Why people hate me for no reason?

[Stephen89]

So I tell a couple of my team members from my local soccer club two weeks ago that I've developed complex apps and seeking to work as a contractor self employed or run a mobile app business on the side.

They had funny faces and were smirking amongst each other.

I missed a function last Sunday and my cousin who went goes the same people were accusing me of being dishonest and lying.

What the hell, I'm not lying about developed android and iOS apps.

They are haters, but I've done nothing wrong to them, why do they hate?

Their best friend is blatantly lying on Facebook saying he's a CEO of his own web development company. He's not doing/done any web development so they think what he's doing is ok.

I'm angry they've called me a liar.

Don't they think I'm capable of developing software or are they just jealous because out of all the team mates I'm doing well?

I used to be very shy and quiet who people mocked and said I would do no good.

 

[backseatjuan]

They are haters

Neit. And I didn't read further.

What's happening is this, you are speaking to monkeys. Who the fvck they are?

Why are you speaking to them?

That's all I have to say.

 

[logicallefty]

1) They are probably insecure and deep down they are jealous of your possible future success because it's more than they have accomplished lately, or ever

2) Never toloerate anyone defaming your character. In this day and age lies are often easier to make into truth than truth is to make into truth. When people spread lies about me and defame my good name they get sued.

 

[backbreaker]

no what you have right now is confirmation bias.


you are only telling us what told them and not any of the other things you', e doing maybe you're just a ****. for the longest i thought people hated me because i was better at life than them, as I got older I realized most didn't really care that was my own vanity. they didn't like me because i was very harash, judgemental,arrogant and abrasive

 

[logicallefty]

they didn't like me because i was very harash, judgemental,arrogant and abrasive

People have said that I am abrasive, at times. I only starting hearing this after I stopped being a beta pushover they could trample on at will. I'll take it as a compliment.

 

[Stephen89]

no what you have right now is confirmation bias.


you are only telling us what told them and not any of the other things you', e doing maybe you're just a ****. for the longest i thought people hated me because i was better at life than them, as I got older I realized most didn't really care that was my own vanity. they didn't like me because i was very harash, judgemental,arrogant and abrasive

All my life I've been a pushover. I've stated on the bottom of the OP throughout my life until 26, (I'm almost 28) I was a very shy and quiet guy who people made fun of me. I was a gentle, nice guy.

Once I start achieving or aspire to anything, they start putting it down or question my level of competence.

Strange behaviour, I've done no wrong.

 

[logicallefty]

All my life I've been a pushover. I've stated on the bottom of the OP throughout my life until 26, (I'm almost 28) I was a very shy and quiet guy who people made fun of me. I was a gentle, nice guy.

Once I start achieving or aspire to anything, they start putting it down or question my level of competence.

Strange behaviour, I've done no wrong.

THIS^ right here is me too brother. Other than the shy part and I didn't see the light until my early 30s. I wasn't shy but I was a major beta. Stay the course you are on, don't let them push you off.

 

[backbreaker]

there's a balance to be had. a little humbleness goes a long way.

I always could talk to people, but you.. how can i put this. people either wanted waht i had or they hated me, but no one actually LIKED me lol.

you have to learn the balance for yourself. Actually listen to people and care about their lives. Don't always try to one up someone I used to have that bad i had to always be the bests guy in the room today if someone got a new job i can toast to that. Selfish people are not liked by others. All of us are selfish to some extent but you can't always be scheming to get as much out of everyone around you without doing anything in return.


I was you, times ten 5 years ago lol. i don't kno what changed really, i guess i just got older / mellowed out. plus my wife will shoot it to me straight and gives me a perspective im' not used to having and it helps

 

[ubercat]

Try buying Leil Lowndes audio books. Her delivery is horrible - that breathless over hyped style. So if you can't get past that gets the print books. She has lots of good little tricks for becoming more socially aware and keeping your focus on on other people. If you regularly tried out 10% of her stuff you would definitely be a more people person.

