopause too. But I haven't ruled anything out, I'm not entirely sure what happened to her. Like I said, she seemed to have some sort of breakdown.

Zecko, yes I was just giving an example about the angel thing to illustrate a person becoming another one.
But were you all her world ?
I mean did she has particular activities or something outside the relationship or were the couple all there was ?

Yeah, we both had things outside the relationship. I'm not really interested in analyzing my divorce particularly, it's over and done with. I just brought it up because Rollo asked a question. If there's something everyone can learn from it, here's where I made my biggest mistake IMO:
I let her pull me into her drama, I let her pull me into arguing with her. I tried to logically convince her why her controlling demands on me were unreasonable. I let her anger me. If I had been on this forum at the time maybe I would have just laughed her garbage off and not let it affect me. That's what I should have done, but at the time it was very frustrating.

 

[zekko]

why do you think so many guys and girls get bored in relationships....cause they are NOT natural, I dont care how hot or cool you think your wife or girlfriend is. After a few weeks/months your eyes and mind WILL start to wander as will hers.

You go out and test drive some cars. You find one that suits your needs so you buy it. You still may see other models on the road that you like, but do you have to go take a spin in every car that catches your eye? It's called self control. You have your car that you maintain, keep the oil changed, you know how it responds. You can buy a bunch of different cars, but why? If you have one that fits your needs in most cases it isn't practical.

.....and remember its only considered cheating if you or the other person gets caught.

At that point its up to you as man or woman to understand why that person cheated and weigh the pro's and cons on whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with your partner who may NEVER cheat again or who MIGHT cheat again.

If relationships are so "unnatural" why would anyone care if someone cheats on them or not? Why would anyone get upset about it? Fact is, if your lover cheats, most guys will get upset about it, and that is a perfectly natural reaction. Because bonding IS perfectly natural, or it wouldn't be so common an experience.

 

[Lexington]

For the life of me, you guys sound like women with all your lists of supposed-wants and needs.

For me, all relationships begin as short term relps. Some progress to medium-term relps. Some of those progress to long-term relps.

I don't sit there beforehand and list all the qualities that society has told me I should want. That's what women do, and then they break all their rules by banging Outlaw Biker Dude.

Just let sh!t happen. There is no way I could categorize the ones that have lasted and the ones that haven't. Just let the relp happen. Constantly search for new women and have an open mind. Some will be short term, some mid-term and some long term. You don't need to categorize or label the women or the relps.

Girls' lists usually specify a certain height, eye color, income etc. My list isn't all that specific except for a few things. I really do believe that there are some reliable indicators of success if you're after marriage. Are these 100% fool proof? Definitely not. But there is a strong correlation.

Like I said, there may come a girl who doesn't meet these criteria who is actually perfect. You have to keep an open mind. But at the same time, there is such a thing as probability.

 

[Lexington]

You go out and test drive some cars. You find one that suits your needs so you buy it. You still may see other models on the road that you like, but do you have to go take a spin in every car that catches your eye? It's called self control. You have your car that you maintain, keep the oil changed, you know how it responds. You can buy a bunch of different cars, but why? If you have one that fits your needs in most cases it isn't practical.

Not to get into this argument, but your car analogy is very flawed. If we *could* buy multiple cars we would. Most people who do well for themselves have multiple cars.

I'm pretty sure that if I was a billionaire, I'd have have a Bugatti Veyron, Ferrari 458 Italia, Corvette ZR1, Mercedes S600, Range Rover and a '67 Mustang Fastback.

 

[jophil28]

I'd be interested to know what some of the older, divorced (or LTR split) guys experiences are with their prior marriages in this regard. Did your first wife turn into someone else after marriage, or did you make her into someone she never was in order to rationalize marrying her?

Two points-

Women frequently do change after marriage, BUT in my experience, these changes are usually signalled in small ways long before the ceremony.
However, it is also common that the guy ignores the warning signs and does not take the time to decipher what her behavour really means- it's significance eludes him because he does not want to see the dark side of his future bride. The warning signs are overlooked in his fog of desire and lust.

Secondly, one of the most destructive characteristics in a wife is a lack of gratitude, and selfish expectations that she deserves to be waited on..
The wife in BackBreaker recent story about the guy who worked all day and the came home to do all the cooking for her and his guests is a good (or bad) example.

There are basically two types of women.
The first type is those who expect the guy to worship her and 'provide' for her to the extent that he is cast in the role of her personal slave. THis is the 'entitled' attitude that is common in western women who believe that she is some glittering prize and therefore expects to be treated accordingly...Or the second type who finds ways to divide the labor equally, works cooperatively, sees herself as one half of a team and finds ways to share the load.
The first type rarely expresses gratitude or appreciation for SMALL gestures from the guy. The second type is open in her gratitude of what he does for her and finds ways to reciprocate.

Which type is YOUR woman ?

