Why walking away is your only real option

[Magma]

Many threads on here deal with how to handle situations that arise AFTER a guy and a girl have broken up. E.g., how to handle texts, emails, or phone calls. Also, these threads ask how to deal with "running into the ex" or some other chance encounter.

Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that the only real option is to simply WALK AWAY. By walking away, this is what I mean:

1) ZERO communication
2) ZERO acknowledgement of an ex
3) The deletion of:
a) her phone numbers
b) her email addresses
c) her Facebook/MySpace

This is PARAMOUNT to maintaining your dignity, but it's also important in that you show yourself that you're capable of extinguishing anything toxic in your life. Women THRIVE on drama. They will call, text, or message you on Facebook. They will do ANYTHING in order for to you acknowledge them. DO NOT feed into this. This will do NOTHING for your growth as a man.

They will try to shame you: "So this is how you're going to end it? Just stop talking to me??? VERY MATURE!!"

Yes, this is how I'm going to end it.




When women realize that you are able to walk away from them, usually it's too late. You've already walked away. They will grab at straws and make absurd statements (which often make me laugh), saying ANYTHING to get you to talk to them one more time. But, when you bite and begin talking to them again, you are playing into their game and you have now given them the power back.

That's the rub: the second you answer that call or text, you are now a PUS$Y. And now they know they have you by the short hairs. This, in turn, makes them lose respect for you and again, it's game over. There is no way to win at this game after the breakup. You MUST be able to walk away. You must have enough self respect to walk away because you know that you're a man of interest who has his **** together.

You must resist all remaining AFC tendencies to call her, text her, or email her on Facebook or whatever. YOU...WILL...NOT...WIN. She will NOT see your point of view and suddenly "come to her senses." She MIGHT say how she will change, but again, this goes against the advice that says, "Don't judge a person by what they say, only by what they DO." If she has not shown you the proper respect during the relationship, she will not suddenly change her ways. And DON'T believe her when she tells you that she will change. She will not.

Be a friggin' man.

Walk away.

 

[jophil28]

She will NOT see your point of view and suddenly "come to her senses." She MIGHT say how she will change, but again, this goes against the advice that says, "Don't judge a person by what they say, only by what they DO." If she has not shown you the proper respect during the relationship, she will not suddenly change her ways. And DON'T believe her when she tells you that she will change. She will not.

Be a friggin' man.

Walk away.

My personal experience supports this view.
In fact I do not ever recall hearing any woman saying those words ," I will change .."
They live in their illusion that they have nothing to change...and I have never heard a woman make any open promise or undertaking when it comes to altering their behavior.
Instead I have been confronted with her pouting/resentment/ confusion/ and more manipulations . Women are AVOIDANT and revert to habitual covert behavior to solve relationship problems( which they believe that YOU caused in the first place )
This is why "communication" does not usually work with women. They are fiercely resistant to engaging in that process whenever there is even the tiniest chance that she will be criticized.

 

[Magma]

^^^ Women have only told me that they would change their behavior twice in my 31 years on this earth, and both times involved their use of drugs, alcohol, or both. Such was the case with the inspiration for this thread.

But Jophil is right. Women, in their eyes, are never to blame. They never feel they need to examine their behavior. That is why WALKING AWAY is your best move.

 

[acw]

Of course...Women are Perfect....and you are the flawed one.

keep in mind though....women end 90 percent of the relationships....that's why you see most males who once resemble a man but are now sneveling piles of saw dust where once stood a man.

for a number of years i have noticed the jabs throw at men today. Most women have no respect for men.

 

[Mr. Me]

the second you answer that call or text

Anything else that could be written about this (and make no mistake about it, more can certainly be written) is summed up in the above. For no matter what you do next, if it's engaging in contact with her, you become the mouse to her cat, period.

They will try to shame you: "So this is how you're going to end it? Just stop talking to me??? VERY MATURE!!"

And they will do that to stop you from becoming the Dumper and they the Dumpee, because they can't handle being dumped, so as to pull you back in, so that they may shortly afterward become the Dumper and YOU the Dumpee.

 

[jophil28]

for a number of years i have noticed the jabs throw at men today. Most women have no respect for men.

