Why Isn't She Jealous?

[Racecar]

I've been spending time with this girl and something about her has been bugging me. On a looks scale, she's about a 7, but we share similar interests and I enjoy her company. We've gotten physical on more than one occasion and she told me she likes me.

While we're together, I constantly receive text messages and calls from girl MUCH more attractive than her. HB8s and above constantly post flirty messages on my Facebook. She knows I go out to the bars/clubs but she never asks who I'm with. She's never asked about my past relationships, but to the same effect she hasn't told me much about hers either.

A couple weeks ago, I randomly stopped contacting her to she if she'd break the silence...and she didn't. Three weeks passed and I asked her why she hasn't said anything to me. She said something to the effect of "I was waiting for you to call me." Wow.

Why isn't she jealous? It almost feels like an affront to my masculinity. Does she think I can't pull better or spin plates? I should add this girl is surrounded by AFCs who routinely lavish her with attention. I am the greatest catch though - she should want me for herself!

As some of you can imagine, this has only further increased my attraction to her. In a way, she's using the same pickup tactics we write about here, but in reverse. Her indifference piques my interest. Had it been a friend in this spot, I would have suspected she's running game on him but she seems almost naive to that sort of thing.

Other pieces of (potentially) relevant information include:
- She's 23.
- Her last relationship lasted about a month.
- She has hinted at an extensive dating history.
- She bombarded me with IOIs two days after she split with her guy.
- I took her out for lunch on her birthday.
- She has more male friends than female friends.
- Most of our communication has been face-to-face or by text.
- She doesn't call me.

To use a poker analogy, she's re-raising me on the river after checking off the flop and turn.

This is unlike anything I've ever read about or experienced before. I couldn't reach an answer by myself, so I humbly ask for the assistance of the Sosuave community. Please help.



Racecar

 

[st_99]

Well, either her game is tight or her inerest isn't as high as you think. Take your pick.

 

[Htienvu]

It seems like she's like you, have options and does not invest enough into your "relationship" to be bothered by your tactics. Try get her to invest more into you, ask her to do things for you etc... Or it could be as st_99 suggested, her interest is not that high.

 

[Racecar]

Thank you both for the input.

I agree this may be an attraction issue. Having her invest in me sounds like the way to go. I'll be at ease when I can confirm her actions match her words.

 

[Rubato]

Thank you both for the input.

I agree this may be an attraction issue. Having her invest in me sounds like the way to go. I'll be at ease when I can confirm her actions match her words.

Be careful about basing your comfort in the hands of an external, in particularly, a capricious young lady. If she has bothered your sufficiently to post on this forum, she is probably not trustworthy enough to truth with your personal comfort.

 

[iwanttofight]

she never calls you? This seems weird to me, most women love to talk

 

[Racecar]

Rubato, my end goal is to be comfortable enough to trust her. Despite everything that's happened to this point, she still has some value and I'd like to see where this goes.

I'll be careful to take that advice because I agree in part. Putting my comfort/peace of mind in her hands has the potential for disaster, but trust is the basis of any relationship and that's where this thing looks like it's headed.

 

[Racecar]

she never calls you? This seems weird to me, most women love to talk

That, plus the fact that she has a lot of guys around her makes me wonder if she is being completely honest with me. She prefers to talk on the phone at night (read: when no one is around).

I wrote this off as insignificant as I know other people who dislike talking on the phone. My policy is to assume innocence until I have clear and convincing evidence to the contrary.

 

[DonGorgon]

she has many other dudes than you have females so she does not care.

 

[Racecar]

she has many other dudes than you have females so she does not care.

A logical, fair assumption. Assuming this is true, how would a DJ handle this? I would think the average woman has more options available to her than the average man. You can't try to out leverage every woman you're attracted to.