 

[Zarky]

Any man under the age of 80 is a little young to be thinking of marriage

 

[catman]

Two points-

Women frequently do change after marriage, BUT in my experience, these changes are usually signalled in small ways long before the ceremony.
However, it is also common that the guy ignores the warning signs and does not take the time to decipher what her behavour really means- it's significance eludes him because he does not want to see the dark side of his future bride. The warning signs are overlooked in his fog of desire and lust.

Secondly, one of the most destructive characteristics in a wife is a lack of gratitude, and selfish expectations that she deserves to be waited on..
The wife in BackBreaker recent story about the guy who worked all day and the came home to do all the cooking for her and his guests is a good (or bad) example.

There are basically two types of women.
The first type is those who expect the guy to worship her and 'provide' for her to the extent that he is cast in the role of her personal slave. THis is the 'entitled' attitude that is common in western women who believe that she is some glittering prize and therefore expects to be treated accordingly...Or the second type who finds ways to divide the labor equally, works cooperatively, sees herself as one half of a team and finds ways to share the load.
The first type rarely expresses gratitude or appreciation for SMALL gestures from the guy. The second type is open in her gratitude of what he does for her and finds ways to reciprocate.

Which type is YOUR woman ?

My ex was the second type before we married but turned into the first type about 2 years after the birth of of daughter. She came from a tradiditional family with her parents still together. Her dad was very laid back and let his wife run the show and im pretty sure handed his paycheck over to his wife?The parents never made the kids do anything around the house and my ex never even really baby sat or had a job.Her true colors never really showed untill 2 of her friends got a divorce and started kockopping and looking for a suger daddy 5 years ago?She was never a good mother and seems to resent haveing my daughter but yet wont give her to me full time for fear of what her friends and family would think. Her turning forty seemed to unleash the nasty ,dissatisfyied ,resentful,controlling side that i came to dispise!! This site is rite one the money and i wish i knew then what i know now And jophill you are truly a fine reader of womens minds and actions and i have learned so much from your experencences and summerys about women!!! Thank you sir!!!

 

[zekko]

Not to get into this argument, but your car analogy is very flawed.

You're right, I admit the car analogy is less than perfect. And I agree that if you are rich like Tiger Woods, you'd probably have a whole fleet of cars

I certainly wouldn't tell anyone not to own multiple cars. That's up to them. The point is, if you have a good dependable car you don't really NEED 14 others, do you? Maybe that's just avarice. Maybe you don't feel like performing maintenance on 15 cars. And if you haven't found a car you really like yet, by all means you should keep shopping around.

 

[DanelMadr]

My 2 cents for Mother's Day:

The only real reason for a man to marry is to have kids. If you don't want kids, marriage is the worst possible choice in life for a man. All the legal cards are stacked against you and statistically your odds of success aren't very good.

However, if you do want kids the main criteria is who would be the best mother. Even if the marriage doesn't work out, you'll know that your kids will be safe. Hopefully, both parents would be mature about the whole thing.

Choose a mother, not a wife.


Cheers!

I can sign every word of this.

Girls hate to hear that....for them marriage is the ultimate goal. And they don't want to hear you want to sacrifice yourself because of kids not only her.

My strategy....make her pregnant and then marry her. If you marry her and then find out she can't have babies, because she had an accident with too much cocaine or she is afraid of labor fvcking up her weight....you are screwed.

To have kids with a good woman (attractive for health, good personality for mental health) so they turn out well, is the ultimate goal.

Every man who is b!tching about giving his money to child support should be whipped. It is his genes and he is obligated to provide for them the best he can, even if it means keeping their mother loaded. Why should I pay for others mistakes or 10 minute pleasure? Fvck the social state. I believe state support should be none-no tax reduction either...so single mothers would think twice before spreading legs for some loser. If her child is starving lets do some charity for them but nothing more.

In Denmark there was so much of support for single mothers that most of the people lived together, had babies but never married. Socialistic BS experiment fvcking up the whole generation.

Sorry for the political rant.

 

[jonwon]

These are mine, and thankfully I'm currently dating a girl who slots into all.

Two parent household - Stable loving family, with a supportive father and mother. There is a difference between a stable family that is function and a stable family that is dysfunctional.

Her upbringing is one of a work ethic - i.e she knows that working is a key to having better things in life - Also she isn't dependent on the state and doesn't have that mentallity.

She has high family values and is morally intune with a two parent household for children - i.e she believes a child needs a mother and father.

She hates feminists - and has no problems stating to other women and men the advantages men have done for society. She doesn't have feminst type tendencies of victimhood or spouts any of the feminst clap trap of glass ceilings, if anything she will challange that or at least be open to an alternative view, if she reads some feminist inspired rant in a magazing.

She is trust-worthy - You could leave her in a room with brad-pitt and she wouldn't do anything, i.e she has a high sense of moral values when it comes to relationship - she has never cheated and doesn't have a history of cheating on any BF ever, Full stop - Not even once.

