Why so awkward?

Omen

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Well, I'll try to get to the point somewhat quick, but bear with me....

To start off, i'm 24 and my gf is 23. We have been dating since last July, and it has been great ever since. We went 9 months without anything to complain about except not seeing one another enough. 2 months ago things got rough, and she just wasn't herself.

Finally after a few days we talked, and then broke up. We broke up for a month, and I tried to help her and us by figuring out what the problem was. In a nutshell, they were things we BOTH needed to do better, and it was things like calling more, being more open (as in telling her I had a good time that night instead of waiting the next day to tell her) Taking her out more then I did, etc. On V-day I took her to the Casino cause neither of us have ever been. Not Vegas, but in CO. We had a nice scenic drive, gambled, then came back and I made her dinner. That night after dinner NOTHING happened. Now sex isn't in the picture for the both of us, but not even a make-out session. Barely even a kiss.

Well, I found out that she was upset about that night cause I didn't take her out, as in out to eat. I just thought something else would be a little nice. Guess not.

Now on top of all of this she was taking 6 classes and just graduated college a few weeks ago. So we decided we would not see one another till after school was out. She was not herself, stressed, and everything in between.

May rolls around, and she decided we would go out again, but take it one step at a time. She told me things I need to do, and vice versa.

So last Wed I took her out to where she wanted to eat, and we saw Shrek2. That whole night was awkward. I was affraid to kiss her, hug her, or even hold her hand. That night I asked her what was wrong, why this is so weird, and why its like we don't even know one another. She didn't say much, so I kept asking what we needed to do to get rid of this awkwardness. Not much on her end, but "I don't know"

I mean almost a year together, and one stupid month screwed things up. No one cheated on anyone, no one abused anyone, it was just a lack of communication on both our parts. Stupid things that can be fixed easily. Oh, you want to go out, great, we'll do it. You think i'm not open enough, sorry, i'll try to do better. What ever the case it was fixable.

Anyway i've made an effort to call 3 or 4 times a week while she is at work, leave her a message, and ask how she is doing. I e-mail her, leave a voice mail poem about how i'm thinking of her, and even wrote he one.

Basically I have been doing EVERYTHING she has asked, and told me that needed to be done.

I've been working very hard at this to try to get us back on track, and now I get nothing from her. Not once has she called me to say hi, or tell me she is thinking about me. Not once have I gotten a nice e-mail, and I didn't even get a thank you last week for dinner and the movie.

What's happening is she is totally going against what she wanted to happen. 50/50. I'm working on what I need to work on, and she is working on nothing but upsetting me.

I told her we need to forget the mudslinging (not much) 2 months ago, put it behind us, work on what we said we would, and then move forward. Instead were moving backwards. And not because of me either. I really don't want to put any more effort into this if she isn't going to appreciate it like she said she would when we broke up.

I haven't even heard from her since a week ago and i'm getting a little upset.

This shouldn't be awkward at all but it is. I even had to ask her if I could hug her last week, and kiss her cause that night was so awkward. She would walk faster then me, she would hold things in her hands, etc. Body language that says stay away almost.

I have no idea what to do, and if we do see one another today or tomorrow, I don't know what else to say. I don't want a brick, I want a person who cares, wants to be with me, calls me, etc. All the things I do back, and all the things she wanted more of.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Maybe help on what I should say when I see her next, or what I should do. I thought last Wed I made myself pretty clear but it doesn't seem that way.
 

Don_Marko

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Originally posted by Omen


Basically I have been doing EVERYTHING she has asked, and told me that needed to be done.

What's happening is she is totally going against what she wanted to happen.

I even had to ask her if I could hug her last week, and kiss her cause that night was so awkward. She would walk faster then me, she would hold things in her hands, etc. Body language that says stay away almost.


You my friend have just proven two things:
i) the entire DJ bible
ii) you have such a bad case of AFC that I shuddered troughout your post

What you should do? I suggest reading the entire bible, and uhm.... sorry to break it to you but looks like you struck out with this girl, so find somebody else!!
 

