Why women leave men they love.

[Serenity]

Found this blog article by a relationship therapist, I think he's right.
http://www.justiceschanfarber.com/marriage-why-women-leave-cheat/

 

[Maximummax]

Women actually don't love, that feeling is temporary and changes time by time.

divorces, cheating and other relationship issues hapen because of that

 

[Serenity]

Aaah yes, the mythical perfect balance. So rare that it doesn't even exist, look around you, where do you see perfect?

While you answer that I'll go take my unicorn for a ride.

Anyways, I don't think he's talking about desperately supplicating to your wife, that's what an AFC does. I think he's talking about guys being boring and too hung up on themselves to actually pay attention to her. Ironically this is also what AFC's does, except that instead of golfing and playing video games they are hung up on themselves about her. In other words they don't genuinely give a fvck about her, deep down they care about themselves. Sh!t, I've seen this up close. The guy pretends to give all the fvcks in the world, but just because he needs her to feel good about himself. What this guy is talking about is different, this is about actually caring.

Maximummax: That's bullsh!t, if that was true every guy on the planet would be single. Either that or your idea of love is twisted and no woman on the planet fits it.

 

[Infern0]

They don't leave men they love

"Love" is IL above 90%

If she have IL that high she ain't leaving

 

[Serenity]

Women leave men they love for resources

So how come the guy with the money who is a great father with hobbies, a job and a nice way of being still loses? Did you read the article? It accounts for guys with resources, they lose because they have no passion. It's possible to have both, but the thing that matters is passion. Why do you think they go for bad boys over nice guys, just to use that ancient contrast? The bad boys have passion although they haven't figured out how to get resources, while the nice guy has resources without passion.

In other words, your money can keep them locked down for a while because they need your money. Once they feel financially secure they leave because you're boring as fvck and unappreciative. They ultimately want love more than money, when they don't get it you're not worth the money they get.

Passion as talked about in this article is love, your resources is what the women think is love. Note that they think and not feel that all the great things about a guy is love, but what they really want is passion. They want it so bad that they're willing to compromise if they can get it. An AFC nice guy is a male who compromises to get it, men doesn't fit that role as well as women do.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Good comments by Mauser96. The fact that women can leave with half of your resources certainly makes the decision a lot easier. Why stick around with some rich guy who's busy at work all the time when you can dump him and get half his sh!t.

 

[Infern0]

To counter maseurs points.

At the end of the day it's the man's job to lead the relationship.

If you marry someone you aren't sure about its your own fault

If you let your wife push you around its your own fault

If you get denied for sex 90% of the time and you accept that it's your own fault.

When a woman acts in a way that's unacceptable to you and you do nothing about it, it's your own fault and your actually asking for it to keep happening. You always have the chance to walk away, if you got yourself so deep into the mess that walking away means losing half your money, so be it. What price self respect.

There's too much pointing fingers going on here, women aren't leaders and they shouldn't be handed power, when they are it always goes wrong.

 

[Serenity]

Mauser, sorry to hear you chose such a sh!tty wife, you should take better care of yourself. Take as good care of the next woman, make sure you find one that deserves it.

You could say it goes both ways as much you want, but things tend to fall apart fast without clear leadership. If she's a b!tch and giving her attention doesn't make it better, do as bosses do and fire her. She's not doing her job, so why should you be paying her. I think you and I both agree on this. However this is not about that, it's about a passive guy who takes his wife for granted. The employee doesn't know what to do because there's no leadership, so the employee quit the job since there is no job to do or the job svcks. You're the boss, you lead and initiate.

In a work situation wouldn't you find your boss weak if you had to tell him what to do? If you had to take initiative and lead the leader? I think I would find that embarrasing on his behalf, because effectively it makes me as an employee a leader when formally speaking the opposite is true. This all leads to confusion and things start falling apart.

So back to the point, as a man you're the leader and in my analogy here the woman is the employee. Make sure not to be the sh!tty boss we all hate so much, be the one people go to for guidance.

 

[Infern0]

Good discussion, I'm in bold

So very true. I look back, and see mistakes I made, both as a husband, and in giving her too much power. Ask any husband what the story about the frog being boiled alive is all about.

