Onenitis, infatuation, obsession... Call it whatever you like. Almost everyone, male and female, has been infected with it at one time or another in their lifetime. Certain chemicals in the brain trigger the almost controllable feeling that he/she is THE ONE person who'll make you hilariously happy for the rest of your life. Infatuation is fuelled by distance and not being able to have the object of your desire. Confounding the situation is the fact you've placed that person on an ivory tower of perfection and idealism. You may meet equally attractive women, but compared to THE ONE (her), they don't measure up to her. Squandered opportunities. Time is a healer of infatuation; when the infatuation finally subsides, you'll feel a sense of normality once again and thank your lucky stars that you're not feeling it anymore. Unfortunately, if you have the propensity to obsess, THE ONE will be replaced with another THE ONE and the thing replays itself. I understand that the chemicals in the brain can be somewhat neutralized through medication. See your doctor about it. Some people tend to be more prone to infatuation than others.
why the hell does oneitis last so damn long? help me figure it out guys.
- Thread starter jakeyboy
- Start date
Aussiedude
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2004
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- 12
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Re: Re: Re: Proximity & Stimulation
Dude you can cut your contact with this girl in the office. You dont have to get into email tag with her and so forth. It aint easy but it can be done. The issue will be if she starts to chase you. With the girl I am dealing with there really is something there - it is not onesided just with me. Even so I still need some space and so does she - we are very good friends which makes it tougher.
But hang in there and let us know how it turns out!
Well we had been spending a lot of time together anyway and I just raised the issue of how I felt there was a lot of potential between us. Asked her where she saw it going. When she said she was still getting over the ex I just said that's cool, but could you then just give me some space to get my head together. She reluctantly agreed. It was all done in a light jokey kind of fashion. Nothing heavy. Kept very cool about it.
Dude you can cut your contact with this girl in the office. You dont have to get into email tag with her and so forth. It aint easy but it can be done. The issue will be if she starts to chase you. With the girl I am dealing with there really is something there - it is not onesided just with me. Even so I still need some space and so does she - we are very good friends which makes it tougher.
But hang in there and let us know how it turns out!
squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
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Why does it last so long? Why is it so hard?? Who cares? Deal with it.
Once you hit if off with someone else you will forget about her, but not completely. Just try to focus on the present while bringing up good expericences from the past every once in a while. Oneitis is hard to break for me also at this junction and that is why i vow not to invest any emotions until the girl asks to become exclusive.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Other gals
Get as many other gals in the picture as you can.
It's really a drag if you're in a slump, and not having anybody else to focus on. Than I recommend focusing on how stupid it is to be hung up on someone who is not interested in you.
Get as many other gals in the picture as you can.
It's really a drag if you're in a slump, and not having anybody else to focus on. Than I recommend focusing on how stupid it is to be hung up on someone who is not interested in you.
DharmaBear
Don Juan
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Re: Proximity & Stimulation
Thanks for the advice, Aussiedude. Very helpful. I actually made it a point to not play e-mail tag with her today, and she ended up ignoring me totally . It was unusual, and I think uncomfortable for her. For me, I felt like I was in even more control of my oneitis (I was limiting the stimulation from her), and was fine. Maybe she got mad cuz I wasn't giving her the attention.
I don't know if we're at the point where you and this girl of yours is, but I will keep your advice in mind.
-Dharma
Thanks for the advice, Aussiedude. Very helpful. I actually made it a point to not play e-mail tag with her today, and she ended up ignoring me totally . It was unusual, and I think uncomfortable for her. For me, I felt like I was in even more control of my oneitis (I was limiting the stimulation from her), and was fine. Maybe she got mad cuz I wasn't giving her the attention.
I don't know if we're at the point where you and this girl of yours is, but I will keep your advice in mind.
-Dharma
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
i had completely gotten over this girl, w hich took 2 years, cut off all contact with her.
To my luck, right when I least expected it, she called me completely out of the blue and wanted to be "friends" again.
To my luck, right when I least expected it, she called me completely out of the blue and wanted to be "friends" again.
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING
at first, please ignore my bad grammatics.
this is a foreign language for me...
----
If you can´t go over oneitis, you did not the right work.
You´re subconsciousness is the same like many years ago when you´ve been a kid.