 

[Xenom0rph]

I can relate to you as I've experienced this as well. I believe there are 2 possible reasons:

1. You've been shy and reserved most of your life so people have labelled you as a "nice guy" a.k.a. beta male. So now that you've shown that you have assertiveness and ambition (by creating apps and possibly being an entrepreneur) they're perception of you has been shaken as you may no longer be that nice guy... people are naturally resistant to change and they hate having their belief systems challenged... since they've labelled you a nice guy, they hate the fact that you're changing and so they subtlely try to tear you down by making snide remarks in an attempt to keep you as that same nice guy they've always known...

2. People hate anyone they perceive as better than them, or may someday be better than them.

When you have ambition, drive and goals, you're gonna get hated by other males... the good news is that women love guys with ambition, drive and goals...

I would advise you to just do you and not worry about what other people think.

 

[FairShake]

Does this happen everywhere? Or just among your soccer team?

If it's just among them, it's them. They're jealous or just bullies. Luckily you have the option to say fvck them.

If it's everywhere, it's you. You're obnoxious or just awkward. Luckily they can both be helped.

Ask people you trust and who know you what they think. Everyone needs someone with gently brutal honesty to tell them what's what in their life.

 

[logicallefty]

I can relate to you as I've experienced this as well. I believe there are 2 possible reasons:

1. You've been shy and reserved most of your life so people have labelled you as a "nice guy" a.k.a. beta male. So now that you've shown that you have assertiveness and ambition (by creating apps and possibly being an entrepreneur) they're perception of you has been shaken as you may no longer be that nice guy... people are naturally resistant to change and they hate having their belief systems challenged... since they've labelled you a nice guy, they hate the fact that you're changing and so they subtlely try to tear you down by making snide remarks in an attempt to keep you as that same nice guy they've always known...

2. People hate anyone they perceive as better than them, or may someday be better than them.

When you have ambition, drive and goals, you're gonna get hated by other males... the good news is that women love guys with ambition, drive and goals...

I would advise you to just do you and not worry about what other people think.

This here nails it the best of all. Even better than my previous explanations. THIS^ right here.

 

[Xenom0rph]

If it's everywhere, it's you. You're obnoxious or just awkward. Luckily they can both be helped.

"if everyone is reacting the same way to what you're doing, then surely it's you that's at fault...how can everyone else be wrong?"

^^^^ No disrespect, but we hear this often in our lives, and it's true most of the time, but not ALL the time. This is because the vast majority of people are sheep and have that herd mentality that makes them all think and act alike...there is indeed a possibility that everyone else could be wrong in this case...

Since we don't know the OP personally, I think it might be detrimental to his personal development to use the phrase "...it's you. You're obnoxious or just awkward"....

...it could be the case that everyone else perceives him as obnoxious or bragging even though he had no intention of being so... again, herd mentality...

... The OP says "apples" but everyone around him hears "oranges"... I don't find him at fault, rather I'm inclined to find his peers at fault for letting their insecurities and personal bias distort his words...

OP, I salute you for breaking out of your comfort zone and being more assertive. I also salute you for trying to promote your new skill sets....we all have to hustle to try to find work, so don't let your peers try to shame you for doing so...

My advice would be to keep in mind that most people are in fact sheep with similar insecurities to that of your team mates, so with that in mind I think it would be wise to chose your words carefully when promoting your skills...

..... let people know your talent, but be careful not to come on too strong or you run the risk of inadvertently slighting someone's ego....

 

[ubercat]

I'm assuming the op is young. Young guys can be a bit guilty of hogging the air time.

I think the priority is being able to make other people talk. Good people people r never interested their own yapping. They're too busy watching other people and steering the conversation towards the outcome they want. Which is why I recommended Leil. She has some great little tricks that can be implemented instantly.

Social leadership is best practiced by organising events and inviting people to them.

Start out small and just get a couple of friends or acquaintances along to something that's happening. I suggest subscribing alert emails to a few what's on website things especially bands and sports stuff given your age. Then you can be the one with the cool ideas. To do this successfully you have to keep a dossier on the people around you. Say you hear in conversation that Bobis a Chevy fan. Then when a muscle cars show is in town you can easily get Bob along by pointing out some of the beastly Chevys that will be there.