Disco

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It's over man. Why would you take her to a Casino on V-Day of all days. Sounds like you put yourself first.
 

Dirtheart

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This shouldn't be awkward at all but it is. I even had to ask her if I could hug her last week, and kiss her cause that night was so awkward. She would walk faster then me, she would hold things in her hands, etc. Body language that says stay away almost.

BACK OFF FROM HER NOW!! I can't stress the importance of this! These signs mean she needs space and is hinting that you are overcrowding her or appearing needy. Trust me on this one!

Don't show her sympathy, don't ask her what's wrong, don't offer to do anything for her, don't even call her, even if it's weeks before you hear from her again.

DO NOT put up with this bullsh*t! She should tell you what's wrong, or at least let you know where you stand, not expect you to guess.

The rule of my personal experience is whenever you feel a woman going cold, it's time to do the same thing. It will go against everything you want to do, but you need her to think you don't care. Once women suck you into their drama you'll wake up the next day in the Friend Zone with no dignity!

Seriously, if you don't back off now you will lose her. The only thing you can do to regain her interest is make her think she's losing you.

Women want what they can't have. What they take for granted they don't want.
 

FratAndDiddy

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hey bro, sounds like you fell in love somewhere along the line and got sidetracked. you fell off the DJ track and she smelt it.
she's long gone now.....trust me.
time to read some of these posts, get that ego back in-line, brush yourself off and move on.....sounds like she moved on months back.
attitude is everything bro and there's no time like the present !
 

1utfan1

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Originally posted by Omen


Any help would be greatly appreciated. Maybe help on what I should say when I see her next, or what I should do. I thought last Wed I made myself pretty clear but it doesn't seem that way.

Ditto to the previous reply. Sounds like she's not that interested. The calls, emails, voicemails comes across and needy. A turnoff to women. Don't call, don't email, NO POEMS. Cut off contact. This girl is a flake. The fact you took her gambling then made her dinner afterward and she was pi$$ed because you didn't take her out? WTF. She's telling you how to act, what to do? Another turnoff for her. I hate to echo the party line but you really should read the DJ Bible. Another good read is the Book of Shuma Gora. Do a search on the site for it.
 

Omen

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Dude, I made her a fancy dinner for V-day. The Casino thing was just something to do in the afternoon. We had a nice scenic drive up the Mts, and since we both never went we thought it would fun. And honestly she did enjoy it cause she wanted to put the coins in the machine, and thought is was cool when more came out. She had a blast, but maybe she didn't appreciate the cooking part, or at least for that day. Or maybe she just wanted more. Hell I don't know.
 

1utfan1

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Originally posted by Omen
Dude, I made her a fancy dinner for V-day. The Casino thing was just something to do in the afternoon. We had a nice scenic drive up the Mts, and since we both never went we thought it would fun. And honestly she did enjoy it cause she wanted to put the coins in the machine, and thought is was cool when more came out. She had a blast, but maybe she didn't appreciate the cooking part, or at least for that day. Or maybe she just wanted more. Hell I don't know.
Look, justify her sh*tty attitude all you want to yourself. Very good advice was given before my post and you zero'd in on my comment about V-day? If you really want to help yourself get out from under this broads thumb and read the bible man.
 

Omen

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For those of you that like to decipher things, here is what she said months back............


What I've come to is this... yes it sucks not being around you. But to be
around each other, I better start seeing some changes if that's what's we really
want to happen. Also, I know it's been almost a month since we broke up, so
starting wherever we left off might be weird, or even unfeasible. So what I'm
proposing is about all I can do RIGHT NOW... not to say that it won't or can't
change, but at this moment, I know that you want to be with me, you've said
that. So what I'm proposing is, let's just sort of start over, in a way, and go
a little slower; kind of just like "dating" dating for a little bit. If we
think things are going well, going better, we can kick that up a notch when the
time is right and become more serious, like "officially" boyfriend-girlfriend.
There's dating someone to get to know them, then there's boyfriend-girlfriend
stage that can come after that, once you feel you know them better, can be open
and honest with them, that sort of thing. Done this way, I think taking it a
little slower initially can help in the long run. And to put it simply, I'm not
going to be with someone unless I know he can be open and honest with me, and
that I can do the same for him.


