Wife left me... need advice.

[thelad]

She was in 90k in debt I had zero debt.

there you go - run for the hills lad...she wasn't getting the 90k cleared by you and saw she couldn't do it from you. how the fvuck she run that up... your business might be at risk if your married I shut mine down - my ex tried that move.

 

[ariesc]

How could she get a citizenship if you were only married for one year, is it the permanent residence that she has?

What was her interest level in you during year 1, year 2, year 3, and year 4?

Let me rephrase, she has obtained her green card. NOT citizenship. Her interest level in me was always higher than mine. This was by design. I never ever give a girl my full amount of love as I have been burned terribly back in 2005, which in this case, has proven to be a smart move... albeit against what most of my family and friends think. She wanted to have sex, yet my lust for her was waning. I even told her that if we are to get married she'd have to agree that I can from time to time go to erotic massages if traveling abroad. Obviously she despised the idea, but I told her that is who I am and if she didn't like it she'd have to move on, so she agreed. That is to say until we got married, then once again she lamented how much she'd be hurt if she found out I did that so I decided to respect her feelings and not do that anymore...

 

[ariesc]

OP, your wife left you. She planned it, and sold all her stuff. Now it’s your responsibility to move on with your life. Go ahead and see the new Russian lady, your soon to be ex wife deleted the monogamous state of your relationship when she sold all her stuff and left you.

Is she going to support the two of you in Germany? She’s not the one with two businesses. She had an easy life and threw it away. As she experiences life as a late 20s used up divorcee, she will come to regret her decision.

But it wasn’t rash. It took lots of planning to sell her stuff and pay for her tickets and tell her family she’s coming home. You don’t need someone like this in your life - someone who schemes behind your back and makes important life changing decisions like this without you.

Go see a lawyer to help ensure your assets are protected, get a divorce, and start seeing other (more emotionally stable) women.

And whether or not you’re stupid enough to take this German back, make sure you never make the mistake of getting married ever again.

In this day and age, there is absolutely NO good reason for a man to get married other than to give in to the whims of a woman - whims that, as you can now clearly see, can change very suddenly out of nowhere.

Amen.

 

[backseatjuan]

She married you for greed card, yes she will keep her green card, and you did not satisfy her women's needs. I mean wtf, a hot girl, HB9, and your lust for her was what did you say? 'Waning'?? I had to look it up.

I indeed have a friend girl and her husband has a waning sex life with her, it's always on schedule, like a bus or a train. She goes left and right on him, and only stays with him because she has 4 kids and doesn't have to work. In your situation, she had debt 90k, got herself green card, and had enough of degradation. Went away to live a live she dreamed of. Don't judge her.

You need a lawyer not a thread here. Divorce now, no matter what the developments are.

 

[thelad]

I even told her that if we are to get married she'd have to agree that I can from time to time go to erotic massages if traveling abroad.

u should never say that think it do it yes but dont say it to a girlfriend cos she will punish you for it later. which you are now being punished by going to Germany. so never give a girl a reason to punish you because all of them will one day and use it against you. keep thy nose clean. when have you ever seen a girl be so upfront about herself and intentions......and not in anger.

 

[GrowingPains]

- What can I do to get that super hot chick back?

Watch the first 20 seconds of this video. and the rest of it for some cold hard truths.

"She gone, man. She gooooneee.."

The picture I am painting really doesn't represent out relationship well, she wasn't that type of woman, status meant very little to her or at least what I'm trying to believe

Read this again to yourself and stop trying to rationalize her behavior. She has you in a world of confusion and it is obvious she doesn't give a damn about you. If she did, why would she be in Germany? Think with the mind, not the heart. I've been where you are, you want to believe that she wasn't like every other woman. She is like every other woman. Stop thinking with your heart, and start thinking with your head, the one with a brain in it. Our advice may seem harsh or disconnected because we don't know her and we aren't invested in the situation and this makes you feel some resistance to fully buying in. But in reality, it's because of this that you should trust the advice here more. Because we are thinking with our minds, and not our hearts. It is hard to instantly change your mindset and it will take time for your heart and your mind to match. But you need to do your best to listen to the rational male and not the broken heart - the ego.

When I broke up with my girlfriend, I was delusional too. In my case (and the guy in the video I linked's case), denying that she was with other men.. doing the things we did, because she's not like every other girl. And my own father told me to stop thinking that way and to assume that she was. Face it head on. It will make you stronger, as @lamath said, don't run from your problems. If you run, you did not truly overcome the adversity and will not be better for it in the future. In light of that, I would stop dating right now. You already recognize that you're coming off too needy and it's not because you don't know how to behave, it's because you ARE needy. You just broke up with your wife. She left you. You are in a bad place. You need to deal with the fundamental personal issues before you start to involve other people.