Your attitude towards the world is the same as many years ago.
deep deep down
there is a place deep down inside of you.
a place with green gras, sun and your girl.
a place without rules.
in this place exists only the word LOVE and YOUR FEELINGS.
mabye the real world isn´t like this place you tend to look back to this place.
very often
to often.
you want to be there.
like YESTERDAY.
duh.
the social programming and the flufferbuffer **** did his work.
you have to program your mind again.
you have to put a new building from the bottom in your mind.
this time it could be a castle with real stones (not paper like the building before).
yes, the first love is the worst in the context of your reception of the world right now.
this boards try to give you a new building for your mind.
a better.
a real one.
a strong one.
a precious on.
a rare one.
a one you have to work hard for!
oneitis grows coz your mind have big streets for it!
big doors in your mind-house.
even through the paper-walls it can flow.
build a new one!
don´t whine.
don´t cry.
don´t blame.
impossible is nothing
nothing is impossible
younex
at first, please ignore my bad grammatics.
this is a foreign language for me...
----
If you can´t go over oneitis, you did not the right work.
You´re subconsciousness is the same like many years ago when you´ve been a kid.
Your attitude towards the world is the same as many years ago.
deep deep down
there is a place deep down inside of you.
a place with green gras, sun and your girl.
a place without rules.
in this place exists only the word LOVE and YOUR FEELINGS.
mabye the real world isn´t like this place you tend to look back to this place.
very often
to often.
you want to be there.
like YESTERDAY.
duh.
the social programming and the flufferbuffer **** did his work.
you have to program your mind again.
you have to put a new building from the bottom in your mind.
this time it could be a castle with real stones (not paper like the building before).
yes, the first love is the worst in the context of your reception of the world right now.
this boards try to give you a new building for your mind.
a better.
a real one.
a strong one.
a precious on.
a rare one.
a one you have to work hard for!
oneitis grows coz your mind have big streets for it!
big doors in your mind-house.
even through the paper-walls it can flow.
build a new one!
don´t whine.
don´t cry.
don´t blame.
impossible is nothing
nothing is impossible
younex
jakeyboy
Master Don Juan
wow. thought the above post made some sense. oneitis lasts because we have big imaginations. we always picture ourselves with our oneitis, dreaming up good memories that may or may not have happened. what ever it is, it sure prevents us from forgetting about her. and even when you meet new girls, its extremely difficult to suddenly replace your oneitis fantasy with her. its like she doesn't fit. your subconscious mind forbids it.
you need some serious willpower to handle oneitis, but as squirrels and other guys on the board have mentioned earlier. there's no easy way out of this one, you just have to find out what works for you, and deal with it.
you need some serious willpower to handle oneitis, but as squirrels and other guys on the board have mentioned earlier. there's no easy way out of this one, you just have to find out what works for you, and deal with it.
The Bad Ass Canadian
Master Don Juan
I get caught with oneitis every now and again. It's normal, and it's this feeling that drives me to continue on until i find the girl I'm going to marry. The difference now is that I'm aware of what infatuation is and I never lose my cool over it.
The way i see it is that I'm gonna fall hard for someone and they will for me and we'll both know that this is what is mean't to be.
I consider myself to be a great catch. I have a lot of things going for me career wise, and financially and I'm also told that I am hot quite often. Knowing that my life is good alone is the only thing that keeps me from losing my head over a girl that i fall hard for.
The ones that only create a problem are where the sparks are flying from the get go, then she gets cold feet. Those are tough to take.
In september, I bumped into this girl who i'd kinda known for a while, but only on a very impersonal level. I'd see her at parties and such and we'd chat a bit here and there and it was never anything more.
We ended up kinda hooking up one night, and we actually had a chance to really get to know each other. This girl was an amzing person. Sweet, caring, hot, and totally into me.
I called her up and we went out the following week. This was by far the greatest date I've ever been on. We really hit it off.
Ended up back at her place, and there was no way she would let me leave.. hahaha after the eveneing ws over (no sex) I went home. She messaged me on IM and told me a bunch of stuff about how we connnect unlike anyone she'd ever met bla bla bla...
I thought, "cool. This could turn into something good."
The next day i had to leave to go out of town for a week.
I called her a few times through the week, but things seemed different. Scheduled another date, but she declined and never counter-offered. Right there, my red flag radar went off and I never spoke to her again.
A month later I bumped into her at a pub. She was drunk and she came over to talk to me.
It turns out that while we were hitting it off so well, her EX boyfriend (a guy i know and is a pretty aloof player type) who she was madly inlove with at one point was calling her again. She didn't know what to do, so she got back with him..... right under my nose, lol.
I thanked her for telling be, because i had spent the last month quite bewildered and confused.
If it hadn't been for my knowing that i was in fact quite infatuated with her (which to me isn't a bad thing if you don't let it control your actions) I probably would have been crushed.
