Why Women Give Bad Dating Advice

Rollo Tomassi

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Originally posted by Sugar Bee
Lump all women into a group.

Stupid.

Ask me for advice.

I will tell you the truth.

Try me.
generalization

n 1: the process of formulating general concepts by abstracting common properties of instances [syn: abstraction, generalisation] 2: reasoning from detailed facts to general principles [syn: generalisation, induction, inductive reasoning] 3: an idea having general application; "he spoke in broad generalities" [syn: generalisation, generality] 4: (psychology) transfer of a response learned to one stimulus to a similar stimulus [syn: generalisation, stimulus generalization, stimulus generalisation]

Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University


I use generalization in the way it was actually intended - drawing hypothesis and conclusions from a greater, general whole of observed behavior. Pay close attention to #2, "reasoning from detailed facts to general principles [syn: generalisation, induction, inductive reasoning]." I am sorry if this process offends you, but I'm interested in the general Rule, since it,_ and not the exceptions to it, help predict an outcome.
 

Fenderules

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I think this is a very good debate. Obviously one with a lot of opinions, well i'll put in my 2 cents from my experience.



Well.....this site was made by men.....and its by FAR THE BEST ADVICE i have ever had and i feel i can hold my head just that much higher from the information on this site. While my luck with women has gone up a little, other changes have been greater. My confidence is through the roof compared to before, I feel happier with myself, less stressed about wut kind of person i should be in society. I know of more wut i want.

Be that as it may, the guys on this site offering the advice are either natural DJ, or been there done that and have already experienced all the crap.

But if the guy is a chump, he will tell me advice that is just as bad or worse from a girl. One guy is like, i know exactly how to get girls. and im like how? he says "buy her flowers!, that wins every girls heart!". i started laughing cause i thought he was joking........he was not. needless to say he got blown off by tones of girls. Excuses excuses.

Lately i dont know wut happened but his head is a little higher (i work with him) prolly cause now he is a supervisor. Well he has gf now which is cool. Shes about a 7.5, others say a bit higher so i figure good for him even though i kinda find her wierd as ****.

As for girls giving me advice, most of them offer sugar coated bull****. "dont be an *******, guys are *******s, i want a sweet guy......."

the best advice i got froma girls was when she was drunk....she laid it flat out. She was talking about how some guy wanted her and she said "he is a nice guy. boring as hell and i dont think he'd make a move on me even if we dated for a month"

pretty much wut a nice guy is. But of course i already knew that by then, but it sunk in a little more.
 

Wyldfire

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Most women, especially face to face, are going to sugar coat the truth because guys don't really handle the truth well.

The fact that I don't sugarcoat things and am pretty blunt has a lot to do with why some of the guys here tend to like to attack and insult me. Sometimes what I post offends them...but I'm being honest.

Women would be more honest if men handled the truth a bit better.

Think about it...

Let's say you ask a woman out who finds you to be unattractive. How would you react if she said, "I don't want to go out with you, I find you unattractive."? You would very likely insult her, call her names, cause a scene and storm off. That is why so many guys hear "I just like you as a friend." That is female code for "I'm not attracted to you at all." UNLESS she or you are already involved with someone and there is no flirtiness or obvious attraction.
 

Fenderules

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Originally posted by Wyldfire
Most women, especially face to face, are going to sugar coat the truth because guys don't really handle the truth well.

The fact that I don't sugarcoat things and am pretty blunt has a lot to do with why some of the guys here tend to like to attack and insult me. Sometimes what I post offends them...but I'm being honest.

Women would be more honest if men handled the truth a bit better.

Think about it...

Let's say you ask a woman out who finds you to be unattractive. How would you react if she said, "I don't want to go out with you, I find you unattractive."? You would very likely insult her, call her names, cause a scene and storm off. That is why so many guys hear "I just like you as a friend." That is female code for "I'm not attracted to you at all." UNLESS she or you are already involved with someone and there is no flirtiness or obvious attraction.




yeah i have to say you do give sound advice. I think some guys are perhpas to "manly" to take advice from a women since this whole site is geared towards encourage the mant to take the iniative and control.

But yes you seem to think more logically then most women, i dunno if its from you being on this site, a fluke, or just cause your more open.

like above, makes perfect sense. Even when i tell some of my friends stuff straight up, they can get pissed. Others thank me for it cause they are like me, and cant stand the "blissful bull****" as i call it comes out. But i can sense the bull**** now so its not as big a deal. Not like when your and AFC and you cant tell the difference between you ******* and your mouth. I just wish ppl could take critizism better. I would not be the musician i am today if ppl did not say i sucked back in the day. I always asked ppl to tell me EXACTLy wuts good and wuts about my music. Since then i'v leaped bounds and I am gonna get a degree in music

its just an example of how the brutal truth helps.

while being picked on in school sucked, i now realize it was very good expeience for me. After getting picked on so much i decided i was not going to take it any longer and decked one of the guys in the face. Needless to say it ended right there and ever since i feel better about myself. I just completed my first year of univesrity and i already have WAY more to show then those A-holes. I go to university, while they go to college or work. I have my life planned out, while they dont. I have accomplished more, I am more fit while they have become lazy.
 