Feel your emotions. Experience them to their fullest. Don't let them keep you down though. Don't listen to that sad song on repeat all day, it will fvck you up. Step outside of yourself when you feel down and logically question why you feel the way you do. You will realize that your heart is hurting but your mind knows how you should behave. Listen to your mind - the masculine energy.

She doesn't care about you, OP. She packed her stuff and left in 1 WEEK and left you no options to work it out. The ultimatum was to pack your life up too and move to Germany. Would you do that to her? No, because you actually care about her. She knew you wouldn't leave your life to go back to Germany, it was an empty suggestion. Do yourself the favor and weather the storm alone, forget about her. She's forgotten you.

 

[lamath]

Watch the first 20 seconds of this video. and the rest of it for some cold hard truths.

"She gone, man. She gooooneee.."




Read this again to yourself and stop trying to rationalize her behavior. She has you in a world of confusion and it is obvious she doesn't give a damn about you. If she did, why would she be in Germany? Think with the mind, not the heart. I've been where you are, you want to believe that she wasn't like every other woman. She is like every other woman. Stop thinking with your heart, and start thinking with your head, the one with a brain in it. Our advice may seem harsh or disconnected because we don't know her and we aren't invested in the situation and this makes you feel some resistance to fully buying in. But in reality, it's because of this that you should trust the advice here more. Because we are thinking with our minds, and not our hearts. It is hard to instantly change your mindset and it will take time for your heart and your mind to match. But you need to do your best to listen to the rational male and not the broken heart - the ego.

When I broke up with my girlfriend, I was delusional too. In my case (and the guy in the video I linked's case), denying that she was with other men.. doing the things we did, because she's not like every other girl. And my own father told me to stop thinking that way and to assume that she was. Face it head on. It will make you stronger, as @lamath said, don't run from your problems. If you run, you did not truly overcome the adversity and will not be better for it in the future. In light of that, I would stop dating right now. You already recognize that you're coming off too needy and it's not because you don't know how to behave, it's because you ARE needy. You just broke up with your wife. She left you. You are in a bad place. You need to deal with the fundamental personal issues before you start to involve other people.

Feel your emotions. Experience them to their fullest. Don't let them keep you down though. Don't listen to that sad song on repeat all day, it will fvck you up. Step outside of yourself when you feel down and logically question why you feel the way you do. You will realize that your heart is hurting but your mind knows how you should behave. Listen to your mind - the masculine energy.

She doesn't care about you, OP. She packed her stuff and left in 1 WEEK and left you no options to work it out. The ultimatum was to pack your life up too and move to Germany. Would you do that to her? No, because you actually care about her. She knew you wouldn't leave your life to go back to Germany, it was an empty suggestion. Do yourself the favor and weather the storm alone, forget about her. She's forgotten you.

Wise word


also like @Music_czar said it was all planed out.

Her reason might be homesickness but there is way more too it, if her interest Level was high she would have stayed.

Was in America for 4 year and then out of nowhere homesick, dont listen to her words but her actions there is other reasons than the homesickness one.

 

[AlphaSoldier]

1. I understand you feel heartbroken, but honestly, there's more fish in the sea

2. Fvck the Russian girl or as many girls as you can, life is short, I get that sex is better with an emotional connection but, what the hell, pvssy is pvssy

3. Did she give you any specific reason about returning to Germany? I would not be surprised if she had an old German boyfriend with whom she was corresponding secretly on Facebook or something

4. If you don't want to move to Germany, a compromise would be to live 6 months in GE, 6 months in the US. But once you have kids, they need a permanent home. I would advise against this I like to live in a place and plant roots, but whatever...

 

[Bible_Belt]

When I got divorced against my will...and she still has the green card, by the way....I stayed the hell away from women and dating for about two years. You're fvcked in the head right now, and you are just going to make more bad decisions. The first thing to get over is the way you seem to value yourself based on the hb# of whatever woman you are with. Things outside of yourself do not define who you are.

 

[ariesc]

In a way this would be easier if I found out she had someone else. At least then I'd be pissed and not just left completely confused. I'm not moving to Germany. Fvck that. Honestly, I'm not completely torn up by the situation. I have sexual options, I'm not in a terrible place financially, I just need to get this divorce and move the hell on. She isn't worth it. I'm at a point where I'm just afraid to admit that the "ideal woman" I believed to be out there as a young adult, does not exist.

 

[ariesc]

She married you for greed card, yes she will keep her green card, and you did not satisfy her women's needs. I mean wtf, a hot girl, HB9, and your lust for her was what did you say? 'Waning'?? I had to look it up.

I indeed have a friend girl and her husband has a waning sex life with her, it's always on schedule, like a bus or a train. She goes left and right on him, and only stays with him because she has 4 kids and doesn't have to work. In your situation, she had debt 90k, got herself green card, and had enough of degradation. Went away to live a live she dreamed of. Don't judge her.

You need a lawyer not a thread here. Divorce now, no matter what the developments are.