I am not whining, just saying the article is one sided. Trust me on this Don Juans, you could do absolutely EVERYTHING correctly....and she could still be the one to file because she is "no longer happy". Women file 70% of the divorces, because it is easy, no stigma, and profitable. Custody and child support is assured, won't ever be any doubt of that.

I believe women are more susceptible to the "Grass is greener syndrome" Take all my advice and opinions for the price you paid for it, lol

I'm by no means criticising you, if things had been even slightly different I could have ended up marrying my bpd, and then.....

I just think every guy needs educating on this stuff, it's being ignorant of reality that leads down these bad roads

 

[BrainDamage92]

You all are abit too practical, yes money is money but still...

Turn the question around - why the men leave the women they love - I know I've done it. Why? Because when two peeps arent right for each other one of the two always realises it abit sooner and abit better.

 

[Serenity]

If relationship, marriage and children is so damn hard I guess I'll be better off alone. So many guys on this forum make it out to be torture, seems the solution is to stay inside alone and fap to the dreams that never come true. No Mauser I have never been married and I don't have children, but I've seen plenty marriages up close that works out. Still I'm very well aware of the billions of ways things can turn sour.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Things people do too quickly and without thinking:
Getting married
Having kids

Women are masters of deception too. They can put on the NAWALT act to reel a guy in, then get the ring on the finger and/or a bun in the oven, then they can stop the act because the have the guy by the balls. Plenty of personal accounts on this forum and others confirm this. You never know who is a true NAWALT, if they exist, until it's too late, so trying to find one is not worth it.

As I've said countless times, women can do whatever they want, but the system of law and White Knights that facilitate their bat sh1t behaviour is the real enemy.

You could marry the mythical unicorn, but at anytime she could end your world via law and the paradox is, you have no idea she is a unicorn until you've reached the end of your life and she hasn't fvcked you...

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I find it hilarious that women so easily find men boring. I partly blame the way society is setup for a part of that. Men always working long hours, getting tired, same monotonous job (generally speaking) Another thing I find funny is how women never seem to think they are boring...Generally speaking women are not funny and quite boring (generally speaking)

 

[om1xr]

Love is just an impermanent feeling. So when the feels fade and are no longer there people gtfo of relationships, marriages or whatever.

That why most of you after getting more experiences are going to realize that most things that we value and think that we can't live without are all impermanent and unsatisfactory things on the long term.

That why you should enjoy it while it lasts, be it love, money, looks, hbs, success ...etc. And even the things that seem negative like failure, rejection and not getting what you want are too impermanent and they won't last.

If you get to that mindset; everything is going to come naturally like outcome independence, no clinging to circumstances, people, feelings and whatever, game and everything else.

Again love is just an impermanent feeling that you should enjoy it while it lasts and when the feeling fade or when the girl is no longer attracted or in love just accept it as it is and move on. I know that it's not easy to get to that stage but the key is to conquer your mind/ego.

 

[prison/con.net]

Everyone knows that a honeymoon is not forever. You can't sustain, (or she cant) that level of giddinees, even if you don't have to work for a living. But many problems CAN be worked out, IF the two of you are well-matched and IF the motivation is there to stay together. The latter takes a lot of ongoing work, and the former takes a lot of time spent searching, money spent, waiting, traveling, etc. No, your dream girl does NOT live next door to you, and she's probably not in your home town, either. In fact, the odds are that she doesn't even live in your country.

 

[Serenity]

Mauser, I do really respect your opinions and responses. I don't know why, but I think there's something important in it for me. Imagine yourself at 23, possibly dumb and naive. That's where I imagine myself to be in your eyes. To be honest I'm sh!t scared about the future, but I want it to go well and I know I have no guarantee for it. I feel fvcked up, I have for a long time. I can't handle that anymore, there's just a massive growing pain inside me. It's not right somehow, I remember a time where I was myself and I just can't seem to be that guy anymore. I don't know how I got myself into this situation, I don't know how to get out of it. I feel lost and just figuring out that for this post has taken me a couple of months of intense discipline to figure out.