Women have no respect for men who grovel but will lap up all the attention and free stuff regardless. Women have also been taught that men are dribbling buffoons who are always wrong and are their natural enemy.
Nothing we can do about that but ---
One of the one of the main factors in this appalling state is that men are 'frightened ' of offending women for fear of rejection and the subsequent loss of poon.. This is driven by the below conscious belief by both sexes that woman are entited to be "made happy" by all men, but in particular by the man who is pursuing her . He is required to fawn over,and worship her and never create a moments discomfort for her..her every whim and want is to be catered to, and in return she rewards him with sex. The age-old deal.
As long as any of you guys enter into this arrangement, you will be at her mercy and, paradoxically, your hoped for sex will eventually be withdrawn becauses she will lose attraction and respect for you because of your supplicating behavior.

 

[Luthor Rex]

In fact I do not ever recall hearing any woman saying those words ," I will change .."
They live in their illusion that they have nothing to change...and I have never heard a woman make any open promise or undertaking when it comes to altering their behavior.
Instead I have been confronted with her pouting/resentment/ confusion/ and more manipulations . Women are AVOIDANT and revert to habitual covert behavior to solve relationship problems( which they believe that YOU caused in the first place )
This is why "communication" does not usually work with women. They are fiercely resistant to engaging in that process whenever there is even the tiniest chance that she will be criticized.

Communication doesn't work because they don't want a process that is open and honest. An open and honest process could expose the fact that they might be wrong. They don't care if they are right or wrong, they just want to win.

 

[Heretolearn]

Many threads on here deal with how to handle situations that arise AFTER a guy and a girl have broken up. E.g., how to handle texts, emails, or phone calls. Also, these threads ask how to deal with "running into the ex" or some other chance encounter.

Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that the only real option is to simply WALK AWAY. By walking away, this is what I mean:

1) ZERO communication
2) ZERO acknowledgement of an ex
3) The deletion of:
a) her phone numbers
b) her email addresses
c) her Facebook/MySpace

This is PARAMOUNT to maintaining your dignity, but it's also important in that you show yourself that you're capable of extinguishing anything toxic in your life. Women THRIVE on drama. They will call, text, or message you on Facebook. They will do ANYTHING in order for to you acknowledge them. DO NOT feed into this. This will do NOTHING for your growth as a man.

They will try to shame you: "So this is how you're going to end it? Just stop talking to me??? VERY MATURE!!"

Yes, this is how I'm going to end it.




When women realize that you are able to walk away from them, usually it's too late. You've already walked away. They will grab at straws and make absurd statements (which often make me laugh), saying ANYTHING to get you to talk to them one more time. But, when you bite and begin talking to them again, you are playing into their game and you have now given them the power back.

That's the rub: the second you answer that call or text, you are now a PUS$Y. And now they know they have you by the short hairs. This, in turn, makes them lose respect for you and again, it's game over. There is no way to win at this game after the breakup. You MUST be able to walk away. You must have enough self respect to walk away because you know that you're a man of interest who has his **** together.

You must resist all remaining AFC tendencies to call her, text her, or email her on Facebook or whatever. YOU...WILL...NOT...WIN. She will NOT see your point of view and suddenly "come to her senses." She MIGHT say how she will change, but again, this goes against the advice that says, "Don't judge a person by what they say, only by what they DO." If she has not shown you the proper respect during the relationship, she will not suddenly change her ways. And DON'T believe her when she tells you that she will change. She will not.

Be a friggin' man.

Walk away.

Agreed but what do you do if you somehow find yourself in the same environment and they approach you to say hi etc.

I know you are supossed to be indifferent by this stag but I do not want to validate their behaviour either.

I was thinking something like 'excuse me, I am busy and walking away' anytime any contact is made?

 

[Jeffst1980]

Agreed but what do you do if you somehow find yourself in the same environment and they approach you to say hi etc.

I know you are supossed to be indifferent by this stag but I do not want to validate their behaviour either.

I was thinking something like 'excuse me, I am busy and walking away' anytime any contact is made?

I don't think it's necessary in that case. You don't want to go out of your way to pay attention to her, but there's nothing wrong with being polite--in fact, this is the high road to take in such a situation. If you walk away brusquely the minute she approaches you, it's going to be spun to look like you're bitter or not yet over her. Keep the conversation brief and superficial, then excuse yourself.

No matter how you feel inside, you should always make a point of publicly keeping up a veneer of civility towards even those who offend you. It's a high value trait because it demonstrates a great deal of self confidence and self control.

 

[jophil28]

No matter how you feel inside, you should always make a point of publicly keeping up a veneer of civility towards even those who offend you. It's a high value trait because it demonstrates a great deal of self confidence and self control.

Great advice...and to invoke the scriptures for a second, this is precisely what Jesus meant when he instructed his followers to "Love thine enemies.."

No hatred, no 'acting out' in revenge and no counter-abusive behavior .