Most of the women I've dated have been HB8's or higher. Not trying to brag, just the truth. One thing you learn is no matter how hot the person, after waking up next to them for 1400 days plus, you start to want other things. Best analogy is, I love fruit loops, but after eating fruit loops for 1400 days straight, a bowl of plain cheerios sounds pretty appealing. Got a lawyer, getting this divorce thing handled, I just can't wait for this to be done, in the past, and I can fully move on. What a fvcking trip this has been...

 

[ariesc]

She married you for greed card, yes she will keep her green card, and you did not satisfy her women's needs. I mean wtf, a hot girl, HB9, and your lust for her was what did you say? 'Waning'?? I had to look it up.

I indeed have a friend girl and her husband has a waning sex life with her, it's always on schedule, like a bus or a train. She goes left and right on him, and only stays with him because she has 4 kids and doesn't have to work. In your situation, she had debt 90k, got herself green card, and had enough of degradation. Went away to live a live she dreamed of. Don't judge her.

You need a lawyer not a thread here. Divorce now, no matter what the developments are.

"And there's another benefit to being married to a U.S. citizen: Three years from the date you become a permanent resident, you can apply for U.S. citizenship, so long as you remain married to, and living with the citizen. Most green card holders have to wait five years before applying for citizenship. "

 

[lamath]

In a way this would be easier if I found out she had someone else. At least then I'd be pissed and not just left completely confused. I'm not moving to Germany. Fvck that. Honestly, I'm not completely torn up by the situation. I have sexual options, I'm not in a terrible place financially, I just need to get this divorce and move the hell on. She isn't worth it. I'm at a point where I'm just afraid to admit that the "ideal woman" I believed to be out there as a young adult, does not exist.

If your sure you want divorce send her the papers asap, that would be a slap in the face for the way she acted

 

[ariesc]

If your sure you want divorce send her the papers asap, that would be a slap in the face for the way she acted

There's no going back with what she did.

 

[ariesc]

Thanks for the all the advice to everyone here. Means a lot.

 

[lamath]

There's no going back with what she did.

Be sure of what you want then act on it, its ez for us to recommend something we got nothing invested.
However imo what she did was not acceptable cut her out and be done with it.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Move on

 

[flowtheory]

Did she seem like she was just using you over all those years for a green card though? It’s so strange she just up and left like that so radically.
Like czar said though; it was planned out. And that can never be trusted again.

I would try to get as many honest conversations about things before I jumped back in the dating pool. But I get why you’d be so quick to buffer the blow. It’s heartless what she did.

 

[ariesc]

Did she seem like she was just using you over all those years for a green card though? It’s so strange she just up and left like that so radically.
Like czar said though; it was planned out. And that can never be trusted again.

I would try to get as many honest conversations about things before I jumped back in the dating pool. But I get why you’d be so quick to buffer the blow. It’s heartless what she did.

Dudes. I have NO idea why she did it. Can it be just for a green card? Well it's weird because once again we're getting a divorce. See below:
[Three years from the date you become a permanent resident, you can apply for U.S. citizenship, so long as you remain married to, and living with the citizen. Most green card holders have to wait five years before applying for citizenship.]

Did she find someone new? Probably not. If she did I honestly won't be that bent out of shape. She isn't my only option and my game isn't terrible. It's only been one week and I've already met a few girls to spend time with, I have more time to concentrate on myself, I'm back in the gym, etc....

Did she just fall out of love? I'd say so, you don't just run out on someone you love.

Does she have mental health issues? Possibly. Her family has a history of mental illness, including her sister.

I do not know what caused this but if I want to look at this positively I need to look at this as a second chance at life. Instead of getting married, forced to have kids, and stuck in a dead end job due to having to support said family.

 

[lizardking82]

1) You seem like a half red pilled dude (I think most men who consider themselves red pilled are 50-75% red pilled with that hopeless romantic remeniscing about the "what if women were a bit less hearless in general) so you've taken this the right way in some very important aspects, but being a human, you're trying to escape the bad feelings coming out of someone leaving your life suddenly (that's how it seems to you, she's checked out a while ago). DO NOT try and avoid this period of heartbreak, half depression, sadness you're going through in any way. This is NORMAL, you will be like this for a while and then you will move onto something better.

2) Cut all contacts with this woman. Even if she eventually decides to come back, she has proven to be an unstable person that might just suddenly get "feelings" and leave. Not a trustworthy person, keep away. Delete and block in all social media including phone number. If she's got something important to say, let her come back to the US and tell you about it.

3) Don't force stuff right now. Don't even force hobbies and going out with friends. If you feel like going out, do so. If you feel like fishing or hunting or any hobby you got, do so. If you don't, it's OK to sit in "emptiness" and be sad about a person that left. It's cool, it will get better. If you need anything, we're here for you.

I've never been married or lived with a woman, but I've been left before and heartbroken by one so I know how this goes pretty well.