Sugar Bee

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Well, I believe in telling the truth outright. And, most of my friends are guys, they are more truthful.

Girlfriends no matter how good, don't always tell you the truth.

Guys always will.

Gimme a chance.....
 

TillTheEndOfTime

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Originally posted by Wyldfire

The fact that I don't sugarcoat things and am pretty blunt has a lot to do with why some of the guys here tend to like to attack and insult me. Sometimes what I post offends them...but I'm being honest.
Actually, the fact that you're arrogant, condescending, full of yourself, and put down people who don't agree with your views is why guys here tend to attack and insult you. You refuse to accept your own faults by constantly trying to justify yourself with 5000 posts.


P.S. By the way, the fact that you said this in a thread that had absolutely nothing to do with you is only yet another testament to you being full of yourself. It's like you're always trying so hard to raise yourself in the eyes of others by making unsolicited compliments and justifications towards yourself. I can't even count how many times I've seen you tout your own preceived superior intellect and "complexity" in threads that had nothing to do about you.
 

( . )( . )

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Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus
TillTheEndOfTime seems to get it.

Most women you come across (including your mom) will give you the same advice because they have been socially conditioned into thinking that this is the right behavior for a man when courting a woman. Assume for a second that your biological father was a jerk and after your mom got pregnant, he left her. Do you think your mom will tell you to be a jerk to get women even though she fell for a jerk?

Similarly, do you think your female friends who may be dating jerk BFs will tell you the best way to get women is to treat them like sh*t? If they ever gave you accurate advice, it's equivalent to them admitting that they like guys that treat them like sh*t (who would want to admit that?). Women in abusive relationships will likely tell her guy friends to treat their GFs right and yet the same woman keeps returning to her abusive BF the same night she gives such advice.

Maximus_Decimus
BINGO!!

The above combined with the fact of women being illogical , being guided by emotions and being force fed the same fairy tale diarrhea by society all day every day has virtually made it a near impossibility for a woman to tell it like it is more than 5 % of the time.

And 5 percent is probably being generous, poor bastards :cry:

But on the brightside this information is kickass for guys like us:up:
 

Gravyboat

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Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Not a cut on your post, but God I wish this were true. The problem is most guys simply parrot the words women have told them over the years when they asked them "What do women want in a guy?" and then think it works since they got it from the horse's mouth. Unfortunately, too many guys, especially recently, have bought the same line women have been telling for ages thinking it's a way to put themselves at an advantage when all it does is disqualify not only them, but the poor suckers who hear 'chick advice' from another guy and the cycle continues.

In all honesty, I really think the 'chick advice' phenomenon is a socio-evolutionary fail-safe device meant to filter women's selection process of less desirable men from more desirable (competition worthy) men. On some level of consciousness women know they're full of sh!t when they offer up the 'standard' chick advice this article illustrated. They know they're being less than genuine when they see this advice regularly betrayed in their own behaviors. Women (and now men) repeat in article after article of how well developed the female capacity is for language and communication, so it follows that they have to know to some, maybe subconscious, degree that they are being less than helpful if not deliberately misleading. Even the mothers with the best interests of their son's at stake still parrot these responses. It's like a female imperative. Why?

For the answer, all you have to do is look at the bios of the single women on most any dating service. When asked to describe the characteristics they find desirable in a man, the single most common responses are confidence, decisiveness, independence. Traits that would require a man to be a man and have the foresight and perseverance not to take things at face value. The guy with the capacity to call a woman on her own bluff with a confidence that implies she is to be worthy of him rather than the other way around is the man to be competed for. Essentially the 'chick speak', 'chick advice' phenomenon is a sh!t test writ large on a social scale. And even your own mother and sisters are in on it, expecting you to get the message and see the challenge for what it really is.

Most guys are natural pragmatists, we look for the shortest most efficient way between two points. It follows then that if we want sex, and women have the sex we want, we ought to ask them what conditions they require from us in order for us to get it. The problem is that women don't want to tell us this, because in doing so it makes us less independent and compromising in our own identities in order to get at her sexuality. This is counter to the decisive, independent and masculine man they really want and is evidenced in their behaviors. He should know what women want without asking because he's observed them often enough, been successful with them often enough, and taken the efforts to make decisions for himself based on their behaviors. This makes him the commodity in the face of a constant contradiction of her own and other women's motives, words and behaviors.
Truly brilliant. And brilliantly, true.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Here's an example of an article I saw on Askmen.com. I've heard stories about the site giving misinformation but I hadn't noticed it until now. I wondered "What the hell??!!" when I read it but then I checked who wrote the article, then it made sense...

Paying Etiquette: Who Picks Up The Check?
 

JonJack

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Originally posted by Wyldfire
Most women, especially face to face, are going to sugar coat the truth because guys don't really handle the truth well.

The fact that I don't sugarcoat things and am pretty blunt has a lot to do with why some of the guys here tend to like to attack and insult me. Sometimes what I post offends them...but I'm being honest.

Women would be more honest if men handled the truth a bit better.

Think about it...