 

[Magma]

Agreed but what do you do if you somehow find yourself in the same environment and they approach you to say hi etc.

I know you are supossed to be indifferent by this stag but I do not want to validate their behaviour either.

I was thinking something like 'excuse me, I am busy and walking away' anytime any contact is made?

If they approach to say hi (they rarely do after you've properly executed the true "walk away"), I am cordial and polite, yet curt (in the brief and concise sense). And that's it. I don't exchange "pleasantries." I don't ask how her dog is doing, or whether or not she got that promotion. I will say hello, and say "Fine, thanks" if she asks me how I'm doing. I DON'T ask her how she is doing or what's new in her life. I really don't care. Bottom line.

See, the thing is, you must REALLY NOT CARE. It CANNOT be faked. If you still care, and act like you don't, it's written all over your face. And they will see that shyte plain as day. If you are man enough to truly walk away in the manner I described in the OP (because she is a dime-store hooker, or BPD, or any other myriad of toxic things), then you won't have a problem when you run into them. That's the truth.

 

[Heretolearn]

Great advice...and to invoke the scriptures for a second, this is precisely what Jesus meant when he instructed his followers to "Love thine enemies.."

No hatred, no 'acting out' in revenge and no counter-abusive behavior .

Thanks, I have done that in the past but it feels frustrating for me. Like i did not stand up for myself and let the other people dictate the interaction. So they walk away scott free, thinking all is rosy with their actions when in essence, I still hold them accountable and would prefer to spit in their face than to shake their hands.

ANy ideas?

* ps thanks to the couple of guys who responded to this point

I find it harder to resist the tractor beam pull in than to walk away. You usually walk away through disrespect but when they want to hoover you, they turn on the perfect woman mode so you cannot fault their current actions. And the whole leave the past in the past, immediate gratification aspect hurts too. I guess that is why we need to burn ourselves so badly sometimes to never forget?

 

[jophil28]

Thanks, I have done that in the past but it feels frustrating for me. Like i did not stand up for myself and let the other people dictate the interaction. So they walk away scott free, thinking all is rosy with their actions when in essence, I still hold them accountable and would prefer to spit in their face than to shake their hands.

You do not need to shake their hands or reward them in any way. You simply REMOVE yourself from their sphere of influence. That is extremely difficult BUT it is the right course ultimately. It sends the message that you are not willing to be subjected to her manipulations or disrespect any longer and that you are also strong enough to resist the pull of the vagina.

Then when she tries to hoover you back in, you turn yourself into a civil, but detached human robot. That dissolves all her power over you.

I agree that they are still accountable, but it is always folly to attempt to enforce it. By doing so, you inevitably will become angry with her in the process, and then she knows that she has the power to upset you. IN other words she knows that her behavior "got to you "...and at the point you have unwittingly shifted the power back to her.
When women are breaking up with a man, they seem to need to do so with NO accountability, but with all the power, nonetheless. IF you think about that, it is patently absurd. Responsibilty automatically confers power on the owner...and lack of responsibility deserves none..that is how life works. However women have never been interested in aligning themselves with these natural 'laws', prefering instead to invent their own.

The ONLY effective way to maintain your own power and still hold her accountable is to do so internally and resist the temptation to 'put her in her place'.

Your heart may have gotten you into this BUT your head needs to lead you out.

 

[Heretolearn]

You do not need to shake their hands or reward them in any way. You simply REMOVE yourself from their sphere of influence. That is extremely difficult BUT it is the right course ultimately. It sends the message that you are not willing to be subjected to her manipulations or disrespect any longer and that you are also strong enough to resist the pull of the vagina.

Then when she tries to hoover you back in, you turn yourself into a civil, but detached human robot. That dissolves all her power over you.

I agree that they are still accountable, but it is always folly to attempt to enforce it. By doing so, you inevitably will become angry with her in the process, and then she knows that she has the power to upset you. IN other words she knows that her behavior "got to you "...and at the point you have unwittingly shifted the power back to her.
When women are breaking up with a man, they seem to need to do so with NO accountability, but with all the power, nonetheless. IF you think about that, it is patently absurd. Responsibilty automatically confers power on the owner...and lack of responsibility deserves none..that is how life works. However women have never been interested in aligning themselves with these natural 'laws', prefering instead to invent their own.

The ONLY effective way to maintain your own power and still hold her accountable is to do so internally and resist the temptation to 'put her in her place'.

Your heart may have gotten you into this BUT your head needs to lead you out.

THank you. That is awesome!