Wife has your balls, witholding sex, disrespect and doesn't spend alot of time with you

[mrgoodstuff]

One of my coworkers is whipped and basically he has some major terrible area's in his marriage:

1. Wife has his b@lls
2. Wife withholds sex, and issues is sparingly. When it's issued it's done exactly when and how she wants it. He is not unattractive, dresses well and is built in the top 10% for his age group.
3. Wife disrespects him and his efforts and treats her female friends better
4. Husband tries to increase their bond by asking her to do things with him, she won't spend qt with him.
5. Wife insists that he pays 100% of the time when they go out and he pays most of the bills. She saves her own money, but treats her female friends descently when they go out and will spend her money.

If he doesn't want to get divorced right away, what can he do to reverse this situation. What would be the top priorities to correct this?

I was going to point him to "Athol Kay".

 

[Glassguy]

It sounds like she has someone else in the picture and is saving up for when she makes her move and leaves him.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It sounds like she has someone else in the picture and is saving up for when she makes her move and leaves him.

What can he do about it other than leave her? That's what he wants. He definitely doesn't want to support the situation any longer though as it is.

 

[Glassguy]

He has to be willing to leave......and mean it. No bluffing. He probably feels like he is walking around on eggshells everyday. Why would he wants to stay in that situation?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Mauser96,

Some responses below:

I'll respond in bold "One of my coworkers is whipped and basically he has some major terrible area's in his marriage:

1. Wife has his b@lls
2. Wife withholds sex, and issues is sparingly. When it's issued it's done exactly when and how she wants it. He is not unattractive, dresses well and is built in the top 10% for his age group. He needs to not initiate sex for 3 weeks. When he does initiate, if she turns him down, he needs to quietly get out of bed and leave. When she asks where he is going, he needs to say he can't sleep and is going out. If she is into it, but insists ONLY on her position, etc., He needs to just stop, mention how boring this is, and go to sleep.

She currently has him in a different bed. Sex usually occurs when she throws him a bone or unless he bugs her for long enough.

3. Wife disrespects him and his efforts and treats her female friends better He has given away all respect . He should stop trying to please her.

Agree.

4. Husband tries to increase their bond by asking her to do things with him, she won't spend qt with him.He should join a gym and spend ALOT of time there. Be scarce., DON'T be home after work. TELL her not to hold supper. Just disappear more, spend far more time away from home. Create some competition anxiety. He needs to read "The Rational Male"

Agree. He knows if she does physical things with him and they laugh together that she will become more connected, but she doesn't want to do any of it with him.

5. Wife insists that he pays 100% of the time when they go out and he pays most of the bills. She saves her own money, but treats her female friends descently when they go out and will spend her money.Stop going out "Can't afford it" He needs to start spending more of his money on a new wardrobe and his looks to create competition anxiety. He needs to spend less time with her, and create more time away from her, and more chances for her to wonder where he is, and what he is doing.

Spend most of his money, time, resourses and attention on himself. Let her pay her half of her bills and her own cell phone, etc.

If he doesn't want to get divorced right away, what can he do to reverse this situation. What would be the top priorities to correct this?

I was going to point him to "Athol Kay".[/QUOTE]

 

[Glassguy]

It sounds like he is in a hooker relationship. She is comfortable and secure being there because HE is paying for everything. To suffice him, she spreads her legs as a PAYMENT. Its probably the most boring fvck in the world.

Cut her off. Tell her no more going out to eat. Pay her own cell phone bill. Give her a fvcking taste of what the grass looks like on the other side.

If I were him, I would do it in a very cool way. I agree with the rest.....go to the gym. But some new clothes. Hell I would even go out for a happy hour drink here and there after work and see what type of responses I could get. Try to get something cooking on he back burner because it WILL make it super easy to smile at her and say "CYA" if she decides to bring up leaving.

 

[Solomon]

This is emasculation and a form of cuckoldness in it's highest form

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It sounds like he is in a hooker relationship. She is comfortable and secure being there because HE is paying for everything. To suffice him, she spreads her legs as a PAYMENT. Its probably the most boring fvck in the world.

Cut her off. Tell her no more going out to eat. Pay her own cell phone bill. Give her a fvcking taste of what the grass looks like on the other side.

If I were him, I would do it in a very cool way. I agree with the rest.....go to the gym. But some new clothes. Hell I would even go out for a happy hour drink here and there after work and see what type of responses I could get. Try to get something cooking on he back burner because it WILL make it super easy to smile at her and say "CYA" if she decides to bring up leaving.

Can he get a B* like that to appreciate what she has and act right, because it seems like she's the type that's going to try to do this to a guy unless she's had enough tramatic experiences to hold onto one who treats her well.

 

[Colossus]

Agree with Mauser.

Its not a complex formula, he just needs to stop fearing his wife. It cant get much worse than this...so what does he have to lose by taking the wheel.

Important thing to understand is HE got himself into this mess by allowing her to waltz all over him. You kind of teach women how to treat you. She continues to escalate her disrespect of him because isnt making things uncomfortable for her. He just continues to supplicate.