 

[demezel]

Ahahahah I'm seriously laughing right now because THE SAME THING IS HAPPENING TO ME. Same stuff, solid 7, bunch of Afcs drooling, broke up with her ex "for me", I also stopped calling her for a month and the b!tch was like " I was waiting for you to call" and just like you that increased My interest.... But you know what I proved to myself that I can be above the game and I am not gonna go through all this thinking for a pvssy, so I DECIDED to not have so much interest and just not give a crap. I deleted her number and I decided to move on. chicks are not like men, they have to feel their emotions, it's in their system their way of living, so she either doesn't give a crap or she wants to play games. I'm the one who plays the game not the chick that is just how I roll as a MAN, I'm the leader and there can't be two of us doing the same sh!t. INTEREST is in YOUR mind so YOU decided weather or not it should be there, forget about that Chinese puzzle and move on( don't really know if Chinese puzzle is used in English , I'm a native French speaker so I might have made some mistakes)

 

[Domo_Arigatoo]

Lol you actually WANT her to be jealous?
Trust me jealousy isn't as good as you think it is, sometimes the girls turn into psychos that are constantly asking where you've been.

You've been trying to play games with her and get her to swoon over you, but it seems to me like she's a girl that respects your space and knows you have **** to do. So maybe YOU should be the one to make the moves, call the shots and meetings, etc. considering that you are the MAN.

 

[Racecar]

I'm the one who plays the game not the chick that is just how I roll as a MAN, I'm the leader and there can't be two of us doing the same sh!t.

Excellent. I completely agree. Well said.

INTEREST is in YOUR mind so YOU decided weather or not it should be there, forget about that Chinese puzzle and move on

I'm not sure if interest is something you have control over. I have a certain type of girl that I like, but it's not something I consciously decided for myself. The decision to pursue, however, is completely my choice. I'll see if she'll invest in the relationship with a few compliance tests. If not...NEXT!

 

[Racecar]

Lol you actually WANT her to be jealous?

Yes! Both men and women want to feel needed and loved. Maybe it's an ego thing, but it's nice to hear a woman tell you she doesn't want to lose you. The opposite of love is indifference. Showing apathy toward someone will affect them regardless of gender.

it seems to me like she's a girl that respects your space and knows you have **** to do. So maybe YOU should be the one to make the moves, call the shots and meetings, etc. considering that you are the MAN.

I'm glad I posted this today - there are some great ideas I hadn't considered. Her actions very well could be done out of respect for my privacy. I guess I'm not used to that.

I will continue to lead the interaction. At some point, it'll come down to whether or not she chooses to accept my dominant frame. If yes, good. If no, I'll find someone else who will. (Interestingly enough, she prefers to be dominant in the bedroom which coincides with who she is as a person. Is this overlap common?)

 

[AAAgent]

i had the same exact scenario happen to me.

i was 20 she was 19. She was about a 7 and i had girls from hb6-8's texting me and calling me. One girl even told her to back off of me but i kept pursuing her, texting her and asking her out over phone. We texted everyday and i felt like i was doing all the work. One day i decided to stop texting her and wait for her to contact me. She never said anything to me for 2 weeks. That week an HB8 that told hb7 to back off tried to break into the bathroom when i was in there during a house party. I blew her off as i knew word would get around if sh1t went down. HB7 was in a sorority and had many guys writing on her wall as well. The night i introduced myself to her 2 different girls interrupted us but she never showed signs of jealously, she just went back doing her own thing patiently and when i went back to her she smiled at me again normally.

HB8 kept being really persistent so eventually i decided to date her. I was walking with her back to the car one day and said "Lets see where this goes." she took that as we were dating (this was monday). I still kept my distance from her and after class she goes to the bathroom and i didn't want to wait so i left. She follows me catches up and i grab her hand. I see HB7 and her friend pickup food from a local deli and she see's us. We both immediately let go of our hands and i walk up to her and say hi.

HB7 made the most unhappy hi i've ever seen but she tried hard to hide it. This was wednesday. After how sad i saw her, i knew she liked me. Friday i told hb8 i had to talk to her and told her it's not working. she asked why and i told her i'm interested in someone else. She asked who and i said hb7. HB8 told all her friends and word got out.

i find out about an event that alot of people are going to (bowling night). I decide to go even though i don't know anyone. hb7 and 8 are there. I force myself to join hb7's bowling lane even though she doesn't really talk to me. Not like an angry mood but she was acting very indifferent and i couldn't get a read on her. The other people in the lane warmed up to me though. I try talking to her the whole night and opening her up but fail as she doesn't say much. We all drive back to school as be both drove and dropped people off at the library. I drive by and say goodbye but i get a faint response as well. Soo freaking confused at this point. As i drive about 4 blocks away i get a text from her saying get home safe and swt dreams. I'm super hyped and fvcking confused as this girl is unreadable.

