Posting in another thread, I started thinking about this.
Why do relationships end? Why do people break up? Why is it usually the woman initiating the breakup?
The way I see it, there are THREE primary reasons that a relationship might end.
The first is lack of attraction. Pretty simple really. Either the guy gets tired of coming home to the same piece of ass every night and pulls the plug, or the woman begins to see the man as less of a "prize", or less of a "man" than she was attracted to in the beginning.
The second is divergence of goals. This is where the man figures out that he isn't going to marry the woman who he finds out values her career over family, or the woman who is in a hurry to settle down and realizes her current man isn't gonna be "that guy" (guilty as charged).
The third has to do with maintaining health, sanity, and dignity. This is where one of the partners turns out to be violent, mentally ill, or disrespects the other person in some way, such as by cheating.
The first two it is pretty clear on at least one person's part that "all good things must come to an end" or "the party's over". These are the breakups usually initiated by women. Either they see that their man isn't going to live up to her (and society's) expectations and MARRY her, or she has somehow lost the spark that attracted her to him in the first place.
The third is more likely to be initiated by a man. He doesn't necessarily WANT to do it, but realizes that he has to. Women are notorious for staying with men who physically and verbally abuse them, and are much more likely to forgive a cheating spouse than a man would be. Men who realize their value won't put up with any of this.
All of these help to prove my theory that male/female relations are ADVERSARIAL in nature.
Lots of people, men included, love to buy into this idea of "true love". They see happy couples snuggling in the park and remember what it was like to have experienced that themselves. Or they go home to a wife or girlfriend who says "I love you honey, and I always will" and they take comfort in that and often take for granted that she means what she says.
It's easy to buy into the fairy tale aspect of all of this, and to be honest it IS a wonderful feeling that I myself enjoy. But at the end of the day you have to understand that people (including your wife of ten years who swears she will love you always) have to look out for #1. They HAVE to. Otherwise our species would not survive. If we were not selfish creatures living in a (somewhat) cooperative world, we would not have survived for tens of thousands of years.
So next time your girl tells you how she loves you unconditionally, smile and take comfort in the thought of her resting in your arms at night, but understand that chances are things will change, and most likely you will be hearing the same line from another chick when this one is gone.
It is realizing and coming to terms with facts like these that help us to become better men.
Why do relationships end? Why do people break up? Why is it usually the woman initiating the breakup?
The way I see it, there are THREE primary reasons that a relationship might end.
The first is lack of attraction. Pretty simple really. Either the guy gets tired of coming home to the same piece of ass every night and pulls the plug, or the woman begins to see the man as less of a "prize", or less of a "man" than she was attracted to in the beginning.
The second is divergence of goals. This is where the man figures out that he isn't going to marry the woman who he finds out values her career over family, or the woman who is in a hurry to settle down and realizes her current man isn't gonna be "that guy" (guilty as charged).
The third has to do with maintaining health, sanity, and dignity. This is where one of the partners turns out to be violent, mentally ill, or disrespects the other person in some way, such as by cheating.
The first two it is pretty clear on at least one person's part that "all good things must come to an end" or "the party's over". These are the breakups usually initiated by women. Either they see that their man isn't going to live up to her (and society's) expectations and MARRY her, or she has somehow lost the spark that attracted her to him in the first place.
The third is more likely to be initiated by a man. He doesn't necessarily WANT to do it, but realizes that he has to. Women are notorious for staying with men who physically and verbally abuse them, and are much more likely to forgive a cheating spouse than a man would be. Men who realize their value won't put up with any of this.
All of these help to prove my theory that male/female relations are ADVERSARIAL in nature.
Lots of people, men included, love to buy into this idea of "true love". They see happy couples snuggling in the park and remember what it was like to have experienced that themselves. Or they go home to a wife or girlfriend who says "I love you honey, and I always will" and they take comfort in that and often take for granted that she means what she says.
It's easy to buy into the fairy tale aspect of all of this, and to be honest it IS a wonderful feeling that I myself enjoy. But at the end of the day you have to understand that people (including your wife of ten years who swears she will love you always) have to look out for #1. They HAVE to. Otherwise our species would not survive. If we were not selfish creatures living in a (somewhat) cooperative world, we would not have survived for tens of thousands of years.
So next time your girl tells you how she loves you unconditionally, smile and take comfort in the thought of her resting in your arms at night, but understand that chances are things will change, and most likely you will be hearing the same line from another chick when this one is gone.
It is realizing and coming to terms with facts like these that help us to become better men.