 

[2Rocky]

In all seriousness, Go to a marriage counselor as a couple or alone and lay down an ultimatum with a deadline. "Either these things change or I leave".
Prior to that protect himself with a bank account she is not able to access, and credit accounts she cannot use.
It is going to take some backbone on his part but sometimes you just have to get to the point where the discomfort of leaving seems preferable to staying.
If she falls into line continue the counseling to maintain the communication and reinforce the message.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If he doesn't want to get divorced right away, what can he do to reverse this situation. What would be the top priorities to correct this?

See this and learn from it so you don't make the same mistake.

Other than that, don't try and be Captain Save-a-Beta.

It's his tree, let him sit in it.

 

[sodbuster]

She needs to think there is competition. Covert or overt..... he needs to let her think there is someone willing to replace her. It needs to start by him dropping all the BS she's trying to do. Make her pay or eat grilled cheese at home, etc

 

[logicallefty]

In all seriousness, Go to a marriage counselor as a couple or alone and lay down an ultimatum with a deadline. "Either these things change or I leave".
Prior to that protect himself with a bank account she is not able to access, and credit accounts she cannot use.
It is going to take some backbone on his part but sometimes you just have to get to the point where the discomfort of leaving seems preferable to staying.
If she falls into line continue the counseling to maintain the communication and reinforce the message.

Good post other than the Marriage counselor bit. Sorry but they are a joke man. This site is my marriage counselor and it say 'Dont get married' and I take heed.

 

[Bible_Belt]

People tend to get what they want out of life, whether they realize it or not. I'm thinking he had/has a domineering mother who destroyed his inner confidence. Just like a beaten woman, subconsciously he thinks this is the treatment he deserves. He would not have let it go this far otherwise.

 

[Once Bitten]

I've been there, there was nothing I could do about it. I tried most everything listed here.
Sorry to say but I think it's done. Tell her you've had enough of her complacency and she either changes or you'll find someone else.
Some bythches likely have given her empowerment. Be prepared to walk. Tell her love is a two way street, and if she isn't willing to meet your needs, you will find someone who does.

 

[2Rocky]

The MC is more of a CYA measure for having a witness. It also makes the wife less likely to pull some overly emotional bull**** like start throwing dishes and then claim physical abuse. Better to be proactive than try to recover from a smear campaign. Sometimes these bully type women won't pull their **** in front of a stranger.

 

[Tenacity]

What can he do about it other than leave her? That's what he wants. He definitely doesn't want to support the situation any longer though as it is.

Well, I know the "Sosuave-way" is to give you a bunch of canned, generic, stupid speed seduction like techniques, tips, or tell him to be more c0cky funny or a "challenge".....

But the reality is that this is one of the risks you take when you get married, which is where the woman you are married to acts NOTHING like the woman you dated. So if his situation is that it's "cheaper to keep her"...well, he just has to get used to being a bytch until the stress of all of it causes him to fall out with a heart attack.

Or, he can take the loss, sign the divorce papers, and never (must I say never one more time) get married again. You can't RISK MITIGATE this situation. When you get married, if the chick CHANGES on you, then you are screwed. There's no "alpha male" "sosuave" "PuA" tips, tricks, techniques, NLP programming, or any of that other shyt that's going to work in this situation. You lose all of those powers the moment you sign your LIFE away in a marriage contract.

So if you are going to sign your life away, you better hope to GOD in heaven she remains the sweet, nice, sexy, caring, supportive, and loving person she was when you said "I Do".

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well, I know the "Sosuave-way" is to give you a bunch of canned, generic, stupid speed seduction like techniques, tips, or tell him to be more c0cky funny or a "challenge".....

But the reality is that this is one of the risks you take when you get married, which is where the woman you are married to acts NOTHING like the woman you dated. So if his situation is that it's "cheaper to keep her"...well, he just has to get used to being a bytch until the stress of all of it causes him to fall out with a heart attack.

Or, he can take the loss, sign the divorce papers, and never (must I say never one more time) get married again. You can't RISK MITIGATE this situation. When you get married, if the chick CHANGES on you, then you are screwed. There's no "alpha male" "sosuave" "PuA" tips, tricks, techniques, NLP programming, or any of that other shyt that's going to work in this situation. You lose all of those powers the moment you sign your LIFE away in a marriage contract.

So if you are going to sign your life away, you better hope to GOD in heaven she remains the sweet, nice, sexy, caring, supportive, and loving person she was when you said "I Do".

I don't think marriage per say is completely doomed, you gotta look at her mother the way she was raised and her friends. There are groups of stable people who are not selfish and will treat their partners good till they die. But they aren't the 9's and 10's we talk about here. Those are the sharks among women, they will turn on you in a second and if the sniff blood they will go in for a bite.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The MC is more of a CYA measure for having a witness. It also makes the wife less likely to pull some overly emotional bull**** like start throwing dishes and then claim physical abuse. Better to be proactive than try to recover from a smear campaign. Sometimes these bully type women won't pull their **** in front of a stranger.

A bully type woman is not a good marriage candidate.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've been there, there was nothing I could do about it. I tried most everything listed here.
Sorry to say but I think it's done. Tell her you've had enough of her complacency and she either changes or you'll find someone else.
Some bythches likely have given her empowerment. Be prepared to walk. Tell her love is a two way street, and if she isn't willing to meet your needs, you will find someone who does.

Your right, she probably have female friends pumping her head up saying that he's lucky to even get the scraps he does get... They always have supporters.