Infatuation is a weird and powerful thing.
The Bad Ass Canadian
The way i see it is that I'm gonna fall hard for someone and they will for me and we'll both know that this is what is mean't to be.
I consider myself to be a great catch. I have a lot of things going for me career wise, and financially and I'm also told that I am hot quite often. Knowing that my life is good alone is the only thing that keeps me from losing my head over a girl that i fall hard for.
The ones that only create a problem are where the sparks are flying from the get go, then she gets cold feet. Those are tough to take.
In september, I bumped into this girl who i'd kinda known for a while, but only on a very impersonal level. I'd see her at parties and such and we'd chat a bit here and there and it was never anything more.
We ended up kinda hooking up one night, and we actually had a chance to really get to know each other. This girl was an amzing person. Sweet, caring, hot, and totally into me.
I called her up and we went out the following week. This was by far the greatest date I've ever been on. We really hit it off.
Ended up back at her place, and there was no way she would let me leave.. hahaha after the eveneing ws over (no sex) I went home. She messaged me on IM and told me a bunch of stuff about how we connnect unlike anyone she'd ever met bla bla bla...
I thought, "cool. This could turn into something good."
The next day i had to leave to go out of town for a week.
I called her a few times through the week, but things seemed different. Scheduled another date, but she declined and never counter-offered. Right there, my red flag radar went off and I never spoke to her again.
A month later I bumped into her at a pub. She was drunk and she came over to talk to me.
It turns out that while we were hitting it off so well, her EX boyfriend (a guy i know and is a pretty aloof player type) who she was madly inlove with at one point was calling her again. She didn't know what to do, so she got back with him..... right under my nose, lol.
I thanked her for telling be, because i had spent the last month quite bewildered and confused.
If it hadn't been for my knowing that i was in fact quite infatuated with her (which to me isn't a bad thing if you don't let it control your actions) I probably would have been crushed.
Infatuation is a weird and powerful thing.
The Bad Ass Canadian
The TallOne
Don Juan
Infatuation can also be very dangerous.
As it prevents you from seeing other girls, who might be more of your type, then your oneitis.
But, because your eyes are so set on her... you close all your options off.
As it prevents you from seeing other girls, who might be more of your type, then your oneitis.
But, because your eyes are so set on her... you close all your options off.
sexual_intellectual
Don Juan
There's an ex of mine I still think of, because she is one of the hottest girls I've ever met. I had the worst "one-itis" after we split. No one cheated, and I really wanted to get back with her. It never happened, despite the fact that I still to this day know she feels the chemistry when we see each other. I've seen another side to her though, she's so bitter, not just with me, but just cold to people. I know if I got back with her, she'd only hurt me. One day hopefully, she'll learn the error of her ways, and find a guy who's in the right place at the right time, but as for me, I'll be miles away!
I'm choosy with women, so despite having interest from girls I rate 6s/7s, I'm holding out for another high 9 but this time with a killer personality...
Keys for me getting over her were:
* Time
* Realising she isn't anything like the perfect being I thought she was
* Realising that I'm always going to have interest from women, and I've got plenty of time to get older, wiser and learn about women. With all that on my side - I KNOW I can top my last ex
Even with all this knowledge, I miss the girl, and if she came back to me genuinely sorry - I'd have a hard time turning her away. I would though - cos when I spot the right chick, the last thing I wanna be is emotionally attatched to an ex, who in the end I don't wanna grow old with...
In the end, I think one-itis lasts until you find someone who beats the one-itis focus in every department. Then you have no reason to miss them at all. Till then, you can be strong, move on, and enjoy life, but every now and again, you'll think... "if only!"
I'm choosy with women, so despite having interest from girls I rate 6s/7s, I'm holding out for another high 9 but this time with a killer personality...
Keys for me getting over her were:
* Time
* Realising she isn't anything like the perfect being I thought she was
* Realising that I'm always going to have interest from women, and I've got plenty of time to get older, wiser and learn about women. With all that on my side - I KNOW I can top my last ex
Even with all this knowledge, I miss the girl, and if she came back to me genuinely sorry - I'd have a hard time turning her away. I would though - cos when I spot the right chick, the last thing I wanna be is emotionally attatched to an ex, who in the end I don't wanna grow old with...
In the end, I think one-itis lasts until you find someone who beats the one-itis focus in every department. Then you have no reason to miss them at all. Till then, you can be strong, move on, and enjoy life, but every now and again, you'll think... "if only!"