Talking The Lingo of the group is also important. Your soccer guys probably have an English or European Premier League team they support. Those clubs will have fan forums online. Start posting there and soaking up the atmosphere. Then you will sound right when the conversation turns to that.

Another thing with your soccer club is that they probably hold fundraisers so you can volunteer to be on the sausage sizzle or whatever. Guys bond more easily when they're working together for a common goal.

And huge congrats to the op for recognising this as an issue and tackling it early. By working on this now he will be so far ahead of the game in 2 years time.

 

[Tenacity]

All my life I've been a pushover. I've stated on the bottom of the OP throughout my life until 26, (I'm almost 28) I was a very shy and quiet guy who people made fun of me. I was a gentle, nice guy.

Once I start achieving or aspire to anything, they start putting it down or question my level of competence.

Strange behaviour, I've done no wrong.

Excellent replies so far, so it's time for some more TRUTH, I'm going to come from all sides with this:

- You need to toughen up and you need to stop getting offended.

- You need to STOP expecting people to be nice to you. Nobody has to be nice to you, so when people ARE nice to you, learn to appreciate those people.

- You need to learn how to be a DYCK and roast back, even if you aren't good at roasting (like me lol), just being a DYCK back to people being a DYCK to you, or just being somewhat of a DYCK period, will make more people "respect" you. I know it sounds weird, but it's the truth.

- Most people are stupid. Most people are overweight, have kids they can't afford, up to their a.ss in debt, put on FAKE lives to please FAKE people who also are living in a FAKE universe, etc., etc. So with that being said, please understand that the opinions of MOST people will in fact be stupid.

Put yourself and your goals first. If you just CAN'T get your agenda through with the current environment (because they are just THAT stupid) then either change environments or if you can't do that, then it's time to KNUCKLE up. It's not about winning or losing the fight, it's about the principle.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm maybe compared to America Australia is a different universe. Most people I know have savings have a plan for raising their kids and r generally smart and knowledgeable in a number of Fields.

A few examples today. I was talking with a friend on options for fixing a rather tricky downpipe repair on an old concrete system. He's a teacher graphic designer and photographer by trade. He's also a car guy and Damned handy on the tools. He's helped me with a few two man jobs on my old house.

I was talking with another friend on a possible share trade opportunity where a company has been hit with adverse weather and adverse publicity in the last quarter and maybe trading soon well below it's average trading price. He's much more into shares than me and has access to trading platforms and market reports and he checked it out for me.

And I was talking with another friend about how to fix the bent clutch lever on my motorbike. We also used to play table tennis together and he was giving me some advice on options for roofing my whole deck so I can get a table out there.

Now obviously it's not like that everyday. Today's a holiday so my friends have time to give me a few tips on my projects.

And I'm Joe Average and my friends are pretty normal it's not like I'm hanging with the Illuminati.

There's a few nietzscheans on this forum who will tell you to become Superman and then go forth and conquer the world. But they're not good nietzscheans. Nietzsche believed the supreme goal of the ubermensch was to raise up the community.

 

[Stephen89]

Thank you all for your replies, which are excellent.

I've read it all and I'll take all of your excellent advice.

 

[backseatjuan]

Back in 2004-ish I was talking on some car forums, I think crown vic, or mustang, or something like that, about flat plane V8 crankshaft and its superiority in performance applications due to weight and exhaust pulses. I was called an idiot and banned. Fast forward to year 2016, ford releases a brand new shiny 5.2 motor with flat plane crank, they couldn't figure out how to reduce rotating assembly weight anymore, so they went flat plane, as a result a revvi motor, and a new fad. Only 12 years went by before uncool idea suddenly got cool.

Up next is going to be reverse charging, and variable exhaust, which will increase power outputs to 145 hp per liter.

The gadgi ibadulaev engine cycle with 50:1 compressing ratio on pump gas, concept which is 10 years old now, prototype engine is also 10 years old now, is coming soon. I've e-mailed all racing teams, and major car manufacturers.