That night i say fvck it, if i'm going to fail i better fail giving it my all and have no regrets. I want this girl and i'm going to tell her. Next night we're talking online on instant messenger and i asked her how was her day n crap. Then i get down to asking her out again to get something to eat. She answers by saying what about hb8, i don't think she would like that? I answer her by saying what about her? She thought we were dating and she thinks hb8 really likes me. Apparently, HB8 was grilling her and giving her dirty looks all night during bowling and that's why she didn't really want to talk to me. I told her i told hb8 that i don't like her and i want to talk to you. then she says ohh..

I tell her this is weird talking over instant messenger and say i'm going to call her. This girl every single time i called her either denied my call or told me she had to go after like 1 minute of conversation. We had a great conversation that night that lasted like 20-30 minutes. I ended up dating her.

This girl made me feel like a woman messing with all my emotions and thoughts having me confused but when i manned up and decided to just go for it, it all worked out.

 

[DonGorgon]

A logical, fair assumption. Assuming this is true, how would a DJ handle this? I would think the average woman has more options available to her than the average man. You can't try to out leverage every woman you're attracted to.

he would dress cool and talk cool and try as hard as he can to get as many options as he can.. its tough and its work but you have no choice...

 

[st_99]

he would dress cool and talk cool and try as hard as he can to get as many options as he can.. its tough and its work but you have no choice...

I always say, just lie to yourself the best you can. Just pretend like you are the man with
like 20 HB's on call, if thats your only option it sure beats
feeling down about yourself and getting bent over having to make this 1 girl work out.

I had a friend back in the day who somehow convinced himeself that he was some sort of top notch DJ. It was funny, the guy was short, i mean fugly as hell, a crap job but you know what, it actually worked. He would pull some decent looking girls that basically shocked anyone that knew him. I think his strong suit was he had a way of connecting with people, not sure how he did it, I think
he would just mirror people. It was wierd..

I gotta give him a lot of credit because he is probably the poster guy for "fake it till you make it"

 

[AAAgent]

or you can just man up and screw what signs she giving you. Just go after her and if you get rejected then you'll know but make her reject you. I spent so much time analyzing the situation and psyching myself out i didn't even know how to approach it. My strategy was always go big or go home.

 

[Racecar]

Thanks for sharing your experience, Agent.

We texted everyday and i felt like i was doing all the work.

I can relate. While a man should lead the relationship, he shouldn't have to scratch and claw for reciprocated attention. It is her job to attract you. For whatever reason, women like HB7 don't understand that nor will they accept that high-value men are the ones to be won over.

One day i decided to stop texting her and wait for her to contact me.

It's like playing chicken or Russian roulette: who will blink first? The more I think about it, this might be a self-conscious issue with women. In my case, she thought I lost interest in her and moved on. This passive/submissive way of thinking leads me to believe that her dominant frame is only a facade or a defense mechanism.

After how sad i saw her, i knew she liked me.

Maybe in both of our cases, it's an issue of expression? Men are labeled as poor relationship communicators, but it could be that some females lack basic relationship communication etiquette as well.

That night i say fvck it, if i'm going to fail i better fail giving it my all and have no regrets.

That's an outstanding way of not just approaching the situation, but life in general.

Apparently, HB8 was grilling her and giving her dirty looks all night during bowling and that's why she didn't really want to talk to me.

Wow. Some women are unbelievably catty.

I ended up dating her. This girl made me feel like a woman messing with all my emotions and thoughts having me confused but when i manned up and decided to just go for it, it all worked out.

Well it's good to hear things ended up working out for you. There has to be a rational component to this type of behavior. The only thing I can come up with is self-consciousness, but even that's weird since (in my case) the girl is extroverted and outgoing.

I'm done trying to generalize this behavior and form conclusions. I'm taking action to figure this out. I'll find out where that takes me when I get there.

 

[evansblue]

The girl's a female DJ. She's beating you at your own game.