What I've realized is that I do care about you but my feelings are very guarded
right now. I know I care a lot about you, BUT I can't be certain about what
exactly they are. Obviously they are more than "friendly" type feelings. And
the reason I realized this was so and the reason my feelings are guarded right
now is that never once in 8 months did I get something told directly to me
regarding anything about what I mean. Sometimes I know it's not easy
to say something to someone like that, but I can tell you it means a hell of a
lot more when said directly rather than reading it in e-mails all the time. I
will NOT date over the internet, nor will I have an internet boyfriend. That's
kind of how I felt that's what I had, to a point. Spending time with you was
awesome, but then not until the next day would I hear oh I had a great time, or
you're a great girlfriend or whatever when I'd get an e-mail from you. Ok
getting e-mails is nice, but that's just about the only means of communication
we had. It's very impersonal, especially when that's the only way you get told
something like that. Both of us are to fault here. BUT you know... we'd meet
halfway, whatever, go to your place, and all I'd really hear (and not to say
that I don't care about these things, but that I feel this is all I ever heard)
was this costs sooo much, how expensive things are, work, etc. And, like I
said, not that I don't care, I know that's just part of who you are, trying to
save and make a buck, but after a while.... it's just like it seemed like that's
all you ever talked about, so like trying to bring something up more serious
just kind of didn't seem to fit with the mood of the time we'd be together.

Point in case. Valentine's Day. Actually, right before. You'd e-mailed me
saying something about you had an idea for something different, and you were
like, who says cheap can't be fun? Well ok that's a great thought and all, but
for one thing... you know of course I DON'T CARE about not having tons of money
spent on me. But you know, I don't want to hear, oh we'll do this because it's
cheap. I don't care, all you have to say is, hey let's go do this. Yes, I know
you don't have tons of money and can't afford to take me out all the time, I
freakin' know that. Although, honestly, it wouldn't have hurt us to actually go
OUT and do something sometimes. I love staying in and being cuddly, don't get
me wrong, but staying in ALL the time, makes me bored. I mean, just going on a
walk, or something like that would be nice sometimes.

Anyway guys, I totally did the opposite of what she said, have been trying to fix thngs, and i'm kind of stuck.


But your right, I was going to call her tonight and remind her again i'm free, but if she wants to go out, she can call.
 

Ice Cold

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The truth: She's gone. She doesn't care about you anymore. She doesn't wanna be with you. She's over you.

Now, let's see how you can rationalize giving more attention to her.
 

Omen

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Originally posted by 1utfan1
Look, justify her sh*tty attitude all you want to yourself. Very good advice was given before my post and you zero'd in on my comment about V-day? If you really want to help yourself get out from under this broads thumb and read the bible man.
Actually I have the bible on my computer and have read it, and even own How to Succeed with Women, and I like that book, but it may be time to re-read all of that **** again.

I'm just a little frustrated, and by no means will I let this ruin me like the last relationship did. When I thought we were done I kind of posted a profile to meet women, and even had one contact me, but then my gf and I got back together, and well, there was no need for the other option.

But its looking that way. And I won't let this get me depressed, and what not. I did that too much long ago, and now my attitude is F*ck it. Not really, but I don't let it get to me. If she doesn't want to be with me, and what not, i'll walk and not look back.
I'm not going to waste my time with nonsense bull****. I always assume the worst, so i'm ready.

On another note, if she calls, and she says lets go out, i'm not really sure what I should do, or how to act.

Who knows, Friday of last week she told me... This could all go really really well, or not.

lol, you got me.
 

1utfan1

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Originally posted by Omen


But its looking that way. And I won't let this get me depressed, and what not. I did that too much long ago, and now my attitude is F*ck it. Not really, but I don't let it get to me. If she doesn't want to be with me, and what not, i'll walk and not look back.
I'm not going to waste my time with nonsense bull****.