She has never done drugs or experimented -

She has good friends, healthy and stable - with good moral values like she has, i.e she wont be led astray by the female slu* friend in the group, a bonus is she actually dislikes girls with those tendencies.

She can cook and enjoys cooking, takes an active interest in cooking books - tells you the new dishes she is going to make - This is even if she works, she still wants to cook and enjoys it.

She knows how to clean and isn't afraid of getting on her knees to scrub a floor.

If she goes out and drinks, its rare if at all.

She doesn't have 1 single male friend - not on social networking sites or in her personal life - and as no interest in developing such friendships.

She doesn't flirt with other men.

She doesn't disrespect you in public.

She doesn't talk badly about you to friends and family - if anything she talks highly of you.

She is concerned about her waight and activly tries to maintain a decent size.

She enjoys sex - but she has had little partners - just enough to make her ok in bed - but not enough for you to feel she is a coc* hopping ho.

She has a very high level of personal hygiene, washes every day - clean everything, every day.

But I still woudn't marry! It's a waste of time.


And that's another one - She doens't mind if you dont stick a large ring on her finger, she wont' use it against you.

Edit just seen another one - Her father is the man of the household - and her mother compliments him for that role.

 

[AmIAFC]

Lists amount to squat.

A gym buddy of mine married supposedly the "perfect woman," who adhered to his Christian conservative standard, and 3 years later they divorced because he discovered she's been sleeping around. Looking at her, talking with her, you'd never imagine she'd be the type.

Now my buddy is embroiled in a custody battle (2 kids), and he's been suffering from a number of post-workout injuries due to stress and lack of sleep. He's lost muscle weight, picked up fat, and now just "goes through the motions" in the rare instances he shows up to the gym.

 

[jonwon]

Lists amount to squat.

A gym buddy of mine married supposedly the "perfect woman," who adhered to his Christian conservative standard, and 3 years later they divorced because he discovered she's been sleeping around. Looking at her, talking with her, you'd never imagine she'd be the type.

Now my buddy is embroiled in a custody battle (2 kids), and he's been suffering from a number of post-workout injuries due to stress and lack of sleep. He's lost muscle weight, picked up fat, and now just "goes through the motions" in the rare instances he shows up to the gym.

It is one thing blaming a chick for all the relationships woo's it's another to take accountability - and sadly a good % of men simply dont know how to act with a woman to keep her interest peeked.

That is the bottom line truth.

I can understand the kids, to add to his low point, but it's clear any guy who lets a chick effect him to the level of that dude, seriously does not have his shi* together.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Women's sexual marketability declines with age, so even the hottest HB9.5 will at some point find it necessary to modify her behavior to accommodate a future long term provisioning opportunity. When the guy comes along who meets her own criteria for an LTR/Marriage commitment her behavior has to be changed from one of sexual selection to one of sexual investment. This necessitates a change in behavior, attitude and perspective. This is conveniently called "maturing" by women, but while facing the social and physical effects of aging, she's forced into a position of becoming some one new - particularly in light of not having spent the time and effort in developing herself personally during her formative years.

Few women can outlive their sexuality so they need to form new strategies in order to sustain long term interest in their committed mates. Sometimes this may be a woman having an epiphany and learning social graces. However, more often than not, most lack that insight and are unprepared for this, so they rely on pre-constructed social contrivances (i.e shaming, entitlement, etc.) ready made for them and meant to keep a man in a perpetual state of qualifying to her. How many times have you heard your married friends state "I'm lucky to have her" as opposed to a woman saying the same of her spouse?

Look at it from a societal pressure point of view. If you've got a consistently unfaithful GF in her party years there's really two problems; her own dishonesty and self-expectations of fidelity (really hypergamy) in her age/physical condition, and a guy's expectation that she will, or should be, faithful to him under the same considerations. I have no doubt that there are plenty of innocuous, unassuming Soccer Moms with 2 kids and married for 8 years at 38 who lived entirely different lives in their college/party years. Looking at her coming out of the mini van or at bible study you'd never guess she used to do three-ways with her dorm mate and her BF back in college. Yet there she is getting the kids off to school.

I think it's actually more difficult to get the girl who's been perpetually coddled and primed for a lifetime to be the perfect homemaker. A lot of the marital discord I hear from religious friends of mine comes from this very dynamic. They did everything "by the book" so to speak and the sex has never been anything more that missionary position twice a month for the past 7 years. Social pressure is on her side in this, and again shaming and social conventions arise; "why should he expect anything more?", "what's giving him these ideas of flipping me over and taking me from behind? Porn maybe?"

The long and short is that there is no mythical "Quality Woman". You're always going to exchange advantages for disadvantages. The best you can do is to get close to optimal advantages, but it's important to understand that what you think is important now may not be in the future. However, it's equally important to also understand that what you think "shouldn't matter" or isn't important now, may well be the cause of your divorce in the future.