Why should I give her my number instead of vice versa?

[BoostedArrow]

This is sth. I read often here I don't really understand.

When I meet girls for the first time, we get along well and I'd like to invite her why shouldn't I ask for her number and set up a date then? Taking initiative should be our modus operandi, shouldn't it?

It makes sense giving her my number and then letting her reaching out to me from an efficiency and 'genuine desire' POV. But with all the options girls have nowadays, their ADHD, their shyness/passiveness and just their bitchiness I don't see this as effective.

I'm curious reading your thoughts on this.

 

[holidayad_]

Hey @BoostedArrow

When I meet girls for the first time, we get along well and I'd like to invite her why shouldn't I ask for her number and set up a date then? Taking initiative should be our modus operandi, shouldn't it?

I agree with you.

If you have approached any girl (IRL), you have to establish a point of contact with her and get right to the point. But always be careful not to seem needy or desperate.

In the case of approaching via OLD, I always try to get out of that space as soon as possible and ask for her number or IG.

 

[SW15]

Arrange a date, get her number.

 

[BoostedArrow]

Hey @BoostedArrow


If you have approached any girl (IRL), you have to establish a point of contact with her and get right to the point. But always be careful not to seem needy or desperate.

In the case of approaching via OLD, I always try to get out of that space as soon as possible and ask for her number or IG.

Don't do OLD, but might get into that.
I just ask for their number and get it most of the time. I ask before if they're down for hanging/going out.

Arrange a date, get her number.

So you mean right there and then before I even ask for the nr? Would definitively be ideal from an expectation POV.
The problem is though in my country people are not spontaneous at all. You'd get the "I can't then, I've already made plans". which isn't even a flake since everyone is like that. Me included tbh. I don't always know if I'm free next friday/saturday.

 

[SW15]

Arrange a date, get her number.

So you mean right there and then before I even ask for the nr? Would definitively be ideal from an expectation POV.
The problem is though in my country people are not spontaneous at all. You'd get the "I can't then, I've already made plans". which isn't even a flake since everyone is like that. Me included tbh. I don't always know if I'm free next friday/saturday.

I don't collect a phone number without date plans. I don't want to have to "sell a date idea" over text message. I don't want to send text messages or talk on the telephone in the early stages. I would rather talk on a telephone than send messages though. I do not like texting.

In the United States, my practice is not necessarily common practice. Many men in the US collect a phone number or an Instagram handle without solid date plans in place and then try to arrange the logistics of a date.

 

[BoostedArrow]

Same, I hate texting tbh.

I don't collect a phone number without date plans. I don't want to have to "sell a date idea" over text message. I don't want to send text messages or talk on the telephone in the early stages. I would rather talk on a telephone than send messages though. I do not like texting.

In the United States, my practice is not necessarily common practice. Many men in the US collect a phone number or an Instagram handle without solid date plans in place and then try to arrange the logistics of a date.

I do the same. I collect the number and make plans later. Not very successful tbh. It's def. easier to collect nr's than getting actual dates here.
The mentality def. doesn't help.
I also don't like having to make specific plans on the spot, since I like to have a flexible timetable. Also there's not always interesting stuff to do.

But maybe that's the exact issue I'm dealing with, I'll try that.

 

[SW15]

I collect the number and make plans later.

That's a common way to do it but far from ideal. The initial goal is to get her to show up on a date. Better to start making date plans right away. A phone number is not a goal. A lot of phone numbers and Instagram handle collections are a waste. Frame the interaction in terms of showing up in the real world. Tech-based interactions are crap.

 

[holidayad_]

Don't do OLD, but might get into that.

It's a volume game. You have to be prepared to deal with more potential flakes than in the IRL approach and to dodge some bullets. But I still like it. Good 4 practice.