So if anyone wants to know I don't deserve that reputation, I feel fake for getting it. I don't know crap about relationships and dating as my experience is extremely limited. I'm apparently good at faking it, and now I know that fake it till you make it is complete bullsh!t.

I did not intend for this thread to go in this direction, but this is just how I feel.

 

[mikey2012]

Don Draper divorced twice . Second marriage was to secretary who blames him for all her mistakes. He shut her up and wrote a check for $1m . This was in the 70s. Art imitates life. Guess nothing has changed in the last 40 years.

 

[backbreaker]

I used to date this chick back in high school. I mean I was probably the perfect boyfriend. I did everythign my mom told me to do and TV told me to do. I called her everyday. I brought her flowers and **** to her job. I took her out to eat. I cared about her. I did evertyhing i was supposed to do.


She went out on our 8 month anny while I was waiting for her at a resturant and went to a party and got gangbanged..to lose her virginity


let me repeat that lol. I'm at red lobster. GF, on our anny, not only didn't bother to tell me she was not coming, was having sex with multiple guys, at the same time, while being a virgin when she woke up that morning. I was trying to be nice and sweet and **** and save it for a special moment.


Today, i've been married for almost 3 years, less than a month away. I don't pay my wife, half the attention I paid her. I love my wife so much. I'm so crazy about her. But i don't do all that ****. I got **** to do lol. I work and work out and **** i don't have time to sit around and listen to feelings and emotions and ****. I pay attention and do **** with her but i don't do half the **** in that article and my wife is crazy about me and treats me like a ****ing king


my point is, the biggest fallacy that men fall into is taking advice from people you should not be taking advice from. Would you ask a crackhead how to not use drugs? would you ask a janior how to be a millionare? So why do people go to women who cheat on their husbands and ask them what the husbands did wrong, what could they do to make it better, how the **** would they know lol they've never been in a successful marriage lol.


why the **** would you ask a ***** what a man should do to keep you happy? you might as well ask my son to explain black matter lol. she doesn't ****ing now.


AS a married man, i'll say this. if you got tod o all that **** to keep your wife happy, you got the wrong wife buddy. i promise you the **** isn't that ****ing hard. don't be a prick all the time, ask her how her day was, massage her back every once in a while, don't treat her like a slave lol, don't curse out her friends. every once in a while, remind her why you love her, but i mean **** this isn't some ****ing job or anything. a marriage should not be that much "work"

 

[RangerMIke]

They don't leave men they love

"Love" is IL above 90%

If she have IL that high she ain't leaving

THIS!!! Women do not leave men they are in love with. Women fall out of love with you when you stop displaying male strength characteristics (Self-control, confidence, and make her work for the relationship), and fail to deliver romance and respect.

 

[Poonani Maker]

My brother and his wife were married at 19. They are Now STILL married with one daughter at 49. They belong to a CULT, of which her father is/had been a major player. That's about the only way to Stay married these days is to Be ina CULT, that tells everybody what to do (using its Own BASICS...the minute you start venturing off into some other "Basic" to live by, then the CULT expels (by Jury, Divorces you) you and shuns you forever).

On another note, I feel guilty when in the presence of a married woman (my age, ring telling me she's married), because they WILL come on to me Despite being obviously married. They do not Realize that the Grass is NOT Greener on My side. That I would just Use them. That I do NOT WANT them. But I run into these married women EVERY DAY, and its sad, that they will think that there is something between us and she will (Just between Me and Her) MOVE toward me to touch me OR offer me a drink or smoke (bud). Women today are more disloyal than ever. There are some that wouldn't give me the time of day, however. They are totally turned off by me (which, in MY mind, I think, is RARE, and I think, given enough Time, her in my presence me in hers, she would come around and eventually wanna fvck me or want to Be with me. Even the coldest of cold, if I see them day in and day out, them showing me a face of disdain or coldness, not liking me overtly, eventually realize that they were just putting up a facade, and that deep down they Really like/want me. It's so funny to watch unfold. It may take YEARS, but they eventually get the Frame (of my mind) that there's something Wrong with Them, that this Rarely, if ever, happens to me (that a woman gets turned off by me, on first impression Or Long term)).