I'm glad your starting to see this for what is is...over. My dad once told me, "they are your ex for a reason". Check out the book of Shuma Gora. I think Paradox wrote it. It's a good read. If you can't find it, PM me i may have a copy.
 

Omen

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Yeah, then if its over, I can tell this girl at work what a nice ass she has, and not feel bad about doing it ;) And not have to worry about what my gf would say if she found out. lol.
 

1utfan1

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Originally posted by Omen
Yeah, then if its over, I can tell this girl at work what a nice ass she has, and not feel bad about doing it ;) And not have to worry about what my gf would say if she found out. lol.
:D
 

Omen

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Yeah, I learned long ago, and what I am NOT going to do is sit here for a year and figure out what happened, why, how to fix it, etc. The doors closed, (not yet but soon i'm guessing) and move on. I'll contact that girl online that gave me her phone number, and try once again.

And maybe all this will help me concentrate more on getting my nutrition company started and my product launched. The sooner it happens, the happier everyone will be. Especially the caffeine addict. :)
 

Dirtheart

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Ok. I actually study language and meaning so here's how I translate the email she sent to you...


I know that you want to be with me, you've said that. So what I'm proposing is, let's just sort of start over, in a way, and go a little slower; kind of just like "dating" dating for a little bit. If we think things are going well, going better, we can kick that up a notch when the time is right and become more serious, like "officially" boyfriend-girlfriend.


Translation:

I know I have power over you, so things are going to be on my terms from now on. I want you to back off and give me some space and stop being so serious. If I feel like taking things further I will, but it’s me who has the control over you and this relationship.


And to put it simply, I'm not going to be with someone unless I know he can be open and honest with me, and that I can do the same for him.


Translation:

Pure bullsh*t!



I know I care a lot about you, BUT I can't be certain about what exactly they are. Obviously they are more than "friendly" type feelings

Translation:

In my eyes, you are slipping from lover to friend. Keep going and you’ll be in the friend zone.



and you were like, who says cheap can't be fun? Well ok that's a great thought and all, but for one thing... you know of course I DON'T CARE about not having tons of money spent on me.

Translation:

You are losing value to me so what incentives are you going to offer? (she says “I don’t care” but why is she bringing it up?)




I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but you need to put more value in YOURSELF and stop letting her dictate how you should be. She is telling you to do something and be something, but I guarantee as soon as you become these things, she'll have lost respect for you and you'll be gone.

I suggest you spend time on this board and checking the DJ Bible as everyone here has suggested.
 

Shot Callin

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Originally posted by Omen
but staying in ALL the time, makes me bored. I mean, just going on a walk, or something like that would be nice sometimes.

Dude, you sound like a nice guy and all, but you are doing many afc things.

First of all you are letting this girl dictate your relationship. She is so sick of you not being in the lead, that she is trying to assrt it. So what to do? Take the freakin lead!

She is telling you your boring!? Ok fine, whatever, but you don't need that.

It's time for you to man up on this. Being the perfect gentleman is not working here right? You have to work in some macho sh^t and some mystery to bring her Interest Level back up.

But the main thing now is to start looking elsewhere and back up some. If she calls you don't act wimpy and tell here you miss her so much and all that. Tell her youv'e been going out with your friends etc.
 

RedZone122

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Originally posted by Omen


Anyway i've made an effort to call 3 or 4 times a week while she is at work, leave her a message, and ask how she is doing. I e-mail her, leave a voice mail poem about how i'm thinking of her, and even wrote her one.
You have 60 posts on this website - Did you spend ANY of your time READING the DJ Bible?!?!?

I mean... you left poem's on her voicemail? Jesus christ!!!!
 

Ebach

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Very sad... she basically said you are a little boy and she wants a man. Well, it's never too late but it might not be worth it because she'll be watching you closely to slip and you'll be at the same place you're now. Basically, she has control over the relationship from now on. I say NEXT!
 
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