Let's say you ask a woman out who finds you to be unattractive. How would you react if she said, "I don't want to go out with you, I find you unattractive."? You would very likely insult her, call her names, cause a scene and storm off. That is why so many guys hear "I just like you as a friend." That is female code for "I'm not attracted to you at all." UNLESS she or you are already involved with someone and there is no flirtiness or obvious attraction.

It's true that people would lie to those that are easily offended. So many people are easily offended. Both guys and girls. It's sad really. A girl asks you how she looks and you tell her the truth and she doesn't wanna hear it. A guy gets hammered with the truth and he can't take it and has to defend himself.

As far as advice goes, you can get many lousy ass ones from many different people. In the matter of relationships however, girls are seen to give lousy advice only because we only get surface advice from them. A lot of advice given, even on these boards, are just surface advice. It looks reasonable and good and all, but applying it and seeing results is another story altogether because there is never any specifics. People aren't made the same. People don't grow up the same. People don't respond the same. People don't have the same interests or preferences. All this are never taken into account in advice.

Moving up in the advice chain will be the advice that asks the person to base their judgements on what they observe. These are better although leaving the judgements to the advice seeker rarely brings results. That's why the person seeked advice in the first place, because he doesn't know what to do or what it all means.

However it is noticed that some situations are fairly straightforward and the general advice seems to work well. In my opinion, if you would to ask a girl for the same advice, she'll probably give you the same answer as a guy. Girls can also be very quick in asking a guy to dump a girl. So it would be seriously unfair to generalise girls as giving lousy advice unless you have a situation where 80% of guys gave one type of advice which worked and 80% of girls gave another type of advice which didn't work. I wonder if there was a poll or research done on this before.

Maybe guys give better advice because some of them may be better at deduction. They are better at analysing a situation with very little facts and their analyses are very close to the money. People with a good understanding of psychology, human behavior, sales techniques, marketing, public relations should have pretty decent advice.

Important thing to remember though is that unless there is statistical proof somewhere that girls tend to give advice that does not work compared to guys, all this argument about girls being loust advice givers are just mere assumptions.
 

thebsharp

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woman arnt logical at all, if you notice on most boards... the most intelligent topics and discussion are male populated
 

cruzy

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I agree with what a lot of you are saying. Women are conditioned to give bad dating advice. It starts because if women tell their female friends the truth, they get ostracized. Women want to be delusional and make up excuses for why they are not getting treated the way they want to be. As far as the advice that women give men, usually the men asking the woman for advice is the "nice guy" whom the woman is not interested in sexually. If the guy got stood up, she knows it's because the girl doesn't want to fuk him, but doesn't want to hurt her male friend's feelings. When a woman says do I look fat, she doesn't want to hear that she does. When a man is unattractive, she is not going to tell him that that is why he doesn't get laid.
 

squirrels

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Originally posted by DJHoolahoop
isn't it obvious? if they gave all the good dating advice, then they wouldn't have control.
Women don't want control. They try to control you because they're testing you to see if YOU can control THEM.

BTW, this article is right-on. :p
 

Bonhomme

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OK, but the important thing is what to DO

Tomassi's got the idea. The article's good, too.

So we know most women give us bad dating advice a vast majority of the time.

Pay attention to what they do, not what they say.

Over and out.
 

djbr

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Rollo Tomassi said:
In all honesty, I really think the 'chick advice' phenomenon is a socio-evolutionary fail-safe device meant to filter women's selection process of less desirable men from more desirable (competition worthy) men. On some level of consciousness women know they're full of sh!t when they offer up the 'standard' chick advice this article illustrated. They know they're being less than genuine when they see this advice regularly betrayed in their own behaviors. Women (and now men) repeat in article after article of how well developed the female capacity is for language and communication, so it follows that they have to know to some, maybe subconscious, degree that they are being less than helpful if not deliberately misleading. Even the mothers with the best interests of their son's at stake still parrot these responses. It's like a female imperative. Why?

For the answer, all you have to do is look at the bios of the single women on most any dating service. When asked to describe the characteristics they find desirable in a man, the single most common responses are confidence, decisiveness, independence. Traits that would require a man to be a man and have the foresight and perseverance not to take things at face value. The guy with the capacity to call a woman on her own bluff with a confidence that implies she is to be worthy of him rather than the other way around is the man to be competed for. Essentially the 'chick speak', 'chick advice' phenomenon is a sh!t test writ large on a social scale. And even your own mother and sisters are in on it, expecting you to get the message and see the challenge for what it really is.

Most guys are natural pragmatists, we look for the shortest most efficient way between two points. It follows then that if we want sex, and women have the sex we want, we ought to ask them what conditions they require from us in order for us to get it. The problem is that women don't want to tell us this, because in doing so it makes us less independent and compromising in our own identities in order to get at her sexuality. This is counter to the decisive, independent and masculine man they really want and is evidenced in their behaviors. He should know what women want without asking because he's observed them often enough, been successful with them often enough, and taken the efforts to make decisions for himself based on their behaviors. This makes him the commodity in the face of a constant contradiction of her own and other women's motives, words and behaviors.
376% true.
 
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